Author Topic: My Story THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8  (Read 2346 times)

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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My Story Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #20 on: December 04, 2018, 05:46:08 AM »
Hi TryInSoul.

Yes. This Sunday will be #1. Then February, April, and October 2019 will be the next 3 legs to complete it.

I have entered a lottery through my running organization for the NYC Marathon next November and I am also seeking an exemption through my employer to run in that race. The NYC Marathon has a lottery system to enter. One cannot just show up as there are just too many applicants.

My employer has a few slots to give out every year so that is most likely my best option. So the Marathon is my overall objective for next November.  ;D

We had one employee compete this year that I work with and he finished at 4 hours and 30 minutes so myself and my CrossFit/Work partner are chomping at the bit now to run ourselves.

Thanks
« Last Edit: December 04, 2018, 05:51:29 AM by Watcher »

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #21 on: December 04, 2018, 02:45:48 PM »
I saw the boys today briefly. I have all the college financial aid paperwork done and accepted. S18 has his teacher recommendations set. He went with his English teachers since he will be an English major. Good move.

He just needs to do his personal letter and we are set with him. He cleared up his pre calculus issue. I don't remember if I mentioned that earlier.

S15 doesn't want to do wrestling anymore. They showed him a competition video and he is scared. He also wants to lose weight and the school wants him to maintain it so he can compete at a certain level.

So he informed his mom who failed to notify me. I informed the Athletic Director because I need to recoup money that I have invested. I may get him into Kickboxing since he wants to drop weight.

I will try a free class with him to see if he likes it. Inlaws belongings remain outside and garbage is still being thrown out.

I noticed W has a work salary judgment against her. It arrived yesterday.  So she will lose 10 percent of her weekly gross. So I know she is not happy. Therefore I will avoid her like the plague.

My schedule was altered this week so I just finished the gym. We have a holiday for Pres Bush, so double gym session tomorrow. Squad Christmas Party on Thursday and another double gym session and off Friday with another double gym session.

Team Christmas Party in 2 weeks. Everything pretty much shuts down in December. ::)

So this week works out for me as I prepare for the half marathon on Sunday. I work on Saturday so that will be my rest day.

I did remind the boys once again that they need to contact dad about school issues or anything else for that matter.

Tri colored Quinoa is my new obsession.  ;D

I have to go shower and then do some mirror work and then eat since I'm hungry.
« Last Edit: December 04, 2018, 02:50:01 PM by Watcher »

Offline Thunder

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #22 on: December 04, 2018, 04:04:47 PM »
Aw I'm a so sorry about you youngest sons decision about wrestling.  Maybe getting him into a kickboxing session will boosters his confidence.

The English major for your oldest sound like a great idea.
Has he made any decisions as to where he wants to go after graduation?

Do you start with basketball this week?

Watcher there is nothing you can do about the work salary judgement against your wife.  She is going to have to feel all the consequences of her choices and inactions over the last few years in order to get herself some help.  No one can save her.

Only she can decide to save herself.  All you can do is stand back.  As hard as that is.
Her fantasy life has to stop and maybe when things get bad enough she will finally realize no one but herself can save her...or change things.  IDK

Have a good night, Watcher.

A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #23 on: December 04, 2018, 04:20:20 PM »
Hi Thunder,

S15 was obviously scared and he was apprehensive telling me. Wrestling against your friends is one thing. Actual competition is a whole other matter. I have a meeting on Monday the 10th about basketball. It should start around the 14th I believe. We will give the Kickboxing a try. Now with her retreat we will see if her angry behavior towards me comes back.

S18 falls on me. We have a few schools where he will apply and we will see what aid or grants they offer.

LOL its not hard at all Thunder. She will eat her debt and I will gladly stay out of it.  ;D. This was a court judgement and it appears to be a done deal.

I thoroughly enjoyed being with her and I would love if we could ever work this out but the debt is hers. Financially she is very scary and I have to protect myself and our son's from her.

Yes I agree about the fantasy life. It needs to end so I won't contribute to it any longer. It all rests on her shoulders when she wants to get help. For the moment she chooses to remain in fantasy. She doesn't want to face the music. BTW she has 2,000 dollars in toll road violations. She laughed about it.

Have a good night.

Thanks

Offline Thunder

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #24 on: December 04, 2018, 04:42:15 PM »
OMG, that is too funny. 

They apparently don't care much about the toll fees.  No wonder she laughs.

Any violations like that here they would have a bench warrant out for her arrest.

 :)

Oh well not your circus.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline karmirtsaghik

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #25 on: December 04, 2018, 04:46:30 PM »
Watcher,

Was your wife always this cavalier with money. She seems to have no concept of value nor does she understand financial management basics. She should start financial management for dummies on-line group instead.

I believe you wrote that she bought $8000 worth laptops for 2 kids on loan from her retirement. Didn't she buy laptops last year too. Why your kids need such an expensive laptops?  $8000 is a lot of money for someone who has garnishment judgement against her. I work with a laptop (4 years old)  that costs $600 and it works fine. It does everything what I need to. I also repaired the screen on my phone and use that. Again it works fine.

I am happy to know that you have more access to your kids Watcher.

Offline Ready2Transform

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #26 on: December 04, 2018, 06:09:30 PM »
I'm not surprised of the attitude toward finances. It's what I dealt with for 20+ years from my xH. I was able to dismiss it as just not being taught or needing to grow up when he was in his 20s (even though I was younger than him and was fine with money management). But when I learned more about the bipolar brain after BD from studying, I came to know any reconciliation with him would have to accept that this is who he is. Even for someone committed to treatment, it's recommended someone else be the money manager for them. If ever your W receives a diagnosis, you might want to be prepared that this might be part of her life that never just falls into place. And even if it's MLC, like with male MLCers, they don't reconnect fully cooked. I'm not really saying this for you, Watcher - I just think maybe there's too much expectation here on your thread that your wife is capable of just stepping up and being a logical mom. She may someday, but it's likely not going to be a reflex action to Watcher moving home.
"Unconditional love is the highest of high standards, and while we are letting go of our need to control the process of anyone else, we are taking within our lives complete accountability for our own experience."

http://seriousvanity.com/how-to-cultivate-unconditional-love-and-change-the-world/

Offline Brenross

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #27 on: December 04, 2018, 06:27:04 PM »


S15 doesn't want to do wrestling anymore. They showed him a competition video and he is scared. He also wants to lose weight and the school wants him to maintain it so he can compete at a certain level.

So he informed his mom who failed to notify me. I informed the Athletic Director because I need to recoup money that I have invested. I may get him into Kickboxing since he wants to drop weight.

I will try a free class with him to see if he likes it. Inlaws belongings remain outside and garbage is still being thrown out.


What does S15 want to try Watcher?  I get the opinion that you would give anything a go...maybe here is an opportunity for you both to bond further...via sport/fitness.  Try a few/many sports out together....who knows where this will lead.   

My S22 - who now competes professionally in MMA and holds the No. 1 position for his weight division in Australia - was bullied in year 10 (when he was 15).  We got him into JuiJitsu basically to learn some  self defence skills.  Well he loved it and has advanced now to MMA and cage fighting (he loves kickboxing, Muay Thai and JuiJitsu in particular).  It is now his passion. Our decision to put him into JuiJitsu changed his life and my understanding of the sport.  I once thought it was just basically street fighting with no skill required.  How wrong was I! I have a thorough appreciation of the traditional beliefs and traditions each code of MMA uphold and represents and how each competitor shows respect to tradition. It is such an analytical sport with quick thinking strategies required.  His discipline towards himself and others is exceptional.  All his gym members, opponents that he fights in competitions, coaches and almost everyone he has come across in this sport  are all professionals from well paying jobs and are extremely family orientated people. Far from societies rift raft that I had assumed it was.  He is extremely fit, health conscious beyond, psysically strong yet he is the most softest hearted person I know...yet can handle his own in the cage.   Sorry for waffling...but things tend to fall in place for our kids (sometimes with a gentle push in the right direction).


Sorry to ask again....I am just curious...but how did your Wife go at the Psychiatrist?  I just pray that she gets the help she needs - counselling or otherwise...so that you can get your family back on track!
« Last Edit: December 04, 2018, 06:29:56 PM by Brenross »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #28 on: December 05, 2018, 02:52:57 AM »
I agree Ready2Transform that there appears to be expectations here at times. We are not getting the perfect specimen back. We are getting a damaged person back. They are allowing us a glimpse in their lives and it's not pretty.

If we wait around for that fully functioning person to come back then we will be waiting forever. I accept she is damaged and I'm willing to take a chance with her damage. Again I can role with her new life changes. They don't scare me. She may never want to be a mom again and that's ok. I can't force her to be a normal mom.

TBH I think she is scared of me.  ;)

Again we can accept she is mlc or mentally ill but in the same breath she needs to be a functioning woman who needs to have evey answer for me for every situation. I think the key word is acceptance. It needs to be found.

 Compassion. Understanding. IDK. This person has destroyed themselves. You know, this person we fell in love with, married, had children. How can I take it personally when I clearly see she is destroying herself. Her life is superficial. Where is it getting her ? She is not getting ahead in life. She works, plays on her phone and hangs out with her 70 yr old mom throughout her crisis. Sounds like a blast.

Yes she brought laptops last year for the boys and she dropped 8,000 on new ones. They are high end gaming laptops. Our sons are gamers. She may buy them new ones again. She is depressed and she has impulse control issues. Again I've lived with a depressed woman since 2003. This isn't my 1st time with this dance. I've been living with it for a very long time.

She never was a fully functioning woman and she never is going to be. Nevertheless I accept her with flaws and all. I always have. It definitely hasn't been easy. I'm sorry it's who I fell in love with and depression controls her life. She was fine from 1989 to 2003.

While I was with her in November she was showing me she could be responsible. We were running around paying her bills with her money. She pays bills in person. I didn't ask her to show me. She just wanted to.

We held a joint account for our 1st 4 years of marriage. In 2003 she broke free and opened her own account. That was also the year depression started and the "horrible" marriage began in her words.

I kept that joint account open straight through BD until she started bleeding me dry. She took out money for years from it for gas or lunch. She is my wife afterall and I didn't care.

I earn more money, almost double than her, therefore my financial responsibilities are larger. She does have financial responsibilities that she has to pay. She finds a way to do it. I have always paid the mortgage alone. I never had a problem with it and still don't because our 2 son's need a house to live in.

She spends money poorly and she always has done so. She screwed up and she has to swallow this bitter pill now. Financially it will continue to get worse. She has no credit cards nor credit. This is the 2nd work judgement now against her that I know. It's going to keep piling up. She doesn't even have money to pay for her bankruptcy.

We are not talking so I have no clue about therapy. She asked me to remain being a dad on Sunday night via text. She informed me the parents were leaving Monday morning via text. That's it. I don't speak to her unless she wants to talk.

All that being said, I have a double session at the gym today. I have 260 classes attended as I have entered the start of month 11. I continue to work on my body and mind. My abs continue to develop. I was seeing 6 of them last night.  ::)

So I still have to join my weight lifting gym. I have high school basketball. I have kickboxing. I have the half marathon next week and in February. Dierks Bentley in March. Half Marathon #3 in April. I'm looking at New Orleans for Feb. Expedia sends me great deals.

I get a raise in Feb and I have a loan paid off to free up more money. One more year on a student loan and 2 more years left on a BD loan where I saved her car. Her car payment was 900 a month and she made that transaction in 2009 without me. I had a BD decision to make at the time as she faced repo and she had my kids on the lam in Florida.

So I have to keep going for myself and our 2 son's. There mom may catch up one day.  ::) Or not.  ;D

Thanks everyone
« Last Edit: December 05, 2018, 02:56:25 AM by Watcher »

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #29 on: December 05, 2018, 04:34:04 PM »
Today I was off from work and had a morning session and evening session at the gym. So I knocked out 1900 calories. I am constantly doing laundry. I'm throwing my energy into the gym at the moment.

Organic steel cut oats are ruling my mornings right now. They have no flavor so you have to add protein powder. I have vanilla and chocolate protein that I use for my after workout shake. Today I picked up peanut butter flavor protein powder primarily to use for the oatmeal. Someone at the gym put me on oatmeal. It gives it some flavor.

Tomorrow I will repeat the morning/evening  gym session. I do have my squad Holiday party tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it. I haven't been to one in years. Being around people was not my objective during this crisis. Again I'm slowly returning to life here in 2018.

I just started cooking myself dinner. My sister dropped off food for me on Sunday. I haven't cooked dinner really throughout the crisis. I know that sounds weird being that I'm on my own now 9 months. I went food shopping and I'm forcing myself to cook. It was usually just work, briefly at the marital house, gym, to bed. I eat out while I'm at work.

I saw the boys. S18 and I have a yearbook issue to figure out so I had to touch base with him. I talked to the wrestling coach and he said S15 was doing great and he can always go back if he changes his mind. S15 told me he may go back but he is obviously intimidated. I'm not pushing him.

No changes at the house. Everything still sits outside in the elements. I passed by the marital house on my way home from the gym tonight and W was home. I think I would have been taken aback if she weren't but her going out options are limited. I know she needs time to organize her parents departure and she is dealing with her mounting financial problems.

I don't believe I will hear from her until Christmas approaches. If she blows off Christmas entirely then we know she is back in the tunnel. I have heard nothing about this new parenting plan but like I said she has other matters on her plate in addition to her usual online nonsense.

I recommended the break via text last Friday. November was a whirlwind month and I have to get organized again. I'm not necessarily missing her as I just need the time off. Obviously I think she needed the break herself. Once these parents do leave IDK how we work on the particulars. Now that I'm away from it, the time together was a lot. I have to gear it more towards our son's next time. I cannot just run with her wildly.

So now I have to eat, finish laundry and go to bed.

Have a good night
Thanks

 

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