Author Topic: My Story THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8  (Read 2450 times)

Offline TryinSoul

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My Story Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #30 on: December 05, 2018, 08:25:57 PM »
Sounding good Watcher. 

I think that last part you said is quite meaningful.  You run a bit wild with her, then “ok, timeout, I am going to take care of our boys now”.  You are the only one able to lead this family right now.   I don’t think there is anything wrong with taking the reigns and showing her how it’s done. 

Ts
All that counts, is what comes next.

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #31 on: December 06, 2018, 02:58:32 AM »
Hi TryinSoul,

As much as I loved being with her and enjoying some irresponsible behavior myself, I have to ensure that S18 finishes up strong and graduates. We made it to 3.5 years of high school on our own so I can't have her fouling up the finish line and I still have tuition to pay.

Apparently I can enjoy irresponsible behavior myself but my 2 boys come first. I don't always want to think of them first forever. Always be in protection mode. I believe I still have to be in that mode for a few more years. It's a role that she relinquished  and she is not going to reclaim it.  She spends almost no time with our son's.

They do talk to her and she overly exaggerates her enthusiasm. Primarily they just see her in the morning. If she comes home after work by 530pm she pretty much goes to bed by 7pm.  She occasionally may take them out on the weekend. Usually just S18. My S15 doesn't like leaving the house.

She has a lot of aspIrations for our children but she no plan of action. She will tell you it's all about herself. She wants no responsibility. She just wants to run free. She wants to be free.

I want to run free myself. Running free with her is very intoxicating. I can get used to it. Like I said there's a lot that I love about her world. We have a great time together.

Thankfully our son's have me and my head is centered and focused on them. Any stretch of NC does not scare me because I have to get S18 graduated. So my life is kind of on hold for these 2 boy's. Someone has to be a responsible parent I guess.  ::)

Thanks

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #32 on: December 06, 2018, 06:31:41 AM »
Watcher that is  exactly where I am. My H wants no responsibility and barely sees our S st all. And since I live with our S while H  lives God know knows where, I am all S has. So yeah, I understand the life on hold thing. These kids have no one but us. I like to think it is a blessing. But it does get lonely. You are sounding really good!
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #33 on: December 06, 2018, 07:23:11 AM »
Hi KIT.

Yes it is a lonely road at times. She made it clear plenty of times throughout November that it's about her. She has to love herself first, focus on herself first, self love. It's about me Watcher.

The important thing is both boys love her and they interact with her. I know W loves them both but she cannot function as a mother. She does want the best for them but she is depending on me to do all the work.

The night she broke down crying she told me you always have been my best friend, my only friend. I believe her and she is so scared that she is going to lose me and the boys will lose a father.

Meanwhile she is stuck in this black hole and she constantly is being pulled in another direction. She needs me to be the rock for our family and she fears I haven't been lately. I have pulled back since I left in March. My boys have nothing to worry about but I'm done alleviating her concerns. I am keeping a distance. Our son's are fine and that's all that matters.

I believe she is done being a mom. This spring they turn 19 and 16. Realistically how much more time will she have with them. She is missing out. I'm missing out myself but I'm doing what I have to for them.

I do have an ego that does get bruised at times. I'm left wondering at times about how much more can one take. I can be a father with no problem. Meanwhile I have a wife who is pretty embarrassing. She needs constant attention but not from her family.

For the most part her online group consists of women with a sprinkling of men but they are all in the same boat that is taking on water. Unfortunately she chooses to spend all day online. On FB I may post twice a week for a total of 5 posts depending on my run schedule or gym info. She posts 100 times a day. It's overwhelming and constant. That's how she spends her day. She has 3 FB, 1 Instagram, and a plethora of groups. It's a lot.

Her need for constant online male attention from strangers is alarming. I saw it on display at my gym. She doesn't know how to be around men. She misinterprets normal behavior. Makes it out to be more. She has serious self esteem issues. The online men fill her need. They are flattering I guess. They do hit on her.

As you know yourself, we are all our children have during this crisis. I think I have a couple of lonely years left.   ::)  It does make me question. Is it fair when or if they come out of it. We are doing all the heavy lifting while they are on vacation.

Enjoy your day

Thanks

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #34 on: December 06, 2018, 12:29:39 PM »
I don't drink so the holiday lunch was 3 hours and out. Pretty much it's just an office politics event. The drinking crowd stays late into the night and I prefer to work on my abs.

So it's been quiet. Today is already day 7 of quiet. She has tested me online and I have ignored saying anything to her. I know she wants a reaction. So this morning I sent her a text to test her and this "parenting" objective.

I informed her that I spoke to the wrestling coach, the athletic director and S15 yesterday. I let her know that S15 is always welcome back, and the coach praised his abilities. I let her know it was S15 decision and I respected it. In other words I applied no pressure. I respect his choice. That was it. No response for hours. Again I was just testing her reaction.

She replied. She does this thing where she writes "Liked" and writes out my text in quotes back to me. She did that a few times back in November when I sent her texts.

IDK I guess she likes that I informed her about S15 and the way that I handled the situation. I guess. I have no other reason to text her so that will be it.

LOL with this crisis already.  ::)

They adjusted my heart monitor at the gym. My workouts were previously based on a maximum heart rate of 181 beats per minute. That's based on my age. I was working out too good so they adjusted my rate to 198 beats per minute. So I think my numbers are going to be lower. IDK why they elevated it so high.

 I will test it out and see tonight but this mornings numbers were low with the adjustment. In other words they raised the performance bar so now I have to work harder to achieve my previous results. I know I hit 181 a lot and that was the max. IDK about 190's. We will see.


Offline Thunder

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #35 on: December 06, 2018, 12:35:55 PM »
"Like" is what you do on fakebook.  LOL 
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #36 on: December 06, 2018, 12:50:51 PM »
Hi Thunder,

That's exactly what I thought. So it feels like I was auditioning to be a husband in November and now she wants me to audition being a father in December. Also audition that I'm not going to bother her about her online bahavior. IDK. Stupid games.

Meanwhile I have been both while she has neither been wife nor mother for 42 months. I can ignore it and remain calm. It just demonstrates her continued immaturity as if I have something to prove to her.

My crossfit co worker is selling me on crossfit. He says that's where I will get the shoulders, arms and chest. I'm going to look into it. My contract is up at the completion of January.

He says I will be intimidated at first but then again what isn't intimidating about life. I will think about it.

So I'm going to head out for session #2

The real funny thing it was a long text. She retypes it back to me. Its rearranged and has misspellings. LOL...Hahahahaha.


« Last Edit: December 06, 2018, 02:03:29 PM by Watcher »

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #37 on: December 07, 2018, 01:45:44 PM »
So I had no work today. I skipped the gym this morning. I basically had to bring myself to utter exhaustion last night at the gym since they changed my workout standards. 198 max heart rate is like impossible to reach. I can hit 181 and that's exhaustion levels.

The instructor was cheering me on but it wasn't happening. With her encouragement I did hit 198 for like 1 minute. OMG I thought I was going to pass out. She was like that's how you have to work out now. LOL, it's not happening.

So I will have average numbers until the system recognizes I can't handle the new benchmark in a couple of months and it will return to normal levels again.

 Everything is computerized. I guess the system believes I'm 26 instead of 46. It's just a man with his ego thing. I still burn the same amount of calories. I just cant hit the red zone anymore because they placed it out of reach by raising the bar. One gets more MEP's for being in the red.

So I went for a haircut instead and dressed like a man in jeans and boots for once. Afterwards I had to show off my manliness at various places.  ;D As always I look good btw.  ;)

I stopped by the house and took the boys out for lunch as they had no school. S15 apologized about the wrestling. IDK why. I told him it's no big deal.

Everything is still outside. I did see the wicked witch in passing cars. She did a quick u turn and hurried back to the house when she saw my car. IDK why. Her daughter has her rattled, not me. LOL... She is scared of her daughter.

So I know they are still on the outs. Daughter won't let the belongings back in the house. She was in and out and left. I noticed she doesn't have keys anymore. One of the boys had to let her in.

So its quiet with W and it's fine. I said I wanted December off afterall.  ::)

So one gym session tonight and work tomorrow. I have to rest up tomorrow for Sunday as I tackle this half marathon. It's supposed to be 36 degrees and sunny. So that is pretty decent weather for running long distance.

I have a basketball meeting at school on Monday and that starts next Friday. So I will add that for the next 3 months to keep me busy.

I did say my hair looks good, right.  ::)  I have to entertain myself somehow. One day I'm going to look back and say, WOW, those were some fun days. Hahahaha.


Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #38 on: December 07, 2018, 06:29:29 PM »
I'm a numbers guy so gym was Blah, Blah, Blah. This is my 2nd stint now with this unrealistic computer, lol. My psychiatrist may have to talk me down from the ledge. So its going to be a rough December for me.  :-\

So I came home and had dinner and then I did some dumbbells. I have to lift some weights. So I took a shower and then I did mirror work because I NEEDED IT !

So I am 10 full months at Kickboxing now. I have 6 defined abs forming. I actually see and feel the 6. I was feeling myself up all day at the mall. Sometimes I just walk around touching and feeling my stomach. I know, there is something wrong with me.  ::)

So back to the mirror. BTW, the new haircut makes the mirror work look soooo much better. I have stubble too. It adds to it.  Anyway, 6 defined abs with all the lines. I have to get rid of like a centimeter of skin over the lower four.

So I'm excited. I think that's great for 10 months. So I will use the 6 month calculator for my abs also going forward. They are going to be smoking hot by June but I do have to make sure to keep this haircut.  ::) And stubble. And blue eyes. I noticed my eyes really pop in the winter cold.

IDK if my eyes pop in June the same way.

So my CrossFit buddy can go pound dirt. Yes he has arms and shoulders but he has no abs. He eats too much and has a stomach.  ::) LOL

I like my abs better. I have plenty of crisis left to work on my arms.  ;) See its moments like tonight when I just say, crisis on baby. Don't rush back. Hahahaha.

I have other interesting body parts or regions but right now the abs have my attention. My stomach is solid. Just a little more work.

OK I wore myself out. My shoulders and abs are both on fire. That's a great feeling.

Before I get anymore self centered I better go to bed.   ::)

Have a good night.
 

 

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 8
« Reply #39 on: December 08, 2018, 04:42:52 AM »
So I am back to full NC and I have placed the block back on my phone. I'm tired of trying to figure out her motives behind certain behavior.

She is behaving like she did last December. She didn't say anything to me per se. However there is just no need for her current stupidity. Again IDK the point other than to discredit me or publicly distance herself from me.

Maybe she has to cover her tracks again because co workers or family members saw us together in November. Again I don't need to play her game.

So she can enjoy her Christmas with our son's and I'm not participating in any manner. I'm just going to role in NC until there is no further need I guess.

 

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