Author Topic: My Story Jumping Back Into the Pool  (Read 2963 times)

Offline MyBrainIsBrokenTopic starter

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My Story Jumping Back Into the Pool
« on: December 11, 2018, 02:44:25 PM »
The frog will jump back into the pool, although it sits on a golden stool.

I was watching a series about the Impressionist painters and the host recited this old Dutch proverb. He said it means that you can't escape your past. I thought it would make an appropriate title for this thread.

I decided to re-write my story now that I've learned more about it.

I was born 60 years ago and raised during the '60s in a normal middle class home in a small town in New York state. My father spent three years driving a tank through Africa and Europe during World War II. He fought in several large battles and many smaller ones and returned home with a number of medals along with a couple of chipped teeth and shrapnel in his leg from battle wounds. After returning home he married my mother and started a successful business. They had five children, first a daughter followed by four sons. I was the fourth child, third son. There was a 6 year separation between the 2nd and 3rd child so I consider myself to be the middle child in the second family. My father worked (a lot) and my mother stayed home and took care of us kids.

My parents started a restaurant in 1971 which was very successful so they now owned 2 businesses. My uncle (father's younger brother) and several other people worked for my father in the original business. My uncle died in 1974. After my uncle's death my father lost interest in the original business and closed it. He also moved out and divorced my mother. A few months later we learned my father had remarried and we had a stepmother who was 10 to 15 years younger than my father. I was 16 at the time.

My parent's divorce was very strange. I wasn't surprised to learn that they were divorcing. In fact, I was relieved because they fought a lot. My first two thoughts after my father told me they were divorcing were "What will people think?" and "Thank God. Now the fighting will stop." My father gave my mother our house and the restaurant in lieu of alimony and started a third business, an auto repair shop and dismantling yard which he ran until the mid 90s when he was in his mid 70s. At that time he was having health problems so he retired and sold the business.

The thing about my parent's divorce that was very strange is that he continued to take care of my mother. She was Catholic and never remarried or even dated. She told me she had spent most of her life taking care of one man and she didn't want another one to take care of. My father helped her with the restaurant, took care of any maintenance issues with the house, provided her with cars, and maintained the cars for her. She never had to pay a cent for any of this.

I met my wife in 1978. I was home from college after withdrawing because of some health problems. I had found a job that paid well and wasn't sure I wanted to return to college. My wife had just turned 16 and I was the first boy she was allowed to date. I fell for her hard and I assume the opposite was true. We married about 18 months later, just before her 18th birthday.

The area where we live has always been one of the most economically depressed areas in NY state. Shortly after our first daughter was born, the economy went south, I lost my job, and I couldn't find another one. After 6 months of unemployment I joined the Air Force. In October 1981, 18 months after our oldest daughter was born, my wife was pregnant with our second child, at the end of her second trimester. On Halloween night, while we were trick or treating with our daughter, my wife became ill. I took her to the ER where we learned that we had lost our second child. Just under 2 years later our youngest daughter was born on an Air Force base in North Dakota. At that point my wife had been pregnant for 2 of the previous 4 years. She hated being pregnant and when she came home from the hospital she informed me that we weren't going to have any more children because she'd had the doctor tie her tubes before she left the hospital.

The next 6 years were great. We loved spending time together as a family. I was discharged from the Air Force in 1984 and we moved back home. Then, in March 1989, we spent a night sitting by our youngest daughter's hospital bed, not knowing whether she would live through the night. She had sustained a serious head injury in a car accident and they couldn't fly her to a trauma center because of the weather, so all that we could do was sit and wait. Fortunately, her injuries weren't as serious as they appeared, and she recovered without any problems, although most of her face was covered with bruises for a long time.

Then I started having panic attacks. I didn't know what they were. I thought I was dying. After about 6 months of this I woke up in the middle of the night, weak and nauseous with a racing heart. I spent 3 days in the hospital over a weekend being watched for possible cardiac issues. On Monday I left the hospital and a few hours later was readmitted into the Psych ward after being diagnosed with Major Depression.

I spent the next 6 years dealing with anxiety, depression, nightmares, and panic attacks. Finally, in 1995, I saw a Psychologist who was on the teaching staff at a nearby university. He diagnosed PTSD and used EMDR on me, which was a new treatment at the time. It was like a miracle. After being treated I went through the next 15 years with almost no problems, which was really amazing since our youngest daughter put us through a very bad time starting around 2000 when she turned 17. Her loser boyfriend convinced her to move in with him, even though she was still in high school, and legally there wasn't anything we could do. She returned 3 months later, broke and pregnant. I told her we weren't going to raise her baby for her but that's exactly what we did for the next 9 years. She lived with one bum after the other and then married one of them and had two boys with him. Around 2008 she filed for divorce because he had been cheating on her and a couple of weeks later he hung himself.

Our granddaughter lived with us through all of this, even after he joined the army and our daughter and the boys moved to Kentucky to stay with him. After about one year in the Army he couldn't stand it anymore. He went AWOL and was still AWOL when he killed himself. In spite of the issues with our daughter, the years spent raising our granddaughter were the best years of my life. She was a great little girl and we were much more relaxed, since we had already raised two children, and by this time we had enough money that we could afford to spoil her. She was always with us and a lot of people thought she was our daughter. Our oldest daughter told us that our granddaughter was more like a sister to her than a niece.

My mother died in 2003. In 2008 my father died and in 2010 our daughter had finally started to settle down so our granddaughter moved out and went to live with her mother. That was one of the worst times of my life. It felt like we had lost another child. My wife and I were both affected by it and I went through a period where I didn't know who I was or why I was still alive and I felt like my whole life had been a mistake. I started seeing a therapist and learned a lot about myself, including the fact that I couldn't remember most of my childhood but that it hadn't been so normal after all. In fact, it had been so bad that my siblings and I were badly damaged by it, with two of my brothers becoming alcoholics and my sister developing agoraphobia that is so severe that she hasn't left home without her husband in more than 20 years.

After about 2 years I started coming out of it. I realized that my life hadn't been a mistake and that the reason I had made the life choices I had made was because my wife and family had always been the most important things in my life. Nothing had mattered more to me than spending time with my family. I began attending Alanon meetings and learning how to express my feelings, something I hadn't really known how to do, because in my childhood the only feeling that was expressed was anger and the only time we were ever touched by either of our parents was when we were being punished. This was around the beginning of 2013, which is when I think my wife's crisis began.

One year later, in January 2014 my wife told me that she didn't know what was wrong with her. She said she didn't feel like herself and that she didn't have any interest in doing any of the things that she had always enjoyed. She was also cold all of the time and she was losing a lot of hair. I realized that she was badly depressed, which surprised me because I had been the crazy one and she had been the normal one. She spent a couple of months being checked out by MDs but they didn't find anything. Around mid-spring she started acting more like herself and I decided maybe it had been the winter blues or something.

Spring turned into summer and we were both looking forward to summer activities. We owned a large camping trailer and for the first time ever we rented a seasonal campsite near our oldest daughter's home. My wife was looking forward to spending the summer at camp with all of our families and she started rebuilding a couple of the numerous flower gardens we had on our property.

At about 1 am on June 29th, 2014 my wife informed me that she had a friend and was involved in a PA. I was practically catatonic. All that I could do was repeat the phrases "Oh my God" and "I'm so sorry" over and over. I was sorry because I knew she would never do something like that so it must have been my fault. Following that came the typical 72 hours with no sleep and weeks without eating. My wife told me she didn't want to be a wife or a mother or a grandmother, she wanted to be herself, but she didn't know who she was. She agreed to move into a spare bedroom while she was figuring out what she wanted to do. One morning she moved some heavy furniture into the spare bedroom by herself while I was out. About an hour after I returned home she made an excuse to leave for a little while and she never returned. Since that day she's been living with the om.

I had no idea what had happened. I felt like I had been hit by a bus. After a couple of weeks went by and she hadn't been in touch with either of our daughters or our granddaughter, I began to realize that this wasn't about me. Especially when she turned away from our granddaughter because the two of them had been like Siamese twins. They had always been side by side. After that we endured months of the hard cycling that is so common early in the crisis.

I started seeing a therapist about 3 months after BD. I had two goals. One was to figure out how to survive this because I was becoming deeply depressed. The second was to figure out what the heck had happened to my wife. After a few months I began to realize that I had PTSD from BD and told my therapist I needed to see a trama therapist. After seeing numerous therapists during the early 90s before finding one who was able to recognize and treat PTSD, I knew I didn't want to see just anyone. I told my therapist I wanted to see the best trauma therapist in the area. She told me the person she would send her own family to taught courses in trauma therapy at a large university but her office was 75 miles away. I told her I would make the trip and I've been driving to see her every 2 weeks for almost 4 years now.

My therapist began treating me for major depression and PTSD and began working to stabilize me so that we could do EMDR. Eventually, we reached the point where we could begin EMDR. During our second EMDR session I went into an extreme dissociative state and my therapist realized that I was experiencing something far more severe than simple PTSD. She told me the PTSD from BD was like a sore sitting on top of a large, deep, unhealed wound and that the PTSD had reopened the wound. At that point our sessions switched to bi-weekly stabilization while we slowly peeled back the layers to locate the source of the deep wound. The diagnosis of PTSD turned into a diagnosis of Complex PTSD due to multiple episodes of childhood trauma, along with abandonment issues and disorganized attachment.

While I have been seeing this therapist a couple of other things have been going on. As I learned more about PTSD, complex PTSD, and dissociative disorders I started suspecting that my wife, who had a physically and emotionally abusive father, was showing signs of having a dissociative disorder. The other thing I was experiencing was that my behavior was becoming so unlike me that I often wondered whether it was my wife or me who was having the crisis. Among other things I bought a bright red sports car, began running in marathons, started dressing differently, and started listening to different music.

Within the last month I've been diagnosed with a dissociative disorder, which is ironic since I suspected a dissociative disorder was what had led to my wife's strange behavior. I had no trouble believing that I had PTSD and it wasn't hard to make the jump to Complex PTSD as I've learned how damaging my childhood was, but even though I joke about it on the forum I am struggling with the idea of having a dissociative disorder.

Having PTSD means that a traumatic event occurred that was so bad that I entered a dissociative state which allowed me to disconnect from reality. While in this state, I wasn't aware of what was going on around me so I can't remember the trauma, but my somatic and emotional states were stored in my brain and have the ability to influence me through visual, emotional, or auditory flashbacks if something causes this to be triggered. Complex PTSD simply means that this happened multiple times so I have a lot of trauma stored that can be triggered, cause flashbacks, and influence my behavior.

Having a dissociative disorder takes it to another level. It means that the trauma was so extreme that my personality was fractured. My brain had to create separate parts to allow it to deal with different aspects of the traumatic events. I'm seeing a new therapist who is an expert at treating dissociative disorders and he told me these dissociative disorders often go unnoticed until something triggers them later in life, then the parts start emerging and causing behavioral changes. In my case I've identified 4 parts but I suspect that there are more. I'm glad that both of my trauma therapists have told me that I'm not crazy. They say that dissociative disorders are actually a brilliant adaptation the brain made during childhood to make it possible to survive overwhelming conditions. Whatever it is, I'm going to have to learn to live with it because I've been told that once the box is opened it can't be un-opened.

Link to first thread:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5560.0

Previous thread: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10483.0

Online Mitzpah

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2018, 03:37:57 PM »
MBIB,

You are a brave man. That was an impressive recounting of your story.

I believe your wife's crisis had its beginning in 2010, just like you did

You are both linked with that thread that the Chinese speak of - I never remember if it is a red or gold thread ::)

Interesting that you are the product of ww2 - I am, in a way, but my parents were children during the war. Soon after the war, my paternal grandparents also started a 'second ' family - they are closer to me in age. You see, they lost a daughter as my grandad was being shipped from Holland at the end of the war - she died of cholera/septicemia in the UK (in two days), so you can imagine the trauma, it took a few years to get over the grief.

Living in a country as Brazil, it is difficult for people to understand the trauma of war - here, the traumas are related to the military regime - and its persecutions - My h's father was arrested and imprisoned by mistake - he was tortured, he went into MLC about ten years later - I am convinced that his FOO issues were worse than his imprisonment and torture... He was a damaged man (and one I loved even in his crisis state).

In a roundabout, convoluted way, I am trying to say that we all are the product of very complex backgrounds and there IS hope if we can accept these bent and broken parts of ourselves and of others, looking forwards.
M 57
H 57
S 26
S 25
D 24
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Offline MyBrainIsBrokenTopic starter

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2018, 03:46:17 PM »
Thanks Mitzpah for reading through all of that. You're a brave woman. :)

You're also right. We all do have complex backgrounds. My therapist has told me several times that my siblings and I are casualties of WWII.

It amazes me that you have to take an exam and a road test to get a license to drive an automobile but people take babies home from the hospital with no training whatsoever and very little oversight.

Offline Anjae

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2018, 04:04:21 PM »
Welcome to your new thread, Brain.

The thing about my parent's divorce that was very strange is that he continued to take care of my mother.

Why is this strange? It is, or at least used to be, totally normal here.

Do you think the fact your wife was 16 when you got together could play a part in her MLC? Looking back, I think it probably wasn't very smart to stay with Mr J for 20 years. He was 17 and I was 18 when we become a couple. Not that, so far, I have been playing houses/marriages with someone else like he has.

Pretty much all living Europeans,maybe aside from very young ones, are either casualties of WWII and/or dictatorships - many had the misfortune of being both. Some old, or very old ones are responsible for the horrors or WWII and/or the dictatorships. But we don't learn. We are diving into the darkness again.

Always wondered why Americans wear their war trauma on their sleeves and Europeans are so quiet about it.
« Last Edit: December 11, 2018, 04:06:04 PM by Anjae »
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline xyzcf

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #4 on: December 11, 2018, 07:03:02 PM »
Welcome to your new thread.

Anjae:
Quote
Always wondered why Americans wear their war trauma on their sleeves and Europeans are so quiet about it.

I found out something quite interesting from a professor who had studied the British and Canadian troops who were prisoners of war during WW11 of the Japanese...the Canadian soldiers were on average about 5 years younger than the British  soldiers...and the Canadian's mental and physical health after 3 1/2 years of captivity was much worse than their British counterparts when they were liberated as well as throughout the rest of their lives.

The theory is that because the Canadians were often 18 or 19 years old when they were captured and had not physically finished their physical development, that starvation affected their physical bodies more than the older (about 24 to 25 year old) British soldiers. Also, brain development is not usually complete until age 25 so the Canadian soldiers also were more likely to suffer from PTSD or a greater severity of PTSD.

Ok, I am probably in a bad mood tonight but as the daughter of a POW who survived the Japanese prison camps for 3 1/2 years, I am not happy with the statement of how Americans "wear their war trauma on their sleeves more than Europeans"..especially since Canadians and Americans went to Europe and Asia and fought for other countries and were  most likely instrumental in "saving" those countries from occupation...

There are some things that that should be respected and in my books, the hell these soldiers went through for my freedom is and should always be looked up to and valued.

The field of epigenetics which we have discussed here, has also shown that trauma to parents (studied initially in the daughters of Holocaust survivors in Brooklyn) can affect their DNA which can be passed on to their children...so, my father's PTSD may be the reason why I am experiencing PTSD to the degree that I do, and why my daughter also is suffering from the trauma of the destruction of her family.

Ok, rant over...sorry MBIB.

« Last Edit: December 11, 2018, 07:05:20 PM by xyzcf »
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

Offline Anjae

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #5 on: December 11, 2018, 09:22:21 PM »
I don't know about Asia, but when it comes to Europe and WWII, hard it may be to accept, it were the Soviets who made the allies win possible. The Americans and the Canadians come later and the Americans denied Churchill help over and over and over, pretty much not caring with what was going on. They wanted nothing to do with it.

Coming by in 1944 when the Nazis were already getting a big beating in the Easter Front, where things really were very tough and ugly, is not the same as had been here the start of OWII, let alone had been here since Mussolini, Hitler, Franco or Salazar. Where the Americans playes a great part from the start was on The Spanish Civil War, but, mostly, they were not soldiers, they were civilians who joined the International Brigades.

As for Canadians, if I am not mistaken, by then, given the King of England was their King, they sort of had to come to British Territories and fight for the British. But they were not in Europe in 1939. And no Americans or Canadians ever fought in the Easter Front. That was for Germans and Soviets, and that was where the fate of WWII in Europe was decided.

Americans do wear their war trauma on their sleeve and think they are the only ones with a trauma, forgetting that, often, especially in recent decades - WWI and WWII are different - they went meddling in places they shouldn't had. Ending up creating a mess for themselves and others. And who is suffering the most because of it? Europe, and said countries, of course.

Americans and Canadians are lucky never have had a modern war on their soil, never had been occupied by a moder army or been bombed - Pearl Harbour was a military base. You may be angry, but historic facts don't change.

Do you think it was great to be under Hitler or any other dictator? Do you think that does not leave a trauma? Let alone the horrors of years of occupation, deportations, death camps, war, extreme horror and terror. And decades long dictatorships, who did lots of brutal things to their own citizens, some very similar to the ones that happend during WWII.

But Europe is not the only place where terrible things happened/happens. Africa, Asia, South America. Do you see anyone other than Americans talking so much about their terrible trauma, when, in fact, overhaul, they had it far easier than many others? There is no difference in soldiers trauma, regardless of side. However, some sides/countries/places endured far more than others.

What Americans have is Hollywood that makes it all seem fantastic, the great American hero. European war films or series hardly ever are like American ones.

There were no Europeans prisoners of WWII? And if they were, did they suffer less? Don't think so, the British suffered as much at the hands of the Japonese. And I think most WWII prisoners in Europe were European. Don't wanna know what the Soviest did to the Germans and to the Polish. And Eisenhower decided that German captured solders were not enemy combatants, therefore, they were not prisoners of war and were not treated under the Geneva convention - you can read about it here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rheinwiesenlager. Strange it may seem, the Germans always treated soldiers they captured as prisoners of war.

Why is the trauma and pain/trauma of Americans and Canadians bigger than Europeans or others people's one? Can you imagine being German during and after do war, especially if you were Jewish? Do you have any idea the trauma the Germans inherit? They still carry it. And they are here, in the middle of Europe. Not 5000km away on the other side of the Atlantic.

And lets not talk about the civilian populations and the horrors they suffered, especially the women. A thing Americand and Canadiam civilians and women were spared.

My first serious boyfriend, before Mr J, was Jewish, of German and Polish descendence. His grandparents family had all perish in the camps. My aunt's boyfriend is the grandson of a Nazi officer - yes, they exist since someone had to be a Nazi. You have no idea the trauma and guilt he has, let alone his dad. 

Your freedom? Canada and the US were not invaded nor were about to be. Someone else's freedom. But that applies to all that fought for it, including the resistence and others. Not just to Americans and Canadians.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline MyBrainIsBrokenTopic starter

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #6 on: December 11, 2018, 10:06:05 PM »
Anjae, I would like to know why you would come to my thread and attack Americans, Canadians, and American and Canadian soldiers. I didn't say anything about Europeans or Asians or Martians and the trauma that they may have sustained because it doesn't make the trauma my father experienced any less and it doesn't make it any worse.  You were the one who started the trauma comparison.

Why does it bother you when I discuss my family's history? Don't I have a right to discuss my struggles on my thread? If you want to discuss the trauma experienced by Europeans I would suggest you start your own thread. In fact, I know you don't believe in most of the stuff I write about. If it bothers you so much why don't you quit commenting on my thread? Just leave me alone. You're starting to annoy my bad part.

Anjae:
Quote
Always wondered why Americans wear their war trauma on their sleeves and Europeans are so quiet about it.

Ok, rant over...sorry MBIB.

Thanks xyz. Now it's my turn.

I've always been proud of my father because of the role he played during WWII. He should have been at home here in the states getting married and raising a family. Instead, he spent three years during his early 20s in North Africa and Europe fighting to liberate people he didn't know.

He participated in the amphibious invasion of North Africa at Casablanca. He was there for the amphibious invasion and liberation of Sicily. He landed on Omaha Beach in Normandy on DDay +3. I have photos he took of himself and other American soldiers liberating Paris. He went without sleep for 3 days while fighting in the Battle of the Bulge. And he told me about liberating concentration camps without telling me about what he saw there.

He returned from the war with shrapnel in his leg, a gold crown on one tooth and pieces chipped from a couple of other teeth. But these were visible wounds and he easily recovered from them. The invisible damage to his psyche was far worse. He returned with PTSD from a war where General George Patton "struck and berated" two soldiers under his command during the Sicily Campaign who were suffering from shell shock. His PTSD has affected him, my siblings, our families, and our children's families.

After I wrote my opening post I was afraid that I may have been too candid. When I read Anjae's comment I accepted that as confirmation that I had indeed been too candid and tried to go back and delete most of my opening post, only to find out that it was too late. So I have to thank xyz for her post because I realized after reading her post that more people should reveal the tremendous price paid not only by the men who went to Europe and Asia to fight in European and Asian wars but also, quite often, the price paid by their children and their children's children.

For the record, as far as wearing their war trauma on their sleeves, my father didn't say a single word about his experiences in WWII for 35 years. Not one single word. He never talked about it. It was only after I joined the Air Force in 1980 that he started talking about his service. He dreamed of returning to the beach at Normandy one day to visit the American cemetery but he never made it back.

I may be pretty messed up but I'm still proud to be the child of a United States WWII veteran who, among other things, was awarded several purple hearts and the Belgian Croix de Guerre.

Speaking of history, I suggest you check your facts. My father was fighting Nazis in 1942. By the time he landed in Normandy in 1944 he had been fighting Nazis for more than 1 and 1/2 years.

I didn't realize the 2014 movie called Fury depicted a platoon from the 2nd Armored Division in action in Germany. I'm going to have to watch it. It's received excellent reviews for it's realistic depictions of armored battle during WWII.

Article about the movie Fury and the 2nd Armored Division in World War II, There are several interesting videos made from WWII films.
https://unwritten-record.blogs.archives.gov/2014/10/14/the-fury-of-hell-on-wheels-tank-warfare-april-1945/

The 2nd Armored Division patch my father wore for 3 years..



Fourragere of the Belgian Croix de Guerre that my father wore on his uniform



Sherman tanks in action during World War II. It's possible one of these could have been one of my father's tanks. He had several because they were lightly armored and several tanks he was in were destroyed by the enemy.






Offline OffRoad

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2018, 10:44:45 PM »
You were not too candid in your first post, Brain. That some people seem to be lacking in the ability to effectively empathize and communicate (and sometimes that is me in various cases) has nothing to do with you, your thoughts, your memories  or your choice of what to post.

Every soldier, and especially those who did not choose to fight but were drafted and fought anyway, deserves our respect for the sacrifice they gave. Some gave their limbs, their health, their minds, their lives. If we hurt because one of our loves ones happened to have been damaged by being a soldier,  we hurt. There's no need to hide that.

Please keep posting what you think and feel. It's a story that is helpful to many and I, for one, am appreciative of it. Don't let the discourteous dictate your actions.

When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline CanLetGo

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #8 on: December 11, 2018, 10:58:36 PM »
Thank you for your recount MBIB, I found it really great to read. I was wondering did it feel good to get it down in that way, the clarity is evident, or was it painful. Maybe it was a bit of both! In any case, I hope you continue to share, I always appreciate your updates.
Me 45
H 48
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014, D June 2018
OW 17 years younger

Online Treasur

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #9 on: December 11, 2018, 11:07:58 PM »
I too found it very interesting and moving to read. And didn't quite get the rationale for Anjae's response.

The good thing, Brain, is that is was about you. And your courage.
The same courage you are using to fight through layers of PTSD. I learned a lot.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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