Author Topic: My Story Jumping Back Into the Pool  (Read 2961 times)

Offline MyBrainIsBrokenTopic starter

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My Story Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2018, 12:17:02 AM »
An interesting story (I think).

While he was stationed in England during the buildup for DDay, my father had an English girlfriend. After the war ended, he had been overseas for so long that he was sent straight home. They never saw each other again but they occasionally exchanged letters. A few years before my father died he received a letter from the woman's daughter informing him that her mother had died. That would have been roughly 60 years after WWII ended.

Online Mitzpah

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2018, 12:53:04 AM »
MBIB,

As I jumped in first to congratulate you on your very interesting opening post, I would like to chime in on my support for soldiers world over.

As for Canadians, did you know that the last soldier to give his life in WWI was a Canadian? I learnt this at church on last Remembrance Sunday.

My mother always speaks very fondly of her memories as a child, of the kind, strong and handsome American soldiers who were stationed in England helping the rebuilding.

I had a Brazilian friend who was in Monte Castelo in Italy and he spoke very warmly of the bravery of those American boys who fought alongside the Brazilians.

Wars are horrible events and full of horrors - I believe the way people absorb this will probably differ according to culture. My father was one who was very badly affected by WWII. He never liked to speak about it. My mother talks a lot about it, even today. Perhaps the difference was in that her father stayed behind because his wife was an invalid and my other grandfather was stationed in Germany for most of the war - he was part of the Dam Busters. Both my grandfathers were conscientious objectors for religious reasons.

However, those who go to the front lines have my respect and I will always honor their sacrifice. American soldiers were very brave according to most accounts, and your father was no exception.
M 57
H 57
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BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Offline CanLetGo

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2018, 01:00:09 AM »
Nice for her to contact him. It’s hard for me to imagine what those times could have been like, despite the pain of mlc, I probably live a fairly priveieged life, compared to many. The unknown, the fear, the separation of family, then, like your father, friendships formed that then ended too...but obviously not forgotten...after even 60 years!
Me 45
H 48
3 young adult kids
BD December 2013, left home August 2014, D June 2018
OW 17 years younger

Offline Whyus

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #13 on: December 12, 2018, 02:02:32 AM »
thank you Brain, your opening post was great.

There is no OFFENCE meant in this post whatsoever so please try not to see it as offensive.

As a brit living in German this is a difficult Topic for me.

Both my grandfathers and my Great uncles fought in Europe, Asia and Africa. My Grandfather was a spitfire Pilot, his bro was a tank Driver.
Sure, all europeans are thankful for the Support we recieved from the American/Canadian/Australien etc. Forces who came to our aid and are thankful for that. Most of those guys are heroes and deserve credit. Unfortunately, alot of you will not like this but fact is there were some  Americans who just wanted an Adventure in Europe. Sounds crazy but its true. You have no idea how many Britsh/European women gave birth to children of american soldiers after being told that theyre Hs were most probably dead and would never return. "We are here to look after you now! Heres a shoulder to lean on, heres some chocolate" not many of These guys contacted the women again and they were left to bring up These children alone.
My Grandmother was one of These, she got forced out of the church because she gave birth to a coloured child (American).
She lives in Manhatten now (because of work) and is just my mothers sister as are her other siblings. She always visits my mam whilst in the UK. She is also a well known household Name in the UK and America but that would be too much Information.

Germans still have a difficult time because of the war! They still get to hear about it all the time, they only have to Play a Soccer match against England and the inflatable Spitfires and Bombers come out! Not nice, too Long ago and the Germans that i know have nothing to do with the war(s) so why should they still have to hear about it?

One Thing that did disturb me whilst in the US was whilst I was sat in the Grand ol Opry. there was an Oldtimer sat behing be with a Vietnam cap on and he was so proud of himself. People  were thanking him for serving ffs. and he was lapping it up. Why would somebody want Attention for serving in Vietnam is beyond me!

Enough ploitics now, we are all cool and what happened happened, None of us here were at fault and we dont Need a $h!testorm about this.


Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
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Offline Thunder

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #14 on: December 12, 2018, 02:59:57 AM »
Thank you for sharing your story, MB.

It was well written out and even made more sense than your original story. You added a lot of detail which explains a lot.

You and your wife were very young when you got married.  Honestly I think it's amazing you stayed married for so many years.

I was 17 (and pregnant) when I got married.  My H was 19.
I know now we were so very young and hadn't actually grew up yet.  He had a lot of trauma in his life with a mean alcoholic father who regularly beat him and his mother.  The youngest 3 he left alone, physically, but was a horrid man.

I knew nothing about MLC back the, but he did go into a crisis in his late 30's and we were divorced.

Maybe had he gotten some kind of trauma therapy years earlier it may have helped him.  Not to save our marriage but to be a happier person.  He went from one woman to the next until he passed away a few years ago, never finding any kind of peace or happiness in his life.

I think it's great you are exploring therapy like you have been.
Too bad your W isn't doing the same.  Maybe she will some day and she can find her happiness.

Thank you again for your story.

About WWll, my dad was a vet also and fought in the war.
He never seemed traumatized, yet he would never talk about it.  Nothing.

When he became an ambulance driver he would never talk about his experiences with that either.

Thinking back, maybe that was how he handled trauma.
It was either too painful to talk about, or somehow he could compartmentalize.  It was not his personal life, it was his work life/war life.  IDK.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline OldPilot

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #15 on: December 12, 2018, 03:36:30 AM »
Don't I have a right to discuss my struggles on my thread?
You absolutely have that right.

If you still want this thread closed and moved to storage, PM me, although I suggest you leave it, threads on HS are not deleted, as a matter of policy.

Online Treasur

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #16 on: December 12, 2018, 03:47:30 AM »
You do have the right, Brain, either way. I hope you don't delete it though bc it is part of your own journey.
And a good reminder that, with lots of things in life from war to loss to mental health, we don't know what it is like until we walk in those shoes and should be a little less quick to assume that everyone sees the world through the same window perhaps.
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Offline Helpingme!

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #17 on: December 12, 2018, 05:01:08 AM »
I hope you keep the thread Brain. 
It's your thread. Your opinion. Your life.
You have every right.

Offline Ready2Transform

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #18 on: December 12, 2018, 08:48:46 AM »
Legacy trauma is something a friend's mother (psychologist who specializes in and trains others in treating PTSD vets) talked to me about early on. xH's grandfather was WWII and his father Vietnam and Cambodia. xH himself was in the Army during Desert Storm and Bosnia but he personally wasn't activated (his units went, though). I now think they knew something was up with him and that's why they kept him stateside, but I will never know. This all sat heavy on him as a form of "survivor's guilt" on top of everything else because he felt he should have seen war as his family had. He felt it made him less. But he also had nightmares in French (he was not a speaker) where he was in charge of a group of soldiers and they would be killed (himself included) at the end of these recurring dreams. We discussed how this may have been related to his family's experiences, and even speculated about past lives, etc. It was a big thing (on top of all of the other big things!).

Please keep posting. It's interesting, and I think for many here, from all countries, there's so much to explore.

As for the bitterness toward North Americans serving abroad, "I'm sorry you feel that way."
"Unconditional love is the highest of high standards, and while we are letting go of our need to control the process of anyone else, we are taking within our lives complete accountability for our own experience."

http://seriousvanity.com/how-to-cultivate-unconditional-love-and-change-the-world/

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Jumping Back Into the Pool
« Reply #19 on: December 12, 2018, 04:10:09 PM »
Attaching.
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

 

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