Author Topic: My Story One year post BD  (Read 1705 times)

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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My Story One year post BD
« on: December 12, 2018, 12:03:06 PM »
Third thread as my last post hit 150 replies. I’m not as tech savvy as I should be and can’t work out how to attach previous threads so I’ll do a recap for everyone new and old.

It’s been just a few weeks over a year since bomb drop. During this year MLcer has been pretty much with OW the whole time. They have split twice in a year but never lasted longer than a day I don’t think. I don’t ask many questions.

My MLCer is relatively nice in fairness. Pays a hell of a lot of my bills, helps out with children. Attempts to find odd jobs around the house when he can. If he can’t he tends to put my bins out for me 😂 He attempts to be intimate with me maybe once twice a week. Only a few times have I failed to be strong and refuse so a few times we have been intimate. OW does know of this. OW is a bit of a strange lady tbf. She attempts to get into my social media and copies my outfits posts etc etc.

We have three small children ages 7,4 and 2 which makes it a bit hard to totally detach from him for the children’s sake anyway.

Under normal circumstances I think I’ve been quite well in handling him. I just admit recently I’ve slipped out and think I might get drawn in to him. So I’ll be spending my evening in a bubble bath rereading this site to make sure I stay detached and crack on properly.

I would say I was standing BUT I am not sure how long I will be standing for as I feel the longer this goes on the more independence and confidence I gain the less I feel like I’m happy to return to him.

Previous thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9799.0
« Last Edit: December 12, 2018, 04:50:47 PM by Thunder »
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online megogirl

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2018, 05:04:06 PM »
I hope that you can find it within you to stay the course, if only for these very tiny souls.

My viewpoint is semi-frowned upon here - that to stay together for your children's benefit is wrong - for (fill-in-the-blank) reason.

It is a long, hard road but I believe it will be well worth it....X 5
« Last Edit: December 12, 2018, 05:40:01 PM by megogirl »

Offline Thunder

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2018, 05:24:33 PM »
sachet,

Apparently, your H is not done with you yet or he would be gone.
He is not totally in the tunnel yet.

I personally don't think there is anything wrong with being intimate with your H, unless you feel used or bad afterwards.  That is a choice for you to make.

I would just caution you, if he is being intimate with both of you please protect yourself.

You have no idea who all she has been with, and know who ever she has been with is a threat to your health.

My niece learned the hard way.  The man she was seeing contracted a disease, unknown to him, and she is now living with that for the rest of her life.
Just don't think it can't happen to you.

Just be very careful.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Anon

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2018, 05:31:51 PM »
Quote
I would say I was standing BUT I am not sure how long I will be standing for as I feel the longer this goes on the more independence and confidence I gain the less I feel like I’m happy to return to him.

I can relate to this statement.  I have the independence down pretty much and with every additional month out from bomb drop I gain a little more confidence. 

We don't have kids together so we don't have that to consider.  If I did, I would consider consulting with a professional regarding the impact on the kids of standing as opposed to moving on.  Since the two should look almost identical to an outside observer and probably kids as well, I'm not sure it matters.  But best consult with a professional (or the alumni members here) because I'm certainly no expert. 


Online Limboland2018

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #4 on: December 13, 2018, 12:57:02 AM »
Hi sachat3..

Your story interests me as I have a young daughter aswell. At bomb drop she was only 2 1/2 years old. He moved out. Actually he moved us to a new country 4 months beforehand then decided to abandon us. Financially he is still providing but emotionally and physically he is not present. Our bomb drop is coming up to a year - January 2018.

It’s so hard with young children as you can’t completely let go. My husband is going away for two weeks holiday (I think to meet other woman although he denies having a relationship) but he has to text me to keep in contact with her. I just wish I could cut him off completely and move forward with my life.

My husband doesn’t want to have sex with me. He hasn’t for over a year. He’s not attracted to me which is obvious. Tbh I look good for my age and receive many compliments.....I haven’t let myself go for want of a better word. I’m not sure what I would do if he wanted to have sex with me while dating someone else. I don’t know if I could handle it.

I’m moving forward with the financial separation to protect myself and my daughter. I would love to be a family again..that is my greatest wish but he has made it perfectly clear he doesn’t love me anymore and there is “nothing salvageable in our relationship”. I do believe in family and that is why I have “stood” for the relationship but as time goes by I’m feeling that there is a good life waiting for my daughter and I once he’s gone. If I didn’t have a child I think I would have let him go a number of months ago. But when you go through these crisis you work out what is important...and family is important to me. However I totally understand how you feel in regards to your new found independence.
Me- 47 at BD
MLC husband -45 at BD
1 daughter - 2 1/2 years at BD
BD 1 - January 6, 2017 moves out
November 2017 - moves back in for 1 month then leaves saying relationship over, wants a divorce then flies over last minute to be with OW on holiday.
BD 2 - OW confirmed December 14, 2017 - meeting up with her for holiday

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #5 on: December 13, 2018, 01:37:04 AM »
Thank you everyone for your responses.

I think that’s the biggest struggle, because I do love him and he shows signs of feeling similar to me and again I would love to be a family again. I think everyone around me knows that too. I also think he’s similar too as he doesn’t want to do things separately. For example, despite him living next door despite him moving out and being in a relationship he got very emotional the other week when our middle daughter (4 years old) drew a picture of her family without him in it. He also wants to keep Christmas gifts etc together and not do a “this is from mum” “this is from dad” type thing.
He was also very family orientayed before this. Was very keen to be “family man” “man of the house” etc. He’s also not told people of our separation. It was only the other week in our local shop someone made a comment about me and H having a romantic night in and I said “were not together” and despite talking to him a few times a week they had no idea.

As a whole he is very complimentary towards me. Not really had much monster but he’s very keen to tell me I’m the best mother around and he won’t have children with OW or anyone else because they won’t be as good a mother as me and that I’m as close to perfection as I can get.

Despite all this I have to prepare myself that, there is the chance he may not want to reunite further in life.

He has been prescribed anti depressants and as far as I’m aware he has been taking them. We are protected when we have been intimate due to the fact none of us want any more children. But during the intimate sessions it’s not a case of just sex as he is very non sexual touchy feely and also keen to kiss and cuddle. I don’t feel used or bad after being intimate I just want to protect my feelings I guess as I don’t want to be intimate and forget to detach etc and then for him to never come back type thing. Where as right now I feel I’m alright with detaching. I also know I’m lucky that OW has not met my children as far as I’m aware she hasn’t even met Hs mother. She doesn’t go to the house he lives so he keeps her very separate. Almost like he’s living two lives.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #6 on: December 13, 2018, 06:45:29 AM »
My 2 kids are just a little older than yours (11 and 7) so I can relate.... In my case, STBXW wants to "play Happy family" while divorcing.

That is a screenplay that I just can not participate in. I guess that would be the epitome of cake eating... Pretending to be a "family" to the outside world while not being one. As far as anything physical goes, that died off long before ABD Dec 2015 so it is a non-issue. I limit my contact to her to stuff having to do with the kids and that is all. Her D is grinding it's way through the German Court System will the amazing speed of a herd of turtles, mostly because of her not responding to requests for information in a timely manner.

We do, however, have Christmas Eve together and the kids Birthdays so there are some similarities...
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Online megogirl

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #7 on: December 13, 2018, 07:27:40 AM »
he got very emotional the other week when our middle daughter (4 years old) drew a picture of her family without him in it.

Proof-positive that they are totally incapable of removing their head from their ass(es).  Because you'd *think* this would bother him so badly that he just WOULD!

And it's this gut-wrenching type of thing that encourages my Stand even more....
« Last Edit: December 13, 2018, 07:28:48 AM by megogirl »

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #8 on: December 13, 2018, 02:34:05 PM »
Tonight we got into a bit of a heated conversation. Once I realised that in effect we were arguing over OW. I stopped straight away and was calm and kept saying “I’m not arguing with u”

So recently it was OW birthday. I know this because today I received a random message off a fake profile (profile was made 4 minutes before messaging me) which said “you do know H spent £800 on OW birthday present don’t you” normally I wouldn’t be bothered but as of yet well as I was aware he hadn’t bought our children any as presents. However, he was adamant to show me he didn’t in fact spent that amount of money. And he also showed me receipts of the items he paid for our children’s Christmas presents. What did strike me as odd was he was so adamant to prove he didn’t spend that money on her. Promising on his dads ashes. Showing me his bank statements etc etc. Now I have no idea who sent this message to me, but I am fairly sure it was OW. Purely due to the fact that H let slip that OW did receive off her parents a £800 handbag and had posted a photo on social media. I had no idea about this BUT whenever anything happens between them that could cause an argument between me and him. I get a message about it. And the common demonstrations are me OW and H and I know I didn’t send the message. I know H wouldn’t have so I can only assume it was OW trying to cause a rift.

What did make me chuckle is H seems to be attempting to “get in my good books” since this disagreement. Despite me ending it with saying “as long as you buy  the things I asked you too. I don’t care what you spend on OW” which I really don’t.

When putting the children to bed H was in our oldest daughters bedroom giving her a kiss and cuddle and I was in the other girls bedroom. And was coming into our oldest daughters bedroom. I said to our daughter “I’m coming now to give you a cuddle and kiss” as I walked into the room H was still there and he said “giving me a cuddle and kiss?” I simply ignored him and gave our daughter a cuddle and kiss.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #9 on: December 13, 2018, 02:36:50 PM »
I must admit due to the wage H is on and his child like ways to saving money. I did think £800 on a handbag was a lot as that’s almost a months wage to him but from what I can gather OW is used to this type of gifts. H also has poor credit and is unable to get credit cards in his name.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #10 on: December 14, 2018, 01:46:58 AM »
I must admit due to the wage H is on and his child like ways to saving money. I did think £800 on a handbag was a lot as that’s almost a months wage to him but from what I can gather OW is used to this type of gifts. H also has poor credit and is unable to get credit cards in his name.

THAT should go over well with OW in the long term....

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #11 on: December 14, 2018, 02:08:46 AM »
Haha! Exactly. He’s like a child with money 😩

We had a chat not long ago and he told me he was saving. I had assumed he was saving for a flat/house/somewhere to live as he is just living in his mums box room and hotels once a week when he spends the night with OW but it turns out he was saving up buy himself a brand new iPhone 🤣
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline Treasur

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #12 on: December 14, 2018, 02:11:31 AM »
 ::)
Really, just  ::)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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Online UrsaMajor

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #13 on: December 14, 2018, 02:17:54 AM »
Haha! Exactly. He’s like a child with money

We had a chat not long ago and he told me he was saving. I had assumed he was saving for a flat/house/somewhere to live as he is just living in his mums box room and hotels once a week when he spends the night with OW but it turns out he was saving up buy himself a brand new iPhone

Sounds like my S11

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #14 on: December 14, 2018, 02:56:45 AM »
Hahaha my thoughts exactly.

This is where I sit with a smile on my face revealing in my personal victory. As post bomb drop my financial situation was bleak. It was for both of us when he dropped the bomb in all honesty.  Yet in the year I’ve sorted my finances. Cleared some debt and started redecorating the house so it’s all new and nothing the same as when he left. And apart from having a snazzy new phone and maybe some new trainers and clothes. He’s in the same situation.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #15 on: December 16, 2018, 03:43:11 AM »
A mini update -

The other day H was dropping me and 2 of our3 daughters at the cinema. One was too younge for the film so stayed with him. This was the same day that me and H had been Christmas shopping for our daughters and spent a bit of time together. In the car he said something along the lines of “us spending time together shopping etc is hard for him because of OW and if I was in a R it would be different” I explained that i was shopping with him as he had a car and drove and we needed as gifts for the children no other reason.

Fast forward to Last night and D4 has a birthday party for one of her class mates. So H finishes work early in order to take us etc. And I just thought he completely contradicted what he was saying. Saturday night is usually my night out and he has the children. I explained I wasn’t feeling too good so I wouldn’t be out and the children could stay with me. I was giving H every option to see OW. He chose not to take it. Instead stayed in. Which was odd. Once the children were in bed. I burnt my food so I asked him to watch the children so I could go shop. He came watches the children. Within 5 minutes of him leaving H decided he was going to go shop himself and came back to me and asked did I need anything. I couldn’t help but laugh due to the fact I had LITERALLY got back from the shop myself 5 minutes ago 🤣

We had also made a deal that if H wasn’t coming to see the children H would explain it to them so that I wasn’t having to deal with “where’s daddy?” At nighttime. H has told me it will probably be Wednesday and Sunday night he will be “out” as he has a f class. I suspect he will be with OW but I don’t understand why he would make up an excuse about a gym class? He still very much hides OW from me. I can’t recall a time within a while when he has actually used her name in front of me. Is this normal?
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online One day at a time

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #16 on: December 16, 2018, 05:08:31 AM »
He still very much hides OW from me. I can’t recall a time within a while when he has actually used her name in front of me. Is this normal?
I'm sure the people who understand MLC better than I do will come and give you their view but I would say yes.. My H doesn't really hide OW as such as she lives in another country but hides other things from me which makes absolutely no sense as we no longer live together, I never question anything he does or says and I'm pretty much letting him get on with his life.. it's crazy.
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #17 on: December 16, 2018, 05:19:36 AM »
It’s funny because for the first 6-9 months or so of their relationship. I could see Ow social media. I admit I stalked. And she would constantly post about him. He never posted about her. Now I have blocked them both I can’t see but imagine it’s very similar still.

If H is ever meeting OW he will never say where he’s going it’s just simply “I’m out” “I’m going gym etc” he will never say “I’m meeting OW” even when he does on weekends away I’m not stupid and can work out they are going together but H will never say so.

What’s even funnier is in a way I make the rules. Right at the start (before I found this forum) I told H the places he could and couldn’t take Ow. The restaurants they could eat at etc. I even told H he couldn’t take her away to places we planned to go. H even told Ow her valentines present this year was a trip to Iceland. I reminded H that I wanted to go Iceland and now H has cancelled that trip with OW. I imagine that didn’t go down to well with her
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline Treasur

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #18 on: December 16, 2018, 05:47:33 AM »
Completely normal in MLC land.
Tbh, with hindsight, I suspect it shows that at some level they are ashamed.
My xh never used ow's name or even described her as a girlfriend. I think the most he said was he was 'seeing someone' once. Denied living with her. Denied it was serious. Denied planning to get married...while planning his wedding. Said weird stuff like "it isn't how it seems" or "it isn't what you think". (Fortunately for him and wisely for me he didn't ask what I thought and I didn't tell him lol). Denied it to me, on the divorce docs, even to his own L. Even when the financial disclosures made it obvious he was lying like a lying liar with a special lying hat and truth goggles  :)

Never mentioned her name ONCE even when events like watchgate after she stole my watch almost demanded it. He did some great grammatical backflips around 'some people' or 'some things happened'....I called her Watchgirl. Which was by far the most polite term I felt like using in the circs.

So, yup, completely normal for an MLCer. Actually, even if they parade ow eventually in front of family etc, they still seem to deny it sometimes.  ::) I presume this was trickier to do for my xh when he got married.  ::)....maybe he has swopped it around and now denies he was ever serious or married to me lol.

Shame is the only reason really if there isn't a legal disadvantage and it is past the early days of a secret affair. I suppose it could be a drag of respect...but that doesn't seem so likely as they show us so little respect or concern on pretty much everything else. Weird to us normal folks, I know...

By contrast, my h wanted to shout about us from the rooftops...good thing social media wasn't around then lol. I remember him saying how much he liked using the phrase "my wife" to complete strangers after we had just got married.... :) :'(....bit different now it seems
« Last Edit: December 16, 2018, 05:56:20 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #19 on: December 16, 2018, 06:38:10 AM »
That’s exactly my MLCer. Except I don’t think he has any serious plans with Ow. I could be wrong. Sometimes I do wonder if he is MLC ot just being a d*ck as he is only early 30’s but he’s a clinging boomerang to a T and does act very MLC.

It’s funny his step dad asked if we were back together. My MLCer took great pleasure in telling me and I replied saying “no he’s still with the home wrecking wh*r^” he never defended her or even told me not to be horrid. He just said “wow. No need” and I’ve spent most the time calling her similar words and he is still the same 🤣

In some respects I do feel so sorry for Ow as the lack of respect he shows her buy then she stays still so it’s on her now. In the early days I also told her he had been unfaithful and sent her messages etc.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #20 on: December 16, 2018, 06:38:42 AM »
In some respects it’s almost like he’s living two separate lives.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #21 on: December 16, 2018, 12:13:25 PM »
Today’s update

So today I have taken the children to a Christmas party with my mum. They had a blast but I phoned H beforehand to see if he was seeing the children tonight. Just so I knew what to expect. He said he was. This worked well as it proved OW to be a liar liar pants on fire as OW changed her relationship start date to be today last year. Which would mean today was their one year anniversary. If this was the case H would have gone to see OW and not come here after work. Anyhoo he came after the party. As he walked in the door. I made myself a cup of tea and retreated upstairs. Mainly for 5 minutes peace as he was here to watch the children. He followed me upstairs as he assumed I was upset about something. I wasn’t but he wanted to check. H Helped bath the children etc. However I did hear him mutter to himself something along the lines of “F*ck this” so I said “what?” He didn’t  respond right away but then came into the room I was in and said something like “doesn’t matter now leave it” so I made a sarcastic comment along the lines of “I left it a year ago” which prompted him to jump in with “but your not over it tho are you?” And I said “what makes you think I’m not” and he continued “I can just tell. You want me to come home”

Now over the year I’ve paid so much close attention to the language he uses and I thought it was odd that he still refers to my house as “home” despite him moving out almost 13 months ago. But also H does this ALOT where he doesn’t actually ask a question he makes a statement of “you want me to come home” or words to that effect. I’m not sure it that’s him trying to work out of the door is open for a return or a ego stroke.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline Treasur

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #22 on: December 16, 2018, 12:19:25 PM »
Yup, sounds like a big old attention-seeking tantrum anchor check. Smile and wave, sach, and carry on with your own business  :)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #23 on: December 16, 2018, 12:32:25 PM »
I said the exact same thing to him today as I’ve said to pretty much everyone. Him included when he’s said it before and that is “Everything happens for a reason and if we are meant o be together. We will be back together and if we’re not then I will find the person I’m meant to be with as will you”

Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #24 on: December 16, 2018, 02:10:10 PM »
“Everything happens for a reason and if we are meant o be together. We will be back together and if we’re not then I will find the person I’m meant to be with as will you”
I love this!! I'm starting to lean that way myself. If it's meant to be, it will be..
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Online megogirl

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #25 on: December 16, 2018, 05:12:12 PM »
However I did hear him mutter to himself something along the lines of “F*ck this” so I said “what?” He didn’t  respond right away but then came into the room I was in and said something like “doesn’t matter now leave it” so I made a sarcastic comment along the lines of “I left it a year ago” which prompted him to jump in with “but your not over it tho are you?” And I said “what makes you think I’m not” and he continued “I can just tell. You want me to come home”

Sa....it took a long time for me to realize that they get off on the drama of MLC.  They're starring in their very own Aaron Spelling soap-opera.  And this really reads as if you're feeding him a perfect script to his drama!

*Please* read Stayed H's letter - he's a recovered MLC'er, and describes his own experience in MLC as "like being in a movie."
« Last Edit: December 16, 2018, 05:15:51 PM by megogirl »

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #26 on: December 17, 2018, 12:14:18 AM »
One day at a time - that’s exactly how I’m seeing life. I believe if we reunite we will be stronger than ever but if we don’t it wasn’t meant to be. I refuse to go through this MLC without it improving my life in some way. But then it’s funny because through this I started confiding in one of my Facebook friends. At the time she was just someone who lived locally and was someone I knew Orr. Now through me confiding in her she is now one of my most trusted girlfriends. So everything does happen for a reason.

Megogirl - I hadn’t even thought of it that way! Thanks for that perspective. I do think he gets off a bit on his “anchor checks” it’s almosy like he needs it. For example last week we were going to see our daughters nativity and on the way he said something like “oh I wonder where I will go for breakfast” so I said “oooh where are we going” he put up a bit of a fight at first about “I can’t take you” but he did in the end but like I said to him “you wouldn’t have mentioned anything or you didn’t want me to come”

Sometimes I wonder if he is MLC or if it’s just him but then he literally is a MLC walking talking textbook 🤣
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #27 on: December 17, 2018, 02:30:04 AM »
Another way of telling him "Your choices, your consequences...."
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #28 on: December 17, 2018, 03:07:35 AM »
That is true UM

I’ve just had an exchange with him. Another typical MLC exchange where I spent time after the call going WTF?!?

So I phoned him to see if he was coming over tomorrow to watch the children and asked could he watch D2 so I could take D4 and D7 to something at the school. He then attempted to elongate the chat and told me the tablets he has bought the children for Christmas (will just be under the tree as normal. Not a case of mummy bought this. Daddy bought that) will be delivered tomorrow. I was confused as to why he was telling me but he was telling me as they are being delivered to my house. I’m semi used to this now as all his post still comes to my house. Even a Christmas card he got from his place of work (same place OW also works) came to my house. So he hasn’t changed his address ANYWHERE. He even changed banks a few months after BD and used my address so his bank cards statements etc all personal info still come to my house!
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #29 on: December 17, 2018, 03:39:30 AM »
Yep, I also think this is a way will improve our relationship if we are ever to get back together. Communication will be high on my priority list with him.. H has never been good at talking about his wants or needs, probably because he grew up in a house where neither of those mattered. Very difficult to have a good relationship if you can't really articulate your feelings. I don't expect him to become a woman, just an adult that that can have adult conversations... But I also need to show him that I'm becoming a better listener and that I can do things I don't necessarily want to do it he tells me they are important to him.

I have gained some good friends too. These are people who I already knew but I wasn't that close to them. They have become my support system and some of them even feel like the family I don't have in this country.. It wouldn't have happened otherwise.. And the changes in me! You probably can see yourself changing and becoming a better version of yourself as well..

Funny you talk about your H having all his mail still sent to your address.. Mine eventually got things changed but not all. Yesterday he came over to the house and the first think he asked me was "Any post for me?"  ???
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Online Limboland2018

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #30 on: December 17, 2018, 03:51:16 AM »
Yep communication is key. It sounds like we have similar mlcers in that they can’t communicate. They just bottle everything up until they explode. I feel a lot of anger and resentment towards me from my mlcer. 

I’m terms of friends I felt so lonely because I kept his abandonment a secret. I just moved to a new country so had no one. Now I tell people. I shouldn’t be ashamed by his actions. He should. People are really helping me as I’m sharing.
Me- 47 at BD
MLC husband -45 at BD
1 daughter - 2 1/2 years at BD
BD 1 - January 6, 2017 moves out
November 2017 - moves back in for 1 month then leaves saying relationship over, wants a divorce then flies over last minute to be with OW on holiday.
BD 2 - OW confirmed December 14, 2017 - meeting up with her for holiday

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #31 on: December 17, 2018, 04:13:42 AM »
Limbo - I was the same. Took me s while to tell people but I didn’t feel the split was permenant. I still don’t. But once H was taking OW out places I had no choice but to tell people. Last thing I wanted was someone to see him and it be awkward. I only told my mum a month after BD!

My MLCer is exactly the same. Has never spoke about his feelings. Literally EVER. His dad died when he was 15. He’s now 32 and he still hasn’t spoken to his mother about the death. I remember briefly I was very very drunk and he told me then about his dad. I assumed he told me knowing I was drunk and probably wouldn’t remember.

I suspect my MLCers crisis started when I was pregnant with our third daughter. He had always said he only wanted two children and we found out we were expecting very late in the pregnancy. Since she was born she has had a wide range of health issues. She’s suspected she had cystic fibrosis and even a brain tumour at one point. Luckily that wasn’t the case but H still never spoke about his fears or anything. Even now she is on the autistic spectrum he doesn’t talk about that either.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline Thunder

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #32 on: December 17, 2018, 04:39:50 AM »
From what RCR said, it's better coming from you than him or finding out through the grapevine.
The "grapevine" will most likely hear it different than it really is.

It gives you some control over it.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #33 on: December 17, 2018, 04:55:54 AM »
Yeah I agree thunder!
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #34 on: December 17, 2018, 05:03:18 AM »
I can understand the resistance to tell people.. I also thought this was temporary and telling people exposes us to a lot of unwanted advice.. I hid we were having problems between BD1 and BD2 but my H told his entire family he was leaving me before he told me so I felt there was no point in hiding it.. And the support you get specially shortly after BD is very important!
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #35 on: December 17, 2018, 05:07:41 AM »
One day - Luckily my H was very reluctant to tell people. His mum lives next door to us. And after BD H refuses to go to his mums spare room. He didn’t want to admit it to her. Instead he slept in his car. It was me that told his mum. His mum knew after a chat with him something wasn’t right. We’ve spoken at the beginning and she was also sure he was having a MLC but I’m not sure people really understand the difference between a normal breakup and a MLC breakup.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #36 on: December 17, 2018, 05:23:34 AM »
No, people don't understand.. And if you try to explain, people look at you like you have 2 heads.. I just try not to say much anymore but I find it hard because I process things by talking through them.. People outside of this forum just take our spouses actions at face value.. They see that they are walking out of the marriage, getting together with OP, leaving jobs, moving countries and they go on like everything is normal. Maybe a handful of people get it but the majority don't even stop to think about it for 2 minutes.
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #37 on: December 17, 2018, 05:46:21 AM »
Exactly one day.

It was only when one of my girlfriends was also left at the same time and we were comparing the things the men were doing and we were like Okay. Mine was totally different. So she understand the difference. Even my MLCER ex partner before me, I used to work with her mum and we have similar friendship groups (not as twisted as it sounds 🤣) I bumped into her in a pub once and we are civil and hot talking and even she noted the differences in his breakup with her and the breakup with me 🤣

I think people also sometimes think when we say “Oh he’s having a midlife crisis” we use that as a excuse and that’s not the case. It’s juag a way of understanding it’s not as simple as other breakups
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline Thunder

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #38 on: December 17, 2018, 06:03:27 AM »
I agree.
Sometimes they understand an Identity Crisis easier than a MLC.

But most people really don't get it and I honestly don't blame them.  I'm not sure I would have believed it myself.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #39 on: December 17, 2018, 06:10:29 AM »
No me neither 🤣

It’s funny because my instinct said he was having a midlife crisis. But all I knew of it then was “ageing man buys a sports car haha isn’t it funny” and I remember thinking to myself “Ahhh thank god it’s a midlife crisis”

Now I actually know what one is it’s a totally different ballgame. Definitely not the easy option like you first assume
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #40 on: December 17, 2018, 06:34:48 AM »
Oh yes!!! I also thought he would go and buy an even more expensive car and be an A$$hat for a few months and then normal service would resume  ::)
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #41 on: December 17, 2018, 06:49:32 AM »
Hahaha. Yeah I’m starting to think BD wasn’t the start as beforehand H decided he NEEDED to get his bike license. H got bike license and then spent £3,500 on a Harley Davidson. Typical MlC
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #42 on: December 17, 2018, 07:07:37 AM »
Oh yeah... Mine got a 3L engine Jaguar... And let's not forget the gym obsession and shaving of body hair to look younger :o
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Online Limboland2018

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #43 on: December 17, 2018, 07:17:00 AM »
When I tell people my story most think he is mentally ill or just a f*** wit.  So when I say identity or midlife crisis they get it. My mlcer really, really wanted a baby and spearheaded the whole surrogacy.(I’d given up after heaps of miscarriages and Ivf). So when people hear that he just upped and left his 2 year old daughter and I they cannot understand at all. As a friend says...it’s like he got the puppy for Xmas and has gotten bored of it so dumps us. But atleast I get more understanding from outside folk about how mental the situation is.
Me- 47 at BD
MLC husband -45 at BD
1 daughter - 2 1/2 years at BD
BD 1 - January 6, 2017 moves out
November 2017 - moves back in for 1 month then leaves saying relationship over, wants a divorce then flies over last minute to be with OW on holiday.
BD 2 - OW confirmed December 14, 2017 - meeting up with her for holiday

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #44 on: December 17, 2018, 07:48:47 AM »
One day - apart from the car, that’s my MLCer. OW is almost a year older than me so he hasn’t got a younger age wise woman. Instead he got a woman still living with her parents. Full time job and no real responsibilities. For months before BD H obsessed about being “overweight” despite wearing a XS men’s!! But OW is a avid runner and has a running club etc. I think this is where the “infatuation” so to speak came from. He went from spending weekends away exploring a new city etc to spending weekends away running 10/20 miles 🤣

Limbo - I think due to my MLCer being 32. Not many people are keen to  go with MLC. They can see his actions are not a normal breakup etc but can’t say what it is.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #45 on: December 17, 2018, 09:36:45 AM »
Just had a little chuckle to myself.

H noticed one button on my TV remote was broken. It didn’t really affect the use. It just makes it awkward as it’s the up button so if you miss what you want to select. You have to keep going down till you get there now. Turns out H has ordered me a brand new remote for the TV.

I never asked him to. Never even mentioned wanting a new one. This was all on him 🤣
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #46 on: December 17, 2018, 10:41:40 AM »
It's funny when they do those things... As my H was emptying some of his drawers yesterday he asked me if I wanted 2 boxes of matches. I told him yes as the only lighter I had in the house was out of gas. He asked me where it was and that he could fill it in for me..  I had already binned it so I didn't need his service..   This was followed by an offer to give me a lighter.. Just leave the matches, I'll get a lighter next time I go shopping.. He knows I only use the lighter to light candles, I can leave without the candles for a few days!  ::)
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #47 on: December 17, 2018, 10:51:03 AM »
They are just so funny. Each time I talk to my girlfriends about the latest. They laugh along and we all say things like “wtf?”

It was only earlier this evening me and one of my friends were laughing at H and his big birthday gift of OW. She bought him a £400 brand new Apple Watch for his birthday which was less than a month after they first met.

H spent £90 on her for her birthday almost a year into their relationship.

Normally these things wouldn’t be a problem but H has more than enough extra money to spend on OW and he is meticulous with his money. If someone spends so much on him. He will spend the same on them. And he’s usually much much more generous. Well I say that but that was who he was before BD. I have to keep reminding myself they are two different people now.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #48 on: December 18, 2018, 01:29:52 AM »
So just a quick update as H will be back soon.

I can’t tell you how therapeutic these updates are. When I first started doing the updates on my first thread I felt so silly. But now having it down typed in front of me is oddly soothing. Plus it helps me see the wood from the trees.

It’s Hs day off today so he came over early morning before school. A little later than usual. He came straight upstairs (where I was heading) I got back in bed. He went to the toilet. Which was odd as over the past few weeks he’s been using the toilet at his house (only next door). Not sure why haha.

I had fake tanned last night so was wearing a dark loose nighty. That was admittedly very short. H stood at the end of the bed and started making small talk. He asked what I was doing today. I said I don’t know yet. He said he was going to take D4 and D7 to school. Then he was going to go to the shops and he would be back for 9:45am. I’m not sure why he was giving me a time frame or even telling me. Maybe this is typical in MLC.

H has also hinted he would like to be intimate later today. I’m going to try and avoid his advances but I must admit it is hard as when we have been intimate before. It never feels like a case of just sex. It feels much more, well loving. Feels almost like I have my old H back for those short times.

I am only guessing but it also seems like H and OW are arguing. I’m only going off when I opened the door to him he had opened his phone and I briefly saw a very long message that OW had sent. H also seems in a very down and out mood and I’ve noticed when he’s been on his phone he has been pulling faces at it 🤣

As it’s his day off will see what happens
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #49 on: December 18, 2018, 03:35:31 AM »
<BEAR_GROWL>
He wants to be intimate....  ::)  He wants to get some.... <facepalm>  Real " Intimacy"  is something different

People in Hades want ice water too...
</BEAR_GROWL>

I guess it really depends on your levels of comfort and boundaries but, if I may be so blunt, you deserve better than to be a go to piece when H is on the outs with OW... He's cake-eating in a big way...
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #50 on: December 18, 2018, 03:46:04 AM »
UM he’s the biggest cake eater of all.
He made a comment about me wearing a certain thing when he got back. So I made a point that I would be fully dressed jeans and jumper the lot 🤣

But we somehow just got in a convo about the situation and he said “oh well you have let me come in so basically your not over it”

Yo which I replied “if your willing to risk everything with Ow (I already messaged her once about him being unfaithful and he continued) your not over it either”

He’s now adamant that he won’t be coming over again for it X Y and Z. Whilst that’s a funny idea. He’s said this many of times and it never lasts much longer than a few weeks at most.

I was also sent a post of Ow who was basically copying me yet again....I laughed. I haven’t brought it up to H but I find it funny that now H has taken himself off all social media. Which indicates I was right about an argument. As that’s his go to move when him and OW argue. He comes off social media for a few weeks and then comes back to it. Whilst we were together he never deleted his accounts. But this is his 4/5th time doing it since being with Ow.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online Limboland2018

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #51 on: December 18, 2018, 03:49:28 AM »
Oh goodness he is a tosser. Definitely a cake eater. Some say to keep on being intimate as that keeps the connection while some say not to as it encourages bad behavior. It’s definitely up to you and what you feel comfortable with.

A few weeks ago my mlcer came into my room saying he was depressed so I gave him a hug and held him. I think he was having an erection(wouldn’t know what one feels like these days)  but I wasn’t going to  initiate anything. Last time I did initiate before BD I felt so insulted and upset as he didn’t react at all.

Anyway it must be nice to still be desired by your husband.
Me- 47 at BD
MLC husband -45 at BD
1 daughter - 2 1/2 years at BD
BD 1 - January 6, 2017 moves out
November 2017 - moves back in for 1 month then leaves saying relationship over, wants a divorce then flies over last minute to be with OW on holiday.
BD 2 - OW confirmed December 14, 2017 - meeting up with her for holiday

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #52 on: December 18, 2018, 04:18:58 AM »
I’m usually a go with the flow kind of person. I think it was treasure who said not to do it if I felt bad or used and I never have done in the past. But on this occasion because I had more thinking time I was okay with it and managed to avoid it. I think had I not had enough thinking time and I would have succumbed. When we have been intimate in the past it really has been like old times. It’s been a case of he will kiss and cuddle and stay around during. Not just a “wam bam thankyou mam” type or thing.

It was only the other day that he said if I had a brighter colour nail polish I would be “perfect” which made me chuckle as OW is polar opposite to me 🤣🤣🤣 so what does that make her ha
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #53 on: December 18, 2018, 04:53:54 AM »

A few weeks ago my mlcer came into my room saying he was depressed so I gave him a hug and held him. I think he was having an erection(wouldn’t know what one feels like these days)  but I wasn’t going to  initiate anything. Last time I did initiate before BD I felt so insulted and upset as he didn’t react at all.

Anyway it must be nice to still be desired by your husband.

I'm with you on that one LimboLand - our Physical life was already near dead and AD killed it off totally.....  On that theme though, the last few times STBXW and I have exchanged presents, she has gotten all teary because I usually get her things that I know she likes (paying attention) whereas she gets me some toss-off gift. She usually gives me a hug. The time before (November for her B-Day), I returned it but this last time, I was pretty distant... That is one of the consequences of her D.
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #54 on: December 18, 2018, 05:08:16 AM »
See up until well I wouldn’t even say after BD we had a alright physical relationship. BD really did come out of the blue. There was no clues. Infact the day or so before BD H was talking about getting married, buying a house or holiday home etc.

On my birthday and last Christmas H has always been really good at gift giving. He’s bought me thinks he knows I like but says it comes from the children. Whereas to me a gift from children is sentimental not earrings and makeup etc
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online One day at a time

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #55 on: December 18, 2018, 05:27:38 AM »
Yeah, mine doesn't try anything.. He hasn't since BD2 and I haven't either. The last 2 occasions we had physical contact were just hugs, initiated by me and he responded.. That was back in May and June, nothing since.. I'm not sure what would happen if I tried anything but to be honest, I can't see myself doing it.. It would get me even more hooked than I already am..
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #56 on: December 18, 2018, 05:56:37 AM »
This is the thing. For the first few weeks after bomb drop we barely spoke. It’s actually funny because H went away for a trip to London. Ow was also on the trip. This trip was when they became “official” and as soon as H came back from that trip and that’s when his advances started. 🤣

It was around Feb/March that me and H had a massive tow and I ended up telling OW he had been unfaithful. After that it took a few weeks for him to attempt intimacy again. It’s been weekly I would say since he’s either making it blatantly obvious what he wants or he is hinting.

Me and H had a bit of a heated chat earlier today and I basically said to him that him and Ow will not last forever and he was very much “you don’t know that” and I explained “the fact you show her so little respect. You’ve been u faithful fella me this isn’t forever” he got very slightly defensive. But didn’t put up much fight. I think he may be aware too.

Today we have been to the toy shop for more Christmas presents. And also to book D4 birthday party. In the car I got talking about a reality show I watched over summer (Love Island for anyone from the Uk) and one of the girls tag lines was “I’m  loyal babe” so I kept saying it imitating her accent. H looked at me like I was crazy so I said “oh you wouldn’t know about that” meaning he wouldn’t know because he didn’t watch Love Island. This prompted him to say “Oh if your going to shaft me (meaning tell OW) just do it now will ya”
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #57 on: December 18, 2018, 07:39:37 AM »
Okay so now I’m having a good old smug chuckle to myself.

Last night me and my girlfriends were laughing at OW post on social media where she was using Roman numerals just like my tattoo. Copy cat. And laughing at her “fake life” she leads.

Anyway not long ago H deleted all his followers off social media. He even got rid of his family. Which to me rings alarm bells!

Anyway today H informed me he had deleted his Instagram. He deleted his Facebook a while ago. When I pressed him as to why he replied “I can’t be bothered with the BS and fake lives people live on social media” 🤣😂
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #58 on: December 18, 2018, 11:19:41 AM »
Hoping this is my last update for the day until another crazy MlC day takes me to crazy land tomorrow.

So today we spent some time together Christmas shopping for the children etc. My girls are into their LOL dolls at the moment and me and H discussed how the newest LOL doll biggest surprise thing priced at £85 was a waste of money etc etc. Anyway last week we had a mini debate about what he spent on Ow birthday. I explained I didn’t really care and today that £85 toy was on offer for £60 so H decided it would be perfect to buy two of them. One for D4 and one for D7. H was paying for it so I just let him be. He made a point of saying “I’ve bought them that and their tablets you can call me what you want. I’m not buying them anything else for Christmas” I explained nobody was saying anything at all about this. He was very fair in paying what he did.

Then he collected D4 and D7 from school as usual. We had booked D4 birthday pArty today for her whole class and I wrote out the invites so H bought D4 over to mine and we told her together about her party. She was very excited.

H then asked would it be ok for him to take the children to his house (next door) for their tea. I said that was fine. He explained he wanted to take them over to his as he wanted to spend more quality time with them. This shocked me, but also pleased me and H was never really interested in many children’s activities such as craft park play dates etc. His idea of a family Saturday was always pacing the shopping centre and never actually buying anything. So it’s nice he wanted to spend time with them. Once his brother who also lives next door came home from work H came over to mine and wanted to check I was okay him having the children. I explained it was and if I wasn’t happy they wouldn’t be there on the first place. I then took D4 and D7 to story time with Santa and D2 stayed with him. As it was raining H lent me his umbrella. When we got back we popped to get D2 and we had a brief chat with H very polite and friendly. H was making jokes. He even made a comment about D4 teacher wearing £140 trainers to school and I reminded him he would happily pay that too so he couldn’t say anything either.

Him spending more time with me and D2 today has been nice. It’s also nice that he wants to spend more time with the children. Proper quality time and not just seeing them for a hour or so. This wasn’t something H seemed remotely interested in before BD and certainly not after BD
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline islandgirl68

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #59 on: December 18, 2018, 12:27:05 PM »
OMG, your daughters are into LOL dolls too!!!! My D4 saw the big surprise ball and had me help her write to santa for it. Luckily I found it on sale for $60 (everywhere was over $100). She's spoiled I also got her the surprise pearl as well. These toys are so expensive! I blame youtube for her being obsessed with them. D4 loves watching those toy unwrapping videos  ::)

Your discussion on intimacy caught my eye. H and I are regularly intimate. Despite my attempts to not ML. The longest we've gone with out ML is a week. The only period we did not ML was a couple months right before BD we stopped as H was on AD and it affected his ability to 'finish'. Plus they made him pretty much a robot so H lost interest in sex period. It is weird as our connection is obviously still there. H will usually initiate to me. I should know better the signals... It always starts with hold me Island or lets just spoon. Eventually one thing lead to another. In that moment H is very loving. We lay in bed after for long while. So I don't know if its just sex? why go through all the motions? It does feel in that moment and for the afterglow after that it was like before.
« Last Edit: December 18, 2018, 01:18:34 PM by islandgirl68 »
Me: 34
H: 36
S17; D10; D7; D3
Together 18 years, Married for 2
BD: 4/25/2017 (EA, FA)
BD: 4/10/2018 (EA same OW)
H stuck being a man-child. Questioning my stand.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #60 on: December 18, 2018, 12:51:34 PM »
Hi island thanks for attaching - Oh yes D7 and D4 are very much into their LOL dolls. Originally we planned to just buy them separate as the biggest surprise one we got was SO wxpensive and as we have two LOL obsessed kids. That would have been £170 as they were originally in shops for £85 each. So as well as the biggest surprise they also have lots of the single ones 🤣 H mother has also got the girls the surprise pearl too and no doubt my mum will also be buying LoLa for them 😳 I also blame YouTube.

That is also my problem with Whitney intimate H is always the one that instigates it. I try not to as he is almost likely also being intimate with Ow. Obviously I don’t know the ins and outs of their sex life. I just assume. But H has been keen to say things generalised about people on social media such as “people living fake lives for Instagram etc” so I do wonder but who knows. H is also very loving, I also think if he was after sex. Surely it makes more sense to go to OW....knowing that I have already once told Ow he was sleeping with me it makes no sense for him to come to me knowing I could do it again. Sometimes part of me thinks he actually does want me to tell her as he says things like “oh of your going to put me just do it” and he never stops trying. I find myself having trouble in saying no if he is wanting intimacy right away. Because part of me feels very natural to be loving with him. But then on days like today where he said “I’ll be back in 30 minutes” I had time to snap myself out of it 🤣 H is also very affectionate whilst intimate so to speak. Even despite me saying that the kissing and cuddling was too intimate and not a case of just aex he still continued to kiss and cuddle and lie next to me.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #61 on: December 19, 2018, 01:13:52 AM »
I said there wouldn’t be a update from last night. How wrong was I 🤣

D2 D4 and D7 all go to bed roughly the same time. Around 7pm. But from 7-10pm D2 was really unsettled so at around 10pm I went and got her out of the cot. It was then I felt D2 was really hot. As H had been minding D2 I text him to ask had he given her any medicine. He didn’t reply so I text ??? As I wanted to know if I could give her medicine. He then replied saying “no she was fine” I didn’t reply to that so H then text again saying “Why what’s up” I explained the situation. As I was typing D2 projectile vomited. So I told H. He asked if I needed him to come over. I simply said “it’s up to you” I’m used to D2 gettinf poorly as she does quite regularly but also it was late and I didn’t want to force him. Low and behold H came over within a few minutes.

What I found most odd was H is notorious for being a lazy b*state when it comes to cleaning. The 6 years we were living in our house I can’t recall a time he cleaned up. Yet H took it upon himself to clean the sick up. As the smell was so strong H rummaged in my bathroom and came back with a can of deodorant that he sprayed on the sick patch he had just cleaned. I made a comment like “why would you use deodorant?” And he went downstairs. Got some disinfectant and sprYed it over the patch too.

By this point I had D2 settled in my arm watching a TV show on my phone but she was very comfy and content. H then said “I’ll be back early remember to lock up” I then suggested he take the key and lock up as I didn’t want to move and disturb D2. He agreed and locked up for me.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #62 on: December 19, 2018, 02:47:40 AM »
So after my disastrous night with D2. When I had a chat with H this morning he asked what I was doing today. I think I replied something like “sleeping you?” And he said he had a few bits to do. I suggest he take D2 and he caused a fuss. I then said not to bother.

H came back around 20-30 minutes later LITERALLY a completely different man. He walked into the house all sweetness and light. Looks at D2 puts his arms out and is like “you coming shopping with dada” I’ve never been more baffled so I said “no it’s okay she can stay here” and he asked what I was doing I said probably sorting the girls toys out and taking what they didn’t use to the charity shop and cleaning the house ready for Xmas and he said “right I will take D2 with me. Then you can do it in peace”

So he’s taken D2 out and I’ve no idea when he will bring her back. I assume before D4 and D7 finish school. So we will see
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #63 on: December 19, 2018, 02:55:54 AM »
Aren't those sudden mood changes fun?  Feels a bit like whiplash from a car wreck and it keeps us on guard because we never know WHICH version will come through the door next time around....

Sleep sounds like a good idea though...
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #64 on: December 19, 2018, 02:59:19 AM »
It’s almost like he goes to his house. And literally gives himself a brain transplant. It’s the only way to describe it.

I mean I’m not complaining that he’s taken D2 out at all but it’s just such a sudden change. I can only assume he planned to see OW as yesterday when I asked what he was doing. He was giving me time frames etc...yet today when I asked he was completely vague. And him having D2 is a massive spanner in the OW works because he had admitted he doesn’t want Ow to meet the children just yet. But then in the next breath he is adamant it will last for life 🤣 and when I said it wouldn’t he said “you don’t know that” ooooh but I do
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #65 on: December 19, 2018, 03:07:20 AM »
And him having D2 is a massive spanner in the OW works because he had admitted he doesn’t want Ow to meet the children just yet. But then in the next breath he is adamant it will last for life 🤣 and when I said it wouldn’t he said “you don’t know that” ooooh but I do

"Because she is my Schmoopie and we are in LUUUURRRRRVVVVVEEEEEE"



It does tell a bit that he doesn't want the kids to meet the AD yet.....
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #66 on: December 19, 2018, 03:23:46 AM »
Exactly UM. They have been together almost a year and to me if I was her. That would be a red flag but hey 👋🏽 these people are a different breed.

I’m glad Ow isn’t meeting my children, that said, I do think it would make their relationship a bit harder but when me and her argued she called my children feral so she Won’t be seeing them in this life
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #67 on: December 19, 2018, 03:34:17 AM »
"Feral" has it's good points too.... <snort>

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #68 on: December 19, 2018, 04:30:00 AM »
Well it certainly does D4 has no filter and is my double so she would more than likely say “my mummy is prettier” 🤣

H has just phoned my 3 times. I missed all 3 calls as my phone was on silent. So I phoned back. And he answers with “oh you do know what to do with your phone” I just calmly said “what do you want and he said D2 was getting very tired so could he bring her back for a nap. I said Ofcourse. We had a brief chat but the funny thing is. He phoned from less than 2 minutes drive. So what’s the point in phoning 😂

As I was getting D2 out the car H went to get her pram from the boot. I made a comment as I saw a lush bag in his boot and he said “oh you weren’t meant to see that. Now you know part of your present off the girls” so that answers the Christmas present debacle. It will be funny to see what I get. As when we were together, we didn’t do gifts. Mainly because we barely had two coins to rub together let alone splurge on one another and last year I got a bath bomb set from Lush. It is my favourite place to get bath bombs from so I am happy with it.

H has said he will be back, he’s going to Tesco so I asked him to pick up the gifts for the teachers. I figured seen as well he is acting like Me money bags I may aswell use it to my advantage 🤣. Saves me buying the presents.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #69 on: December 19, 2018, 11:47:39 AM »
Update -

Soooo.....today H went shop for the teachers gifts... he also phoned and asked did I need wrapping paper. I said actually maybe could he pick me up a roll. He then asked did I need anything. I said a bag of sugar. Now normally H is a bit tight with money...especially as he gets paid fortnightly. Now a average bag of sugar is 60p and H bring backs the biggest bag of sugar the shop has ever seen. I also asked for a small teachers gift. Small box of chocolates. As I’ve also got them a bottle of wine each. H brings in decent size boxes of chocolates. I asked for 1 roll or Christmas wrapping paper. He came in with 3 6 meter rolls full of glitter....not sure if this is normal MLC to go above and beyond with money and shops and stuff.

So after this H picked up the girls from school. H altered his jeans at the crotch area. And said to me “don’t get too excited” I said don’t worry that doesn’t excite me anymore. He then made a comment along the lines of if you want that you’ll have to find someone else. And I just laughed. He laughed too. And that was that.

Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #70 on: December 20, 2018, 03:43:36 AM »
not sure if this is normal MLC to go above and beyond with money and shops and stuff.

yep... Sure is...

So after this H picked up the girls from school. H altered his jeans at the crotch area. And said to me “don’t get too excited” I said don’t worry that doesn’t excite me anymore. He then made a comment along the lines of if you want that you’ll have to find someone else. And I just laughed. He laughed too. And that was that.

So many absolutely WICKED responses come to mind....

H: "if you want that you’ll have to find someone else."
Sach: "No worries. I have one of these and with one of these I can get as many of those as I want..."  ::)

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #71 on: December 20, 2018, 03:53:15 AM »
Oh boy in like UM. 
My thoughts would be too bad to write.
What is your H , 14. Telling a girl on the playground.
Quick reply could be I can get all of those I want. I'm just looking for one that has a grown man attached too it.

Sorry Helping - HAD to add the appropriate GIF - UM
« Last Edit: December 20, 2018, 03:57:23 AM by UrsaMajor »

Offline Thunder

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #72 on: December 20, 2018, 04:14:16 AM »
"I have one of these and with one of these I can get as many of those as I want..."

Oh that would have been perfect!!!   ;D ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #73 on: December 20, 2018, 06:01:21 AM »
I know I had so many responses in my head once he had left that I wish I said when I had the chance 🤣
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline Treasur

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #74 on: December 20, 2018, 06:49:58 AM »
Zipped lips probably better anyway, sach....but you can enjoy thinking responses in your head lol.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #75 on: December 20, 2018, 06:58:16 AM »
It really does show the maturity level of these MLCers, doesn't it?  ::)  I'm the same! I always think of the good responses after.. Probably better saying nothing anyway
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #76 on: December 20, 2018, 08:11:33 AM »
I know!  I’ve no doubt he did what he did and said what he said purely for a bit of a ego boost. He wanted me to be all “oh dear H you are so amazing I don’t want anybody else”

Too bad for you hey 🤣
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #77 on: December 20, 2018, 01:31:58 PM »
Update -
Today H was back working so we didn’t spend the day with him. I phoned H with a quick question that was early in the morning. H then made comments about the children. I told H that D4 was extremely tired before school (she’s a sleepy child anyway. Always got a good 12 hours a night since coming out of hospital) she was crying before school saying she was too tired and she didn’t want to go in. Eventually she went skipping on in. Kids hey. H said he felt sorry for her but it was only 1 more day till Christmas break. It was strange as his words were trying to keep a chat going but his tone of voice wasn’t. So I hung up. The call only lasted a minute or so.

I met up with a friend with D2. D2 has been struggling to sleep recently and whilst I was with my friend D2 pinched a pacifier out of her sons mouth and used it. It kept D2 quite happy and content. Oddly enough D7 sucked her thumb since birth. D4 has a pacifier and D2 has nothing but I picked up some pacifiers for D2 just incase she would want them at home. I told H about this later on when I called him. I also picked up more Christmas bits.

I phoned H when I was coming back from the shops as Me and H were both hunting for some Xmas boxes for the children. I explained to H I found the perfect one and sent him a picture. This was the call I told H about the pacifier. We had about three calls back to back at this point as I kept hanging up on H due to his poor connection.

I then picked up D4 and D7 from school. D4 has been awarded a badge at school for collecting 100 dojo’s (basically she’s done 100 good things at school) so when we got home D4 was desperate to FaceTime H and show him her badge. We did. I merely opened the chat by saying “D4 has something to show you” and then I moved out of view and left the children to do the talking.

D7 noticed Hs mum and step dad on the drive so we went to see them. Me and XMIL got chatting about H and his recent spending. I don’t mind speaking to XMIL as she has made no effort with OW at all. I’m certain they haven’t met officially. H did sneak Ow into the house at the very start (Feb this year) Ow said hi to XMIL and XMIL said hi and that was that. Ow was whisked into Hs tiny box room at his mums. How romantic.

H came home from work. Walked right into the house. Was in the house for literally 2 minutes and said he was going to use the loo and would be back. So he went to his house to use the loo. H came back and said he would take them back to his. Fine by me as H did mention that he wanted to spend more quality time with the children. So I didn’t have a issue. I then decided to pop the shops. So I locked the house and went to give H the keys as I didn’t know when I would be back and it was approaching D2s bedtime and D4 has expressed she was tired so I wanted to give him the option of putting them to bed properly. When I walked in Hs house. I went into the living room where the children were with Hs brother. H was upstairs getting changed. So I handed my house key to D7 and said to give it to H. And walked out. H then chased me down the road asking “what was wrong” I said nothing and explained I have given D7 the key etc. H then replied “oh your going to be that late then” I just said I didn’t know and would be back when I was done. Not even sure why H thought there was a issue as there wasn’t.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #78 on: December 21, 2018, 04:32:20 AM »
A bit of a OW rant...figured I’d rant it out on here instead of to H because that’s playing into OW hands.

So H came off social media earlier in the week around Monday. Me and Ow have mutual aquatiences I wouldn’t say friends but people we know. Now these people tell me what Ow posts on Instagram HOWEVER I’m not stupid enough to think that they don’t do the same to me, which is why, I say nothing to them and I post nothing that someone might say is about Ow. Just to save my own back. At the start they would show me literally everything she posted. It was annoying but you can’t unsee things. So I made it clear to them. Unless it’s somwthing I REALLY need to know. I don’t want to be told. I don’t care where they eat. I don’t care if they go cinema. Etc but if it was something I needed to know I would wNt to know type thing.

So H has been off insta for 5 days. And today I got a message that OW had uploaded a photo that said “When his ex gf makes it her life mission to stalk your life. I’m smarter than you. I’m prettier than you give it up” I know I shouldn’t be bothered, but it’s just so annoying to be dragged into sarky posts on her insta. I have literally never posted anything about her and I wouldn’t. But it’s juat annoying. I also find it funny that in the past H has made her relive posts about me and she waits till he’s off insta and starts posting about me.

I could bring it up to H and get her to relive it. But I won’t because I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of thinking she’s riled me! It’s just annoying that she’s still posting about me a year after she’s been with H
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #79 on: December 21, 2018, 05:12:02 AM »


Just goes to show how insecure and threatened by you she is.......

Of course, the INappropriate response might be something to the tune of "But at least I don't have the morals of a gutter tramp."  Just think it REALLY loud and don't post it... <snort>
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #80 on: December 21, 2018, 05:21:09 AM »
Well the funny thing is

H has admitted I’m better looking than OW. So I refrained from getting the acquaintance to  comment saying “Ahhh but H told Sacha she was better looking” but I’m being the bigger person and not retaliating. I’ve saved the screenshot incase I need to use it against H in future because of as now, he will have no idea that she has posted this. In the past when she’s posted sly dogs at me. H has made her remove it 🤣
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #81 on: December 21, 2018, 05:21:58 AM »
It really shows her maturity level, doesn't it? No wonder they are attracted to each other  ::)

Yep, better to stay out of that drama.. You can do what UM suggests  ;D
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline Treasur

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #82 on: December 21, 2018, 05:49:59 AM »
As one day says, tells you a lot about her...what is she, 15.... ::) and tells you too that she isn't happy and content with her lot or she wouldn't need to do this kind of thing. Ridiculous...and yes, quite right to come here to vent and do nothing.

A grown up of course would recognise that there are small children involved in this mess which is rather more important than instagram memes and 'me me, look at me' social media posts  ::)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #83 on: December 21, 2018, 07:57:55 AM »
Oh yeah she’s immature for sure. It’s just SO annoying. But then imehen I upload the generic kids opening their presents on Christmas morning and she spots H at my house at 5am she won’t be so happy will she 🙃

It’s also funny how she had to wait until H no longer had I stagrM to post because in the past H would always tell her off and make her delete the post 🤣 so I’m expecting a few more sly posts thrown my way. The annoying thing is how untrue it is. Literally I don’t give two hoots about what she does and I told the aquatwnce to only tell me if it was vital. Like if she posted a photo of my kids or something. But I can almost feel her stalking my Instagram waiting for a response that isn’t coming. Too bad sucker
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #84 on: December 22, 2018, 06:12:35 AM »
Update - my goodness I can’t tell you how therapeutic it is writing everything down. That’s when I really see just how mental and crazy these situations are.

So yesterday I must have said to H that I didn’t plan on going out today. I don’t recall it but I know I didn’t want to go out. Aaaaanyway last night I snapped one of my acrylic nails off, just Sod’s law because on Thursday I was childrree and out with my friend who was getting her nail done and as mine were all ok I declined getting mine done. Then the next day I snapped one 🙀 so I went to the nail shop. I was just going to get one replaced but instead I decided that I would get a new colour. So this morning I got all the girls dressed and we headed to the nail shop expecting to be early. Buy there were already a big queue. Whilst waiting H FaceTimed me. By this point I was very stressed I had D7 D4 and D2 with me and there was a queue in the nail shop. So h could clearly see we were out. He asked where we were and D7 replied the nail shop so H said “oh your out tonight then?” I don’t even know why that was even a question as the agreement we have is Friday night he goes out and does his thing. Saturday night I do mine. So I said “I’ve not decided yet but I need my nails doing anyway” H then could see I was getting stressed so said “right girls I’ll speak to your mum later”

I assumed he had something vital to tell me. So when we were home I FaceTimed him back and he was very much “hiya you alright” to which I replied saying “what did you want?” And he said he had ordered D2 the gift I asked him too and he was going to ask me as I was local to the shop (when I was having my nails done) would I pick it up. I said to him he should have said when I was there because now I’m not near that shop so couldn’t collect for him.

I’m not really sure what the whole point of this call was but I suppose it must make sense to H
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online Limboland2018

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #85 on: December 22, 2018, 07:03:51 AM »
Sachat3- u make me laugh. I just want to see a picture of your nails!
Me- 47 at BD
MLC husband -45 at BD
1 daughter - 2 1/2 years at BD
BD 1 - January 6, 2017 moves out
November 2017 - moves back in for 1 month then leaves saying relationship over, wants a divorce then flies over last minute to be with OW on holiday.
BD 2 - OW confirmed December 14, 2017 - meeting up with her for holiday

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #86 on: December 22, 2018, 11:50:11 AM »
Omg how hard is it not to bite. So as I stated today i got my nails done. Yes I uploaded a picture of my nails to Instagram.

Two hours later OW has uploaded a photo of two nails. One is a gory set. The other is long. I have my nails long. The photo says “the one on the right is *insery a list of high praises * one on the left is unemployed. And she put the caption “me VS his ex”

Again I’ve got the screenshots incase I need them but I so badly want to post something to my insta (because she’s clearly watching) “when your ex would rather sleep with you than his girlfriend”

Again I find it funnt now he’s not on Instagram she’s posting these when I haven’t posted anything that remotely relates to him or her
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #87 on: December 22, 2018, 12:10:50 PM »
Don't go down to her level Sachat! Her life must be pretty sad if that's what she spends her time doing..
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #88 on: December 22, 2018, 12:24:18 PM »
No I know. I won’t stoop. Hence why I rant in here. I don’t even plan on bringing it up to H.

But again I laugh at the fact she must have had these photos for a while. Yet waits till H is off insta and not able to see them to stop her so she can post them 🤣
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #89 on: December 23, 2018, 02:05:11 AM »
So after the meal with my friend we decided to go for a drink in the pub. Whilst we were waiting for my friends dad to pick us up H text. He basically said something along the lines of “I don’t want to disturbs your night but when are you coming back as I kept the girls up as you said you wouldn’t be long and they are getting tired so I don’t know if you want me to put them to bed etc etc” I replied I would be back in 10-20 minutes.

When I got back and went to get the girls H must have sensed I was still in a bad mood about the post Ow did. I haven’t told him about the post. I just reiterated that I wasn’t in a mood with him and he was fine etc etc. He pressed and pressed and u just said something like “I can guarantee if you got a friend to look on my insta (not only has he came off Instagram but I’ve blocked him so he wouldn’t see) you would see that I post something and within a few hours someone else is posting something similar. We then chatted a bit. And H said something along the lines off “this is one of the reasons I came off social media. If people concentrated on their own lives instead of other people’s they would be a lot happier” and he’s right, they would be. But given the context I found it funny.

Then this morning we had to FaceTime H, as D4 had a nose bleed and she wanted daddy. We chatted about the nose bleed etc etc and then D2 came on and started climbing all over me. I was still in my PJs. As we’re all the kids and H was making comments about my PJs.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #90 on: December 27, 2018, 03:54:28 PM »
Xmas Eve

Phoned H to see what time he was home from work to see if I had enough time to grab some bits from the shops. H said no later than 4. H turned up at 1. I was upstairs and H just came straight in the house and upstairs. H took kids out. I went shops. Came back took D7 to church as she wanted to go to Chriatingle. H bought kids a dominoes pizza for tea as that’s what they asked for. Earlier in the evening I explained to H I would order myself a chinese for after I finished wrapping. H bought me a dominoes and tried to come up with some story of how two were the same price as one without an offer ha. H explained he was going out but his car was broken so warned me his car would be on the drive. i couldn’t understand why H was telling me this but I think it’s from months ago when setting my boundaries I told H Ow was not to come within so far of my house. So H was reassuring me he wasn’t breaking the rules etc. But I never mentioned that. He did.

Xmas day
H came over early. Opened presents. Slight disagreement about him moving out of photos I was taking of the children. I know he was doing it to avoid Ow but ITS CHRIATMAS!!! and texting Ow. For a while H kept making comments like lupu out your mood now” are we friends now etc H started tidying up which is unlike him. He lingered in the house. Watched the kids so I could have a bath. As was getting ready h liked my boots. Wanted me to wear just boots and nothing else. H wanted photos on his phone of this. I did find that funny (recused photo Ofcourse) but surely that’s asking to be caught?!? Was intimate with H. As I finished getting ready H was on FaceTime to his mum. She was speaking to the girls etc. H brought the phone upstairs. Claimed he was looking forD2 shoes. He showed me on FaceTime. His mum wishes me a merry Christmas. I reciprocated. I did notice on the chat H wasn’t spending Christmas with his mum. Which is unlike him. I asked H and he said he would be eating at home as he is a very fussy eater (long story) and he won’t eat at OW. But to me that’s odd that he wouldn’t go to his mums. Then I went to my mums. I text H asking a question another parent had asked me about D4 party which is in a few weeks. H responded fairly quickly. I got the answer I needed so I didn’t reply. H then “emphasised” the message he sent me. I still didn’t reply.

Boxing Day
Stayed the night at my mums. Noticed H was back on Instagram. H text me around 6pm saying he hoped me and the kids had a good Xmas and Boxing Day and was we staying again here or coming back. I text back saying we were staying the night again at mums. He said it was fine (wasn’t asking his permission 😂)

Today (27th December)
My college friend who knows OW mentioned he thought it was odd that OW hadn’t uploaded anything really over Christmas as usually she uploads EVERYTHING. From what I’ve seen I agree it is odd so I put it down to H not being that generous over Christmas to OW. As she is very much into her bragging. Anyway I enjoyed time with my mum we were going to see Hs mum but a cross wire we weren’t. So I stayed longer with my mum. I had a snooze on the sofa and woke up to see H had attempted to FaceTime me. But I missed the call. I didn’t FaceTime back as I assumed if H wanted to speak he would text/call again. He didn’t. As I was coming home, I noticed H and his brother in his kitchen at his house. So I knew we were going to be expecting H over soon. Low and behold H did come over. When he came over I was upstairs children were downstairs and he walked right past the children and cane upstairs. He gave me a funny look and I quizzed him on it. He said “your being off with me. Dead blunt with your reply on text and didn’t answer FaceTime” I explained. H is asking about things we’ve done etc normal chat. He then brings up that we got back at the right time as he was going to go our but instead decided to come and see the children and will go out later. Honestly you couldn’t write this next bit....H then must text OW to explain we were home as I saw him texting. Within minutes my friend has sent me a post OW has uploaded her Xmas present off H 🤣 almost like she wanted me to know and she wanted to cause a argument. We did have a bit of a barney (couldn’t help myself) but once I realised I kept saying “I’m not arguing with you” “I’m not falling out with you” etc etc. We ended with H making a comment about speaking to me tomorrow about something 🙄 during our argument I did say something like “I could ruin your relationship we both know that” or words to that effect and H was very nonchalant about it and said “just get it over with then” I also called OW a “slaggy Little home wrecking wh*r^” and he never defended her.

I only noticed H was back on Instagram due to D7 making her own account now she has a tablet and searching him. But I noticed he only has 9 followers as he’s been blocking people ALOT. Family friends etc. When me and H were together he had 300-400 people as it was used as social media should for connecting with family friends work colleagues etc yet H is removing everyone. I also noticed H no longer has any friends. He used to go for a Friday night pint with a friend. He no longer does that and no longer has contact with this friend. He literally has no friends. If H is not with Ow or the children he is at home in his room. He doesn’t even talk to his family or own mother...he’s completely isolating himself from just about everyone. Is this normal?
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #91 on: December 29, 2018, 12:53:04 PM »
H came over this morning around 9-10am. He was locked out at first and I had music on so didn’t hear him until he literally was banging and kicking the door. H came in, we chatted he kept turning my music down and I would turn it back up etc etc. He then said his mum and step dad were coming over to see the girls etc. He took the children to his and I was getting ready in peace. I never said I wanted to see the girls open his presents from his mum, but I was planning when I was ready to go over and see when they were coming etc. When he came over again I was already dressed etc. He commented on me being dressed and said “oh your going out then?” I then asked when his mum was coming he said his mum had just arrived and if I wanted to see the kids open their presents to come over. I did. I also thought that was nice of him as he would have known I would have wanted to see that. We went over to his mums. It was nice as his mum and step dad had also bought me gifts which I thought was sweet....as Ow is a HUGE Instagram bragger I’m assuming they didn’t buy for her. During the chat it transpired that H didn’t buy his mum or step dad a birthday present. They never mentioned Christmas. I thought that was odd has he has had money and it’s VERY unlike him. Also during the opening I can’t remember what was said before hand but his step dad looked at both me and H as we were sat together and made a comment along the lines of “that’s what love is” referring to me and H. H never responded to that but just smirked. I was the one that said something along the lines of “not love”. Also during this time I took a photo of my legs on the sofa and you can see D4 opening a present. Hs hand was in the background. You could hardly tell and I did pop that up on Instagram (becomes relevant later on ha!)

I then went out for a few hours and as I came back H was just pulling up on the drive. I noticed D4 was say in the front seat not looking at me so I thought I would be silly and jump out and shout BOO. H was getting out of the car at this point so he turned and gave me a really dirty look. I said “what’s wrong with you” he said “nothing” but I knew something was up. D7 then said dad lost his wallet so I thought it might be that. I then popped to the shop and came back. When I came back I bobbed in to Hs and said I wasn’t going out tonight so I didn’t need him to have the children. He was still in a bad mood so we had a chat. During the chat we somehow got onto the subject of things on Instagram and H said something like “I don’t understand why people would post about me” I played a bit ignorant but then about 10-15 minutes later he said something like “I see people taking selfies and posting them with ex’s but I wouldn’t do that I wouldn’t even get a finger nail in a photo and post it” again I played ignorant knowing you could see his hand in the photo. But I did say...”if I upload a photo or one or my children and anyone you my mum etc happens to be in the background I do not care. I’m not uploading for the background. I merely upload pictures or my children” which is true. The photo was a very sweet one or D4 as you could see her face was so happy. It just was a added pot stir that Hs hand was in it hahaha! But then I also knew that OW must have kicked off to H about it as H told me I wasn’t the problem etc etc which just proves once and for all Ow must have beady eyes on my Instagram as all this was only a few hours after I uploaded. I popped in a few times to see H and the children (with genuine things not just for the sake of it) and on the second or so visit H made a comment along the lines of “you keep coming back don’t you. Is this your way of saying you want me back?” Cue the anchor check 🙄

I then asked H to get the toy storage blocks I’ve had in the garage for a while as I explained I was going to sort the toys out etc etc. When we went in the garage literally right at the front was my old Christmas tree! The very Christmas tree that I asked H to find for me and he said that we binned. I knew we didn’t. But what’s funny is I said to H at the start of December “you either find my Christmas tree or you take me to buy a new one” so he chose to pretend he couldn’t find it as there is no way he could have missed it!!

I was busy sorting out the toys at my house as I told H I would so I didn’t pop in anymore but H started popping into mine. First off he was looking for shoes for D2...then ketchup. He then looked at me and said “oh you’ve had eyelash extensions” which was true o had but I didn’t think he would notice. He popped back again and explained he wouldn’t be coming round tomorrow night which is fine but he would on Monday (New Years Eve) as I have plans. He asked me what I was doing and I’m still not 100% sure as I have a few options. So o said to H “I’m not sure I’ve got a few options” he then said “oooh so which lucky guy is gettinf a date and which two are being dumped” I just smiled and he said “oh one man is getting the ride of his life hey” I then said “who says it’s a man?” And he mentioned a comment about me maybe turning lesbian. I just thought it was funny how he would automatically assume it was a date or male company!

7pm H came and put D2 to bed as she was tired and cranky due to not having a nap. I said that was fine etc. He asked when did I want D4 and D7 coming over to bed. I said around 8pm. 7:30pm he comes over with shoes and clothes etc and then has a two minute chat with me explaining that he was bringing the stuff back etc etc.

So I think it’s fair to say today has been a weird MLC kinda day!
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #92 on: December 29, 2018, 12:59:22 PM »
Oh and when I was at my mums I found my keys. I had been using Hs set for the past few months. I told H I had the keys found and then today H said “do I get my keys back no”

Funnily enough I can’t find his now ha! But it’s odd he asked.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #93 on: December 31, 2018, 02:29:34 AM »
So I spent most of yesterday (30th December) sorting the house, decluttering etc me and D7 went through her old toys and clothes and decided what we were keeping etc. It was over all a productive dY. I also caught up on a lot of threads on here and it made me realise. I need to detach a bit more. So currently I could have phone calls with H 4/5/6 times a day. Not just me calling him. Sometimes he calls me etc. He might even FaceTime. We could be intimate. We spend a lot of time together etc etc. And whilst I’ve detached emotionally on the scale of “I’m no longer bothered your in a relationship with Ow” kind of way. I haven’t physically. So I decided I would only speak to him if it was vital.

I’m a qualified hairdresser and I trimmed D7s hair. She honestly has the most gorgeous red long hair. Literally her hair touches her bum. So we only took a few inches off. She asked to FaceTime daddy and I said it was best if we waited and showed him tomorrow as he was working. She was fine with it. But I was giving myself a massive pat on the back. We managed to get till 5pm no calls to him no texts. Then unfortunately my boiler packed in wasn’t giving me any heating or hot water. I wanted to cry as I knew H was the person who would know what to do and if he didn’t he has the number of the gas engineer. Eventually managed to get the boiler fixed and got water and heating working luckily as the engineer would have charged around £300. However that one quick phone call then turned to him FaceTiming wanting to see the kids etc. He hung up the FaceTime then phoned back because apparently he realised he didn’t say bye to D4, she was totally unbothered and didn’t seem phased. So was pointless.

So yes moving forward I’m going to try and not be intimate with him, I’ll be honest it can be hard because in some ways it just feels normal. I won’t spend the day with him even if it is going to the shops. I won’t speak to him unless I really have to. At the end of the day he ended things and these are consequences of his actions.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online One day at a time

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #94 on: December 31, 2018, 07:02:49 AM »
Sachat, I think it's great that you got to this point.. At the end of the day, your H has the best of both worlds, he still gets to have his family whenever he wants, including intimacy with you but he also gets to act as a free man, he has OW and he has had no real consequences after he walked away..  Why would he ever get his act together? He has access to his old life and his new life and gets to choose which one he wants at any given moment..

I know it's hard to cut them off. When my H decided he was done, he still seemed quite happy to stay at home, have meals with me, watch TV with me and act like we were still together but more like roommates because there was no intimacy.. Eventually I told him that the situation was unsustainable, that he needed to live the consequences of his decision and I needed space to grasp what was going on. I could see he didn't want to leave (and I didn't really want him to leave) but he was sure our marriage was over so I stayed nice but firm and he moved out after a few weeks.

I know your H doesn't live with you but he seems to come and go as he pleases. Your kids are very young so I know it's not a easy as it was for me and you can't cut him off from the kids' lives, specially when he seems to be so hands on and still interested in being in their lives.. But a think a few boundaries wouldn't be a bad idea.. Actions=> consequences.. If you know what I mean!
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #95 on: December 31, 2018, 07:52:20 AM »
Well that’s exactly it. I think it was on Mortes old thread about affair endings and they only end when the loss of the family is greater than the love for the Ow. Or words to that effect. He’s had a year of the good life so to speak. Now it’s time for tough love.

He does tend to come and go as he pleases in the sense of when he comes it’s a simple walk in the door. But that’s to save me getting up etc etc but it’s alwats preplanned when he’s coming
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #96 on: December 31, 2018, 01:39:13 PM »
All caught up sachat.  I can't imagine how hard it is when your babies are still so little.


(((HUGS)))
M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Saw his POF the first month back
1.5y later no signs of anyone new - workaholic

Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10203.msg671589#msg671589

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #97 on: January 02, 2019, 01:54:02 PM »
So I’m giving myself a bit of a pat on the back.

I decided on NYE that what happened in 2018 was old news and wouldn’t be happening in 2019. Literally as the new year strolled in. So did my new attitude.

Saw H the morning of New Year’s Day. I won’t lie I was SUPER tired due to getting in around 1-2am. Ofcourse I drank far too much but I had a bloody good time. H popped in around 8:30 to check if I was home as I did say I might stay out. He said he would be back in a hour with the children. Fine by me as it gave me time to freshen up. He even made me a cup of tea. But I made a point of not drinking it. I didn’t fancy one tbf. He brought children back and I went to my mums. I managed to remain detached. Didn’t answer any questions about what u die the night before. He told me stories of the children etc etc. But I never asked questions about him and what he did. I didn’t ask him what he was doing in the day either.

I didn’t text him at all. Didn’t text him today either. H came back from work and he took D2 and D7 over to his house. D4 was at her friends. When I picked D4 up from her friends I took her to Ha house. I literally just opened the door. Allowed her to walk in. And went back to my house. H brought D2 back around a hour later for bed. He then kept D4 and D7 an extra hour. When he brought them back he explained he was doing overtime might come and see the kids tomorrow might not depends on how long his shift is as it’s a driving shift so it’s not timed it’s on jobs done. He then said he might bring the truck to the house if he’s got a few hours to spare etc. I told him that wasn’t a good idea. If he’s working he should stay working and not come over. He seemed taken aback but didn’t say anything. He then said as he was leaving “well I’ll facetime you tomorrow and yuno we can see when I’ll be finished and what not” I was watching my soaps and just said “a text will suffice”. Again he was taken aback but didn’t say anything. He then asked did I need anything from the shop. I said no as I had just been shop before collecting D4 from her friends. He then proceeded to check my fridge. See if I had milk. Check the cupboard to see if I had bread. I did. I could see in his face that he wasn’t happy o hadn’t given him any meanial job to do. So I smirked and said “I told you. I’m good” H then went off out.

I was annoyed that I then needed to phone H as D2 has been violently sick. But as she had spent time with H I needed to check what she had eaten as we suspect she has a food allergy so I wanted to see if there was a pattern with what she eats etc. I phoned him twice. He didn’t answer on the second he did. Now here’s the funny thing. I suspected H was at Ow parents house. As when he does overtime driving he stays at her house as the shifts start from the depot in her home town. Around a hour from where we live. So it’s more convenient than anything. Anyway, when H eventually answered I could tell my the sound he was in his car. So he had literally seen me calling and ran out to his car to answer. It’s a sad state when you can’t answer the phone to the mother or your children without hiding!

So yeah today I’m feeling super proud at being so detached. I hope I can keep it up.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #98 on: January 02, 2019, 02:50:57 PM »
Hello,

I just read your posts and situation. Everybody has a different story and circumstances.

It has taken you time, but you are detaching from the situation. In your situation, it is hard because your h is still involved with you and your children. In effect, he gives you hope. That makes it even harder to hold to boundaries you have set.

You do have young children and they need their father. However, they need to see you as a strong person and a person that stands up to what is right.

I hope you have a great new year and continue to be strong.

(((Hugs)))

Ready

PS- Your comment of leaving OW's parents house so he could take a call from his wife is so classic MLC. Made me laugh. How does one talk to parents on such a situation. "Excuse, I've got to speak to my wife. My relationship with your daughter is she just a little something-something on the side. Got to go"
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #99 on: January 02, 2019, 03:05:20 PM »
Thank you ready

I think that’s the thing I’ve struggled with that my oldest has only just turned 7 and they are so used to being around daddy all the time.  It was struggling with getting that balance and I’m not sure why but until recently when he came to have the children it was always at my house. Even when I would go out on Saturday which is always my night off. It’s onlt the past few months he’s started having the children overnight at his, I do suspect this is OW pushing and not his.

That made me chuckle too! Can just imagine how awkward she felt 🤣 it was also him trying to keep the chat going where as I was very straight to the point. I simply asked “what has she eaten” he said nothing why. I said Cos she’s been sick. And I double checked he gave her the right milk before bed and then I left it whereas he was very much “oh no that’s not good. Have you checked C Y and Z” like yep yep byeeeee
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #100 on: January 04, 2019, 03:25:56 PM »
So there has been a slight waivering of the detachment. But practice makes perfect as they say.

So what I haven’t mentioned, was on NYE I had a big event happen to me. It didn’t directly involve H but in a nutshell, I have been speaking with a male. Purely platonic as I knew him and his partner and children. We met in hospital as our daughters were in hospital at the same time x y and z. Anyway, this boy in question had split with his ex. They had children together and it’s got a bit nasty. We were merely a male and a female connecting over a hard time we were both going through. This man is wanted by the police and his ex had claimed we were in a relationship. 100% not true. But this meant the police came to my house. So I had to explain to h. I had assumed that was the end of it u TIL yesterday the police came back.

Yesterday I had a friend over so I refused to speak to H. But it turns out this police incident isn’t all it seems and I had to complain to the police as I also received harassing phone calls from the woman I. Question. The police told me to tell anybody close to me that if this woman contacts them and mentions me, they need to tell me so I can tell them kind of thing. So I tried to keep it brief with H and just said “look if anyone speaks to you about me and him. You need to tell me” yesterday I didn’t go into any more detail than that.

Today I was woken up by H FaceTiming me. At first I just shouted the kids. He spoke to them. I didn’t show my face. He then explained to the children but really talking to me by saying “if you go to the shops then I will be there with my truck having my dinner” as we were going to the shops I said we would be there as D4 and D7 need a outfit for D4 birthday party tomorrow. It was then H started asking questions and we had a 5 minute chat about the whole thing. I explained there was literally nothing going on and never would be. It was just a male and felmale as friends. H was obviously happy about this but I just wished I had let him believe I was with him. Just to be mean 🤣

Now the child maintainer arangment me and H have is he in effect doesn’t give me money for the children. Instead he pays my rent and lots of other bills. He also buys the children clothes etc when he has them. That worked for everyone. But today we saw H it was his pay day. H noticed I wasn’t wearing a coat, I explained I was rather drunk on New Year’s Eve and lost it but as we were in the shops I was going to look for a new one. He asked what we were buying I said hopefully something for the party. H then pulled out his wallet. Gave me £10. Gave D4 and D7 £5 each. H then asked if I wanted some money in my bank. I said I didn’t need any but wouldn’t ever turn down cash. We laughed about it. We said our goodbyes and H gave D4 and D7 £1 each. We went into KFC to get some dinner. Next thing we know as we’re waitong for our food H walks in. D7 said “how did you know we were here” and he said he saw ya coming in. H then said he had put £30 in my bank. I asked why and he said “Well you need a coat so then I’ll give you money for the girls outfits” I didn’t respond. H hung around for a bit and then left.

I haven’t heard from H since. I did send him two pictures of the children. No text. Just the photos.

Tomorrow is D4 birthday party, and what’s odd is this is a party he is actually attending. It’s at a soft play centre so he’s not only attending he’s helping to pay. Before BD H didn’t attend D7 (then D6 party) he didn’t attend D4 party when she was 4 and he didn’t attend D2 party when she was 2 either. And D2 was only 2 in August. I’m not sure if that means anything but we will see.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #101 on: January 05, 2019, 03:03:22 PM »
So usually on a Friday night. H will spend the whole night with Ow. If he’s off work he will come over around 9-10. Or he just goes straight to work. Last time he was home on Friday was when D2 turned 2 as her birthday fell on a Friday.

D4 birthday party didn’t start until 12 but I did ask H to come over early so I could get everyone ready etc etc. Around 12pm I thought I heard his car pull up on the drive. I could be mistaken as I didn’t get up to check..H then came over around 9am but this time he looked like he just woke up. Was wearing tracksuit and no shoes. Just slippers. He then came in, asked what time I needed him today etc etc. I said party started at 12. Wanted to leave at 11:30. H then asked could he pop across to the garage (2minute walk) and see if he can sort his car out. It is having a computer error and needs to be plugged into a computer to diagnose the problem. It’s happenes quite a lot tbf. I said that was fine. He came back 10 minutes later and said the car could be seen at 12:15 but would only take 20 minutes. He agreed to take D2 to do this then would return to the party. H then said he was going to get changed. Fine by me. Except it took him a bloody hour!!! In this time I got myself and three kids ready so I was a bit miffed. I just needed to touch my makeup up. H then said he would take the kids to his so I could finish in peace.

H dropped me D4 and D7 at the party. We had a fab time. Except guess what? H never showed until the very end. Now I can believe it took a lot of time to sort out as when we got in the car. The paperwork from this diagnosis was on my seat. Usually in the past when he has had this done it’s taken two pieces of paper. Today he has 19 pieces. However, would it have killed him to text and say? I’m also a bit dubious due to the fact on D2 birthday OW kicked off with H and even broke up with him (for all of 12 hours) causing H to go chasing after her. And she caused a right scene on D7 birthday too. So I was also expecting something for today. So who knows.

In the car on the way back H tried gageing what I was doing tonight. Making comments about if I would be with another man etc. I just said I didn’t know what I was going to do. I ended up going to the shops and picking D4 some birthday presents up. I’m quite happy as I managed to snare ALOT of bargains. I did phone H whilst I was out to let him know a present D4 has been after for a while I picked up as it was over half price.

H lives with his step dad who is also my landlords agent as my landlord lives abroad. And this evening I noticed I had a leak in my kitchen. I saw H’s stepdads car so I knocked on. Hs step dad wasn’t on but H said he would fix it. When I went over D2 was running riot. Literally climbing out of her cot and H said “see what she’s like” I said “H your too soft. This is how you do it” and I got her back in bed.

H came and fixed the leak. And whilst he was there was talking about other things that needed doing around the house and H was saying “I’ll do that next week” also telling me what days he’s working and his situation at work. I never asked any questions. He just got verbal diarrhoea. 

What was funnt was, I mentioned to H I found my spare keys and would give him one. At the time I couldn’t find them again (typical) and said “I’ll dig them out” at some point today H has pinched the keys back. I only realised when I noticed my keys on his kitchen side. I have no problem with him having a key as it makes it easier for me when he has the girls and I’m out if he needs clothes nappies etc etc. I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t say he had them
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #102 on: January 09, 2019, 01:33:25 AM »
Update
My gosh I can’t exptess how much writing my updates actually helps me. It really does make me see just how mad a journey MLC is. Living it is one thing but when you see it in black and white it’s so different.

I’ve stayed fairly detached from H and it must be showing to him because yesterday Me and the children went over to his house. He wasn’t yet home but his mum was and as it was D5 birthday she was seeing her uncle and nanny. Hs car is completely broken, so Hs brother had to pick him up from work. H came back from work around 6:15. D2 needed her bed. Her bedtime is usually 6:30 anyway. So around 6:30 I took D2 home and got her ready for bed and put her to bed. H came over alone and was asking what he had done as I had been off with him. Technically he has t actually done anything. I’m just detaching myself and have had two bad nights sleep with birthday prep etc. So was also tired. H then started talking about plans with the kids. He has explained that he’s away for a bit. Presumably a mini break with Ow but what’s funny is he feels the need to over compensate to me. He’s away during the week. So there isn’t much i can do as the children have school etc but H has explained he will have the children next weekend Friday evening through till Monday 11am as he starts work at 12. Then the weekend after his mum will have them on Saturday and Sunday   So I basically have two weekends children free.

What I did find amusing was the deal me and H have is Friday is Hs night off. Saturday is mine. Ha birthday is in two weeks and falls on a Saturday. Now the logical thing would be for him to say “Sacha, when it’s my birthday, can we swap so I have Saturday and you have Friday” logical. Right? Ofs my H can’t do logic because what he’s done is instead as his mum yo have the children on the Saturday and Sunday 🤣🤣 has he asked me I would have been more than happy to swap as I don’t have any plans hahaha but he never asked.

Last night we got into a debate, a debate purely because I was so detached to start with. As all he kept saying was “I don’t understand why you wanna fall out” “what have I done” and then it came to 7pm D5 and D7 bedtime. H said “I’m going to put my phone on charge and then put the children to bed” took him 17 minutes. And as he opened my door I could hear him talking to his brother. During this time I put the girls to bed myself. It had been a busy day and they were tired but more importantly they are back to school and need to be back into a routine! H got a bit arsey with this and was very defensive “I said I would do it” “yes you did but you were late so I did it” then he came back with a calling card amazon left me. He said “did you get this?” And I just said calmly “H it was left in the porch. Ofcourse I’ve got it”

So in a nutshell H is NOT coping very well with detaching AT ALL
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline Reinventing

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #103 on: January 09, 2019, 02:11:21 AM »
Great updates. I love to hear a LBS commenting on the lack of detachment of their H! Usually we focus on the concept of detachment the other way (LBS to H).
« Last Edit: January 09, 2019, 02:12:39 AM by Reinventing »

Offline Treasur

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #104 on: January 09, 2019, 02:13:26 AM »
More of that then, sach  :)
What are you going to do for GAL fun with your two kid free weekends?
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #105 on: January 09, 2019, 03:00:39 AM »
Reinventing - that’s the funny thing. His main concern is “I don’t want to fall out” he must say that to me about 5/6 times a day. And if I just speak to him in a, not a nasty way but matter of fact. Not asking questions, cool calm collected etc. He will shoot back “I don’t know why you want to fall out”


Treasure that’s where I’m really struggling 🤣 I have so many options. I’ve got wallpaper and everything ready to redecorate my kitchen. So I could do that. One of my main aims is redecorating the whole house so it’s no longer the same house he left. I could also visit a new city. Maybe go to the spa. Book a hotel and read a full book in peace with lots of tea. I know it will include LOTS of sleep ha!
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online One day at a time

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #106 on: January 09, 2019, 08:26:14 AM »
Sachat, I would skip the wall paper and go to a new city or a spa!! ;D Decor can always be done when you don't have better plans (at least that's what I do!)
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline Treasur

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #107 on: January 09, 2019, 08:30:45 AM »
I agree with one day, especially as your mil and kids are next door, I think? Too easy for quick 'drop ins' to eat up your free space.....sleep, spas, a bit of tlc away from home sounds much better to me  :)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #108 on: January 09, 2019, 08:35:55 AM »
It’s like you two have read my mind. I was unsure if I would be able to fly on my passport as a dog bit it haha. Turns out as the info is still visible so is the photo and microchip I can fly within Europe so now I’m taking myself away alone somewhere new. I’ve not decided yet depends where I can find such late timing as it’s only around 10 days away. Will let you know where I end up
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #109 on: January 09, 2019, 08:37:27 AM »
I think I’ll be doing the decorating this weekend as H is having the children all Saturday until 11am Sunday
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #110 on: January 10, 2019, 01:35:15 AM »
Soo I spent a lot of time last night thinking about where I could go and what I could do. I’ve not been out of England since 2010 so you can imagine my list of places I want to visit is sky high.


Then as luck would have it, late night I couldn’t sleep and was browsing Facebook. And as Facebook seems to be giving me lots of adverts for things I’ve been looking at it, it was very handy. Because a advert popped up for return flights to Dublin for just £35!!! I couldn’t miss that so I’ve booked my flights. Looks like sacha is going to Ireland! I will find a hotel on booking.com too!


As it stands, this trip will be a solo trip. One of my good girl friends is potentially coming but being totally truthful I’m looking forward to doing this alone.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #111 on: January 10, 2019, 09:32:51 PM »
I'm jealous, but in a good way!  I hope you enjoy your weekend away.
M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Saw his POF the first month back
1.5y later no signs of anyone new - workaholic

Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10203.msg671589#msg671589

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #112 on: January 11, 2019, 01:36:08 AM »
Thankyou! I must admit it’s shocked me, but as he is away the week after on Thursday Friday. He comes back Saturday to take children to his mums (so I’ve got the weekend of 26th free Aswell) I can only imagine he’s over compensating.

Yesterday we had literally zero contact with him. As me and the children were going to my mums for a birthday tea for D5. We didn’t get home till nearly 9pm so it was very much a case of straight home and to bed. What is funny is H went out last night cos he said “oh if your not here I’ll go out then” which is unlike him as he usually is very much “I’m going out on this day. Deal with it”

So H has been taking the children over to his for the past three days after he finishes work. And for the past three days the children have been absolute nightmares at bedtime because their routine is so shot as he isn’t getting home until 5:30-6pm. Which in turn has the kids refusing to settle straight away and also waking up a few times until 1am. And D2 will not settle at all. She’s been waking up continually until 8am. So I told H when he came over this morning from now on on his days in work if he wants to see the children he can see them at my house and he can participate in their bedtime routine not just in the playing with toys side of things. On his day off he can take them to his for tea or whatever but they need to be back and having their bedtime routine at a Decent time. He really did not seem happy about that but quite frankly I don’t care. I’m not dealing with the aftermath of children waking all night etc when he gets a nice peace filled sleep with no cares in the world.

Now for a long time I’ve suspected that deep inside H wants me to actually tell OW all about the shinanigans of 2018 as he would say things like “don’t forget to take your photos. Get your evidence” in a sarcastic tone and he would continuously make comments like “oh if your gonna blab just blab” he even had a habit of taking photos and videos of me without me knowing at the time. Not rude ones, just like if I had my headphones on and would sing and dance H would video me and then at the end about “rar” to scare me. Which again is something couples would do. And I was just confirming the days and times he was going to be having the children so I could fully plan my weekends and My actual words to him were “when is it hour having the children” and he said “why so you can ruin my break away” I didn’t even respond.

As H was getting the children’s school coats on he picked up one of my coats. It’s fairly new but I wore it in front of H the other day, now remember I lost my coat on NYE and H told me to buy a new one 🤣 and he said “who’s coat is this?” D7 said it’s mummys. mummy has this coat and that coat. So H said “two coats? We will have to call her two coat mummy” he then walked into the kitchen and I was smirking a bit and he said “go on what?” I said “nothing I just had a smart reply” he said “what’s that?” So I said “two coat mummy is better than two timing daddy”. He wasn’t happy and walked away ha!

I’m also feeling super strong right now ha! So we have had no form of intimate contact the whole of 2019 and the usual trigger used to be when H came over in the morning if I was wearing my PJs would be how he would make comments etc and I would end up succumbing. Anyway it’s 9:28am. I’m still in my PJs. H has taken the children to school and he went back to his house. I text and asked if he had 10 minutes to spare. I just needed him to get cash out for me as I had a fresh fruit and veg box being delivered today but no cash in the house. When he came over I was lay in bed in my PNs on my phone checking other threads on HS 🤣 he walked in and said “Oh I thought it was a trap then to get some rudies” and he said it with a smirk. And I looked him dead in the face and said “No”
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #113 on: January 11, 2019, 05:19:33 AM »
Even if you feel that your H wants you to tell OW about what happened between you 2, I would stay far away from that.. It just adds to the drama and it will solve nothing. OW is your H's mess, he needs to deal with it, not you.. Personally, I wouldn't be intimate with my H if I knew he had a relationship with someone.. If he's getting some action from 2 women, why would he ever get his act together? Win win for him!

Just wondering, why would you contact your H to get you money from the ATM? Do you not have access to the account? I understand you will have a lot of contact with him because your children are very young but I would stop asking for things or engaging him for things that have nothing to do with the children.

I remember when my H was still living with me, I had to drop my car over for a service. I walked from the garage back home and when he realized what was after happening, he told me "I could have given you a lift". My answer was "Well, you won't be around for much longer so I have to get used to doing things without your help" I don't know how he felt about it and I really didn't care.. I wasn't going to relieve his guilt by accepting acts of service.

No criticism, just food for thought!  ;)
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #114 on: January 11, 2019, 08:13:23 AM »
Oh no I have no intention of telling her or intact communicating with her in any way shape or form. If he wants her to find out what has happened then it comes from him. Not me. I’m not doing the dirty work so to speak for him.

That’s exactly the reason I stopped being intimate with him. Because realistically he was getting the best of both worlds. I won’t lie, it was hard not too because in some ways it’s still so natural  but it was a plaster that needed ripping off so to speak.

I probably didn’t make it clear. I asked him if he had ten minutes so he came over and as D2 D5 and D7 has been causing  havoc all night. Mainly D2 as she woke up every hour or so. She was asleep so I gave him the option to either watch D2 so I could go to the ATM or he could go to the ATM and I would stay with D2. And he chose to go to the ATM
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #115 on: January 12, 2019, 12:53:24 PM »
So what I am noticing more and more. The more distanced I am from h the more he comes to me. It’s odd because I think one of the reasons I tried to avoid being so distant from him was I didn’t want to loose him completely but it appears he’s found ways to come over etc.

So today is Saturday which is my “child free day” so to speak. H came over around 9:30-10, he never set a time but did say morning. H was stood in my kitchen when I got down as D7 had opened the door to him. H was carrying his overnight bag, a carrier bag and some boxes of shoes. I looked at the shoes and said “Why are they here?” And he said “I’ve just off the train and came straight over”....Here’s what’s odd 1) why was he on the train. I know his car is broke but OW drives...surely it makes sense for her to have dropped him off? This is the third time he’s been on public transport and she’s not driven him. Which seems very one sided as I know H has driven her places etc. And 2) why come straight to mine? He lives next door. Surely it makes more sense to drop your belongings and then come over? I asked were the shoes new. He showed me them. They were not new so I’m not sure why they are in boxes?! He then went to dump his stuff and came back for the children. Whilst he was away I for the girls ready etc. I was still in my PJs at this point. When H returned I was on the sofa and he said “you going out today?” I looked at him and just said I didn’t know. I knew I wasn’t going out as today is the day I was redecorating my kitchen but I didn’t want to tell H that. H took the girls and off he went to get the bus.

Once H was gone I popped to the shops. I saw him and the children at bus stop so I said hello to the children. Their bus came so once they were on it I let them wave to me. I went shop and carried on with my day. It then dawned on me I needed a chisel but I remembered buying one before BD as me and H were shopping and they had a pink tool kit so I got it. So I texted H and asked did he have my chiselers as it wasn’t with the tools i had. It was annoying that I had to text him as then it gave the game away as to what I was doing and I didn’t want him to know. I certainly didn’t want the children to know as I thought it would be a nice surprise for them they come back tomorrow Low and behold when they came back D7 was at the door so was everybody as apparently D7 and D4 wanted some toys. So they could see the new kitchen in progress. H couldn’t find the chisel so instead of taking the tiles off I papered over them. To look at you actually can’t tell which shocked me but it’s only temporary anyway as in 2020 my landlord is fitting w new kitchen.

H found many many excuses to pop in throughout the day “Just need some juice” “Just need some nappies” “D7 wants X” “D5 wants X”.

The kitchen was complete and I sat down with a cup of tea and a Slice of D5 birthday cake and started watching my TV. H came in AGAIN for a teddy for D2. I’m not sure why because D2 isn’t fond of teddies and it wasn’t even bedtime. I put my phone on charge in the kitchen and carries on watching TV. I then heard my phone ringing so I ran for it. It was H on FaceTime. I can’t understand why he FaceTimed me because he never said nothing and D2 was just babbling down the phone. Now D2 is non verbal. She’s on the autistic spectrum and is yet to say a clear word with meaning. H knows this and he said “I thought she might talk if she saw you” I’m not sure why but okay. About 30 minutes later H is back AGAIN. I think he picked up that I was getting agitated because he said “just grabbing some PJs and I’ll be gone” he grabbed the PJs and wasn’t gone. He sat on the sofa and said “D7 said you have taken a nice photo of D2” I have so I showed him it and sent it to him. I will admit the photo is a especially cute one. So cute in fact I made it my profile pic on Facebook. He then showed me photos he had taken from the day. I said to him “you done now. Can I watch TV” and he got up and went to leave. As he walked through the kitchen he said “wow it looks so much bigger” and it does. The kitchen is a small space anyway and the tiles I papered over, were black and the wallpaper is a very very light grey. So it does really open up the room. He then said (this REALLY shocked me) “you’ve done a good job in here. Well done” now since H has been gone I’ve done the livingroom dining room, porch, both girls room, my room and bathroom. Not once has he said that. He then followed with “who needs men hey” to which I replied “not me. I don’t need a man for anything”.

I’m writing this from my bathtub at 8:45pm as I am just so tired. The day has worn me out! I won’t get the children back until 11am tomorrow so I will enjoy a good sleep!!

I must admit I’m very proud of myself as now the only room left to do is the hall stairs and landing and then every room is different to before BD
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #116 on: January 14, 2019, 11:53:14 AM »
So there isn’t much to report on MLC front. Hs car is broken beyond repair so he will be without a car for a while. As OW doesn’t come this way, it will mean they spend less and less time together as H has to get public transport to see her HA! H did try prizing out or me what I’m doing with my childfree weekend but I was wise and answered no questions.

But a throw away comment from an old friend today got me thinking. Do any of you LBS feel like your potentially having your own mini midlife crisis. I feel like the person I am post BD is so different now. In a much more positive way Ofcourse. I feel I’ve gained confidence etc but my life is completely different. I dyed my hair jet black and found it suits me so much more. I’ve taught myself how to apply makeup and I use better quality products. I give myself pamper nights and self care is now high on my priority list. I’ve ready more books in the 1 year since BD than the 8 years of our relationship. I’ve got a social circle I can count on. I do things by myself that I would never dream of doing. Before BD I wouldn’t even go to the super market alone. Now I’m planning a trip to Dublin alone! I’ve had my tongue and nose pierced since and I’ve gotten tattoos too. I do feel like I’m a Sacha2.0 🤣
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online One day at a time

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #117 on: January 14, 2019, 02:57:05 PM »
H did try prizing out or me what I’m doing with my childfree weekend but I was wise and answered no questions.
Good! Keep him guessing  ;D


Do any of you LBS feel like your potentially having your own mini midlife crisis.
I do wonder this myself from time to time... I also feel I have a lot of escape and avoid behaviors. I go out more, I'm spending a lot of time with new friends.. I still see old friends but it takes 3 months to organize a get together with them, my new friends are more available!! I also started doing things I never did before.. including some DIY  :o   But at the same time I also feel I'm in a fog.. Time is going by and nothing seems real.. It's like my head thinks all of this is temporary and normal service will resume.... at some point!

I actually found a thread on LBS stages that I started to read.. I'm hoping to find some answers there  ;D  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2625.0;all
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #118 on: January 14, 2019, 03:26:23 PM »
Yes it’s funnt because in some ways. I feel stronger. I’ve started my own tanning business. Don’t DIY in the house, I was always a very much “H will you hang that picture” person whereas now I grab the bull by the horns. But at the same time I’m weaker. H sent me a text a few months back that said “love you” still to this day he hasn’t said “that wasn’t meant for you” it was only recently that I stopped obsessing over it. I even had the screenshot on my phone until I got a new one. I still feel this is temporary. I didn’t tell anyone we split until weeks after BD as I was so assured it was temporary and would “blow over” and to some extent I still think like that.

Oh I have no intention of telling him anything.  It’s funnt because getting answers out of blantant “what are you doing” doesn’t work anymore. He’s tried being a bit more sly and saying things like “will you be around incase I need X Y and Z” and I just reply with “I’ll make sure kids have enough to pay you” “oh so your away away then” *no response*

I was recently watching videos on business strategy using social media as that’s the best way for me to advertise my spray tanning and hairdressing as it free etc and it said to have a open social media accounts. So my Instagram is now open. So far I’ve onlt posted about fake tan solution but I expect to see lots of random accounts watching what I’m doing now. 🤣
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #119 on: January 16, 2019, 01:15:49 AM »
So my personal Instagram has been public for two days now. And whilst it’s been very good for business as I’ve bagged myself two new clients AND I’ve had so many people asking me questions. They were friends of friends etc but I guess that’s how these things spread. As I mainly share photos of my children there were some photos I’ve archived as I’m happy sharing them with family and friends but not the world. I’m not sure if I’ll keep my personal Instagram open. But I’m trialling it to see how it helps my business and see if it’s worth it. But I have noticed some people who work with H as OW have been viewing my story. I smile because they probably expected to get some real juicy gossip but all the got was a picture of my new tanning solution delivery.

I have H on my Facebook but as he deactivated Facebook it was hard to delete him. But I’ve long suspected that he activates. Has a snoop. Deactivated again. So he can fly under the radar. And on Sunday I watched “notorious” on Netflix about Conor mcgregor. I was then on the phone to a girlfriend and we were talking and I said “shut ya f*ckin mouth you’ll do nothing” like Conor and when I was off the phone H asked about said film.

Over Christmas when D7 has her iPad I made her a Instagram so she can follow Justin briber and keep up to date. Anyway last night h noticed D7 on Instagram and he got the iPad off her and spent the time watching my Instagram. I explained to H there was a reason he was blocked he had no need to see what I was posting. H replied with “just want to check tour not slagging me off” I explained 1) I don’t airu dirty laundry on social media like some people, he rolled his eyes knowing I was talking about Ow and secondly it’s been over a year. I had no reason to slag him off. And he said “it’s okay then” and asked if D7 was taking her iPad to his over the weekend. I was originally going to block myself from D7/ insta so over the weekend h can’t see what I’m doing but now I’m debating letting him see. Letting him see that I get on just fine without him, letting him see my life carries on with or without him. And now I don’t know what’s best?

Before he left H made gestures to us being intimate again. I looked him dead in the face and said “no” he seemed taken aback that now his past few advances had been shot down. H then said “Oh yeah you don’t do that anymore do you” and I responded with “not with you no” his face was honestly a picture 🤣 I have no interest or being intimate with anyone else but he doesn’t need to know that does he
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #120 on: January 16, 2019, 03:31:30 AM »
I'm cherry-picking here but, as far as the intimacy thing goes, all you need to really consider is your own health.... Sleeping with H means also sleeping with OW and every man SHE sleeps with too...

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #121 on: January 16, 2019, 03:54:58 AM »
Well that’s exactly it. That’s one reason (there are a few others) that I just can’t any more. I’m not giving him the satisfaction of having both women. He chose Ow and he can choose her in the bedroom too, because I am no longer an option to him.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #122 on: January 17, 2019, 02:00:40 PM »
Well today has been a strange old day.

Started with H FaceTiming me. Now since new year we’ve kept all chats especially over the phone calls texts FaceTime etc etc to complete “it’s absolutely necessary” yet he FaceTimed this morning. I hadn’t woken up long and must have had a face on me because H then started grumbling about “don’t know why I bother” so I said “I’m busy” and took the phone to D5 and D7. They spoke and I started sorting school bags etc. D7 then brought the phone into the kitchen and I said “back in the living room” D7 then said “Daddy wants to speak to you” *insert eye roll* he then asked if we would be in this evening after work. I said Ofcourse we would as the kids have school etc. He said good as he would come see the kids and they could see his new car. Now I know what H is like with things like this. With every car he’s owned before and when he bought his (defo not MLC but just so happened to be a few short months before BD) Harley Davidson. He was very much like a 3 year old that’s got what she wanted from Santa! I never asked any questions about the car. Just said “ok”. Yay me.

Throughout the day I had an absolute nightmare checking round to see about my passport as I had now paid for the hotel. It’s now non refundable and then my anxiety started kicking in about the damage to my passport so I spoke tonjusy about everyone I possibly could to see it I could travel with it. One person at Ryan air said no but two others have said it’s fine (they saw a photo) so fingers crossed. Otherwise I’ve paid almost £200 tor a hotel I won’t ever stay in ha!

Over the past few days I’ve been talking with D5 and D7 school as D2 has developmental delays but in September is able to start the nursery so I wanted to check weather she is able to go as right now she isn’t toilet trained and may not be by then and also can’t say any words. It’s all fine. So today I applied for her place officially. I didn’t tell H immediately because I knew I would see him later on so I didn’t see the point in a phone call. Another yay me moment as usually I would just phone anyway.

H usually finishes work around 5:30 and he works around 10-15 minutes away. And at 6:15 H still wasn’t here. So I was getting annoyed as the children were so excited to see the new car. I’d said to myself I would carry on with our routine and they were going to bed at normal time. If he missed them. He missed them. I was getting angry but it wouldn’t be my problem. H eventually showed around 5-10 minutes later. He then started asking questions like “how’s things” I replied solely about the kids “D7 got 10/10 on her spellings D4 has a new library book from school D2 is fine” he then asked if I was having any trouble with the girl from a few weeks ago. I just said no and he was like “oh okay no need to be rude just asking Cos normally you twll me” so I just said “nothing to tell” yay me again🤣

H then ushers everyone to see the car. So I walk downstairs with the children and as everyone goes outside I make a point or slamming the door. I could see as I walked back to the living room H was looking over but hey ho. I’m not pandering to the “look at my new car routinel that’s OW job now.  So yet again another yay me moment.

As I was putting kids to bed H was in my room “looking for D5 teddy” he noticed my new bag I got for my trip to take on board. He was making comments like “very nice” “what’s this for” I pretended not to hear him. He then made a rude joke. I did a fake laugh and kept a straight face. It’s LITERALLY the same joke he’s told probably every single week since I first met him all those years ago. So it’s really not funny anymore.

I’ve noticed again one of my sets house keys has gone missing. I remember D2 playing with them a few days ago so before seeing it H has them again I’m going to check the house fully. But I would imagine he does have them for this weekend but I’m going to pack more than enough for the girls. There really will be no need for him to let himself into MY house whilst I’m away.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #123 on: January 18, 2019, 06:09:10 AM »
Uhmmmmmm ....

Not bad but....

What's the point of slamming the door?  Just close it without going to see the car, like "Who cares? I don't." Slamming is kind of a passive-aggressive thing to do and it shows the Mid-Lifer that you do, in fact, have feelings about it...

Calm, cool as a cucumber, and collected is FAR more unnerving to the Mid-Lifer than the Hot-under-the collar ex or STBX because the later just feeds their narrative.

I have, in fact, told my STBXW this on occasion, that I will NOT be acting in the way she expects (like her father or mother) and therefore not feeding her narrative of me... That invariably brings her up short...
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #124 on: January 18, 2019, 06:40:27 AM »
Ahh yes I do see your point. I hadn’t thought of it like that. I only slammed the door because it’s the kitchen side door and I wanted to make it clear I wasn’t coming. Because with things like this he’s very child like so I wanted to make it clear to him I wasn’t coming to see the car and thus stopping his “You coming?” Inquisition
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #125 on: January 18, 2019, 12:07:35 PM »
So on Fridays H finishes work at 6pm. And from work he’s taking the children all weekend until 11am ish on Monday as he starts work at 12.

It’s 4:15pm and H FaceTimes me. I wasn’t sure why but answered it. By the looks of it. He was just bored at work. I was on FaceTime to him for a minute or so and realised he didn’t actually have anything of substance. I gave him the chance just incase he did have something important to say “gotta stay late or whatever” but surely it would have been easier to text. But I think he was just bored. So once I realised he didn’t have anything to say that I needed to hear I called the children so they could speak to him. Only D5 appeared. D2 and D7 were too busy playing. He had a very brief chat with D5 and again nothing much was said so I brought the FaceTime to a halt. As I was about to hand up. H said “are you giving the kids their tea?” Now I know this might sound like a semi decent question but I had a chat with him last weekend where I explained the kids weren’t sleeping great and their routine needed to be strict. Tea at 5pm etc. So he knew I would give them tea. So I said yeah and he looked semi disappointed that I only gave a one word answer and he then said “right then” I said bye and hung up.

H comes back around 6:15, he’s rushing the kids so I said “What’s the rush” he explained his brother is in hospital and is being kept in overnight so he needs to take him a bag. So I said he could keep the kids here as it seems pointless dragging the kids around a hospital etc. At first he wasn’t refusing but saying things like “But I promised you I’d have them etc” and I just said “your not going to be long, but it will take you twice as long if you have the kids etc”. As he was leaving, he said bye and was very appreciative of me keeping the kids 30-60minutes later and said thankyou about 100 times

H came back around 45 minutes later. Again full of thanks. I explained. I didn’t do it for him, I just didn’t see the point nor did I think it was fair to drag the children in a car to the hospital, drag them round a hospital and back home again. When they could stay at home watching TV and playing with their toys.

I’ve been feeling very sorry for myself today as I’ve got the sniffles. So have been a bit irritable.

H said before leaving “your away this weekend aren’t you” I said “I am” he then explained he had the key to my house. I wasn’t in the mood to be arguing with him right now so I just left it. I don’t know or there is an underlying issue that I’m missing but I really don’t understand why he would need a key to my house. Especially as apart from this weekend. Whenever he comes over, the door is open and if it’s not open. The door is locked and the key in the back. So it makes no difference him having a key or not.

He asked what I was doing tonight, I didn’t answer but tonight is probably going to be my favourite night or my whole weekend. I’ve ordered a chinese, I’m watching the peaky blinders and having a bubble bath and early night! Does it get better than that? 🤣
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #126 on: January 18, 2019, 12:37:22 PM »
You really have a clinger, don't you? I don't think I could cope with so much contact tbh.. But I understand in your case with your kids age you probably don't have much of a choice.. I do wonder if you would benefit from some additional boundaries..   ie. don't facetime if you are bored in work  ::)

The key.. well, I can't say much about that because my H still had a key to the house until he moved abroad. I never asked for it back before that because the house was still partially his property (still is but hopefully not much longer) and he had a lot of stuff here.. He would always tell me when he was planning to come and ask me if it was OK.. The last day he was here, he asked me if I wanted the key back... eeeeh yes!

Early night for you and get ready for the weekend!  ;)
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #127 on: January 18, 2019, 01:23:23 PM »
Well that’s exactly it. I can’t quite work out if it’s betger or worse to have the children. Had we not had children together or if his crisis was 10 years from now they would be able to contact him themself and I wouldn’t need too.

It’s strange because I can only assume he FaceTimed because he was bored because the call had no substance. But I guarantee it I quizzed him he would say something like “I was gonna ask you something really important but I forgot” or something daft like that. He will never ever admit his true intentions.

The key wouldn’t bother me so much, like the more I think about it. The handier it will be for him this weekend and the children because if they decide they want a toy or something they can get it but I won’t be here to prove what he’s doing etc. It’s just funny that he still seems to feel like he needs to let, because since I got both sets back this is the second time he’s miraculously ended up with a pair.

It’s funny because I remember trying to work out what type of MLCER he was and me and my friends went through the list. The minute we came across “clinging boomerangs” we screamed and laughed. It was literally him to a T.

The other day I was out shopping with a friend and we saw Ha ex girlfriend from before me. She’s quite well known locally as am I. It was D2 was waving at a baby, so I turned to see and it was her with her child. It was slightly awakwatd to say the least but what struck me was how similar we are. The friend I was with pointed out there was an atmosphere and I explained she was Ha girlfriend before me. To which she replied “Goodness. He has a type doesn’t he” because he does. Both me and his ex before me, we both wear makeup and wear it well. We both have acrylic nails. We both wear self tan. We wear nice clothes and shoes. Hahahahaha we have dark hair. We are both quite small curvy women. I also noticed she had a nose piercing. That’s relatively new. I have a relatively new piercing. But neither of us would have known. We both have tattoos. Similar education back grounds. Similar religious beliefs. I mean hell, our names even rhyme 🤣 whereas other woman is complete polar opposite of us both. I always knew she was opposite but seeing his ex before me really hit it home to me too!
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #128 on: January 19, 2019, 01:44:43 PM »
I’ve arrived in Dublin. Yay me!

What’s funny is at 8:30am I had a knock at the door. Now the thing is, the odds of me being up at that time are slim and none. I’ve got three small kids. I rarely get a full nights sleep so when I can get On my way! I will sleep until 10-11. H apparently needed the old pram I have (????) the one I’ve already told him I was selling. The one we both hated. The one that annoyed him so much he bought me a new one. Hmmmmm. I gave him the pram almost instantly and he started going upstairs so I said “what you looking for” and he said “a hairbrush” one was in the kitchen so I said “it’s here”. I made my Instagram private again as after the initial two new customers. It didn’t bring me any more custom or even traffic and I didn’t really want everyone knowing where I was etc. What I did notice is, right now it’s 9:45pm and D7s Instagram was active only 30 minutes ago. Oh H. You are too predictable 🤣

I’m a really bad flier. Like I very nearly backed out of coming because I was so scared but I feel so proud of myself that I actually got on a flight. So many holidays I’ve avoided for 9 years for nothing!
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

 

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