Author Topic: My Story One year post BD  (Read 1706 times)

Online UrsaMajor

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My Story Re: One year post BD
« Reply #10 on: December 14, 2018, 01:46:58 AM »
I must admit due to the wage H is on and his child like ways to saving money. I did think £800 on a handbag was a lot as that’s almost a months wage to him but from what I can gather OW is used to this type of gifts. H also has poor credit and is unable to get credit cards in his name.

THAT should go over well with OW in the long term....

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #11 on: December 14, 2018, 02:08:46 AM »
Haha! Exactly. He’s like a child with money 😩

We had a chat not long ago and he told me he was saving. I had assumed he was saving for a flat/house/somewhere to live as he is just living in his mums box room and hotels once a week when he spends the night with OW but it turns out he was saving up buy himself a brand new iPhone 🤣
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline Treasur

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #12 on: December 14, 2018, 02:11:31 AM »
 ::)
Really, just  ::)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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Online UrsaMajor

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #13 on: December 14, 2018, 02:17:54 AM »
Haha! Exactly. He’s like a child with money

We had a chat not long ago and he told me he was saving. I had assumed he was saving for a flat/house/somewhere to live as he is just living in his mums box room and hotels once a week when he spends the night with OW but it turns out he was saving up buy himself a brand new iPhone

Sounds like my S11

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #14 on: December 14, 2018, 02:56:45 AM »
Hahaha my thoughts exactly.

This is where I sit with a smile on my face revealing in my personal victory. As post bomb drop my financial situation was bleak. It was for both of us when he dropped the bomb in all honesty.  Yet in the year I’ve sorted my finances. Cleared some debt and started redecorating the house so it’s all new and nothing the same as when he left. And apart from having a snazzy new phone and maybe some new trainers and clothes. He’s in the same situation.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #15 on: December 16, 2018, 03:43:11 AM »
A mini update -

The other day H was dropping me and 2 of our3 daughters at the cinema. One was too younge for the film so stayed with him. This was the same day that me and H had been Christmas shopping for our daughters and spent a bit of time together. In the car he said something along the lines of “us spending time together shopping etc is hard for him because of OW and if I was in a R it would be different” I explained that i was shopping with him as he had a car and drove and we needed as gifts for the children no other reason.

Fast forward to Last night and D4 has a birthday party for one of her class mates. So H finishes work early in order to take us etc. And I just thought he completely contradicted what he was saying. Saturday night is usually my night out and he has the children. I explained I wasn’t feeling too good so I wouldn’t be out and the children could stay with me. I was giving H every option to see OW. He chose not to take it. Instead stayed in. Which was odd. Once the children were in bed. I burnt my food so I asked him to watch the children so I could go shop. He came watches the children. Within 5 minutes of him leaving H decided he was going to go shop himself and came back to me and asked did I need anything. I couldn’t help but laugh due to the fact I had LITERALLY got back from the shop myself 5 minutes ago 🤣

We had also made a deal that if H wasn’t coming to see the children H would explain it to them so that I wasn’t having to deal with “where’s daddy?” At nighttime. H has told me it will probably be Wednesday and Sunday night he will be “out” as he has a f class. I suspect he will be with OW but I don’t understand why he would make up an excuse about a gym class? He still very much hides OW from me. I can’t recall a time within a while when he has actually used her name in front of me. Is this normal?
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online One day at a time

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #16 on: December 16, 2018, 05:08:31 AM »
He still very much hides OW from me. I can’t recall a time within a while when he has actually used her name in front of me. Is this normal?
I'm sure the people who understand MLC better than I do will come and give you their view but I would say yes.. My H doesn't really hide OW as such as she lives in another country but hides other things from me which makes absolutely no sense as we no longer live together, I never question anything he does or says and I'm pretty much letting him get on with his life.. it's crazy.
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #17 on: December 16, 2018, 05:19:36 AM »
It’s funny because for the first 6-9 months or so of their relationship. I could see Ow social media. I admit I stalked. And she would constantly post about him. He never posted about her. Now I have blocked them both I can’t see but imagine it’s very similar still.

If H is ever meeting OW he will never say where he’s going it’s just simply “I’m out” “I’m going gym etc” he will never say “I’m meeting OW” even when he does on weekends away I’m not stupid and can work out they are going together but H will never say so.

What’s even funnier is in a way I make the rules. Right at the start (before I found this forum) I told H the places he could and couldn’t take Ow. The restaurants they could eat at etc. I even told H he couldn’t take her away to places we planned to go. H even told Ow her valentines present this year was a trip to Iceland. I reminded H that I wanted to go Iceland and now H has cancelled that trip with OW. I imagine that didn’t go down to well with her
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline Treasur

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #18 on: December 16, 2018, 05:47:33 AM »
Completely normal in MLC land.
Tbh, with hindsight, I suspect it shows that at some level they are ashamed.
My xh never used ow's name or even described her as a girlfriend. I think the most he said was he was 'seeing someone' once. Denied living with her. Denied it was serious. Denied planning to get married...while planning his wedding. Said weird stuff like "it isn't how it seems" or "it isn't what you think". (Fortunately for him and wisely for me he didn't ask what I thought and I didn't tell him lol). Denied it to me, on the divorce docs, even to his own L. Even when the financial disclosures made it obvious he was lying like a lying liar with a special lying hat and truth goggles  :)

Never mentioned her name ONCE even when events like watchgate after she stole my watch almost demanded it. He did some great grammatical backflips around 'some people' or 'some things happened'....I called her Watchgirl. Which was by far the most polite term I felt like using in the circs.

So, yup, completely normal for an MLCer. Actually, even if they parade ow eventually in front of family etc, they still seem to deny it sometimes.  ::) I presume this was trickier to do for my xh when he got married.  ::)....maybe he has swopped it around and now denies he was ever serious or married to me lol.

Shame is the only reason really if there isn't a legal disadvantage and it is past the early days of a secret affair. I suppose it could be a drag of respect...but that doesn't seem so likely as they show us so little respect or concern on pretty much everything else. Weird to us normal folks, I know...

By contrast, my h wanted to shout about us from the rooftops...good thing social media wasn't around then lol. I remember him saying how much he liked using the phrase "my wife" to complete strangers after we had just got married.... :) :'(....bit different now it seems
« Last Edit: December 16, 2018, 05:56:20 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #19 on: December 16, 2018, 06:38:10 AM »
That’s exactly my MLCer. Except I don’t think he has any serious plans with Ow. I could be wrong. Sometimes I do wonder if he is MLC ot just being a d*ck as he is only early 30’s but he’s a clinging boomerang to a T and does act very MLC.

It’s funny his step dad asked if we were back together. My MLCer took great pleasure in telling me and I replied saying “no he’s still with the home wrecking wh*r^” he never defended her or even told me not to be horrid. He just said “wow. No need” and I’ve spent most the time calling her similar words and he is still the same 🤣

In some respects I do feel so sorry for Ow as the lack of respect he shows her buy then she stays still so it’s on her now. In the early days I also told her he had been unfaithful and sent her messages etc.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

 

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