Author Topic: My Story One year post BD  (Read 1707 times)

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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My Story Re: One year post BD
« Reply #20 on: December 16, 2018, 06:38:42 AM »
In some respects it’s almost like he’s living two separate lives.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #21 on: December 16, 2018, 12:13:25 PM »
Today’s update

So today I have taken the children to a Christmas party with my mum. They had a blast but I phoned H beforehand to see if he was seeing the children tonight. Just so I knew what to expect. He said he was. This worked well as it proved OW to be a liar liar pants on fire as OW changed her relationship start date to be today last year. Which would mean today was their one year anniversary. If this was the case H would have gone to see OW and not come here after work. Anyhoo he came after the party. As he walked in the door. I made myself a cup of tea and retreated upstairs. Mainly for 5 minutes peace as he was here to watch the children. He followed me upstairs as he assumed I was upset about something. I wasn’t but he wanted to check. H Helped bath the children etc. However I did hear him mutter to himself something along the lines of “F*ck this” so I said “what?” He didn’t  respond right away but then came into the room I was in and said something like “doesn’t matter now leave it” so I made a sarcastic comment along the lines of “I left it a year ago” which prompted him to jump in with “but your not over it tho are you?” And I said “what makes you think I’m not” and he continued “I can just tell. You want me to come home”

Now over the year I’ve paid so much close attention to the language he uses and I thought it was odd that he still refers to my house as “home” despite him moving out almost 13 months ago. But also H does this ALOT where he doesn’t actually ask a question he makes a statement of “you want me to come home” or words to that effect. I’m not sure it that’s him trying to work out of the door is open for a return or a ego stroke.
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline Treasur

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #22 on: December 16, 2018, 12:19:25 PM »
Yup, sounds like a big old attention-seeking tantrum anchor check. Smile and wave, sach, and carry on with your own business  :)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #23 on: December 16, 2018, 12:32:25 PM »
I said the exact same thing to him today as I’ve said to pretty much everyone. Him included when he’s said it before and that is “Everything happens for a reason and if we are meant o be together. We will be back together and if we’re not then I will find the person I’m meant to be with as will you”

Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online One day at a time

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #24 on: December 16, 2018, 02:10:10 PM »
“Everything happens for a reason and if we are meant o be together. We will be back together and if we’re not then I will find the person I’m meant to be with as will you”
I love this!! I'm starting to lean that way myself. If it's meant to be, it will be..
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Online megogirl

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #25 on: December 16, 2018, 05:12:12 PM »
However I did hear him mutter to himself something along the lines of “F*ck this” so I said “what?” He didn’t  respond right away but then came into the room I was in and said something like “doesn’t matter now leave it” so I made a sarcastic comment along the lines of “I left it a year ago” which prompted him to jump in with “but your not over it tho are you?” And I said “what makes you think I’m not” and he continued “I can just tell. You want me to come home”

Sa....it took a long time for me to realize that they get off on the drama of MLC.  They're starring in their very own Aaron Spelling soap-opera.  And this really reads as if you're feeding him a perfect script to his drama!

*Please* read Stayed H's letter - he's a recovered MLC'er, and describes his own experience in MLC as "like being in a movie."
« Last Edit: December 16, 2018, 05:15:51 PM by megogirl »

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #26 on: December 17, 2018, 12:14:18 AM »
One day at a time - that’s exactly how I’m seeing life. I believe if we reunite we will be stronger than ever but if we don’t it wasn’t meant to be. I refuse to go through this MLC without it improving my life in some way. But then it’s funny because through this I started confiding in one of my Facebook friends. At the time she was just someone who lived locally and was someone I knew Orr. Now through me confiding in her she is now one of my most trusted girlfriends. So everything does happen for a reason.

Megogirl - I hadn’t even thought of it that way! Thanks for that perspective. I do think he gets off a bit on his “anchor checks” it’s almosy like he needs it. For example last week we were going to see our daughters nativity and on the way he said something like “oh I wonder where I will go for breakfast” so I said “oooh where are we going” he put up a bit of a fight at first about “I can’t take you” but he did in the end but like I said to him “you wouldn’t have mentioned anything or you didn’t want me to come”

Sometimes I wonder if he is MLC or if it’s just him but then he literally is a MLC walking talking textbook 🤣
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #27 on: December 17, 2018, 02:30:04 AM »
Another way of telling him "Your choices, your consequences...."
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #28 on: December 17, 2018, 03:07:35 AM »
That is true UM

I’ve just had an exchange with him. Another typical MLC exchange where I spent time after the call going WTF?!?

So I phoned him to see if he was coming over tomorrow to watch the children and asked could he watch D2 so I could take D4 and D7 to something at the school. He then attempted to elongate the chat and told me the tablets he has bought the children for Christmas (will just be under the tree as normal. Not a case of mummy bought this. Daddy bought that) will be delivered tomorrow. I was confused as to why he was telling me but he was telling me as they are being delivered to my house. I’m semi used to this now as all his post still comes to my house. Even a Christmas card he got from his place of work (same place OW also works) came to my house. So he hasn’t changed his address ANYWHERE. He even changed banks a few months after BD and used my address so his bank cards statements etc all personal info still come to my house!
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online One day at a time

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Re: One year post BD
« Reply #29 on: December 17, 2018, 03:39:30 AM »
Yep, I also think this is a way will improve our relationship if we are ever to get back together. Communication will be high on my priority list with him.. H has never been good at talking about his wants or needs, probably because he grew up in a house where neither of those mattered. Very difficult to have a good relationship if you can't really articulate your feelings. I don't expect him to become a woman, just an adult that that can have adult conversations... But I also need to show him that I'm becoming a better listener and that I can do things I don't necessarily want to do it he tells me they are important to him.

I have gained some good friends too. These are people who I already knew but I wasn't that close to them. They have become my support system and some of them even feel like the family I don't have in this country.. It wouldn't have happened otherwise.. And the changes in me! You probably can see yourself changing and becoming a better version of yourself as well..

Funny you talk about your H having all his mail still sent to your address.. Mine eventually got things changed but not all. Yesterday he came over to the house and the first think he asked me was "Any post for me?"  ???
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 41 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

 

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