Author Topic: My Story Helping Me in this MLC 5  (Read 1787 times)

Offline Helpingme!Topic starter

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My Story Re: Helping Me in this MLC 5
« Reply #90 on: January 10, 2019, 07:09:15 AM »
Thank you KiT and OneDay
Little Fruit Bat is still good.  Hoping she continues. Last night she moved over in the bed. If yall remember our King size bed has been turned into 2 double beds. I mean seperated sheets and  blankets.  She was already in bed when I got in. Once I got in bed, she rolled over and wrapped her arms around mine and laid her head on my shoulder and fell asleep. We didn't talk much last night. But the sleeping arrangement was nice.

I have read and reread the replies to me and a couple of really blunt and honest PMs, I'm back to my normal self. Butterflies are gone. Best way I can explain it. I did have those feelings again. But they are gone again. Reality is, it's still MLC, and a long ways to go.
I will enjoy the peaceful time, it will be easier to keep going.

Have good one my friends. Appreciate all the advice.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 5
« Reply #91 on: January 10, 2019, 07:21:55 AM »
Sounds good, helping.  It's a little positive movement.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online Rosetintedglasses

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 5
« Reply #92 on: January 10, 2019, 09:20:49 AM »
Help

I forgot you had separate sheets. Glad she fell asleep on you, that was nice.

It’s also nice you said you read and reread your advice and PM’s (I do hope I wasn’t too blunt). This site is great isn’t it. Imagine life without the advice!

You seem more like yourself, good for you!
Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Sept 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017
EA with same MOW Jan 2017 until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents

Offline Acorn

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 5
« Reply #93 on: January 10, 2019, 02:56:29 PM »
Wow, Helping, a lot happened, eh?!

My skeptical LBS brain alerts me that your little FB is in a very transparent pursuit mode and trying to reel you into her own preferred scenario where you are on standby for her.   
My normal brain tells me it may be a positive step forward.  I don’t know.  It’s all speculation anyway.

I’d say it’s good idea to keep ‘No Expectation’ at the forefront of your thoughts and also decide your course of action based on what you think you would like to do, not because she asked or wanted.  From what I read so far, you appear to be quite cool headed.  Good for you! 

I hope FB can see you more and more as a good man and husband that you are, and not someone to keep in her orbit.  This darn MLC make them so self centred.  You are very well aware of that.

Keep on keeping your cool head, Helping!

Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline Helpingme!Topic starter

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 5
« Reply #94 on: January 11, 2019, 11:09:55 AM »
Thank you Thunder, Rose, Acorn.
W is still on the good side of reality.
She has done this in the past. Never have we had a R talk that didn't end in total disaster, so it's just a little progress.
Another thing, she has shed more tears this week than she has in the last year. I know people can fake those too. W is still in hot pursuit.  She text me yesterday and ask what did I want her to cook???? That's a first. I told her I would pick something up on the way home.

Rose, I love the advice. Yes, it has saved me alot of pain, as long as I listen, ha.
But u have my head back on straight. So we will see how this goes. Funny how things are so good, and I'm waiting for the fallout. I've been faking it to make it, so I guess I can can fake enjoying it too. Not much difference.

Have a good weekend my friends.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 5
« Reply #95 on: January 11, 2019, 12:08:34 PM »
Aw Helping you should have said, steak and potatoes.  ha ha  Maybe she wanted to cook for you.  Cooking for someone is showing them love (or nurturing, depending on who it's for).  Just sayin'....

You sound good, yep no expectations just sit back, do your thing and see what she does.   :)
Unless it's real they can't usually fake too long.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline PJ Ames

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 5
« Reply #96 on: January 11, 2019, 12:14:56 PM »
Sounds like you're doing well, Helping. I've been a bit off the grid due to some travels, but now that I'm checking in, it's good to see you in a good place.

Keep enjoying the good times when they come. I think after going through so many cycles, it maybe gets a bit easier to appreciate the normal times and recognize that the crazy cycles don't last.

Also, measuring MLC progress is kind of like measuring geological time, huh? Like tracking the progress of a glacier. It happens, but man is it slow!

Hang in there, my friend. Like Thunder said, keep doing your thing.
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Married 1991
S: 24, D: 21 both doing great.

BD #1: June, 2016 - discovered EA with co-worker
BD #2: November 2018 - discovered online relationship with dude she met playing video games; she has never met him in person.
5-day separation (she left), November, 2018
W is trying (a little), but has no remorse. Nowhere near fully-cooked.

Online in it

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 5
« Reply #97 on: January 11, 2019, 12:45:14 PM »
 Agree with Thunder. Cooking for someone is  among the many other ways you can show someone you love them..
Helpingme! did she enjoy cooking before this happened?
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

Offline Helpingme!Topic starter

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 5
« Reply #98 on: January 11, 2019, 01:13:32 PM »
Thanks Thunder, PJ, and In it.
Thunder it did cross my mind, ha.
PJ, yes it is slow and trying to figure them out is a waste of time.
In It my W always cooked. She was one to ask what we wanted. It's just still hard for me to ask anything if her.  I kniw she ask me, but it's still a mind game to me. She knows for last 2 plus years I mainly fend for myself. So she was probably wanting to cook me something.

Online in it

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 5
« Reply #99 on: January 11, 2019, 01:27:26 PM »
I understand asking for something is hard. Maybe there will be a next time or maybe you can ask her what her favorite thing to cook is? (unless you already know) She's wanting to offer you something...possibly.

I know it's gotta be tough to figure out if she's being genuine or just setting you up again. They are messed up and I really give you credit for trying to deal with her. It got to be exhausting.

I don't want to involve too much hope in any department with this "whatever this is"  everyone is dealing with. But I know for me falling asleep on my SO means I feel comfortable, relaxed and safe. Again, that doesn't really address any of your feelings.
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

 

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