Author Topic: My Story He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience  (Read 1184 times)

Offline PJ Ames

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My Story Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #10 on: December 14, 2018, 03:22:21 PM »
Following along Rose. Wishing you patience and strength!
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Married 1991
S: 24, D: 21 both doing great.

BD #1: June, 2016 - discovered EA with co-worker
BD #2: November 2018 - discovered online relationship with dude she met playing video games; she has never met him in person.
5-day separation (she left), November, 2018
W is trying (a little), but has no remorse. Nowhere near fully-cooked.

Online RosetintedglassesTopic starter

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #11 on: December 14, 2018, 04:12:18 PM »
Thanks PJ looks like I’m going to need it!

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Sept 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017
EA with same MOW Jan 2017 until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents

Online RosetintedglassesTopic starter

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #12 on: December 16, 2018, 08:07:00 AM »
Can’t believe I freaked out on my thread already. Appreciate your responses so much and I have calmed back down!!

H called D the morning after he had called me. She was going out that night and he was calling to say to have a nice night. She said that I was worrying about driving there (I was and we had just been talking about it) so he said he could drive her if it helps. Great timing and a great help! I wouldn’t have asked him as he had his boys night out to get to. He told D to get me to text him the details.

I did this and he also said he would come along to D’s club show before hand so that was nice. I wouldn’t have asked him to go to that either but D had on the phone. I told him I also wanted to go and drop D off in the car and he was fine with that. A while ago (maybe 9 months ago) I would feel very unwelcome at this type of thing but would still do it if I wanted to do it. So after we dropped her off it was just us in the car but as I had taken Treasur’s advice and just do or say nothing about him confessing all to his friends, I sat with P as she was there too and we just talked lightly and politely. He chatted some before he went out telling me about a new bar he might go to. It’s like I am a friend I suppose. He did tell me a story too in which he called me his wife but really it’s like we are friends. He cares a bit, which he didn’t before.

My parents popped in while he was here too which was ok but they weren’t staying long. I do feel bad as it was better that they didn’t stay long, but that’s the reality just now.

So I don’t know if he has revealed all to his friends but I will see him tomorrow anyway as we have a night out with P. Then we have a family night next week so next I need to tackle that, if he doesn’t go I’m not covering for him this year like last year so it’s turning out to be quite a week.

I remember last Christmas time FIL told me he had told H to take me out for a meal. He hadn’t long left at that stage and FIL was way off target. I said maybe next year he’ll feel like that. Looks like I was off with that too! Hadn’t realised how patient I would need to be. Probably just as well as it would seem an impossible situation to entertain.

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Sept 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017
EA with same MOW Jan 2017 until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents

Offline Reinventing

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #13 on: December 16, 2018, 08:18:18 AM »
Rose, don't beat yourself up about being stressed about it. This is all very hard to go through.

Good job on regaining your balance so quickly.

Online Treasur

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #14 on: December 16, 2018, 08:26:31 AM »
Rose, immediately award yourself 500 points for being a speedy learner and quick to bounce!  ;D
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online RosetintedglassesTopic starter

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #15 on: December 16, 2018, 10:09:06 AM »
Reinventing thanks so much. (I actually have a RL balance issue so bit of an expert finding it at short notice!) appreciate your comnents

Treasur I will take those 500 points and try to win more! I am a bit concerned that it may be linked to seeing him the next day and if I hadn’t I would still be finding my feet. But maybe not.

I am interested if his idea to tell his friends the truth highlights any clearer thinking on his part, maybe him dialling down the crazy in his head. Maybe that’s why he likes his choir so much as they don’t ask him detail about his family and he can be who we wants. His friends were suggesting we meet as couples which I think is why he thought he should ‘come clean’. 

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Sept 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017
EA with same MOW Jan 2017 until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #16 on: December 16, 2018, 11:17:48 AM »
Rose I wouldn't say you freaked out. Just a minor bump in the road.  Look how fast you got your mind back  on track.
You did very good.
I think the more we don't comment or act as their spouse.  Their comments sometimes that they make, they look at us as a friend. I really do. All judgement has gone from us. They are feeling a little more comfortable. BUT!! This is those comments that just click on our heads, I say no way you would say that to your spouse. Atleast I get those. She does and says things she would habe never done or said in front of me. 

As for his reasoning, it just may be the couple thing. You will know.  Your H seems to be opening up a little more as of late. I think it is some changing in his thinking. Hopefully it's for the best.

Offline Acorn

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #17 on: December 17, 2018, 07:21:32 AM »
Rose, I understand you have boundaries regarding your kids finding out about OW, though I don’t know what it is.  You own that boundary and your H will face consequences.
You have no control over what your H will say to anyone, etc.  He is an adult and he can say whatever he wishes without any input from you.  However, consequences, man!  Rose is a fierce Mama Bear and she has all her claws out and sharpened to protect her young. 

Let him blow in the wind, Rose.  His actions and words are his own responsibility.
Have a good week!
(((((HUGS))))))
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline sachat3

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #18 on: December 17, 2018, 07:39:20 AM »
Rose that is the same with my MLCer. He only had one real friend, I was close to his friends wife & he only told his so called beat mate (after seeing him in the pub for a pint every Friday) 6-7 weeks after BD when his pal said he and I should go out with him and his W. That was when he had to say he had left. He had never mentioned OW to his friend. When his friends wife messaged me and have a listening ear. It was me who told her about OW
Me - 27
H - 32
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline Music45

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #19 on: December 18, 2018, 10:03:17 AM »
Sticking with you, Rose.
So many things to deal with. That MLC light is harsh and seems to shine in all the dark corners of life and makes us see things [like how we deal with difficult in laws [MIL in my case]] and highlights things we didn't even realise we were dealing with prior to MLC.
Do you think your H will even remember he had the conversation about telling people things? My H says lots but it doesn't mean he'll do any of it - good or bad.  I can imagine how the conversation felt when he didn't mention coming back and the current situation seeming normal to him. I doubt it means much in the grand scheme of things.
Hang in there.
Me: 50
H: 50
S:26 D:19 [both his but live with us]
BD: April 2016
Many false returns.
Effectively moved out Nov 2017 [works away from home. Home occasional weekends]
Moved out full time: July 2018 after he renewed contact with OW.
OW: old school friend lives 200+ miles away.

 

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