Author Topic: My Story He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience  (Read 1131 times)

Offline Helpingme!

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My Story Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #60 on: January 11, 2019, 10:49:25 AM »
One Day at a time Rose. Just looking one week forward in MLC is like running thru a mine field . It might end up Good, but  most likely not, so just stick with today.  When you see the sun shine thru the window??? Well you made another one.

Online RosetintedglassesTopic starter

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #61 on: January 12, 2019, 04:32:02 AM »
Sachat, I appreciate your compliment about how I’m handling this. From the start I didn’t think this was about me which has helped. It’s far from easy but that mindset has helped.
Helping, I love the sun shining!

Following on from the last update, we had a family day planned and H was to be fully involved. He had a hospital trip and then was coming to our house with his parents car. In the morning the events manager for the place we were going to called to say the day had been cancelled. It was a real shame but nothing we could do. I needed to call H again as didn’t want him rushing from hospital to here to find out he didn’t need to. I called, he answered and I told him what had happened and that I had a Plan B which would work and save the day (D was upset).  He said he would come along anyway and do whatever suited best. He did that, he came along. He told me all about his hospital treatment he had agreed to and helped with P and S and was involved with D and it was a lovely day and we almost forgot it wasn’t as we planned it. Phew!

During the day another item I had for sale was sold and it was more complicated than usual and the buyer was very specific. I decided to ask H to see if he would assist me as it was almost out of my depth and I knew if H helped it would be carried out correctly. I got the item and while I was doing something else he sorted it up and did the heavy work so it was a nice surprise to find it ready to go. It was a great help and I am glad I asked him.

We had been together a lot and he was ‘normal’ which was good. He stayed until around midnight and then we had no plans to see him for a while which I was glad of as I can fully relax when he’s not around and I need that.

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Sept 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017
EA with same MOW Jan 2017 until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents

Offline Sam I Am

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #62 on: January 14, 2019, 10:22:38 AM »
Sorry to hear about your event but glad Plan B came together.

I love to read your updates and see the small progress H is making.  Gives hope to others!  Thanks for sharing!
2019 - 365 New Opportunities  Bring It On!

I choose to feel blessed - I choose to feel grateful
I choose to be excited - I choose to be thankful
I CHOOSE to be HAPPY

When you can tell your story without crying, you are healed.

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out to OW/A began in  7.17
3/5/18 OW moved/H moved in with F/ PA become EA
3/19/18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW in another State
9.4.18  Moved back...Living with Parents OW Out of State  EA again?
11.1.18  Moved in with sister  Part of H's belonging are boxed on parents side porch
Dec 18 - OW may be living locally but H not fully living with her

Started Dating - Spring 1983
Married - August 1985
D29 - 2 children living locally
D -29 Married with 2 children
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School
3 Dogs -

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #63 on: January 14, 2019, 11:01:55 AM »
I'm glad H helped you out Rose.  With the heavy stuff.
Sometimes it's good to have a plan B. You never know when it's needed. Ha.
I do hope you got to relax. W need relaxing moments too, they are all not just for the MLCer.
Steady as you are Rose.

Offline PJ Ames

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #64 on: January 14, 2019, 08:32:24 PM »
Glad you were able to relax a little Rose. My W (who never left other than one 5-day period), is traveling for work tomorrow. My hyper-vigilant, PTSD-suffering self used to have anxiety about her work travels, but now I'm looking forward to a night alone.

I also your updates and hearing about the small steps in the right direction. They'll add up over time. Keep up the patience!

"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Married 1991
S: 24, D: 21 both doing great.

BD #1: June, 2016 - discovered EA with co-worker
BD #2: November 2018 - discovered online relationship with dude she met playing video games; she has never met him in person.
5-day separation (she left), November, 2018
W is trying (a little), but has no remorse. Nowhere near fully-cooked.

Offline Silver

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #65 on: January 15, 2019, 01:17:10 AM »
Rose the Runner,

Catching up and am so glad to see that he still behaves himself  ;D
Not for expectations as there shouldn't be any, but from the start his journey has been kind of different, compared to many other's.
And as long as the direction is right and you have your patience, I am hopeful  ;)
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Online RosetintedglassesTopic starter

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #66 on: January 15, 2019, 05:32:17 AM »
Sam thanks for your encouragement and support.

Help, yes good to have a plan B. I didn’t actually have one but got one pretty darn quickly when needed! Yes heavy lifting exhausts me but actually it was his ‘it’s done’ that was even better as I would have kept thinking maybe I hadn’t quite finished as wasn’t sure what to do to get it to a state ready to post.

I'm looking forward to a night alone.

I also your updates and hearing about the small steps in the right direction. They'll add up over time. Keep up the patience!

Thanks PJ!  Glad you are at the stage of enjoying time to yourself or away from her. You can be you and that’s such a good feeling!

Silver, lovely to hear from you! 
I think H’s journey has had a bit of luck which has maybe directed him along a straighter path. For example a friend of ours, Rose2’s H if you remember her, had what now seems like MLC around a year before H. Rose2’s H used alcohol to try to help himself and we saw what it did and how it looked with a ‘sane’ mind. It shocked H to see our friend going through this. I think that experience helped H stay away from alcohol which is as we all know a good thing. Also as he had moved us house just as his MLC took hold it meant he had no extra money to rent a flat as he really wanted to. I question my stand if he was living the single life alone in a flat, which he could have afforded had we lived at our old house.  As it is he is under his parents watchful eye and it is a bit more like he is in rehab and kind of makes sense to the children so that also helps. There’s more than that (The OW he chose was unwilling to leave her family and lives far far away so it’s easier as she’s not in our face).  I could go on but it’s all on previous threads I think. Circumstances can make or break the MLC. A year or so before and this whole situation could be very different. Thanks for making me think Silver the Strong!


It’s over a week since we saw H. He has called the children briefly and we had a couple of school e-mails together but it’s been quiet. It’s good for me to get my equilibrium back after the busyness of the weeks before so can only imagine H feels the same.

Rose 🌹

Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Sept 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017
EA with same MOW Jan 2017 until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #67 on: January 15, 2019, 07:03:17 AM »
The one thing that strikes me is the difference between your Mid-Lifers who you invite or inform about stuff and they may or may not come along and MY Mid-Lifer who is also constantly inviting me to play "Everything is fine and everyone is happy." and I am the one saying "No thanks...  I have plans/things to do...."  Might be the difference between a wallower and a more energetic type....
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S - 11
D - 7
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Online RosetintedglassesTopic starter

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #68 on: January 15, 2019, 08:54:11 AM »
UM

I see your point. I do think things would be different if I said ‘no thanks’ to him and didn’t try to keep him included where appropriate. It’s completely unfair and a ridiculous way to live but I think if I push him away it will make it easier for him to stay away.

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Sept 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017
EA with same MOW Jan 2017 until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: He’s having a mlc 4 - Patience
« Reply #69 on: January 15, 2019, 02:55:01 PM »
I wonder what other opinions are on the subject?
Rose that's always been a battle with me.
Do I say yes??? Do I say No????

 

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