[hope2018]

I have read that the relationship cant just fizzle out, but I am not sure if I believe that.  My H had been with AD for about 10 mos.  H started a new job on 12/17/18 and works longer hours.  He sees OW only on Saturday nights. His day off is Wed and he doesn't even see her then.  12/31/18, they broke up and were back together the next day.  On 2/20/19, there must have been a fight and on 2/23/19 he posted he was single.    Now back to the fizzle out part of this post.  How can OP not catch on?  Its like he has no interest in her but she keeps hanging on- she is insecure and immature if not in her own MLC.
He doesn't post anything about her on IG or FB.
When he posts pics she is never in them.
He sent her VDay flowers and she posted how lucky she is to have him and that the flowers are beautiful.  His reply was yes they are pretty -the flowers nothing about her.
He has stated that he will not marry her or move in with her (10/31/18)
He has never introduced the kids to her.  If I was dating someone for 9 mos & never met his kids that would be a red flag.
He doesn't make time for her except for Saturdays
His FB and IG still shows single
It was her bday 3/3/19 they were out together and he posted nothing but she posted a lot of pics.  She's insecure and by posting it makes her feel better.  Its like she doesn't want to see the truth that he is using her.  No Happy bday post or pic of the two of them.

So I feel that a relationship can fizzle out.  It is like he is treating her badly so she will break it off so he doesn't have to be the bad guy.  It is as if he is done with her.  That she does not give him the high she did in the past.  His attention since the end of December has turned to our kids.  So can it just fizzle out?  I want to say yes!  Does he have the strength to break away, I don't think he does at this time. 

Look forward to hearing from others.

[barbiedoll]

have read that the relationship cant just fizzle out, but I am not sure if I believe that.

.

I do believe it absolutely "fizzles out".  I am not sure that for every single MLCer the affair person is all that important . I do believe some are extremely addicted to the OW and clings to them like crack cocaine. It did not appear that way with my husbands affair. Or your husbands . Mine sometimes never saw her for a couple of weeks, never moved in with her and has said " she was better than being alone". He never spent tons of money on her, never took her near family or friends and seemed to get "rid of her " very very easily.  My husband told the therapist that when his OW told him that she "loved him" ..he remembers thinking "love"... WTF? " and it started to "wake him up ". So he says .  Limerance does phase out .

http://joebeam.com/blog/limerence

[hope2018]

Barbiedoll-

Thank you so much for acknowledging my thoughts and also for the link.  I found it very interesting!

"She was better than being alone"  I find that statement to be true and I think that is exactly where he is at.  She gives him an out on a Saturday night and he uses her for sexual pleasure.  I think there are no or very little feelings for her.  He just needs to get stronger to pull away from her.  I am happy to see that he has somewhat moved his attention to the kids.  Spending more time with them may help him see they are more important to him than his AD.  Time will tell.

[barbiedoll]

I think there are no or very little feelings for her. 

.

What I learned and I belive 100% is this :  It was NEVER about how my husband felt about her. It was far more about how he felt about himself when he was with her .

[BrenM]

Great topic...I am sure that many LBS’s will find this thread very interesting.

My ExH and the OW have been together for just over 4 years.  She is 15 years his junior and they are currently engaged. She has ostracised him from his kids, his family and some long term friends. I believe that they are still soul mates and are blissfully happy?  I don’t hear much as I am not interested in what they are up to.  My kids are my priority atm.

I have read statistically that relationships that start as affairs do not last. It is often assumed and written that a couple who met illicitly will never truly trust each other, because as the age old saying goes once a cheat always a cheat. I have also read that couples lacking history and strong ties such as children are much more likely to go their separate ways.  Are these statements true...well my jury is out.  Nothing appears to be predicable with a Mlcer.

I do believe that the affair relationship is lust and not love. In my case it is two damaged individuals feeding off each others egos and hurting others.  One would assume that this behaviour is not healthy and one cannot to continue that mentality. I guess with our knowledge of MLC many of us await for the Mlcers awakening...if that will even happen?

I have recently read the following article which comments further
https://www.divorcesource.com/blog/when-marriages-begin-as-affairs/

[BrenM]

Barbiedoll - Thankyou for sharing the Joe Beam article.  Just Wow...I have saved this for future reading again....especially when I am having a bad day. I have read similiar articles previously but had forgotten about Limerance and the addiction feeling.

[Jackolar12]

In my case OM1 lasted only a few months after bomb drop, he was an old boyfriend that dumped her to go to Australia 33 years ago. Well he dumped her again in favour of a younger Thai woman ( I wonder why). She was heart broken apparently.

OM2 she took out of a 33 year marriage and their still together 6 years later, perhaps it will last, perhaps not, I don’t care anymore. She’s not married and has more prospects and money than him so I don’t see it happening. Once a cheater always a cheater applies o them both I think.

[sachat3]

Hope - the relationship you just described is the same as my H and his Ow. Honestly if I didn’t know any better I would say it was the same person LOL. OW has not met my kids and I don’t tho k she had asked too. I am also putting the stop to this due to Ow has shown signs of being unstable and has slagged my children off calling them feral so until I get an apology it’s a no go. But then I also think if it was that much of a must I would have already received my apology. H had mentioned he may need to move in with OW on a very round about way however that’s more due to his brother (who he lives with now) loosing the house and needing somewhere smaller. So it’s more a convince thing than a case of taking the relationship to the next level type thing.

[Milly]

Interesting thread. I think affairs can fizzle out but with a MLC that can take years or never happen since the MLCer has no courage or strength to change things in his life.

My H and OW are 5 years together. In theory, limerance should be over by now. I have heard that they fight a lot. I know that they have broken up and gotten back together several times. They live in different countries, which I think suits my MLCer and probably keeps the relationship exciting. Then again, if two people are in love, doesn't one of them move to their love's country and be with them full time? If you're in love, you just want to be with that person, no? So there's something not quite right between H and OW.

Once when H and OW broke up, he told his L that OW was crazy. A week later, he was off to OW land to be with her. I believe my H is in a such a mess financially and emotionally that he could be persuaded by OW to marry her, especially if H should no longer have enough money to rent a place here and fly back and forth. Right now, we're not divorced so he can't marry her. One day, who knows. I don't put it past him, but I'm certain it will be a marriage from hell if he does.

[Father5]

Interesting read,

I just found out the O/M my wife is seeing is married. She talked about him as a person like me. Who's wife just doesn't love him anymore LOL. As  i'm sure you might have heard before they can't control who they fall in love with and when right ??