[sachat3]

Jojo - that’s handy to have that insight. When I look at my Hs history. Him and Ow have briefly split 2 or 3 times now. Each time it’s been her to end it, and it’s resulted in him “chasing her” I always thought it was odd as her emotions would be distraught on day one “how could he” type thing to the moment he chased after her “delirious happy love my man” almost like she wanted to see it he would chase. He did. She won. Type thing. I also know for s fact H is minimum the 4th man she’s “won” from other women. Ironically all the men worked with her.

Anon - my H briefly mentioned living with Ow but that’s only if his brother looses his house as they are struggling to pay rent. So if it did occur it wouldn’t be a next step in a relationship. Merely a convienice but I don’t think marriage is what either of them want. Which is off because we were never legally married but H was adamant he wanted to be and now he says “marriage is pointless. It’s merely a title”

[Anon]

When I look at my Hs history. Him and Ow have briefly split 2 or 3 times now. Each time it’s been her to end it, and it’s resulted in him “chasing her” I always thought it was odd as her emotions would be distraught on day one “how could he” type thing to the moment he chased after her “delirious happy love my man” almost like she wanted to see it he would chase. He did. She won. Type thing. I also know for s fact H is minimum the 4th man she’s “won” from other women.

This is also my spouse and his OW - same details, same chasing her, same 'I won' attitude when she gets him back, also working on the marriage destruction of her 4th affair victim.  So sick... why can't these sick MLC puppies see this?

[sachat3]

It’s funny because I saw so much evidence on her being a Ow to many many people on her Instagram right at the beginning when I snooped. And I always thought why would you even upload these things. If that was me and I had been with someone who was married I would be horrified but it’s like they enjoy it. I think in my case H is blinded by Ow. When me and H were together money was tight. Some months we couldn’t pay all the bills. And now both of us are financially better off but OW still lives with mummy and daddy. They work at the same place. Similar wage but almost everything Ow owns is designer brands. She has multiple designer bags shoes etc etc. So I think got him it was “wow look at this” and then a mere few weeks into them dating it was H birthday and she bought him a £400 Apple Watch and since then he’s had very expensive gifts thrown at him. Bug eventually money will dry up. Especially if they are forced to live together.

[Anon]

I always thought why would you even upload these things. If that was me and I had been with someone who was married I would be horrified but it’s like they enjoy it.

It's comparable to displaying the prize in a trophy case.  What's important is not HOW they got the trophy but that they DID. 

[sachat3]

Your 100% correct. I think that’s exactly what makes OW different to us normal women.

[Bewildered survivor]

Divorced and remarried - not an affair, but a tragedy.  Probably more for the MLCer than the LBS since the MLCer is now trapped in his truly shattered life. 

Well this is where I am right now- tragedy. Divorce is nearly done and im pretty sure he will be marrying OW.   H has just announced through legal paperwork that after settlement him and OW intend to pool together money and buy a house.  So maybe OW has won but she definitely hasnt won a prize. After receiving a letter about how unhappy the kids are at OW’s, how OW ignores them, how they feel rejected and that they have told their counsellor how unhappy they are and she helped them write a letter to their dad which he never acknowledged. This letter was again attached to the letter my lawyer sent last week.  Instead of talking to them about how they felt or the content of their letter (which was heartbreaking), he quizzed them about who, where, when with counseller so he could accuse me of not telling him about it.  He was told about it several times in letters since summer (MLC memory loss?).  Then he tells them that him and OW are going to live together for a long time.....so in that one sentence he was telling them that your unhappiness and feelings dont matter and OW comes first. 

So doesn’t look like the breakdown of this affair is happening anytime soon. 

JoJo your insight is good to hear.  Its good to hear that your H has some sense about him to end it when he did and realising what OW’s game was. 

OW in my situation is definetly playing a game but she seems to be very good at it and unfortunately H can not yet see this and may never see it......

[1trouble]

I was reading this thread at the hairdressers today.

My take on it ......….the vast majority of the OW on here are a 'type' and most of them have a PD.  I also believe there is some sort of spectrum for PD's in these cases...

Having been privileged to be shown a pics of a a fair few of these OW....never have I seen ANY OW who can match the LBS in looks.........….and then when you factor in the fact that most of them are highly manipulative, as crazy as a box of frogs and very very selfish...……and all of the LBS's I know and have shared PM's or phone calls with are highly intelligent, very caring loving and beautiful women and to me it just shows just how crazy a MLC'er is to destroy everything they had with their wives...

Not only that in a vast majority of cases the OW is not only ugly, cold hearted, lacking total moral character and selfish they are (most of them, totally vacuous.....and some ill educated...

What saddens me is when I read an LBS looking at these scummy OW and comparing themselves to them...…..wondering if there is something they could have done to stop this from happening...…...   

There is nothing you could have done, because the problem wasn't yours it was your H's...……..YES there are things in a marriage that we could all of done better.....BUT nothing excuses someone from infidelity ……..grown up people TALK about why they are unhappy …..

Broken attracts Broken and as we all know MLC'ers are broken people (even if they hid it from us for years)……...and these OW (sorry I am talking about OW and not OM because in the main that's who this thread is about)…
So these OW do have a radar for emotionally stunted men...…..

You see (as has been mentioned earlier) they (OW)  know where they will be more successful, they have a sense for someone who is broken and they hone in ………...first its love bombing (flattery, flirting, the dumpsell in distress act) and then its the temporary withdrawl and then the coming on strong and withdrawl act …………

And it is the capture and the kill which can drive a lot of them  ….its the temporary thrill and for a borderline personality its because they have low dopamine and so that means they have to have the drama to feel (and that's what a MLC'er needs too for a long time)

its also why they bait the wife to create drama...

some are narcissists and need the attention and when they have seemingly 'conquered' the MLC'er they go for the wife to get their supply.....


There is talk on here about limerence...…..in my opinion limerence is not the same as MLC...…….its far more complex than that..

at the beginning the MLC'er is infatuated with the OW because she makes him 'feel' and as I have said before this is a life line to a drowing man...........suddenly he can feel something so he thinks she is the answer.....but this does fade, though it takes time BUT in that time the OW has managed to manipulate and use her advantage to the full and the MLC'er has complied to many a demand because he 'needs' the supply she is providing and the 'feeling'

But there is there is a sort of awakening and then I believe in Busybee's dark period where they just go along with it all and cannot see a way out.........….to all of us it seems ridiculous and unbelieveable but you read in many many stories that in the MLC brain they see themselves as trapped in a cell, even though the door is open (I think even RCR has said something like this in one of her articles)….

I personally think there are OW who are limerent addicts , I know I thought that the OW in my story was one, because she has a pattern of behaviour.....BUT now knowing more about personality disorders I think she has a low boredom threshold and I can see she is getting bored...…….

So what I want to say to anyone who is going through this is this...….

Whoever your OW is KNOW she is nothing compared to you...…...YOU have years of history love and memories (and maybe children)with your MLC'er….NOTHING and I mean NOTHING can ever ever replace that...………...

MLC'er's lack empathy and have blotted out everything good in their lives...…….they cant access the memories you can, they cant feel what you can feel and they are going to destroy themselves and everything good in their lives for a while and it maybe a long time...They are also dancing to the tune of a fncked up person who is manipulating them and using them

DONT ever fall into the trap of thinking this is love...…...its not pure and its not real its based on NEED, selfishness and fantasy.

Whatever you see on fakebook is just that FAKE...……………….people who are really happy don't have to keep posting about it because they are too busy actually just being happy...….

IF you find yourself pulling YOU apart and thinking there must be something wrong with you and this OW has something you don't....THEN slap yourself round the face and tell yourself how ridiculous you are being......THIS is being a victim and if you want to be a victim then keep thinking like this!!!!

IF the OW was such a prize why would she be with someone as nuts and as empty as your MLC'er?  ANSWER She is NO prize, she is an empty manipulative cunning plank! 

Know if the OW baits you its because they are bored and need you to create drama so don't give it to them...…….know if the OW is posting about how 'happy' they are its because they are not happy and they know it, they are insecure and they are bored and they want attention...……….Know if you see posts of a bunch of flowers she bought them herself....know if she is going out for a meal with your spouse......she probably booked the table and is picking up the bill and IF he did book it its because she nagged and nagged him into itl...……

KNOW you are an amazing person because you have been loved for a very long time and no matter what your MLC'er is doing ,NOTHING can change that...…….the OW hates you for your history, for the love your MLC'er had for you, for the fact you didn't have to coerce him into marrying you, for the children you have together and all  that history and that real love you shared so be proud of it and know that gives you the upper hand no matter what happens..nothing she does can take that away from you

And to answer the question about what leads to the breakup...…….many many things...

you see these affairs are very complex they are not about love they are about need and they are about fncked up people...………they are about drama...…..

So there isn't a straight answer BUT because of that you have a choice....you can spend your life watching and waiting or living it to the best of your ability...I saw a quote the other day outside a church....love the people God gave to you because one day he might need them back'...……….so don't ignore the other people in your life that you love because you cant do anything to help your MLC'er whilst they are in the thick of this...…….so love and laugh and enjoy all the other people you love

The choice is yours how you spend this time BUT what I would say to everyone on here is ............if I was to tell you there is a pattern to return stories …….
and it is this...……….in the vast majority of stories the LBS got on with their lives and decided to leave the MLC'er to it they changed their energy and took their power back, whether that was a 'fnck you' attitude, filing for divorce or just deciding enough was enough ...........I am not talking about faking it I am talking about those who genuinely came to the conclusion they were worth more than being someone who was going to wait this out...........they took the opportunities life presented and they decided they were going to live their lives to the full......they got to a place where they knew their power and their worth...………..

You see all of us get there in the end, even me...……..I couldn't care less what is happening to my MLC'er and his plank...…………..I am taking control of my life and I am looking forward to each day.................I still love the man I was married too with all my heart and I miss him every day BUT I know that man doesn't exist in this world because if he did he would want to be here and he doesn't
.
I don't think for one moment he wants to be 'there' either but he is in the no man's land most of them fall into .........….his problem and his loss.................. I am no longer going to be a Miss Haversham and I cant save him from himself either
and neither can any of you...…


 

[Anon]

in the vast majority of stories the LBS got on with their lives and decided to leave the MLC'er to it they changed their energy and took their power back, whether that was a 'fnck you' attitude, filing for divorce or just deciding enough was enough ...........I am not talking about faking it I am talking about those who genuinely came to the conclusion they were worth more than being someone who was going to wait this out...........they took the opportunities life presented and they decided they were going to live their lives to the full......they got to a place where they knew their power and their worth...………..

Well said, 1trouble.   Lately, this is the place I find myself in.  Enough is enough and I deserved so much better than what was dished out to me.   I realize H's OW cannot be normal,,, no way,,, otherwise she would be with a functional man instead of a dysfunctional MLCer.   

The longer this goes on, the more strength and insight I gain and the less distressed I am with what's happened.  My H didn't value me, and so doesn't deserve me and I have no interest in keeping the door open for him in the future.   It's not a strategy to win him back,,, instead I am eager to get on with my life without him.   It can only get better.   

[Rising Phoenix]

I too got to a point where enough is enough and I won’t tolerate his behaviour towards me or my children. If we never see him again then so be it. Nothing I can do about it other than live my life. Xx

[mightymama]

I remember my H telling me that he told his EA OW that it was over at the BD and then he told me that she was very angry and told him that she "wished him well when H and my relationship hit the sh*t fan again.  He moped for days befre he told me that he was leaving the house.  I know his text notification goes off A LOT when he's over to get our kiddo sometimes, but lately he rolls his eyes when the text notification goes off and he looks annoyed.

I guess these OW aren't so great after a while after all.