Skip to main content

Author Topic: Discussion Old Timers thread 4

  • *
  • MLCer Type: Vanisher
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3730
  • Gender: Female
Discussion Re: Old Timers thread 4
#130: February 19, 2019, 05:22:03 AM
Interesting article on depression and what it affects- in male mice, but hey it´s a peek inside.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324492.php
  • Logged
me 51
H 51
M 27
BD 1/15/ 10 then BD 8/21/10
D final 8/13

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3809
  • Gender: Female
Re: Old Timers thread 4
#131: February 19, 2019, 09:13:04 AM
Anjae, I agree with what you say about depression having symptoms that we don't usually associate with depression such as the loud drinker, the addict, or the over achiever. Men especially can show depression through anger and irritability. It would be useful if it were talked about more. To be honest I didn't know this either. Maybe with MLC, there's little to be done to help a spouse once they're in their crisis, but many people  live with an angry spouse and just presume they got nastier as they got older when maybe their spouse are suffering from depression that could be treated.
  • Logged
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D26, D23, S16
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

N
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 887
  • Gender: Female

L
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 8355
  • Gender: Female
Re: Old Timers thread 4
#133: February 20, 2019, 07:25:05 AM
nerissa, thank you for that article. I seem to know an awful lot of depressed people. Glad that I didn't recognize myself in the descriptions. Small miracles.
  • Logged
trying2bok

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 6240
  • Gender: Female
  • How I long for your precepts! Psalm 119:40
Re: Old Timers thread 4
#134: February 20, 2019, 07:44:34 AM
Interesting article Nerissa.

I find that I am using manic defense in a number of situations :( . I can see that it is an attempt to keep the depressive position at bay. Certain situations/people seem to prompt it.

If left to my own devices, I believe I would cry my eyes out. On the other hand, I know that my depression is very much situational, I have hope for the future and several of my current problems are temporary. So, it is not all dark and menacing in my case.

I agree LIAOK, depression is very prevalent nowadays - I know a number of very severe cases among young people, which is very sad.
  • Logged
M 61
H 61
S 31
D 28
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

L
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 8355
  • Gender: Female
Re: Old Timers thread 4
#135: February 20, 2019, 07:48:41 AM
Mitz, I feel terribly sad and afraid for the young people. What a stressful world to inhabit.
  • Logged
trying2bok

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 16546
  • Gender: Female
Re: Old Timers thread 4
#136: February 20, 2019, 08:17:09 AM
Thank you for the articles, FTT and Nerissa.

Milly, we used to talk a lot of how depression doesn't always show the way people often think it does. We have threads about depression in men and there are men like Jed Diamond who focus on men issues who have been taking and writing about male depression-

Some men, like Mr J, suffered both from the obvious type of depression - twice before MLC - and from MLC depression. His MLC depression is nothing like those two other times he was depressed. Those previous time it was depression, depression. Can't function, can't get out bed. The normal thing.

My MLC depression was also different from my previous can't do a thing, can't get out of bed depression. For Mr J and I depression come from burnout.

I suffered from manic defense after BD. The whole going and about, going from one social event to another. It has long ended. It has been years I am not only capable, but love, to do nothing and just be.

Learning, I think depression has always been around. People just didn't recognised it as such. Think how prevalent drinking and war, among other things, have always been.

In past centuries most young people would have been working since they were children and would often be dead in their 30's and 40's, if not their 20's. Life was different in the past, but not necessarily better. For different reasons, it is true current modern life is too much for humans. Our brains are not prepared for the overload of information, etc. we deal with. The break up of social communities is also a big problem.
  • Logged
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

N
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 887
  • Gender: Female
Re: Old Timers thread 4
#137: February 20, 2019, 08:29:29 AM
If you are interested in reading about ‘manic defences’ , here’s another whichbis aimed at beginning therapists.

http://minnickskleinacademy.com/module-2-2-kleins-baby-core-coping-defensive-maneuvers/manic-defense/

I noticed I buy stuff as mine.  Our spouses seems to display a lot of manic defences.  The theory is that they are covering pain and guilt  - and eventually are likely to have to accept the pain and the ensuing depression which is, in the end, a good thing, because they are accepting reality.  I think it must correspond to what we call on HS the ‘crash’ while Manic defences are ‘replay’. 



  • Logged

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2128
  • Gender: Female
Re: Old Timers thread 4
#138: February 20, 2019, 10:17:59 PM
Attaching...

8 years and 8 months since BD for me. Wow. Definitely an old timer.

Phoenix
  • Logged
Married 24 years
Together 30
D (young adult now)
BD 2010
He is a vanisher
Divorced 2016

L
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 8355
  • Gender: Female
Re: Old Timers thread 4
#139: February 21, 2019, 03:28:10 PM
Phoenix! So nice to see you!

Anjae, we are on information overload. I can barely read the news. I try to keep up so I don't become apathetic, but I am worn out.
  • Logged
trying2bok

 

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.