Author Topic: My Story (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between  (Read 2796 times)

Online One day at a time

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My Story Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #10 on: January 03, 2019, 11:01:33 AM »
Mine never really monstered Hope. He said plenty of hurtful comments between BD1 and BD2 because we were still a couple.. once he decided he was done and I stopped resisting, he actually became very subdued.. which is very unusual for him.. My H was very opinionated and argumentative before MLC.. he hasn't been like that for months, at least not with me.. not sure what he's like with other people because whenever I saw him, it was just him and me, the exception was mediation and even then he was quiet.
« Last Edit: January 03, 2019, 11:58:34 AM by One day at a time »
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.


"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

Offline Sam I Am

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #11 on: January 03, 2019, 12:02:57 PM »
Hope - My H never had a monster episode except for when he was pushed.  I pushed him one time on purpose regarding an asset.  He didn't get nasty....he said to me...You have never ever seen the really ugly side of me.  I replied No I have not and if you bring it out I reserve the right to walk away and not put up with it.   He also kept responding to "do you want a divorce...is that why your asking me to sign off the asset.  If I sign off, we might as well get a divorce and sell and split everything.  Why do you want me off that asset.  I told him why....I don't trust her to try not to get her hands on it.  He replied....The only way she could have access would be if I married her and I told her right away I wasn't gonna marry her.  Then back to the asset and divorce issue repeated again.  I didn't let him threaten me with the divorce.  Just said if that is what has to be done to protect our assets, then so be it.  Later he projected that dealing with me before he moved was stressful and I felt it too.  I said...not for me.  I am sorry you are so stressed but if this is so right for you....why are you stressed.  He shut up and drove off.  Never got a response.  Later he was looking at me weird.  I looked him straight in the eye and Said....don't worry about me.  I will be ok.  Take care of yourself.  He started to cry and turned his head away from me.   This happened days before he moved away.

The only other time he monstered is when my D told him when he was leaving that she didn't need the stress he was causing.  She was 8.5 mos pregnant and said she has to be careful with stress for me and my babies sake.  All he heard was I am causing stress and you are blaming me if you have a miscarriage.   He didn't take it out on me...but he paced and grumbled for six hours.  Refused to talk to her or go see her before he left.  When he settled down, he said I don't know what to do.  I told him to go see her so he has no regrets.  He did.

That is the extent of the monster.  He used a lot of projection and blame and told me how terrible a person and wife I was...but he wasn't mean.  He said those thing very matter of fact. 

Just as he never monstered, he has never wasted OUR funds.  He wasted a lot of his own money on gambling.  Another replay activity that has slowed to come to a near halt.  Not spending hours at the poker machines like he was.

In the very beginning he did say his part in all of this was that he bottled things and has been doing it for the last 20 years and he can't forgive me for something he accused me of from 20 years ago.   Not monsterig....just his projection and blame all at me.   

I know a few others that are not seeing monster either.   

If I had to say anything about Monster....it would be I see charming Monster.  Anytime he is nice and starts buying things....some bad news is coming.   Makes me just stay further away from him now.  I saw it happen to me two times....once before BD and once before he left for Missouri.

2019 - 365 New Opportunities  Bring It On!

I choose to feel blessed - I choose to feel grateful
I choose to be excited - I choose to be thankful
I CHOOSE to be HAPPY

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out to OW/A began in  7.17
3/5/18 OW moved/H moved in with F
3/19/18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW in another State
9.4.18  Moved back...Living with Parents OW Out of State 
11.1.18  Moved in with sister  Part of H's belonging are boxed on parents side porch
Dec 18 - OW may be living locally but H not fully living with her
Jan 2019 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings

Started Dating - Spring 1983
Married - August 1985
D29 - 2 children living locally
D -29 Married with 2 children
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School
3 Dogs

Offline hope2018Topic starter

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #12 on: January 03, 2019, 12:20:49 PM »
My H is very nonconfontational and I think that is why I don’t get the monstering. He has said two things that were not nice and he didn’t say it directly to me. When he monstered to my Son it was because I was cutting grass and H felt son should have been. The only reason I have been given for his filing for D was because “we drifted apart” plus I got the “I have done things all my life for everyone it’s now my turn to have fun” “I don’t want the responsibilty anymore”
BD1 9/10/2016 Not happy, this isn’t working
BD2 9/24/2017 I care about you, but not in love with you - moved out
OW1 confirmed 8/2017 - ended 2/2018
OW2 confirmed 5/30/2018, ended 2/23/2019
H lost his job 7/23/2018
H started new job 12/17/2018

Offline Sam I Am

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #13 on: January 03, 2019, 01:06:29 PM »
H never told me he didn't want to be responsible but he proved it early on.  Walked away and left everything on me.   I have broad shoulders.  I took care of everything but I am doing it for me.  This way I know the bills are paid and I won't loose assets.   The dogs are taken care of.  The property etc.   He just bounced and sat around drinking and gambling for months on end.  He was really living the great life.  So very sad.
2019 - 365 New Opportunities  Bring It On!

I choose to feel blessed - I choose to feel grateful
I choose to be excited - I choose to be thankful
I CHOOSE to be HAPPY

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out to OW/A began in  7.17
3/5/18 OW moved/H moved in with F
3/19/18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW in another State
9.4.18  Moved back...Living with Parents OW Out of State 
11.1.18  Moved in with sister  Part of H's belonging are boxed on parents side porch
Dec 18 - OW may be living locally but H not fully living with her
Jan 2019 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings

Started Dating - Spring 1983
Married - August 1985
D29 - 2 children living locally
D -29 Married with 2 children
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School
3 Dogs

Online Treasur

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #14 on: January 03, 2019, 02:01:09 PM »
My H is very nonconfontational and I think that is why I don’t get the monstering. He has said two things that were not nice and he didn’t say it directly to me. When he monstered to my Son it was because I was cutting grass and H felt son should have been. The only reason I have been given for his filing for D was because “we drifted apart” plus I got the “I have done things all my life for everyone it’s now my turn to have fun” “I don’t want the responsibilty anymore”

Funny, bc as a (broadly) sane person, I look at your 'highlight' list of what has been happening in his life over the last couple of years...and Fun is not the word I would use to describe it. Hot mess. Manic chaos. Insane soap opera. But not my idea of fun.   ???
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline hope2018Topic starter

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #15 on: January 03, 2019, 02:23:24 PM »
Treasur-

Thanks for the laugh!  His life has been a total mess!  I have tried to keep his chaos on him and to not let it reflect on us, but that has been hard with all of the newspaper articles!  I kept telling my kids that it is his actions and his consequences, we did nothing so we should not have to walk with our head lowered.  Easier said than done.  I know I would avoid the grocery store just to not run into people due to the embarrassment.  I did get over it and now walk with my head held high.  I am proud of the changes I have made and am so much stronger than I have ever been.
BD1 9/10/2016 Not happy, this isn’t working
BD2 9/24/2017 I care about you, but not in love with you - moved out
OW1 confirmed 8/2017 - ended 2/2018
OW2 confirmed 5/30/2018, ended 2/23/2019
H lost his job 7/23/2018
H started new job 12/17/2018

Offline hope2018Topic starter

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #16 on: January 03, 2019, 03:03:10 PM »
I would like to hear from LBS's that have a MLS in the later half of Replay or entering into Liminality, one that has had an awakening and If the OP is still in the picture.   Also, anyone have a MLS who had an awakening and return to OW?

If you could share your story that would be so beneficial to so many of us. 

BD1 9/10/2016 Not happy, this isn’t working
BD2 9/24/2017 I care about you, but not in love with you - moved out
OW1 confirmed 8/2017 - ended 2/2018
OW2 confirmed 5/30/2018, ended 2/23/2019
H lost his job 7/23/2018
H started new job 12/17/2018

Offline hope2018Topic starter

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #17 on: January 03, 2019, 05:50:10 PM »
H never told me he didn't want to be responsible but he proved it early on.  Walked away and left everything on me.   I have broad shoulders.  I took care of everything but I am doing it for me.  This way I know the bills are paid and I won't loose assets.   The dogs are taken care of.  The property etc.   He just bounced and sat around drinking and gambling for months on end.  He was really living the great life.  So very sad.

When my H lost his job and the health insurance for him and the kids he told me he wouldn't be able to afford to continue paying the bills.  I now pay all the utilities and mortgage.  He filed for D and doesn't live here so I figured it was my bills to pay.  He has continued to pay for the house insurance and I don't always give him a check for my car insurance.  LOL he can ask for the $.  He is also paying me $950 a month for him and the kids to be on my health insurance plan.  I think they want us to fail but we are strong woman and are proving to them that they are not needed!
BD1 9/10/2016 Not happy, this isn’t working
BD2 9/24/2017 I care about you, but not in love with you - moved out
OW1 confirmed 8/2017 - ended 2/2018
OW2 confirmed 5/30/2018, ended 2/23/2019
H lost his job 7/23/2018
H started new job 12/17/2018

Offline Sam I Am

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #18 on: January 04, 2019, 05:54:42 AM »
One of my husbands "complaints" when he left was that I didn't need him.  The OW needed and appreciated him and he could help her out.  Hmmm.  He said to me "you will be fine". 

Well, I am better than fine.   I am strong and I will not fail.  I'll just work harder in all aspects of my life to make me a better form of me.
2019 - 365 New Opportunities  Bring It On!

I choose to feel blessed - I choose to feel grateful
I choose to be excited - I choose to be thankful
I CHOOSE to be HAPPY

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out to OW/A began in  7.17
3/5/18 OW moved/H moved in with F
3/19/18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW in another State
9.4.18  Moved back...Living with Parents OW Out of State 
11.1.18  Moved in with sister  Part of H's belonging are boxed on parents side porch
Dec 18 - OW may be living locally but H not fully living with her
Jan 2019 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings

Started Dating - Spring 1983
Married - August 1985
D29 - 2 children living locally
D -29 Married with 2 children
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School
3 Dogs

Offline hope2018Topic starter

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #19 on: January 08, 2019, 05:10:06 AM »
SHE'S BACK! Yes, the wh#re is back in the picture.  He was seen Sunday at the wh#re's daughter's volleyball game and she also started following him on Instagram again. 
Must have been one of those teenage breakups, lol.  This has no affect on me, only on him.  It doesn't move me forward or move me backwards, I am still where I was on this journey. 

H did share on FB a post about SON.  That he will always be his little man and that he loves him.  It was not written by him just shared, but it was the first time he posted anything about one of his children on FB.  Contact has been very low with the kids again.  He did make food on Sunday for the kids to pick up and bring home. 

I boxed up another pile of his clothing and will have him pick it up.  Besides that nothing is going on.  I hope everyone is doing well!
BD1 9/10/2016 Not happy, this isn’t working
BD2 9/24/2017 I care about you, but not in love with you - moved out
OW1 confirmed 8/2017 - ended 2/2018
OW2 confirmed 5/30/2018, ended 2/23/2019
H lost his job 7/23/2018
H started new job 12/17/2018

 

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