Author Topic: My Story (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between  (Read 4506 times)

Offline Sam I Am

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My Story Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #20 on: January 08, 2019, 07:31:30 AM »
Sorry to hear that "SHE" is back.  Just like a bad cold, the symptoms come and go until they are finally over it. 

What is impressive is that you are not allowing her presence to unsettle you.  That is awesome!  Keep taking care of you.  We have to let them go through this as hard as it and let them finish. 

You are impressive!
2019 - 365 New Opportunities  Bring It On!

I choose to feel blessed - I choose to feel grateful
I choose to be excited - I choose to be thankful
I CHOOSE to be HAPPY

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3/5/18 OW moved/H moved in with F
3/19/18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW in another State
9.4.18  Moved back...Living with Parents/OW Out of State 
11.1.18  Moved somewhere  Part of H's belonging are boxed on parents side porch
Nov 19 - OW moved back.  Living w/her D
Nov 19 - H started visiting on holidays
Jan 2019 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings

Started Dating - Spring 1983
Married - August 1985

D -29 Married with 2 children  Lives Local
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School across country
3 Dogs

Offline hope2018Topic starter

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #21 on: January 08, 2019, 06:50:33 PM »
Sam-
Thank you so much for the kind words! We all know these relationships will not last forever, we just do not know how long. Even with that said, it is up to us to hold our head up high, walk with dignity, and know that we would not want them in the state they are in.  Each one of us will make it through this journey, maybe not with the outcome we hope for but we are strong woman and deserve only the best.  Praying for the best, take care!
BD1 9/10/2016 Not happy, this isn’t working
BD2 9/24/2017 I care about you, but not in love with you - moved out
OW1 confirmed 8/2017 - ended 2/2018
OW2 confirmed 5/30/2018, ended 2/23/2019
H lost his job 7/23/2018
H started new job 12/17/2018

Offline engagewithlove

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #22 on: January 09, 2019, 12:28:23 PM »
I would like to hear from LBS's that have a MLS in the later half of Replay or entering into Liminality, one that has had an awakening and If the OP is still in the picture.   Also, anyone have a MLS who had an awakening and return to OW?

If you could share your story that would be so beneficial to so many of us.

Hope you MLCer sounds very similar to mine.
I have been wondering the same thing about my exH. I think he is in the latter part of replay and has slowed down but is definitely not done. The OW is still in the picture, but he has gone from buying a house with her and intending to move in, to telling our kids he won't move in with her. I think he has had a mini awakening as he realised he really doesn't want to play happy families with OW and her kids. I get the feeling they are on again off again like teenagers. No proof as I really don't pay attention to what is going on his life.

A year ago he made comments to several friends about how much he missed MY family, missed the kids, but there was no effort to pay more attention to them. This year he is making more effort to connect with his own kids, and actually talk with and listen to them, so I see some improvements but he is still running from me.

You also question about monster, and just wanted to add that my H rarely truly monstered at me in a verbal or physical way... it was more about taking control when he didn't get his way. A subtle hint he was still monstering is his insistence I get my own health insurance. 6 months ago it was 'get your own,' this year it's 'I'm happy for you to stay on but pay me a portion to cover you'.
At BD married 22.5 yrs, M 44, H 48
D14, S12, S9
miniBD1 Aug 2016 'not sure I want to be here'
BD2 29 Jan 2017 ilybinilwy, moved out 3 Mar 2017
Financially separated 5 Sept 2017, house sold Dec 3 2017
D final Sept 2018

Offline hope2018Topic starter

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #23 on: January 10, 2019, 01:17:05 PM »
Engage with love

Thank you for responding. Our stories do seem similar. Does your XH talk with you at all? You said he was running from you and was curious to what that looked like for you.  You said he had a mini awakening, what did you see if anything? Was this after your divorce? How did he start to connect with the children again?

Thanks!
BD1 9/10/2016 Not happy, this isn’t working
BD2 9/24/2017 I care about you, but not in love with you - moved out
OW1 confirmed 8/2017 - ended 2/2018
OW2 confirmed 5/30/2018, ended 2/23/2019
H lost his job 7/23/2018
H started new job 12/17/2018

Offline hope2018Topic starter

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #24 on: January 10, 2019, 01:24:03 PM »
Sam-

Thank you for the support and kind words!   We just can’t let our spouses take our happiness away. It is up to us to make the best of each day. Today, I received notice that my H has rejected the Sepetation agreement and wants to go forward with the D.  It is sad that he can’t see how much he is lived by me and our children. He is throwing away a lifetime of memories for his temporary feelings. It is a sad story but it’s his sad story. I will continue to make the best of my life without him. When the time comes to sign the papers it will be very difficult, but I am strong and will survive.

Difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations!
BD1 9/10/2016 Not happy, this isn’t working
BD2 9/24/2017 I care about you, but not in love with you - moved out
OW1 confirmed 8/2017 - ended 2/2018
OW2 confirmed 5/30/2018, ended 2/23/2019
H lost his job 7/23/2018
H started new job 12/17/2018

Offline hope2018Topic starter

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #25 on: January 10, 2019, 01:31:29 PM »
My H has started to post on FB about the kids. Today he posted about his beautiful daughter who is turning 24 tomorrow. The post that he shared about not being the perfect parent but for her to know he loves her very much. Has anyone seen this type of change in their MLC spouse where they begin to notice the kids again ? If so, what point were they at in MLC ? Prior to or after an awakening?

I know it is different for all but I think it would be nice to see where the majority have fallen
BD1 9/10/2016 Not happy, this isn’t working
BD2 9/24/2017 I care about you, but not in love with you - moved out
OW1 confirmed 8/2017 - ended 2/2018
OW2 confirmed 5/30/2018, ended 2/23/2019
H lost his job 7/23/2018
H started new job 12/17/2018

Offline serenity

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #26 on: January 10, 2019, 01:46:20 PM »
My H is over 7 1/2 years and I’d say over the last twelve months or so he’s started noticing his children and granddaughter again. It’s been a slow process though!

I’d say he’s at the tail end of his crisis but still not out of it.

X

Online Treasur

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #27 on: January 10, 2019, 01:50:35 PM »
Tbh I wouldn't see fb posts as anything but a sign of 'mr sadz thinky' or textbook MLC impression management. Unless you are 15, a fb post is not a relationship is it? And if the message was just for your daughter, he could have sent her a card/note/text saying the same thing...no public attention. How does your daughter see it?
« Last Edit: January 10, 2019, 01:53:57 PM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Unraveled

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #28 on: January 10, 2019, 02:14:46 PM »
Hope,

I think mine has also had some kind of awakening (OW still in picture).  He kept threatening to file for divorce, so I told him to do it and then more or less goaded him into it (long story).  He has stalled it every way imaginable.  Months and months have gone by and nothing has happened.  He was doing all kinds of crazy things to get my attention, but I ignored them all.  I finally had to talk to him about one of the kids and we had a pleasant phone conversation (he called me) after he told me he would only communicate via email (by email I said I wasn't mad at him, didn't hate him, and wasn't trying to upset him).  I honestly think he was worried about how I would be with him and needed to reassure himself that I wasn't mad.

A few weeks later he asked to see me after more than a year.  He stayed for several hours talking about the kids and what they have been up to (told me nothing about his life and I did not ask).  Then he told me he thinks it is best to dismiss the divorce and refile in a few years when our youngest graduates and said he did not want me to sell our house (which he previously tried to get me to sell).  I said I didn't see the point in holding off if we would just be at the same place. 

He has now stopped communicating with his lawyer and is missing court deadlines (although he responded to me nicely when I had to contact him about a financial matter).  He has significantly reduced the written communications with the kids, but finally saw one of them after 6 months, recently spending 4 hours with him.  He gave me money for Christmas gifts for the kids for the first time since he left.  When he does write to them, he actually asks about their lives now instead of sending them stupid articles or videos. 

Who knows what goes on with these people or what they are thinking at any given time.  My suggestion is to not focus on him or the divorce and to live your life.  Who knows whether yours will go through with it or not.  Mine has cycled from the beginning, although this time is different for lots of reasons.  Either way, I'm moving forward for me and the kids.

Offline hope2018Topic starter

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Re: (HFK) Replay to Liminality and everything in between
« Reply #29 on: January 11, 2019, 06:53:46 AM »
Treasur-
I agree it is not a relationship, but to have him acknowledge the kids is a start. He mentioned them for the first time and they were both heartfelt posts. On his daughters he actually wrote very nice words. Yes, he is probably doing it for attention but I would rather his attention seeking is in this matter. We all know his attention seeking could be much worse! Lol.

Unraveled-
It seems that your story and mine are a bit similar! I am glad your H has made some progress. How long have you been at this? You sound great and focused on you!!

Serenity-
7.5 is a long time but you sound like you are doing well. Did your H threaten D ? Is he at home or away? OW in the picture?
BD1 9/10/2016 Not happy, this isn’t working
BD2 9/24/2017 I care about you, but not in love with you - moved out
OW1 confirmed 8/2017 - ended 2/2018
OW2 confirmed 5/30/2018, ended 2/23/2019
H lost his job 7/23/2018
H started new job 12/17/2018

 

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