Author Topic: My Story What has happened to my life? - Part 6!  (Read 905 times)

Offline UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 7898
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone, you aren't a pizza
My Story Re: What has happened to my life? - Part 6!
« Reply #10 on: March 19, 2019, 07:08:09 AM »
Quote from: Philadelphiagirl
The maintenance hearing was in court again a couple of weeks ago and the Judge ordered that he has to pay me arrears. Neither of us had to be in court not that he would have turned up anyway. So, I'm waiting for the arrears. So, last week my Solicitor emailed to say that he is pushing forward with the divorce and still intends to divorce me on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour and he has had the hearing moved to another court in a different part of the country. No idea what that is about............

It is right here in your quote....... He's trying to get the hearing moved away because he has a history in the courts where you have already been.... H is fully aware that, if he goes before the same judge or even in the same court (judges DO talk to each other), he is going to be shot down in flames....

What he probably does NOT understand is that his history and the associated judgements will follow him regardless...
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 19 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Milly

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2228
  • Gender: Female
Re: What has happened to my life? - Part 6!
« Reply #11 on: March 19, 2019, 10:08:32 AM »
Philly, sorry about your H pushing forward with the D. This just happened to me too recently so I know how you must be feeling. But like you, I dusted myself off quite quickly this time. Sometimes I think it might be better to have the D all over with than hanging over my head. But then there's the 'marriage' fear.

Your H's shoes sound like my H's shoes a couple of years ago. My D used to tell me that the boys in her high school wore them. I take it as a text book sign of Replay.

Sorry that he is ignoring the kids and that you are still dealing with your mother's estate. But you sound much better than you did in the summer. I hope this is a new streak for you.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline Dumbfounded

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2496
  • Gender: Female
Re: What has happened to my life? - Part 6!
« Reply #12 on: March 19, 2019, 12:13:21 PM »
I had somehow lost your thread Philly. But I am back to the party now... catching up.

A few notes. Even slow progress is progress.  I find that if I get up each day and make a list of 3 things that I must get done that day and focus on doing just those 3 things I get more done and am less overwhelmed by the 100 things on the master list of things to do.

I have been divorced for a year now. Same divorce - no discussion, no goodbye, no thanks for the memories.  I must say the divorce itself was quite stressful but afterward, when it is over, there was great sense of relief and being free from the drama of the whole thing. I no longer have to worry about what he is out there doing - it is all on him. And he appears no happier than he was a year ago.

Your H is just trying to get in front of a new judge that will be nicer to him... not going to happen. He is just spinning his wheels. The facts are the facts no matter what court he is in.   
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Online Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6837
  • Gender: Female
Re: What has happened to my life? - Part 6!
« Reply #13 on: March 19, 2019, 01:34:16 PM »
Philly, I think you are doing pretty darned well considering what you have had on your plate. Just like DF says, divorce was the same for me. Never imagined that it would come as a relief, never imagined getting divorced at all let alone wanting it done, but not having the drama, l's letters or being forced to interact was a relief.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline One day at a time

  • MLCer Type: Low-Energy
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 715
  • Gender: Female
Re: What has happened to my life? - Part 6!
« Reply #14 on: March 19, 2019, 03:30:38 PM »
Attaching
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.


"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

Offline stillbaffled

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4209
  • Gender: Female
Re: What has happened to my life? - Part 6!
« Reply #15 on: March 19, 2019, 08:28:37 PM »
PG - another person here who had a divorce as described above.  It seems to be a popular chapter from the MLC playbook. 

You will get through it - we're here supporting you. 
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline Whyus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2916
  • Gender: Male
Re: What has happened to my life? - Part 6!
« Reply #16 on: March 20, 2019, 12:53:44 AM »
Hi PG, I too felt alot better after the D. I never wanted this, i married for life but XW destroyed that Vision and our future which we pretty much had sorted and it could have been very comfortable.

Is he allowed to Change to a court in another part of the Country? I am honestly not so sure that he can do that without your consent. Would you both have to be in court for the D to be final? If so, why would you have to travel to the Courts? He left and moved away so the Courts should be where you are and where he was surely.
This makes no sence to me whatsoever but laws are different everywhere and lets face it, most laws concerning D are total BS.

Another question (sorry but im a Little confused by your Situation).
Why is he Divorcing you "on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour"? Were you unrealonable?, If not you have to fight this, he was unreasonable, he had an A and abondoned his W and Kids. This is a Little crazy. i would be at my Lawyers with These questions if i was you, you dont have to do this his way and at his convienience.

I am sorry that this is happeneing, he is a real jerk, worse than most here. Again, I am so grateful that my Boys were older when the Aliens replaced XW, i dont know how you do this with small Kids and Little to no Support.
I Salute you PG, respect. Things will eventually get better PG and the D will be a massive weight lifted from your shoulders as the financials should be sorted by then too.
I wouldnt normally write this but in you case, Take the twat for every penny that you can! You and your Kids deserve it.
 
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is trying to get People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 20
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline PhiladelphiagirlTopic starter

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 440
  • Gender: Female
Re: What has happened to my life? - Part 6!
« Reply #17 on: March 28, 2019, 12:04:48 PM »
Thanks everyone, I will reply properly later when my head is not so all over the place. My maintenance hearing was in court again yesterday and H had not paid in the way he was supposed to or the amount he was supposed to and he didn't show up or contact the court - so the Judge has issued a bench warrant for his arrest to force him to appear and explain himself. A few years ago I would have told you that he was the best Dad ever...………..not so much now.

Love and support to all, PG xxx

Online Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6837
  • Gender: Female
Re: What has happened to my life? - Part 6!
« Reply #18 on: March 28, 2019, 12:25:42 PM »
Well, Philly, just more MLC script stuff. Sorry though bc it is exhausting.
I honestly think as WhyUs says that we get to a point where it all gets so crazy and exhausting that, unimaginable as it once was, we just want the divorce over with so they can go away and take their crazy s$it with them.
I'm pleased though that the judge is not giving him a pass. How long does that give him?

And yes, like all of them, no matter how great a husband or dad he was before this - and many truly were - he isn't even a passing grade one now.
« Last Edit: March 28, 2019, 12:28:11 PM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Milly

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2228
  • Gender: Female
Re: What has happened to my life? - Part 6!
« Reply #19 on: March 28, 2019, 01:54:45 PM »
Oh, Philly, I'm sorry your H didn't show up to the maintenance hearing. What a baby. These MLCers think the law doesn't apply to them. I love your judge, though.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.