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Author Topic: My Story Now what?

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My Story Re: Now what?
#50: June 19, 2019, 07:46:09 PM
Hi RP and UM,

Things are going well for me. I’m working, taking care of myself and leaving Grumpy to twist in the wind.

He’s met me for lunch every so often between March and now, but other than that I don’t hear much from him. He has been keeping himself busy because if he’s still for too long he says his thoughts turn down a path he doesn’t want them to go. He believes that if he followed them he will be in worse shape than he is now. I say nothing, I just sit and listen when he talks.

I feel that I am heading in the right direction for me. I can actually say that I am happy, and that if tomorrow Grumpy came up and asked if I would move back home, I would tell him no. I need this time to myself, to finish my journey. Because as much as I know he’s not done baking...I’m not done either. I feel myself growing more confident, and sure of my path everyday, and it’s a wonderful feeling. Despite some uncertainties I have I wouldn’t change anything about my life right now.
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Me 39; H 43
Married 14 years
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Re: Now what?
#51: June 20, 2019, 10:25:26 AM
Aww that is nice to read kitty. I am glad you are feeling in such a positive phase.  ;D
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Re: Now what?
#52: July 15, 2019, 07:28:12 PM
Great update Kitty!
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M-42
H-44
S-20 (mine)
D-18 (ours)
S-15 (ours)
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17 (told me 4 days before)
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
New GF 2/29/20 (Told me 4/22/20)
Marrying her 4/24/20 (Told me 4/22/20)

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11404.0

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

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Now what?
#53: July 02, 2020, 08:43:58 AM
Hello everyone,

I'm back with an update...Grumpy is still in MLC (but you knew that already, LOL). This past year has been typical of the previous 2ish. He cycles towards me until he can't handle it anymore, and then it's back to the tunnel and OW. She got ballsy in September. By then I could sense he was pulling away, so I prepared myself for talk of D again. But all I got was his IC was getting to him and things were happening with trolls (read: OW's ex and his family messing in Grumpy's business) and he needed time for himself to figure things out (which meant he was going back to OW) and he would get in touch with me.

Apparently he needed the time away to reassure OW that he still wanted her and then they planned a B-Day party for IL's since their B-days are a week apart. Which she then posted pics of in FB, which I wouldn't have even have known about but she posted them and tagged the IL's who are also friends with me.  ::)

After that it was tentative coming back, he went with me on vacation to see my family in FL. Then pulled away a bit again.

Then it happened...my lease was coming up in March and he asked me to move back home.  I was going to say no, but then I decided firetruck it, I was slightly strapped for cash and the $820 a month I would be keeping instead of paying rent would be nice. I told him that I would move back in under the conditions that my stuff was not to be sold, we would not merge finances for a year and the big one, I would not move out for at least a year after move in. He agreed and said he understood I needed to lay down conditions to protect myself and he would abide by them. So on 4/25/20 I moved back in.

He was lovey dovey at first, he started pulling away about the end of May. No big, I figured it would happen. I knew he was still in contact with OW but when he asked me to move in it was not because he wanted to work on us, so we live as room mates that sleep in the same bed.

I can deal with that.

Otherwise I'm still doing for me. Although it's hard with the shut downs and all due to the Covid-19.

I hope everyone has been staying safe and healthy during all this.
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Now what?
#54: July 03, 2020, 03:39:56 AM
Hi Kitty,

Nice to see an update but seriously? The situation is just ... well.... odd..... You are a better person than I am for being able to be in the same bed, let alone the same house as Grumpy while he is still with OW and Family.....
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Divorce final 30 August 2019

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Now what?
#55: July 03, 2020, 04:52:33 AM
Hi UM,

I don’t know about that, maybe I’m just a sucker for pain. I’m perfectly aware of my situation, and it’s possible outcomes.

What makes this slightly different than the other times I moved back is that this time I’m not trying to work on things. This time I am not focusing on him at all I am only worrying about myself. I keep to the routine I established living by myself. The only pressure he will get from me is what he perceives as me pressuring him. Since I feel that OW may be on his case about me being here again.

As for sleeping in the same bed...he seems to want me to sleep with him. Even though there is no contact that I am aware of while we sleep. I go to bed before him and I get up before him.  He made a joke (or at least I think it was) about me snoring, so I told him (in a joking way) that if it bothered him I could sleep on the couch in the living room. He was very adamant that I did not need to do that.

How long this lasts before $h!te hits the fan...I have no idea. But I do know I will be more prepared and better able to handle whatever comes my way.
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Now what?
#56: July 28, 2020, 07:49:24 PM
Nice to see your update.  It's so hard to be in the same space while letting them cook.  You're being so strong.
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Me: 38
H: 44
M: 15 yrs (together 17 yrs)
No kids

12/11/2017: BD - H wants divorce
12/29/17: Found out about OW- EA/PA
3/8/18: I move out
H bounces back and forth between me and OW
8/16/18: H files Divorce
9/8/18: H "doesn't want this [divorce]"- D on hold
9/25/18: MC starts (our 14th anniv)- H says A done
10/3/18: House sold
12/28/19: find out A never ended; H moves 8 hours away; OW moves to same city (not living together)
01/22/19: H dismisses divorce during a touch-and-go before going back to OW and depression
7/2/19: I move to same city as H (and OW)- still cycling

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Re: Now what?
#57: July 29, 2020, 12:55:47 AM
Nice to read your update, Kitty, and I admire you for deciding to move back in and just letting him twist in the wind, which is probably the best thing to do. Wishing you all the best.
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Now what?
#58: August 30, 2020, 02:36:07 PM
Good to hear an update Kitty.  You sound very detached, despite the very close contact with H.  I have no idea how you do it!
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M-42
H-44
S-20 (mine)
D-18 (ours)
S-15 (ours)
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17 (told me 4 days before)
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
New GF 2/29/20 (Told me 4/22/20)
Marrying her 4/24/20 (Told me 4/22/20)

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11404.0

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

S
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Now what?
#59: September 05, 2020, 08:43:39 AM
Kitty -
Nice to hear from you.
I agree - IDK if I could do it, but you seem strong and happy.
Best of luck with H's growth and your continued detachment.
Keep us posted!
Sea
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