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Author Topic: My Story The Positives XXIII

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My Story Re: The Positives XXIII
#110: June 18, 2019, 05:36:25 AM
A thought I am having about this this morning..our heart is broken either way.

I have not found that when I don't have contact any easier than when I do. I still think of him throughout the day. I still miss him and I have not been able to erase him from my heart.

As mitzpah so clearly articulated:

Quote
I think that acceptance of where we are and our current reality goes some way in finding contentment with what is possible, it is just that space, that missing something that doesn't quite go away.

He is not mean to me when I see him...I think he is mean because he leaves again and again and doesn't give me what I desire....but those are my "expectations".

The story of the prodigal son continues to draw me into that scene and this morning, I have been meditating on this ..reading it slowly and carefully, and hearing the "truth" of what is important to me...can I be merciful towards someone who has hurt me so deeply...I know I want to be, for that is how I want to live.

"Meditations on the Litany of the Sacred Heart of Jesus
by Leo John Dehon, SCJ

June 18, 2019

Heart of Jesus, patient and filled with mercy.

The Heart of Jesus speaks of this mercy when he depicted himself in the guise of the father filled with bounty who, in spite of the rejection of his son, doesn’t know how to resist him when he sees him coming in repentance, but who embraces him tenderly, and forgets all the injuries he has received from him."

I think that we don't see the "repentance", not yet anyway and somehow, being human we feel it is our "right" that they show up with apologizes and speaking words of "I'm sorry".

But, what if they cannot do that? The fact that they continue to show up is quite apparent that they desire some connection to us, so many years later.

"We are not done". Deep inside of us, this nagging feeling remains...our story is not done yet and that is both a blessing and a curse.
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« Last Edit: June 18, 2019, 05:37:29 AM by xyzcf »
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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Re: The Positives XXIII
#111: December 15, 2019, 09:39:49 AM
Time for an update..

I don’t post much anymore as I’m just getting on with my life now.

I work 6 days a week, two jobs that pay and two charity jobs. I’m still struggling with dreadful anxiety and although tired, I find keeping busy helps to keep it at bay!

This time last year I had the perfect Christmas with all my family and H too but as many of you will recall by the end of January he’d found yet another new friend so I’ve spent a lot of this year just keeping away from him. He of course continues to contact on and off and did ask me to meet him and talk but I never did.

This Christmas is going to be very different as both my sons want to do their own thing, my daughter wanted to stay by the coast and told me my H was joining her!!

I was left not knowing what to do! Lots of friends invited me and I was going to choose that option but I felt so sad, stressed and upset. My H rang me and asked me to go to our daughters with him. He said he was happy to take me and would fit in with my plans. I don’t have much time off from work this year!

Initially I said no but my sadness deepened at the thought of not being with family so I gave in and have agreed to go with my H. I haven’t seen him since January and I’m dreading the long car journey with him! At one time I would have been thrilled at the thought of spending time with him but that feeling has now left me!

I can’t say I’m looking forward to this Christmas and also lost a long time friend recently. It’s a sad time of the year for so many people!

I don’t know how this will unfold and I’ve never had a Christmas without all my children since they were born!

I would like to wish you all a happy Christmas and a peaceful new year. I hope 2020 brings everyone their hopes and dreams and peace in our very unsettled world🎄

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Re: The Positives XXIII
#112: December 15, 2019, 11:03:40 AM
Serenity -
Thanks for updating us.
I'm so sorry that you're going through a difficult time, and I'm sure your first Christmas with your entire family will be difficult.
BUT...  You're going to be with your daughter, and your Husband (although may be uncomfortable).  It was kind of him to invite you (once again pulling you closer).  Just enjoy your time together, knowing that he's hurt you so many times and consider him a distant family member or friend who you only occasionally see.  I'm sure that your daughter will be so happy to have you both there -- for her.

We are all with you on your journey both in general and over the holidays.
Keep us updated if you can.
Most importantly, protect your heart -- you know how hurt your heart was last January.

BIG HUGS!

Sea
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Re: The Positives XXIII
#113: December 15, 2019, 12:21:36 PM
Thank you Seahorse,

I will post again after Christmas and let you know how it all went.

Wishing you a lovely, peaceful Christmas and a happy new year

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Re: The Positives XXIII
#114: December 15, 2019, 01:39:54 PM
Hi Serenety, nice to hear from you and thanks for the update. I remember very well your Christmas last year and then your H going back into Replay from the beginning again in January.

I have to agree with Sea, might as well go with H to your D's house and make it good for her, and you won't be on your own. If you can enjoy the enjoyable and just know that his niceness with you doesn't mean anything as far as your relationship goes. But still, even if he were a stranger but were nice, it's still better to have company for Christmas day.
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Re: The Positives XXIII
#115: December 15, 2019, 02:01:40 PM
He Serenity.

There is still something there, of that I am convinced and as hard as it is, to pull it together in front of him and your daughter, you can do it! I shall be doing the same as you, although last year we were not together.

I too have had several friends pass away and we all know, anything can happen.

He once asked to talk to you and you declined, yet he was "brave" enough to ask if you would join him and your daughter..that takes some guts.

I am not saying this is easy, it isn't but for many many reasons Serenity, it is the right thing to do. Besides, Christmas without your family would have been really really sad.

So, enjoy the moments. Bake some of your favorite traditional foods if that is something you like to do. No one can ever take our place, no matter how they search.

It may not be what we want, but if I get to choose, having my family together during this holy and beautiful season is an exceptional gift. God will give us the ability to stand tall and have a smile on our face and a sparkle in our eyes. We did not cause this Serenity and so we can be true to the love that we have for them.....perhaps the biggest gift that they will ever receive.
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« Last Edit: December 15, 2019, 02:05:20 PM by xyzcf »
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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Re: The Positives XXIII
#116: December 16, 2019, 12:13:30 PM
Hello Milly,

Thank you for your kind post and thoughts

I hope you’re doing ok and that you have a lovely Christmas with your children X

My dear xy,

Thank you my friend. I love to read your thoughts, you often write what I’m thinking!

This year is a very different Christmas without both my sons and dear little granddaughter but I’ll be glad to see my daughter and SIL. Also looking forward to seeing my old dog who lives with them and walks along the beach. I love this time of year. Not many people about, grey moody sea and stretches of sand and wind blowing. I’ve always loved being by the sea. It brings me joy and sadness but also brings me peace.

You are so right xy - Christmas is about our family being together, shared food, love and laughter. Last years Christmas was magical with all of us together in my home enjoying a perfect Christmas!

All our husbands/wives left us believing they were going to a better life instead of appreciating what they had in us and valuing us! I know my H knows he messed up and I know he’s full of regret and I know he’s never got over me and I know he thinks of me daily! His life is far removed from what he thought it was going to be!

I will post again in the new year

Much love to you all

X

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Re: The Positives XXIII
#117: March 09, 2020, 12:06:55 PM
Hello

I’m really struggling with the forum again!

It’s all changed again - after being ok for a while!

It’s virtually unreadable and unusable again!!!!

X

Please don’t quote a load of stuff at me to try and correct this as I don’t understand a word of it! I’m a technophobic dinosaur!
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Re: The Positives XXIII
#118: March 09, 2020, 04:34:32 PM
Look at top left corner of page, there is a “choose a themed button. Click. Look at list and find curve multi color and click select this theme. That’s it, back to old look.
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Re: The Positives XXIII
#119: March 09, 2020, 05:19:52 PM
Thanks marvin

I have been having issues reading threads. Much better. Thanks.
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