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Author Topic: My Story The Positives XXIII

M
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My Story Re: The Positives XXIII
#90: April 18, 2019, 03:02:55 AM
Serenity I’m so sorry that your D cancelled her visit to you and that your H is getting to have a lovely Easter week end with your D by the sea. It’s just so unfair.

I appreciate your strong boundary of not wanting anything to do with him. He was really wrong that last time after Xmas. But would you not tell D thanks for the invite, would have loved to spend a few days with you but I can not be playing happy families with H after his latest behaviour. Maybe you could add that you had been so looking forward to having her at yours.
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

S
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Re: The Positives XXIII
#91: April 18, 2019, 05:24:19 AM
So sorry you have been put in a position where you feel backed into a corner.  It's hard to remember how many times I've felt the same.   It seems unfair that the LBS who just wanted to continue having a happy marriage, is made to feel like the odd man out while the MLCer appears to win.

I do believe the tables will turn eventually, we have to be very patient and we all have a bucket full of patience as we know ::) ::)

I absolutely see why you don't want to be with your H after the horrible way you were treated around Christmas and leaving him to it is best.  It's just sad you have to stay home alone while they get together.

If it helps, mine are doing the same while I have chosen to work just to avoid the pain.  Holidays are hard but we are strong and special women.  You deserve better and will reap the benefits of your kindness in the end.

(((((((Hugs))))))))
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"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

W
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Re: The Positives XXIII
#92: April 18, 2019, 05:31:40 AM
Serenity, I feel for you.
Next week my S will turn 21 and partying with XW and OM. I wont be there, she who blows everything up wins unfortunately.
I can see the guilt in S20s eyes everyday unfortunately but it was his decision
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Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. Is tolerated by LaFamiglia
2 Sons - 20 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

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Re: The Positives XXIII
#93: April 18, 2019, 06:06:29 AM
Serenity you are such a kind hearted soul.
The only person who can protect you from them is you.

Taking advantage of your compassion is what these kinds of people thrive on. The example was Christmas. That's certainly nothing you have to feel obligated to go through again.

Your D just doesn't get it. Not enough life experience.

This is God's way of protecting you from them on this holiday.
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

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Re: The Positives XXIII
#94: April 18, 2019, 06:12:04 AM
Just saying I am reading and following along. It often seems like a lose-lose situation...I don't want to spend "family time" together any more either, yet I feel left out when he is with my daughter and son in law, especially on a holiday weekend.

I am so sorry. Sometimes it feels like they get to have it all, but you know that's not true.

If you wish to visit your daughter, at some time, could you go by train?

I have to fly to visit my daughter and it is a hassle and expensive....but I plan those visits ahead and look forward to them so very much. I found that knowing when I will visit her next, makes the time in between better.

I chose to stay here, so I wasn't the one who moved. She and I talked about it and agreed that this was a good place for me to live, and that we would make it work by seeing one another 3 or 4 times a year.

It made me understand that I had to have my own life, and I still think that was the right decision for me.
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« Last Edit: April 18, 2019, 10:28:16 AM by xyzcf »
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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Re: The Positives XXIII
#95: April 18, 2019, 10:26:33 AM
Thank you my dear friends....

I know I always say this but I value you all and your thoughts and you always lift me up.

I’ve been working so hard that I’ve not had that much time to think but you’ve all made me feel so much better...

Anjae, thank you. Always down to earth but wise. Hope you’re doing ok and have a lovely Easter w/e X

Milly, thank you. I did actually say all that you suggested to my daughter. I hate to say it but I do believe that my D has got sucked back in with my H. She’s been spending quite a lot of time with him lately and I’ve noticed it definitely changes things. I suppose like others’ experience where their children have been manipulated by their MLCer!

Do hope things are improving for you and you’re feeling more safe in your home? X

Dear Savvy,

Thank you for your words. I’ve just said to myself that sometimes life just isn’t fair and we are left out but there’s nothing we can do about it so I’ll see friends and just keep occupied. I’ve been working so hard at various jobs that I’ll probably just fall asleep over the w/e! He he

Hope yours is a good one X

Whyus - I’m so sorry that this is happening to you and I know how much it hurts! Could you possibly have another small celebration with your S? A meal or something?

Our children must feel so torn which is a horrid situation for them! I feel sure your S will just ignore OM! X

in it - thank you. That was very sweet of you to say. I’m so glad that you’ve found happiness in your life again but very hard when our children turn against us.

Like you said they’re young and lack the experience and understanding. I don’t think they’ll ever understand until they’re much older and ‘life’ happens to them!

I am a softy and will always help BUT I’ve come to the end of my compassion for my H. His last escapade after Xmas was the final straw for me! Personally I think he’s an idiot because I told him when I was looking after him that he was lucky that I even still spoke to him after what he’d done! Obviously he didn’t heed my words! X

xy - thank you. Funny isn’t it how we’ve both changed? We both reached a breaking point where neither of us could continue on with the family times. Your H and mine chose to make the awful decisions that they did and for you and for me that was a game changer.

My D isn’t as far away as yours so I don’t know how you cope. You’re a wonderful lady and like all the rest - your H is a fool. X

Wishing everyone a lovely and peaceful weekend

Hugs X







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Re: The Positives XXIII
#96: April 18, 2019, 03:15:31 PM
Exactly..compassion has to run out at some point.
Back those words up with him with action or inaction whatever works.
And he WAS a damn lucky man past tense.
What a fool he was.
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

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Re: The Positives XXIII
#97: April 18, 2019, 04:57:03 PM
Hi Serenity, I am fine. We've been celebrating several family birthdays in a row. If she was alive, today was grandmother's 99th birthday. We have a 10 years old home at least until tomorrow which is a lot of fun.  ;) ;D Happy Easter to you as well.

Could it be daughter knows you're safe and she is getting close to her dad again because she may fear he may forget her/run again? You are not going to run, so, she gets close to him.
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Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

M
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Re: The Positives XXIII
#98: April 18, 2019, 05:16:18 PM
Serenity, nothing particular to add but just wanted to remind you of how much you are loved here on HS. You are a lovely lady. I hope this weekend can have some blue skies and you can find something joyful somewhere. Wish I could have you join my friends for Sunday lunch.

Your D sounds a little like my D24 who sides very easily with my H. She (my D) takes the easy road, is easy to convince, almost still childish that way. That's the way I think of my oldest. I try not to take it personally any more because I know my D is suffering, perhaps more than me at this point.

Big hugs,
Milly
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

S
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Re: The Positives XXIII
#99: April 22, 2019, 12:24:05 AM
I can't blame you for losing your compassion Serenity, we are patient but not stupid.

I hope Easter has been kind to you, as we all know how difficult it was in the first years following BD.  At least we get to choose what we do with our lives now and who we let in.

((((((((Hugs))))))))
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"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

 

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