Author Topic: My Story When you let go...you are truly free  (Read 987 times)

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 630
  • Gender: Female
My Story When you let go...you are truly free
« on: January 19, 2019, 06:04:59 AM »
My Techy friends here. I would appreciate someone linking the old to the brand new.

This subject line is perfect for where I see myself today versus last year at this time. (3 weeks short of 1 year when H moved out)
I have come a very long way down a very dark and scary path. There were days I didn't know if I wanted to keep going and days where
I just got up and kept moving. I kept it together for months. I had my downfalls, I cried, I hit things, I ran, I stopped eating, I even lost my job, during the worst possible time of the year. It was the worst few months. Though I had been here before, (H moving out) I knew that this time it was going to be the last time he came back.

Quick recap - H's MLC started about 6 years ago now. H's dad passed at an early age, our S turned 18 and graduated HS. Life as I thought was going to get better as we moved on. However, H turned into a man I didn't even know. H had tantrums, put holes in my walls, drank all night, worked ungodly hours and yes started an affair with the OW who was in a completely different state and 11 years older than him. After many attempts to "Fix" what I thought was broken. I was able to confirm that the OW never went away as he told me. I received the ILYBINILWY speech numerous times. H had 4 come and go's. Every time moving out while I was either at work, or in the middle of the night. There were many nights he didn't come home at all. OW left her 25 yr marriage and 4 kids and moved to my state. H needed a mom and well he got one. Yes she is just as broken as he is. The final move out was February 8th, 2018 after 5 years of putting up with something I had no idea about. (MLC) I did my research and read all the time, each time he moved out i would read and he fell into the classification of the "Chaos kid". What a mess he is. After leaving the last time, a few months of personal therapy and gaining some light in my broken heart. I started letting go and moving on.

January 19th, 2019 - 3 weeks before the 1 year mark. I have a fantastic new job that I love. Great friends, great family and I've been actively in the gym and finishing my degree.
I've moved forward with getting my financials together and I hardly even talk to H. Unless its a necessity.
S is doing great, his girlfriend (that I've been learning to like lol) and him have been together a little over a year and S is working and in College.
After H's tantrum yet again, I received some what of an apology, but I hold it like I would hold a spider. S turned 22 last weekend and I saw H that morning. H told me he was going to text S and wish him a Happy Birthday on his next break.
After coming home that evening, I asked S if he heard from his dad. S told me yes.
Here is where my heart breaks for my S. H told him Happy bday, said that he doesn't ever want S to think he comes 2nd but he needed to watch the football game. S told him no worries. H then told him again, you don't come second, but the game was on and I didn't want to miss it. (You see where that old saying is "everything before the word "But" is bulls***".) I told S how sorry I was, that he doesn't ever come second to anything or anyone.
S told me "what a D*** move". I told him that was pretty rotten. However, his dad is in a place that we have no idea about. I would never excuse his behavior, I do know that your dad loves you very much. S told me, ya but he's a "d***". We moved on, I took him out for dinner with his girlfriend and my friend and we went to be kids and played some miniature golf.

How do you tell a kid with asperger's that? I'm still baffled.
So now we are on the vehicle thing. H came over the other day, brought S a bday present. (a week later)
I told H that he needed to find himself one and let me refinance this one. I didn't cause this and well, you wanted to leave your family. They are your choices, so now you need to figure it out. I was very nice, I smiled, I watched him. I came straight out and asked him why after 23 yrs of marriage do you not respond to my texts? H said I get them, I see them. I said and you don't respond why? He just kinda laughed and turned his back on me. Really?
He didn't stay long as he had OW's car and it's a short leash. So he left.

As for me - I have moved on, I can look at this man and know that he is not the man I married and honestly thank him for giving me the gift of being free. Without him leaving this last time, I would never have moved forward with where I am today, fixed the issues that I was struggling with and be powerful in my decisions and my choices in life. I am on the right path, I don't feel anything for H other than sadness and hope that someday he finds his way. I will always have a place in my heart for him. That will never change. Right now, it's just like that furry spider, I'll hold it in my hand for a second, but once you start making a move I don't like. I'll drop it and walk away. Strength, determination and love for myself and my future.

As for the D...ya, we sit and wait. Again.

Until the next round...Have Faith!

Previous thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10126.0
« Last Edit: January 19, 2019, 07:29:14 AM by Thunder »
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Offline Seahunt18

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 16
  • Gender: Male
Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2019, 11:03:02 AM »
I hope one day I can get to that place you are at!

I am truly happy for you!

Offline Sam I Am

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1304
  • Gender: Female
  • https://affaircare.com/the-180
Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2019, 01:29:20 PM »
@ Sea - You will!

It took Mrs awhile but she has blossomed into a beautiful desert flower in the last year!

She had it rough for awhile too.  We all do and then someday something will click and the world gets brighter and brighter as you move forward too!

2019 - 365 New Opportunities  Bring It On!

I choose to feel blessed - I choose to feel grateful
I choose to be excited - I choose to be thankful
I CHOOSE to be HAPPY

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out to OW/A began in  7.17
3/5/18 OW moved/H moved in with F
3/19/18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW in another State
9.4.18  Moved back...Living with Parents OW Out of State 
11.1.18  Moved in with sister  Part of H's belonging are boxed on parents side porch
Dec 18 - OW may be living locally but H not fully living with her
Jan 2019 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings

Started Dating - Spring 1983
Married - August 1985
D29 - 2 children living locally
D -29 Married with 2 children
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School
3 Dogs

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 630
  • Gender: Female
Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #3 on: January 21, 2019, 01:46:10 PM »
Ginormous hugs to you Sam!!

Sea- just keep coming here, post read journal, you just have to remember we have ALL been where you are!
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Offline UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 7336
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone, you aren't a pizza
Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #4 on: January 22, 2019, 05:48:57 AM »
Right now, it's just like that furry spider, I'll hold it in my hand for a second, but once you start making a move I don't like. I'll drop it and walk away.

Annnd here it is...

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 630
  • Gender: Female
Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #5 on: January 22, 2019, 03:22:13 PM »
I would probably stomp on that one lol

Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Offline UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 7336
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone, you aren't a pizza
Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #6 on: January 23, 2019, 03:11:00 AM »
I would probably stomp on that one lol

Awwwww..... It's just trying to say "Hello" and wave....   ;D
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Whyus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2692
  • Gender: Male
Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2019, 06:04:37 AM »
you Sound like your doing great mrs. Awesome, thats what I like to read.
As for the "but the game was on and I didn't want to miss it." Thats total BS and just, well hes a d!ck basically as S22 said.

Sea, hang in there fella, your time will come. One day this will all be just a distant Memory.

UM:- now that surely wasnt necessary, was it? Bad bear! This MLC BS is bad enough but Spiders too???? Really dude?
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is trying to get People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 20
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 7336
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone, you aren't a pizza
Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #8 on: January 23, 2019, 06:56:03 AM »
UM:- now that surely wasnt necessary, was it? Bad bear! This MLC BS is bad enough but Spiders too???? Really dude?

But.... but .... but.... SHE started it by talking about holding the furry spider!

ROFL
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 630
  • Gender: Female
Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #9 on: January 24, 2019, 04:18:16 AM »
Thank you Whyus! It has been a challenge and I still have my ups and downs. I have moments where I stop myself and shake my head and look around me. I think wow, after one year this is where I am. I can walk with my head up, a little skip and dance in my feet and know that with faith and strength, it is possible to move forward and see a brand new path.
I have done so much change in me, mentally and physically. That it shows through in everything I do. Now, I can meet someone and know spot on to run like the d!ckens and don't go anywhere near that ball of furry mess. lol I've had one or two encounters such as that.
I have my projects going on in the garage again and my power tools have been replaced! So that is great news! (for me at least)
I've had contact with H the past few days (his doing) and have rushed off the phone with the ending of me telling him I'll call him another time. How things change!!

I hope that everyone keeps the faith, keeps strength and know that today is a brand new day. You can't change what happened yesterday, it is now a distant memory.
Hugs from across the way and big Smiles!!

UM - hahahaha Holding it? No way - lol Drop Stomp Squish and squish again!!
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk