My Techy friends here. I would appreciate someone linking the old to the brand new.
This subject line is perfect for where I see myself today versus last year at this time. (3 weeks short of 1 year when H moved out)
I have come a very long way down a very dark and scary path. There were days I didn't know if I wanted to keep going and days where
I just got up and kept moving. I kept it together for months. I had my downfalls, I cried, I hit things, I ran, I stopped eating, I even lost my job, during the worst possible time of the year. It was the worst few months. Though I had been here before, (H moving out) I knew that this time it was going to be the last time he came back.
Quick recap - H's MLC started about 6 years ago now. H's dad passed at an early age, our S turned 18 and graduated HS. Life as I thought was going to get better as we moved on. However, H turned into a man I didn't even know. H had tantrums, put holes in my walls, drank all night, worked ungodly hours and yes started an affair with the OW who was in a completely different state and 11 years older than him. After many attempts to "Fix" what I thought was broken. I was able to confirm that the OW never went away as he told me. I received the ILYBINILWY speech numerous times. H had 4 come and go's. Every time moving out while I was either at work, or in the middle of the night. There were many nights he didn't come home at all. OW left her 25 yr marriage and 4 kids and moved to my state. H needed a mom and well he got one. Yes she is just as broken as he is. The final move out was February 8th, 2018 after 5 years of putting up with something I had no idea about. (MLC) I did my research and read all the time, each time he moved out i would read and he fell into the classification of the "Chaos kid". What a mess he is. After leaving the last time, a few months of personal therapy and gaining some light in my broken heart. I started letting go and moving on.
January 19th, 2019 - 3 weeks before the 1 year mark. I have a fantastic new job that I love. Great friends, great family and I've been actively in the gym and finishing my degree.
I've moved forward with getting my financials together and I hardly even talk to H. Unless its a necessity.
S is doing great, his girlfriend (that I've been learning to like lol) and him have been together a little over a year and S is working and in College.
After H's tantrum yet again, I received some what of an apology, but I hold it like I would hold a spider. S turned 22 last weekend and I saw H that morning. H told me he was going to text S and wish him a Happy Birthday on his next break.
After coming home that evening, I asked S if he heard from his dad. S told me yes.
Here is where my heart breaks for my S. H told him Happy bday, said that he doesn't ever want S to think he comes 2nd but he needed to watch the football game. S told him no worries. H then told him again, you don't come second, but the game was on and I didn't want to miss it. (You see where that old saying is "everything before the word "But" is bulls***".) I told S how sorry I was, that he doesn't ever come second to anything or anyone.
S told me "what a D*** move". I told him that was pretty rotten. However, his dad is in a place that we have no idea about. I would never excuse his behavior, I do know that your dad loves you very much. S told me, ya but he's a "d***". We moved on, I took him out for dinner with his girlfriend and my friend and we went to be kids and played some miniature golf.
How do you tell a kid with asperger's that? I'm still baffled.
So now we are on the vehicle thing. H came over the other day, brought S a bday present. (a week later)
I told H that he needed to find himself one and let me refinance this one. I didn't cause this and well, you wanted to leave your family. They are your choices, so now you need to figure it out. I was very nice, I smiled, I watched him. I came straight out and asked him why after 23 yrs of marriage do you not respond to my texts? H said I get them, I see them. I said and you don't respond why? He just kinda laughed and turned his back on me. Really?
He didn't stay long as he had OW's car and it's a short leash. So he left.
As for me - I have moved on, I can look at this man and know that he is not the man I married and honestly thank him for giving me the gift of being free. Without him leaving this last time, I would never have moved forward with where I am today, fixed the issues that I was struggling with and be powerful in my decisions and my choices in life. I am on the right path, I don't feel anything for H other than sadness and hope that someday he finds his way. I will always have a place in my heart for him. That will never change. Right now, it's just like that furry spider, I'll hold it in my hand for a second, but once you start making a move I don't like. I'll drop it and walk away. Strength, determination and love for myself and my future.
As for the D...ya, we sit and wait. Again.
Until the next round...Have Faith!
Previous thread:
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10126.0
When you let go...you are truly free