Author Topic: My Story When you let go...you are truly free  (Read 1569 times)

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

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My Story Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #20 on: January 25, 2019, 03:16:00 PM »
I'm really not too concerned about it, just interested to see what he did to this time.its the 3rd time.
H has lost his marbles and after reading his text I realized he said courtyard not court house and something about a green piece of paper.  I don't know. But here when you file with the courts they have to pay a processor to serve you. Which he did not.
Cause as H says it's in the mail. Lol
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #21 on: January 27, 2019, 04:29:19 AM »
What a day yesterday. Received the paperwork via certified mail. Now I know what green card he is talking about. Looked through them. I think he is out of his mind. Did not disclose anything when it came to retirement accounts. Said the mortgage payment would be considered spousal maintenance but for only 3 yrs. Is he serious? After 22 years of marriage? He didnt include anything in regards to our S and said after 3 years I'm to take over payments, if not then we sell.

I think he's crazy.
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Offline OffRoad

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #22 on: January 27, 2019, 12:31:09 PM »
Yes, the green card is the proof the letter was delivered.  In my state, some things can be served by certified mail, and some cannot.

I'm glad you are in that wonderful place where you can look at his crazy proposal and just shake your head. A mortgage payment is not spousal maintenance.  That is quite funny! He doesn't get to choose what you spend your spousal maintenance on.

Sad you have to spend money on an attorney, but you need to protect yourself and your son. Raising kids is not cheap.

The best of luck to you!
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #23 on: January 28, 2019, 03:37:53 AM »
Well Mrs. Smiling,

I think......
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 19 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Thunder

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #24 on: January 28, 2019, 05:11:00 AM »
Good grief Mrs. Smiling, he really doesn't know what he is doing, does he?

No you don't take a mortgage payment for Spousal.   ::)  Geez

The amount of time he has to pay Spousal Maintenance goes according to a few factors.
Your age, your ability to work, length of marriage (yours is long term) and the difference between your income and his.

Well let a L figure it out.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #25 on: January 28, 2019, 06:25:39 PM »
Thanks UM...that's funny. I'm not too sure about H and these papers. Though they have been filed. Which is fine. However, this world of MLC is crazy.
H and I stood outside of his work for an hour Sunday and talked. Just talked, joked around, laughed and he even mentioned things about when we were first "Dating". Weird. But it was actually really nice to have a conversation with him and walk away feeling fine.

H did tell me that he was doing what the people at the Courts told him to do. That was why he said for me to fill in whatever I wanted. I said okay. That was understandable. I know he really doesn't understand. Thank god for people in my world that do know a little something.

H wants to get a few of the bills paid off and asked if we wanted to pay it down the middle weekly. We can tackle one at a time and get them paid off.
I agreed 100%. He even handed over his portion of money for one bill and only asked that I send him a picture of the balance after it was paid.

We talked about the spousal maintenance and he responded with well how long do I have to pay this. I said as long as they say or what we come up with.
But we've been married for 23 years. I then said to him, I don't by any means want to bring this up, but you have to remember that the person you live with came from money. She divorced him, moved here and sits on her butt all day just like she has for 25 years. She gets a substantial amount of money a month that she doesn't have to work and that will more than likely continue till she gets married or dies. H disagreed. I said oh, you have got to look at people for who they are. She is a liar. You of all people should know that. She, just like you will tell anyone anything. People are going to snow you just to get what they want. H didn't say a word.

We moved on. Talked a bit more, laughed and joked about the divorce. Agreed that we both don't want it to interfere in our jobs.
H then tells me that he feels like he has no money because of what he is paying out. I said well, unfortunately this is the consequence of actions.
H told me that he wants to be on his own. I said I wanted that for him too. That being on his own and independent would do him good. We talked money again, I said well, what's your time frame to get your own place? H's response? "As soon as possible"....uh oh problems in fantasy land?
That's too bad.

H actually walked next to me and hugged me goodbye.
This morning I filled out the response paper work sent him the list of "Wants" and made sure that everything was filled out correctly.
I talked to the Lawyer this morning and will be meeting with her next Monday.
Thunder - the lawyer chuckled as well when i told her what he put down. She said to me, I don't think so, it doesn't work that way.
My hope after all of this is to be friends with him. S deserves to have some part of his dad in his life.

18 days and counting before Response needs to be in.

Strength and Faith in God...

Until the next round.....
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Offline Sam I Am

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #26 on: January 29, 2019, 10:39:44 AM »
thinking of you!  You are handling all of this so well!
2019 - 365 New Opportunities  Bring It On!

I choose to feel blessed - I choose to feel grateful
I choose to be excited - I choose to be thankful
I CHOOSE to be HAPPY

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3/5/18 OW moved/H moved in with F
3/19/18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW in another State
9.4.18  Moved back...Living with Parents/OW Out of State 
11.1.18  Moved somewhere  Part of H's belonging are boxed on parents side porch
Nov 19 - OW moved back.  Living w/her D
Nov 19 - H started visiting on holidays
Jan 2019 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings

Started Dating - Spring 1983
Married - August 1985

D -29 Married with 2 children  Lives Local
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School across country
3 Dogs

Offline Shining Star

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #27 on: January 29, 2019, 11:35:33 AM »
I enjoyed reading your update.  Your comment about what your H said to S about "not being second" made me smile.  My ex-H told my daughter that he would have "fond" memories of her if she died.  Not that he would miss her or I would be destroyed, etc.  It was ridiculous.  She said to me "what a weirdo - who says that to your daughter."  You didn't ask for advice, but he can only divorce you once.  Make sure you list every single item - be extra inclusive.  I left out two items that he has now changed his mind over.  One is buying me a new car.  He went from - I will buy you a car, I don't remember saying I would buy you a car, I now remember saying that I would buy you a car, but I have given you enough money for you to buy your own car.  I should have been smarter, so that is my recommendation.  Trust nothing that comes out of his mouth - have it all in the documents.  Glad you sound as if you have gotten down the road from the worst of it.  I am about 7 months divorced and still finding my way.  It is nice to hear that it does get better.....   
H:56, I am 54
BD: March 2014, Left Sept 2014, Back Nov 2014
Left again in February 2015.  Asked for D on 9/22/15
Said he was "sure" he wanted a D in Dec 2015; 
Admitted long term affair - May 14, 2017 - says he is in love with the "symptom" but wants to build a relationship with me with "clear expectations" WHATEVER THAT MEANS!  Settlement Agreement signed 9/20/17.
Divorce final 3/14/18.
NC - by choice - 1/2018

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #28 on: January 30, 2019, 04:06:44 AM »
Thanks Sam! I was looking over the paperwork and realized I have till February 14th to send my response in. Well, Happy Valentines Day to me! lol
I think my only concern right now is H lying on his financial statement. Since it's pretty cut and dry on my end. (and I don't lie lol)
I know that OW is going to forge something to show what he "might" be paying. However, I know that what he is paying her isn't in the form of money.
(insert little emoji throwing up)

OW has a big surprise coming to her once he gets the vehicle and leaves. H told me that he has been looking at apartments around his work too. I would love to be a fly on the wall! Karma...it comes in all different shapes doesn't it. But as always I'll continue with growing, getting this divorce and finally having something in writing to where I know I don't need to be nice anymore (just kidding! I'm always nice). I think that's what is holding me back from really saying anything that I want to.

I have the appointment with the L on Monday. I'll bring all the paperwork in. I've been texting H "reminding" him that I have the forms for taxes, the different statements etc etc. As usual though, silence! It's really not that hard to respond ya know. What a turd!

Sam - I am no longer stepping quietly, what's that saying "I am woman hear me roar". lol I now stomp, I don't put up with anything from anyone in the form of mlc crazy or just crazy in general. I'm enjoying my discovery of me and realizing I'm pretty handy around my house.
I don't want to screw him out of anything, I just want my house. A house he continues to tell me that he wants me to have.
I know I can do this, even if I have to retain the lawyer in the end.

Shining star - It does get better. Separated but not divorced yet (even though it's just like being divorced) is great on my end. I do have many friends that I continue to see, but my biggest accomplishment was to get out of my vehicle one day and walk into the gym. Though I have lost 135 pds since all this started. It was time to get into the gym and do what I love to do the most. Run and box. I now go 5 days out of 7 and have cut my run time down to 2 miles in 25 minutes. I have an ample amount of support from here and HS.

I hope that everyone has a good day. I'll check in with you Sam today!
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Online Whyus

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #29 on: January 30, 2019, 04:22:53 AM »
Your sounding great Mrs. You make sure that you get all that you deserve out of the D.
Show no mercy, mercy is for the weak  ;D
Lots on HS have been served lately, must be the time of year  :-[ !
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is trying to get People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 20
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

 

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