Author Topic: My Story When you let go...you are truly free  (Read 3501 times)

Offline gman242

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My Story Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #30 on: January 30, 2019, 05:42:19 AM »
I agree with Whyus, it's a real point of change when you discover your own worth! :) Keep it up my good lady! :)

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #31 on: January 30, 2019, 03:15:58 PM »
Yay!

Well, I've text H letting him know that I received more tax forms. Interesting that he goes silent. We agreed this would be the last year
we filed together. Hopefully (oie) he sticks with what he said. Ya I know what you are thinking lol.

This L is expensive retainer is $6500. I'm not sure I'll go with her, but I need someone who is going to help me since I'm doing this on my own.
It's a little intimidating at times. If I can't afford this lawyer, can't i put in that he pays my lawyer costs?

Spent 4 hours last night working on homework to realize that I was working on the wrong assignment. Nice huh..Ya I chuckled
at myself too. So tonight I will actually do the right assignment. But hey at least next week's is done!

Skipped the gym tonight. S is off on campus and hanging with friends. Peaceful home. So me and my 4 legged crazy are going to sit back and enjoy the peace.

Whyus - Thank you, encouragement goes a long way.
Gman - Thank you!! So much going on it's amazing I've held it all together this long!

What doesn't kill ya just makes ya stronger right.

Until the next round...
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Offline Anon

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #32 on: January 30, 2019, 05:55:15 PM »
Quote
But as always I'll continue with growing, getting this divorce and finally having something in writing to where I know I don't need to be nice anymore (just kidding! I'm always nice). I think that's what is holding me back from really saying anything that I want to.

I relate so well to this I could have written it myself.  After the divorce, it's not like I will be nasty but I will no longer have to play nice so he cooperates with our uncontested divorce.  We won't have to hire lawyers as long as we are in agreement.   I just don't want him challenging any of the terms in the prenup because then it gets messy.   Playing nice helps with that goal.   

Like I said, I wouldn't be nasty but I wouldn't be quite as nice as I've been pretending.  I won't hold back saying anything I want to after the divorce either.  Like 'get out of my life, and stay out',,, for starters.

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #33 on: February 04, 2019, 03:51:26 AM »
Hi all,

Today I go and meet with this L to go through all the paperwork. Then down to the court to file my response. I don't do deadlines. I think
that only having 20 days to prepare a response after 23 years is just not enough time in my book. I mean throw in working full time and
school. I just don't agree. I feel like i'm missing something. But hopefully I'll get everything together for today. There is just too much history.
Most of the stuff we've already agreed upon. We started paying off the 2 credit cards we have. H is coming over Thursday so we can file taxes.
Then to talk about getting my name off the loan for the truck. Unfortunately, dealerships will not let you purchase a vehicle if you have a loan
out already, without a cosigner. I don't agree with that. But okay.

Anon - I'm hoping to understand the whole process today. I know that I need to file. So far we are in agreement to everything, so playing nice is always a good thing. I don't mind talking to H. I don't mind seeing him either. We are actually pretty good friends. So the more I smile and put on the charm, the more the guilt comes out in him and he doesn't argue with what I want. H is a good man when he isn't drinking, when he isn't around OW and when he is in his own element. (WORK). lol


It's a beautiful morning, I have the strength and I'm worth more than what is in those Divorce papers.
All of you are!

Until the next round!

Smiles!

Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Offline Whyus

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #34 on: February 04, 2019, 04:19:07 AM »
then good luck  ;)
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. Is tolerated by LaFamiglia
2 Sons - 20 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline Thunder

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #35 on: February 04, 2019, 05:12:53 AM »
Mrs, S,

Just keep in mind, if you two are in agreement with most things, it's possible you may get some of that retainer back if he does use it all.   :)

Another reason for playing nice (if possible).
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #36 on: February 04, 2019, 08:07:50 PM »
Well the appointment didn't go as I thought it would. Useful information, however, uncovered something that I didn't (or realize) was sitting out there.
I'm still trying to process everything. The divorce papers that he filed say two different things in two different spots and don't make any sense at all.


I have to really figure out how to go about all of it. I know that I have to file a response. Which I will do.
Then of course those wonderful 60 days, but if we come to agreement within the 60 days, we can file a consent decree and file that.
So I'll continue to play nice. I was unaware of a lot of things that have changed over time.

I just have to figure out what's in the best interest of Me and S. Which is marked by a deadline of 20 days.
Tonight my brain is spinning, my emotions are in check, but just the process of it all really weighs heavily.

Until the next round.... :(
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #37 on: February 05, 2019, 01:32:45 AM »
Ah yes... Finding out what has been going on behind the scenes is always SO much fun... or not.

You have your priorities right though - What is best for you and S. STBXH's choices mean that he gets to deal with / live with the consequences so it is his problem - It's now just business....
Me - 56
STBXW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #38 on: February 05, 2019, 04:24:16 AM »
 I'm usually really level headed about things and always want to do the right thing. Unfortunately what was found is not in favor of me and S.

Just trying to work through this and see. Again it's that looming 20 days.
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #39 on: February 05, 2019, 03:56:25 PM »
Heavy head today. I thought when he left was bad. It's like I can never find that "right answer". I search and I read and
I do what I need to do. But the confusion of it all still sits and stews. Questions I have are just small. But can never find
the right person to answer them. Or answer them to my satisfaction of settling my mind.

I feel like there are a ton of bricks on my shoulders.
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

 

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