Author Topic: My Story When you let go...you are truly free  (Read 1571 times)

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

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My Story Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #40 on: February 10, 2019, 06:03:50 PM »
Hello!

Well the time has come that I get to go to court and file my response. I've gone over it a million times and still think I'm missing something.
The only thing I can do is file in the allotted time and then we agreed to go over everything, agree and then file the consent decree at 60 days.

I think after 7 years I'm all done. I just want to move forward in a positive manner and enjoy the rest of my life. Whatever path I might choose.
So my nerves and anxiety are a little high but I know I'll be okay.

I have great friends and great support. H and I saw each other today. We chatted and then he went into work.
I wish he was more involved with S. But that's something I can not fix. I can just love S the best I know and continue
being here for him.

I hope all is well. Hugs to all around the globe.
Keep the faith.

Until the next round... :)
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Online gman242

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #41 on: February 11, 2019, 08:17:53 AM »
That's why I got a lawyer.. I just felt it was so much easier having them deal with it and a large part of that was because I knew a lot of W's info is / was bogus.

I felt the same way too, even with the tax returns this year, it hurt like BD and her leaving. Just how easily she could not care, not about me even, but S. Just to keep stacking the deck in her favor over and over. I hit a point and a light went off. I was just like.. nope. Screw you. I'm done waiting on her to be kind to me or treat me fairly. She laid in bed for 5 years after her mom died and I got absolutely jack and Schmidt for being a good, devoted husband. It's her life, her issues.. she can deal with it.

It's really hard, but I've taken extreme joy in taking what's mine. I guess I was always afraid of being unkind, especially since my dad was such an egotistical selfish person. But I hold myself to a high standard and at the same time, what I earned is what I keeps.

You just need to see how much effort you're put into yourself and your S and that you should have that protected and maintained. I'm at the point now where I want zero to do with W, so that she has no say or strings over me and S. One year to go until he's 18.. I dunno, I just found when I'm in charge, people are happy, things get done and life moves on. I will always love W, but that doesn't mean that I want my life upset by her BS anymore..

hope all turned out well :) hang in there and stay strong!

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #42 on: February 11, 2019, 02:53:19 PM »
Everything is filed. Stamped by the county clerk and I'll certify mail it tomorrow.
You are right gman, I do feel a lot better after filing everything. I even contemplated not sending in my list of what I want.
But realized he is only out for himself yet again.

60 days....I know I have to start thinking practical when it comes to surviving. So lowering a few of my standards right now
is probably going to be more beneficial. Even though I don't think I should have to. After 23 years. But you are right i'm all done
with his BS.

Tonight I relax, have a quiet dinner and wait for S to be home. Maybe I'll watch a movie.
I just keep thinking positive and moving forward. It's all I can do.
As you gman, I will always love him. But after his dad died, he lost his mind. I'll love him from a far and hope the best for him.

Until the next round...
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Offline Treasur

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #43 on: February 11, 2019, 03:23:06 PM »
Mrs S, I think you've hit your marvellous detached LBS sweet spot now...it's not quite Meh but it's a moment of Enough...I love you...but take your s&it away from my door now. Just like gman says, tired of the crazy BS and prefer life without it.
It's a rather nice spot isn't it?
As you say "he lost his mind, I'll love him from afar and hope the best for him". Plus I'd suggest a good dose of 'and even more of the best for me as I've actually done the hard work to get here'
Almost exactly the words I would use about my xh too.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Sam I Am

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #44 on: February 12, 2019, 12:07:05 PM »
Glad you are still smiling and you bounced back from a frustrating time!  Keep moving forward!
2019 - 365 New Opportunities  Bring It On!

I choose to feel blessed - I choose to feel grateful
I choose to be excited - I choose to be thankful
I CHOOSE to be HAPPY

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3/5/18 OW moved/H moved in with F
3/19/18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW in another State
9.4.18  Moved back...Living with Parents/OW Out of State 
11.1.18  Moved somewhere  Part of H's belonging are boxed on parents side porch
Nov 19 - OW moved back.  Living w/her D
Nov 19 - H started visiting on holidays
Jan 2019 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings

Started Dating - Spring 1983
Married - August 1985

D -29 Married with 2 children  Lives Local
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School across country
3 Dogs

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #45 on: February 13, 2019, 07:17:45 PM »
Hi all.
Thanks Sam, I am definitely stronger each day.
H only contacts me when it benefits himself. Still selfish but right now I just want taxes filed and a consent decree done and it to be finalized.
I'm worth a lot more than the way he treats me and so is S. Karma will hit slowly. It already has in some ways. His marbles are in the wrong line right now.
I'm just tired of it all and want to live peacefully. If I have to play nice than that's what I will do till the last day.
Tomorrow is Valentines and 1 year ago he walked out. So we've been in this now for almost 8 years.
If my calculations are right.

So I wish everyone A Happy Valentines day, if i could i would have everybody here that way nobody has to go through it alone!

Until the next round!
Keep the faith
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #46 on: February 17, 2019, 06:15:13 AM »
Good Sunday morning! I'm trying to figure out where Saturday went, it seems i was on the move since 4am .

Went up to get H to put his signature on a few things, he was outside on his phone. Motioned what I needed and he just shook his head. As I turned around he had walked clear across the sidewalk so I didn't hear his secret conversation lol. Possible 2nd OW?
He moaned and groaned about the vehicle as usual . Claiming he worked 9 hours and had to walk 2 hours to get home. Because OW was looking for a job. What? At 6 in the evening ? Oh ok. Lies...
H said hello to S. I told him this vehicle thing needs to be taken care of. H told me to go get something  and he would cosign..
Um, no. So my friend and I spent the rest of the day looking for something that is practical and affordable. I was surprised I found something. But by myself without H I bought it. Yay for me. Now S and I can hit Disneyland soon!
Now to tell H to come pick up this one. I can't stand to be in his presence longer than a few minutes.
Funny how things change.

I am excellent today, I had skipped the gym yesterday,  so I was back at it today. I love that time by myself.
Then it's back to my projects.
One goal completed, the vehicle. Now taxes and the final consent decree.
Then I can pretty much stop holding my tongue, I'll always be nice, that's in my nature. I just don't have it in me to hurt others.
Kindness goes a long way! But I will enjoy not having to listen to his lies. Still feel bad for S. But that time will come too. Karma, its coming.
A wonderful Sunday to all!
Hugs around the globe!
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #47 on: March 05, 2019, 07:14:08 PM »
Hi all!

It's been a few weeks since I have been here. I have vacation rounding the corner and with the place up north now, I'm packing up and heading out this weekend. We went and played in the snow 2 weeks ago. S's first time seeing it. It was amazing. It was such a nice get away.
Things are progressing slowly. H and I are getting along and had a nice discussion last week before he went on vacation. H explained to me that it's all new to him, that he is learning how to do things since he has never had to take care of anything in 20 years. I guess I can be proud of his progress when it comes to being an adult and being responsible. That's about all I am proud of. I'm glad that he is growing up. Slowly.
I'm just living my life the best way I know how.

My first step was to let go of things I could not control. Yet another change in my life. Having to give up a vehicle. I know it might be monetary for some. But just the meer thought of OW in my vehicle made me cringe. I know that what I'm doing by buying a new vehicle will just benefit me in the long run.
I hope. I know I had to be practical instead of whiny.

Change is never fun. But we go through it and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. At this point I should be as strong as the Hulk.
S and I had a good talk tonight. We talked about choices and the journey we are on through out our lives. I explained to him even at his young age, he is not in control of other people's happiness. It's not his job to fix anyone. His concern is his future and finding the right path for him and not anyone else.
We discussed true love. He didn't understand how I could say H was the true love of my life ( I can say that because it's actually true) and call him an a** at the same time. I explained to him his behavior and the disrespect is where he can be an a** , but it doesn't mean that he isn't and always has been the true love of my life. Even if the love I have for him now is different than what I once shared with him.

I told S that it was not my responsibility to fix things between him and his dad. That would come in time when S was ready. But to understand that it takes two to build a relationship. If S was not ready, it was okay.

As for me, I'm okay, work, school, and my new business now keeps me busy. I'm moving forward and enjoying every brand new day that is given to me.

Enjoy the day today, remember 365 days 365 new chances.
Keep the Faith.


Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

Offline Sam I Am

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #48 on: March 14, 2019, 07:01:15 AM »
Wow...awesome that you and your son are close so that you can prepare him for life.  Hopefully, MLC stops with your H!

Sorry...been away awhile and just catching up!
2019 - 365 New Opportunities  Bring It On!

I choose to feel blessed - I choose to feel grateful
I choose to be excited - I choose to be thankful
I CHOOSE to be HAPPY

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3/5/18 OW moved/H moved in with F
3/19/18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW in another State
9.4.18  Moved back...Living with Parents/OW Out of State 
11.1.18  Moved somewhere  Part of H's belonging are boxed on parents side porch
Nov 19 - OW moved back.  Living w/her D
Nov 19 - H started visiting on holidays
Jan 2019 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings

Started Dating - Spring 1983
Married - August 1985

D -29 Married with 2 children  Lives Local
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School across country
3 Dogs

Offline Mrs.SmilingTopic starter

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
« Reply #49 on: March 17, 2019, 07:27:25 AM »
 Hi all, Sam totally okay. Lives get busier once we focus on what's important. Which is ourselves.
I've started reading new books, not so much self help books but books to help me gain knowledge on everything from toxic people to paving the way. I am an extremely positive person and always want the best for others, however, I still need to focus on me and my journey.
I changed out all the pictures on my walls. It took me a year to get rid of the last one which was me H and S at S graduation. It was time. I put up fresh brand new pictures of our adventures the past month with the peace up North.

As for H, well not much change, he has shown a bit of the old H I remember through text. Has even responded to a text or two from me. H even said that he hoped that S and I had a really good time up north.
H called me yesterday, but I didnt answer since I was in the middle of a 12 hour day midterm I was trying to complete. I did text and tell him Sorry i missed your call hope all is good.
I no longer battle the stage and play in my head that has circled for months. Each quiet moment thoughts seem to go acting out what i would say to him if it meant there would be no backlash. I know that wont happen. So I've worked hard at filling the space with positive thoughts and where my own journey is going to lead me I hope.
Every day is a new chance to make it how I want.
Vacation has come to a close for me. I'm glad to go back to work.

Hope everyone finds strength in their own journey.
Life does get better even when you're living through your spouses MLC.

Keep the faith
365 new days 365 new and wonderful chances!

Until the next....
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

 

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