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Author Topic: My Story When you let go...you are truly free

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My Story Re: When you let go...you are truly free
#120: November 11, 2019, 03:46:25 PM
So terribly sorry for your loss Smiling - so glad you got to be part of his last days, I hope that is a comfort to you. I am happy your dad had peace in his passing...
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BD End of April 2017
Moved out - kind of, May 2017
Denied affair
Cycled hard April - Oct 2017, my son figured out affair, I confronted husband, we were going away as a family for the weekend - H monsters hard and files for a D end of Oct, 2017
D final Sept 2018
Many touch and goes
He lives in monster, kids haven’t been with him overnight since Jan 2019
Moved in with MOW, a former friend of mine, May 2019

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
#121: November 11, 2019, 04:28:37 PM
Mrs. Smiling, I'm so sorry for the loss of your father.  You have been through so much, yet continue with dignity and grace.  Well done.  It is always nice the come across fellow LBS who choose to make the very best outcome for themselves and truly end up leaving the MLC'er behind.  Ironic, huh?
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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
#122: November 11, 2019, 04:39:29 PM
Helping me, beyondblessed, 3boys4me,

Thank you so much, he was really a good man. Being the "baby" in the family, I had a special attachment to him.
Everyday is a new beginning.

I appreciate your messages.

Hugs to you all
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You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
#123: November 16, 2019, 03:47:23 PM
Mrs -
Also expressing my sorrow for the passing of your father.
I'm sorry H is unable to show any emotion right now.
It's just a blank emotion in the fog that is so common.

Glad you were able to get out.
Keep loving your LBS life to its fullest.

Hugs,
Sea
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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
#124: December 15, 2019, 11:39:29 AM
Hi everyone,

Crazy it seems like forever since i've been here. It's been crazy since my dad passed and each day brings on new challenges to face.
I thought I'd update..
S22- this child (man child) is a wonderful young man. Drives me nuts sometimes, however he keeps life interesting. lol He's good, 1 semester left of college and he will have graduated with a degree in multi-media technology in the gaming industry. YAY!

Me- I've been good. I found that spending the two weeks with my dad in hospice helped me immensely with closure. I would never want anyone to suffer as my dad did the last few months of his life. He spoke with me up to the final last 5 days of his life. The last conversation him and I had was him getting angry and raising his voice because i wouldn't help him escape the confinements of the hospice room. Funny man he was. lol I told him that I wasn't helping him escape, that I loved him very much and he is my hero. He looked at me that last time and told me he loved me too. After that he slowly went into a deep sleep and never woke up.
He passed like I said on my sister's birthday. (my sister who passed 2 years ago). My older sister and I had an eye opening moment that last day, as we sat there doing our work from the hospice room, the lights in dad's room flickered a few times, I looked at her and said "Sis is here". We kinda laughed a little realizing that our father decided to pass on her birthday, because she passed on father's day. Within an hour dad was gone.

Anyways, I am doing excellent. I have this next semester to go and I'll have my Bachelor's in Contractual law. I love it! I have started moving forward with my business on the side and will be registered with the state in January.
I've been religiously going to the gym and love it each time I'm there. I've pushed my time to 2 miles in 20 minutes. Which is excellent for me, considering a long time ago the thought of doing a mile that didn't include shopping or driving was out of the question. I lift 110pds and continue to box. Which is huge since when I did start I was exhausted after lifting 30pds a few times.

The dating scene - well....lol It's been rough, the men out there are either crazy, stalkers, gym rats, or have so many issues because they haven't moved forward from their own past, that sometimes being alone is more awesome!
However! I did meet someone...lol great guy, we talk and spend time together when we can. We are in the "slowly  getting to know each other" phase, but it's going rather well. One thing I remind myself daily, he is not EXH, that life is gone, this is my new chapter. Do not compare!

I have not introduced him to anyone other than the 4 legged demon. She loves him. That's good too!...When the time is right I will slowly incorporate my sister and maybe my mom.

I haven't been in an actual "relationship" in so many years, I don't even know what you are supposed to do...we have both agreed though that there are no expectations of either one of us.

Exh- grasshopper - still lost...Exh reached out to S22 on Thanksgiving, first time S22 has heard from him in 3 months. Wished him a Happy Thanksgiving, told him if he ever wanted to talk to drop him a line. That he loved and missed him. When S22 told me, of course i wanted to spew out a thousand different things. But I kindly said, did you respond? S22 said he did, told him that he loved him and happy thanksgiving. I did ask S22 if he asked how he was doing since his grampa passed away. S22 told me no. No mention at all..I don't know if that is weird or if he doesn't remember? I let S22 know that was a positive thing that he did by responding, that we show kindness and compassion even when we might not agree with the choices that were made. That when he was ready, he can have any relationship that he wanted with his dad. That I was proud of him for stepping up, putting the anger aside and responding. What a great kid.

Exh and I are still "connected" sadly. The truck is still not refinanced so it sits in both our names. He was supposed to do that, the retirement and 401k has not been taken care of and he won't pay his own insurance on the vehicle or get his own policy. As well he won't change the cable/internet bill into my name. Yes it's exhausting...The last option is filing paperwork for contempt. Not sure if i'm going to go that route. We will see.

Well that's it for me, I have a lot of shopping to do and a lot of baking to do...Last week of work before 2 week of vacation time. LOVE IT!.
I am happy, thriving, and touching the tips of my goals..Amazing what happens when you let go!

Thank you all for your wishes after dad passed. 365 New days!...

Hugs around the globe!
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« Last Edit: December 15, 2019, 11:45:00 AM by Mrs.Smiling »
Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
#125: December 15, 2019, 11:48:18 AM
Mrs. Smiling -
You sound so strong and happy compared to even a few months ago.
Keep up the great work.

I'm sorry about your father's passing, but as you said - I'm sure that he's at peace now without suffering.

Keep us updated, and have a wonderful 2 weeks off, and a wonderful holiday.

Sea
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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
#126: December 16, 2019, 02:40:51 AM
Grasshopper is slower than molasses in January in Minnesota!

One wonders... Has he forgotten? Avoiding? Stalling?

So many possibilities to Monkey-brain it to death, so little time....

I am glad to read that you are doing better and better and even enjoying the company of another person at the moment.... It takes a while to get to that place and it takes even longer to banish the demons of the past but it IS possible, as you are seeing...

S22's response to Grasshopper is pure class... Short and simple, no outright animosity and leaving the door open. Likewise, your choice to let him have whatever R he wishes with his father is also spot-on. He is an "adult" so can make his own choices in that matter...
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Me - 56, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 13, D - 9
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BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
#127: December 22, 2019, 06:41:14 AM
Hi all!

On vacation and had this wonderful place on my mind. I wanted to come in quickly and wish everyone a very happy holiday season.
It may not look like sunshine with some new LBS's here. But as we always say for our MLC spouses, there is a light at the end of that tunnel.
Just have faith and believe in yourself.

My new "Bo"...well lets just give him an initial "R".. R and I are doing great. We are spending time together as time permits. It's not a lot but we
still do get moments in. R is definitely different from people that I have met. He is very caring and sometimes intense. He has his own set of goals and
that is awesome, as I am still continuing to work on mine. We talk all the time and communication is huge with him.
I'm ok with not being with someone 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I think that would be the burn out.
It's all new and I'm enjoying this new path.

URSA - Thank yoU!! You're awesome. The support from people here is amazing. I couldn't have moved forward without having this place as a sounding board. People find strength in their own ways, this place gave me some added strength I didn't know I had.
I appreciate your humor, your blunt responses and the fact that you have taken the time out to respond. I hope you have an amazing holiday.

Sea - Lovely Sea, you are a beautiful person, you have the strength, the courage and the faith in yourself that you will become anything you want to be!.
Your kind words and support have been amazing! You have been wonderful! Thank you for the regards on my dad. We sometimes don't realize that time is short and the people we love the most that pass were some of the biggest influences in your life. Especially when they are no longer with us.
I hope that your Holiday is amazing, that you smile each morning and remind yourself you have the power!

Sam- I miss talking to you!! Thank you for reaching out the day my dad passed. I can't tell you how much that meant to me. We all deal with things in our own way. I don't think the actual shock wore off, and of course grasshopper's response of "OK" when I Told him really hit me hard. As I thought somewhere in there he would show some sort of emotion. (Expectations!) shame on me!
I know you are probably busy, and I Hope that you are well. Happy Holidays...I'll cruise over and get your update so i know things are going ok.

Off to bake, wrap and get a move on!
Hugs around the globe!
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Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
#128: December 22, 2019, 08:50:15 AM
Smiling...it all sounds wonderful.   Many of us have moved beyond the crisis and into new Rs with partners much different than the ones who cowardly bailed....and I think that's the whole point.

Happy Holidays to you and yours!
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Re: When you let go...you are truly free
#129: December 22, 2019, 09:53:22 AM
Thank you beyond! Ya, I stood for the longest time. I went back and forth on the right thing to do forever. I couldn't imagine my life without exh. But as I grew up, changed and did a lot of mirror work. I then knew that our time as we knew it, was in fact over. There is no movement on himself or even working on those issues. I don't know if there ever will be. But it's not for me to figure out or fix. All I can do is have faith and believe that everything happens for a reason.
365 New Days 365 New Chances.

Have a wonderful Holiday!
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Be the best version of yourself... there is no other

You cant break my spirit, its my dreams you take - James Blunt

 

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