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Author Topic: My Story Rebuilding Replanted and Growing 3

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My Story Rebuilding Replanted and Growing 3
OP: January 20, 2019, 01:57:46 AM
Again, I've reached the magic number to begin a new thread. So my journey continues. Thank you to all for the support as I navigate these reconciliation waters.   8)

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9795.0
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« Last Edit: January 20, 2019, 01:58:54 AM by Azioni »
You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option!!

"Anger will never disappear as long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts if resentment are forgotten." -- Buddhist quote

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#1: January 21, 2019, 12:06:21 AM
Attaching to support you see your H's progress (hopefully) ::)
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"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#2: January 21, 2019, 03:44:05 PM
I'm triggering badly today. Told me he has a rash between navel and groin. I am not in a good place tonight. My mind is racing a mile  minute.  We spent the whole morning together running errands,  had lunch out,   and he calls me while I'm by myself out grocery shopping to let me know this,  and that he has made dr appt for Wednesday morning.  As he was driving to work he calls to tell me this.

I've checked computer, phone, and GPS records and nothing out of the ordinary.  It sucks that I have to do that, but 'trust but verify' is the mantra I live by.

Now I'm seriously wondering about the roses he gave me early this morning. Sad, but I guess I have to wonder is just a lovely gesture or a possible guilty conscience. My next appointment with IC isn't until next week due to my schedule.

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« Last Edit: January 21, 2019, 03:51:54 PM by Azioni »
You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option!!

"Anger will never disappear as long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts if resentment are forgotten." -- Buddhist quote

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#3: January 21, 2019, 04:37:09 PM
I am sorry Azioni. I too have had times like that . It is a PTSD arousal state and that is very very hard to calm down from. It is horrible to live in suspicion and mistrust . When that happens to me , I remember 2 things .

1. I will be 100% absolutely and totally fine ...NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES! I am STRONG, I have done my BEST and I am not responsible for ANY CHOICES HE MAKES ...in the least. Somehow that is incredibly calming to me.

2.  I tell him . I tell him what is happening to me, what I am thinking and how I am feeling. And I am learning that it is actually a way to apply self-care...asking for what I need. I have a right to ask for what I need and it is up to him to respond accordingly ..or not. I just refuse to sit in unrelenting anxiety that will turn into anger and I will attack without fail. If I need re-assurance ...I ask for it. I look for ANYWAY to stop the trigger ...otherwise, I go into extreme ( very extreme) fight or flight reactions or a panic attack . Such hell is this . I am finding this happens to me less and less....

How long have you been reconciling Azioni?  I do not know your timeline , but I think it is similar to mine .
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Married April 1985
5 children
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The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#4: January 21, 2019, 05:12:50 PM
I totally agree 100% with #1!

#2 is much harder as he decided to tell me when I have no way to talk with him about it. Not sure if that was purposefully  done for avoidance, or not.

About 7 years into this now.
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You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option!!

"Anger will never disappear as long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts if resentment are forgotten." -- Buddhist quote

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#5: January 21, 2019, 07:03:10 PM
Sorry this triggered you Azioni, hardly surprising though?

Offer to have a look for him.  He didn't tell you so you could check up0 on him, he told you for support.  At least you'll see it's a heat rash or similar and offer solutions for him rather than feeling he is cheating or doing something wrong.

I find looking for positives in every interaction helps the doubt and unifies you as a couple.
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"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#6: January 21, 2019, 11:45:50 PM
Being triggered when you least expect it is the worst. Sorry Azioni, i understand your concern all too well but I agree with SF. If it was something bad then he surely wouldnt have told you about it. Hes looking for your Support with this so be strong and be positive. Its most probably nothing but once triggered the brain goes into overdrive and expects/suspects the worse case scenario.

You got this.

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Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#7: January 22, 2019, 03:59:59 AM
Attaching to the new Thread.....

I agree that, if the rash had been due to "misdeeds" he would have said NOTHING about it....  Too much guilt and shame, especially in the reconciliation process....

Could be heat or an allergy (change in laundry detergent even) or, depending on where you are tin the world, he managed to get into contact with some irritating plant and then had a scratch (you know the Michael Jackson kind of "scratch") and it spread....

My B did this with poison ivy once...

I got a rash from fibreglass insulation once too on my butt when I was a kid because the fibres went through my swimming suit... embarrassing to say the least...
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#8: January 22, 2019, 04:22:49 PM
I agree. If it was misdeeds he would have hidden whole thing. It is that he just doesn't see how things like this can trigger me. We spent hours together prior, so could have told me anytime during those hours. Probably would not have triggered me like it did. Hopefully he will be home from work before I fall asleep so we can talk.
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You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option!!

"Anger will never disappear as long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts if resentment are forgotten." -- Buddhist quote

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#9: January 23, 2019, 02:08:18 PM
I fell asleep before he got home. Spoke with him for a couple of minutes after I finished work today as he was about to begin his job. I asked about what doc said. He has 2 hernias :o .  I was like huh??!!  That he said it was a rash. Well, it turns out that telling me while in a crowded store was not a good move on his part. Really should have told me when we were face to face that day, then we could have avoided the misunderstanding. Meanwhile, now he will need surgery in the next few months for this.
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You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option!!

"Anger will never disappear as long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts if resentment are forgotten." -- Buddhist quote

 

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