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Author Topic: My Story Rebuilding Replanted and Growing 3

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My Story Rebuilding Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#20: March 10, 2019, 07:22:05 PM
The car seat is one of my triggers too Azioni, anywhere the ow sat, I am going no-where near.

Sooner it's gone the better.
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"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#21: March 24, 2019, 05:03:37 AM
So, we are still trying to sell that "other" vehicle. In the meantime,  my Kia's engine began to fail. Kia knows there's an issue  and has open quiet recall that is replacing engines. The caveat is the engine needs to knock or seize. Mine is burning through oil (not leaking, turning to sludge) and gasoline, and almost zero acceleration.  So we brought it to Kia for oil change, service noticed power loss but offered no solution. So over lunch hubby and I did.

If we could find a new vehicle and keep payments the same we would trade it in. Well we did, so we did!! Hubby wanted me in a safe vehicle .

We even tried to trade the "other" vehicle in,  but it was too old and we were not giving it away for $100. It has new tires on it alone worth more than that. Plus our son is using those proceeds towards his first car. We have asked a local mechanic to help us sell that one
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You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option!!

"Anger will never disappear as long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts if resentment are forgotten." -- Buddhist quote

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#22: March 24, 2019, 04:33:13 PM
When I discovered OW a lot of things "clicked" in my brain. I finally knew why the passenger seat was always in a different position and I was always e-adjusting it. I asked him more than once why the seat was different . Well, he is a liar afterall...he told me I was "paranoid and nuts".

We also sold a vehicle to get "rid" of the dumpster - dive OW he drove around with . I understand .
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Married April 1985
5 children
Bomb Drop April 2013
Thrown out of house August 2013
Affair discovered November 2013 (i guessed who)
Home December 3 2013
The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#23: April 02, 2019, 12:15:38 AM
I'd hate to think I sat in a seat one of the ow's did, but it's possible.  He must drive the current ow around in the new car and I would never sit in that seat either.  I'm not sure why it makes me so angry, it just does.

XH would have to get in my car and have me drive because sitting in his is a bit NO from me. (Not that he's asking ::)  )
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"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#24: April 02, 2019, 04:46:55 AM
I think it's a possession thing about us.  That was "our" car seat before OW and it has been usurped and so we want nothing to do with it.

I have had the same feelings but since OW has been long gone my triggers are considerably diminished.  Fortunately there is little need for him to drive me as I have my own car and access to my S's and D's if needed!
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BD march 2013
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OW for 3.5 years - finishing Autumn 2016
Reconnection started 2017 through 2018.
2019 is the year of Decisions!

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#25: April 02, 2019, 12:53:10 PM
Our original family car I purchased with an inheritance I got from my father's passing, and put it in his name, but I was the purchaser (UK).

Years later, and a few days after BD I found out he was driving around in it with her.

I took the car off him.

And then I traded it in, and got a new car, in my name.

Screw those OW cooties.  8)
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You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#26: April 05, 2019, 05:53:57 PM
I am so glad that I'm not alone in this car thingy.

H had driven OW around in this vehicle.  He had made out with OW in it. Drove it to go to OW, well you all understand.  Initially  we could not afford a new vehicle.  I had to settle for covering the seats and trying not to be in it. That's changed. We have new vehicles. Our kid doesn't want it anymore, they want something different.  So the timing is right to get rid of the last material thing from that time.

Today, my exterminator called saying he may be interested. Came to take pics. Then, my lawn guy who was here to do our lawn, told me about a local auction that is held 2 times a month. If the first falls through, we are going to go to auction with it. It will hopefully be gone in the next month one way or another. Good riddance!!

We do have to go see family soon. That puts us right back in the same city of the A. I love visiting the family, but my stress still goes up.  It's a double edge sword. Part of the gift that keeps giving. Ugh!! Or maybe I'm just triggered as not 1, but 2 songs came on with the OW's name and a couple that glorified cheating while I was in rush hour traffic. At least satelite radio has lots of channels to change to!
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You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option!!

"Anger will never disappear as long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts if resentment are forgotten." -- Buddhist quote

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#27: April 11, 2019, 03:25:17 PM
There is a plain of lethal flatness that a forum talks about. That it is possible to hit again and again in the long recovery process. In IC we are discussing this. The "why" I seem to keep coming back to this plain. What is it that puts up the stop sign on my feelings? Why can't I seem to not leave, but rather circle back to it. I'm standing in the middle of that plain yet again. I'm holding a map that I cannot seem to decipher to find my way out and get back on the path from it.
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You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option!!

"Anger will never disappear as long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts if resentment are forgotten." -- Buddhist quote

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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#28: April 11, 2019, 04:30:43 PM
Hi Azioni, thank you for sharing your feelings.

Would you mind describing what ‘a plain of lethal flatness’ is in terms of:

Your emotional state?  No joy, no sadness, and just ho-hum?
The way you feel/not feel toward your H?
The way you feel toward life in general?

How does your respond to your feelings of flatness?  He feels the same way?

What would be your definition of NOT being on that plain of lethal flatness?

Sorry, a lot of questions.  I’m intrigued.


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« Last Edit: April 11, 2019, 04:48:58 PM by Acorn »
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Re: Replanted and Growing 3
#29: April 11, 2019, 06:21:55 PM
Just emotionally flat. Not sure how else to explain it.

I'm able to put most of it on a shelf when I teach, but I can tell that I'm just not at the same intensity in the classroom.

Due to work hours of everyone else in the house, I'm frequently by myself for a number of hours after I get home from work. That may be playing a big part of it right now as well.
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You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only option!!

"Anger will never disappear as long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts if resentment are forgotten." -- Buddhist quote

 

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