Author Topic: My Story Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope  (Read 1921 times)

Offline FaithWalkerTopic starter

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My Story Re: Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope
« Reply #70 on: March 11, 2019, 08:42:14 PM »
Wedding is done!  I'm exhausted and fighting off something between the stress of working 2 jobs and trying to pull off some last minute things for the wedding.  I was the Maid of Honor.  Her fiance (78) was very sick with the flu, but he still showed up for the wedding and we were all freaking out a little bit because he looked like he should be in the ER, not at a wedding!  But he wasn't going to let my mama slip away!  They've stayed in town in a hotel for the last couple days and he had a doctor's appointment again this morning.  After he recovers they will do some traveling.

She was a beautiful bride!  I however, have gained too much weight and seeing it in the pictures it's time to do something about that!

We missed quite a bit of family who was afraid to drive over due to the numerous avalanches we've been having.  Who could blame them?  We are at over 100% snow pack for the State of Colorado.  My classroom is supposed to go snow shoeing with the 4th grade kids on Friday and I'm a little bit nervous about it. 

This is our last week before Spring Break.  I'm counting down the days!

M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Saw his POF the first month back
1.5y later no signs of anyone new - workaholic

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope
« Reply #71 on: March 12, 2019, 02:29:15 AM »
They had good reason to be worried about driving due to avalanche Danger.... Here is a video of the Brooklyns's side of Red Mountain Pass.... - Closed indefinitely at the moment... It looks like there are some places that the road has been torn off the side of the mountain by the rocks that came down with the snow....

https://www.facebook.com/ChrisTomer/videos/828740454128683/

I-70 was closed due to avalanches twice last week that I know of... And Copper Mountain/A-Basin both closed their ski area for avalanche mitigation... I mean, that is extreme as that is their life blood to get people on the slopes...

Hope that your mom's new H (and you) get well soon.... Flu is nothing to sneeze at (pun intended) at that age....
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 19 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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Offline No expectations

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Re: Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope
« Reply #72 on: March 16, 2019, 05:46:27 PM »
Hi Faith!

Been gone for quite a while.  Congratulations to your M on her wedding!  I hope that she is happy, it seems so.  You sound good, you are in a good head space, I think.  I hope you get to Arizona!
Married 11 1/2 years, together 18.  BD 9/2016, 2nd BD 10/16.  H moved out 10/16.  2 AS's from my first M.  Me 55, H 50. OW 23.  Moved back 4/18.  Reconnecting and working on our M.

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through; how you managed to survive.  You won't even be sure if the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain; when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person that walked in...that's what this storm is all about."

"The trick is to enjoy life.  Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones."

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope
« Reply #73 on: March 17, 2019, 05:49:18 AM »
FW - you will surely enjoy spring break week!  We just had ours this week and it was much needed.  Do you have any travel plans or some fun outings planned? 

That avalanche stuff is pretty serious stuff.   :o
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline FaithWalkerTopic starter

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Re: Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope
« Reply #74 on: April 03, 2019, 09:53:01 PM »
Hello all, I'm doing okay.  Didn't make it to Arizona over Spring Break.  Car troubles and lost a contact and didn't realize that I didn't have any more pairs had me being responsible and taking my car in for repairs (bad alternator) and a trial pair of contacts to wear until I finally got in today for my eye appointment.  My Mom's new hubby ended up in the ER on the same day that I had my car in for repairs so it was good that I'd stuck around town.

He spent a week in the hospital and then was moved to a rehab center.  The flu turned into pneumonia and also the infection went into his brain causing lots of issues.  There was a day Mom couldn't see him right away because he was about 5 years backwards in time.  He's improving and progressing every day though.

It's a good thing Mom was at his home with him and got him in to the ER.  His potassium level was so low and his INR (blood thickness) was too high.  He would have died if she hadn't gotten him in and gotten them normalized. 

At the end of Spring Break S13 turned to S14.  MLCer had invited myself and also S18 over to spend the day at his house for the festivities.  He was sure to stress who was going to be there when he invited me a few days beforehand.  I spent the day with him, his brother, his Mom and Dad, his Aunt, and his cousin.  Later it was just us, his parents, and D16 and S14.  We were looking for cars for D16 and laughing about the ones we were coming up with.  I'm not sure D16 appreciated the ones that we found for her.  That evening, when it was time for me to take the kids home, we all decided to go out to eat instead and spent another few hours together.  I chose not to sit by him at dinner though, I had D16 sit in between us.  I didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

Anyway, we ended up finding a great car for D16.  We got it all purchased and then MLCer had tags put on it, so when he picked her up tonight she was going to get to start driving it.  She still needs some hours to get her license, but she seems more motivated to do that now that she has her own little car.

I helped my Mom with some packing and she finally got everything moved and officially out of her apartment this past weekend.

As for work, I'm still having some issues that I think I've written about before.  There is stuff going on that I can't ignore and it sucks to be in a position where you have to speak out and allow the truth to be exposed, at great risk of self persecution, but it happened.  I've lost enough sleep over it.  Even made myself sick over it.  But I had a good conversation with my brother about it recently and he provided the insight that I needed to push me into action.  I sat down with the school administration yesterday and now I'm just praying that the truth come to light.  I have gotten to a point where I don't fear having to change jobs if I have to.  My only heartbreak is that a relationship that I've had for a while could be destroyed, but ultimately that will be their choice and parts of it have already been broken by their actions this year.

Anyway, that's about it for me for an update.  I hope everyone is well!
M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Saw his POF the first month back
1.5y later no signs of anyone new - workaholic

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline Hawkeye

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Re: Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope
« Reply #75 on: April 04, 2019, 09:37:11 AM »
Sorry to hear about your Spring break plans changing. Sometimes it isn't much fun being an adult, is it?

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope
« Reply #76 on: April 04, 2019, 07:13:26 PM »
FW - bummer about that stuff going on in the workplace.  That kind of stuff just sucks when you have to deal with how you're going to handle it.  I hope you're okay with however it all comes out. 

Double bummer about your stepdad's health issues. 

On a positive note we're getting closer and closer to the end of the school year!   Hang in there. 
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline FaithWalkerTopic starter

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Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope
« Reply #77 on: April 07, 2019, 03:07:58 PM »
I came across this article recently and thought I'd post it here.  While I don't know if I agree with everything that he says there, I did find myself nodding along to some of it.  And I thought about a lot of us here and the situations that we are in.  He puts a name (social widow) to some of the feeling's I've been feeling.  And it's nice to know that someone is seeing and hurting for the injustice that has been done to us.  The overwhelming of cruelty that we have felt.  The new problems that we have to face and overcome every day.

http://www.garythomas.com/the-ongoing-sin-of-divorce/

Anyway, just thought I'd share if anyone else is interested in reading it.
M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Saw his POF the first month back
1.5y later no signs of anyone new - workaholic

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline Hawkeye

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Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope
« Reply #78 on: April 07, 2019, 04:08:24 PM »
Thanks for sharing!

Offline DaybyDay1

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Re: Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope
« Reply #79 on: April 08, 2019, 11:30:51 AM »
Thanks for sharing, Faith.  I just read the article and it really hits home. 
Married 1997
BD: 9/14/17
Currently separated
Working on reconciliation one minute and divorce the next
Two Sons - 19 and 16

 

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