Author Topic: My Story Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope  (Read 4230 times)

Online UrsaMajor

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My Story Re: Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope
« Reply #130 on: October 11, 2019, 01:13:24 AM »
Yes, it does ... but it IS possible... Just takes... yeah, I am going to say THAT word again... time...
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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Online Milly

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Re: Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope
« Reply #131 on: October 11, 2019, 01:19:41 AM »
Hi Faith, nice to hear from you. Of course 'that' time of year is still going to have an effect on you. All we can be grateful for, is that it affects less and less with each passing year. Treat yourself kindly.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope
« Reply #132 on: October 12, 2019, 07:32:22 PM »
Hey FW!  Good to have you drop in. 

How's the jewelry business? 

BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline MyBrainIsBroken

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Re: Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope
« Reply #133 on: October 12, 2019, 07:43:50 PM »
Hi Faith! It's nice to hear from you. I hope you're enjoying beautiful Fall weather.

I don't disagree with the author of the article you posted but I doubt he's going to convert many MLCers to his point of view. I'm sorry your friend's MLCer and his ow are so visible. It sounds to me like the ow ranks pretty high on the narcissism scale. That's the sort of behavior I would expect from a narc.

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope
« Reply #134 on: October 15, 2019, 09:52:46 AM »
I have a lot of dealings with MOO2 and LB coming to church. It used to really bother me but now I just find it sad and bizzare. They obviously don't believe the things that we believe. Why bother? Go peddle your adultery someplace else. 
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Offline FaithWalkerTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope
« Reply #135 on: October 15, 2019, 09:10:22 PM »
Yes, it does ... but it IS possible... Just takes... yeah, I am going to say THAT word again... time...

Very true UM.  Hope you and your kiddos are doing good.

Hi Faith, nice to hear from you. Of course 'that' time of year is still going to have an effect on you. All we can be grateful for, is that it affects less and less with each passing year. Treat yourself kindly.

Thank you Milly!  I am feeling pretty fabulous other than the little bit of melancholy that hits once in a while. 

Hey FW!  Good to have you drop in. 

How's the jewelry business? 



Hey SB!  I am having so much fun with the jewelry biz.  I had a blast in Georgia and I feel like I have regained some of my confidence.  I didn't realize that I had lost it. 

I reached all 3 of the goals the company set for the first 100 days and earned my free business supplies and free jewelry at each step (40 days, 30 days and 30 days).  I have a vendor event coming up in November where I will showcase some items in a craft show type atmosphere.  It's been so fun to get out and meet new people and just let it be what it is going to be.   :)

Hi Faith! It's nice to hear from you. I hope you're enjoying beautiful Fall weather.

I don't disagree with the author of the article you posted but I doubt he's going to convert many MLCers to his point of view. I'm sorry your friend's MLCer and his ow are so visible. It sounds to me like the ow ranks pretty high on the narcissism scale. That's the sort of behavior I would expect from a narc.

I bet she does rank high in narcissism, MB.

Very true about the conversion of MLCer's.  Very true.  Unfortunately so.  But, I have been doing this Bible Study with my daughter, my best friend and her girls called "Princes Take Longer Than Frogs" and it's been really good for ALL of us.  One thing he says in there is "you don't need a man to provide for you.  Don't look for a man to take care of you.  Go out and be your own Super Hero.  Find a way to provide for yourself, and be strong in who you are, and you are going to attract more princes than frogs (hopefully - I added the hopefully lol because we know lazy frogs might also be attracted by a financially independent woman).

We just finished up our second week and it has sparked some good conversation with the teenager girls, and also as a 41 year old divorced woman has given me a lot to think about as well, with a lot of looking back on my dating life as a teenager.  Ha!

MB the Fall weather here is so awesome.  I love it!  It's been cool in the mornings but still hitting pretty high temps in the afternoons.  Definitely have to dress in layers or I die of heat stroke by the afternoon.  The colors here have been fantastic!  I've been trying to get out and enjoy them when I can.

I have a lot of dealings with MOO2 and LB coming to church. It used to really bother me but now I just find it sad and bizzare. They obviously don't believe the things that we believe. Why bother? Go peddle your adultery someplace else. 

Sad and bizzare DF, that says it perfectly.
M-41
H-43
S-19
D-17
S-14
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Has several dating profiles on POF and another but no major signs of anything new.

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline FaithWalkerTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Letting Go of Hurt to Hold on to Hope
« Reply #136 on: October 15, 2019, 09:47:23 PM »
Kids have had the last 2 days off school.  It's been a nice little break for them as they finish up the quarter.  S14 it struggling a bit as a high school freshman.  I try to keep an eye on his unfinished assignments on our parent website.  It's so frustrating when his grades are low because he hasn't turned something in.  I've been trying to maintain a balance of keeping him motivated to do them and turn them in without being too hard on him.  It's a hard balance to keep as I don't want to be too soft but too firm and that doesn't seem to help either.  I haven't seen his end of quarter grades, but hopefully he was successful in getting those grades up.  I told him that it's one thing to see a lower grade and 0 unfinished assignments, because that means he is struggling with the subject matter.  Unfinished assignments and a low grade can so totally be helped!  It is so frustrating.

And D17 is the opposite with 0 missing assignments and straight A's.  I think though that school sets our girls up to succeed and is not always the case for our boys and what they need to succeed.

My day job is good.  I love it there and everyone seems to love me.  I guess the last lady might have been done and ready to retire as I get the vibe that she wasn't always easy to get along with.  There are some rough days (last Tuesday was insane!) but I can leave it behind when I leave and enjoy my time at home when I get home.  I always seemed to carry more of my job with me working with the special needs kids, it's hard to just shake it off when you get home.

I've been out to see my former students and have lunch with them.  Unfortunately we had some sad thing happen in our school and we lost a 3rd grader.  He had a heart condition and went in for a routine surgery and died on the table.  It's shook all of us to the core, but he left an impact on all of us.  I spent some time at my old job just being there to comfort staff and students after such a trauma.  I was also able to do some cross training with my replacement and there doesn't seem to be any bad blood between myself and the people that I had struggled with near the end of the year when I made my decision to leave and to also make sure that the truth was out there.  I tried to do it in a way that didn't make enemies.  Well, if they talk behind my back, they are nice to my face.  It really isn't any of my business what they really think of me, right?

So life at the new job has been great, I'm also enjoying the extra little time I put in to the jewelry biz.  I also am cultivating a fantasy football team.  I'm at a 3 win 3 loss  for my team so far.  I was doing great until all my players started getting injured.  Football is brutal!  I've been watching some games with my brother and he gives me advice on my team when I need it.  It gives me something to talk about with the guys at work.  I work with a lot more guys than I did at the school between the Warehouse, Maintenance, Human Resources, etc.  We also have a football pool for our Denver Broncos and I pitched in $20 to buy a square and play in that.   I have no idea how to read the weekly pool that gets emailed but they will tell me if I win, lol.

We just got D17's Senior pictures back and they are great.  I did some trading for the pictures, which was nice.  My friend's young single mama daughter needed someone to watch her 15 month old on Saturdays on occasion while she worked, since my friend is now working on Saturday's too.  So we traded babysitting for photography.  He's a lot of work but he's also a really happy baby and a joy to be around.  D17 and I tag team with him, thank goodness.  I forgot what it's like to have a little one around.  It's exhausting!

S14 is headed up next weekend to go hunting with his Dad.  He's kind of got mixed feelings about the trip that he has expressed to me, so hopefully it goes well.  Speaking of MLCer, it has been a long time since I have seen him in person, now that D17 does the driving back and forth.  We do speak on the phone sometimes when it comes to stuff about the kids.  We usually end up extending the conversation to a 30-45 minute conversation and catch up with what all has been going on.  On a pretty superficial level of course.  Nothing too deep, just light and breezy.  He had a friend step down from City Council and decided to run as his replacement.  It seems to have been a good move for him.  He got voted in at the last possible moment, it was grid-locked for a while with the vote between him and a younger, more liberal constituent.  Most of what I hear I read in the paper.  So far things have been favorable towards him in what I have read since he was voted in by the other members.  He will have to run for real in 2021 and be voted in by the people I think at that point.  Anyway, it's interesting to hear his journey.  He took the kids to the swearing in ceremony and they came home and shared a little bit about what that was like.  Despite everything, I am proud of him.  I hope that he serves that office well.  Not much else to share on that.  Nothing else in his life really gets back to me and I stopped looking for it on FB a long time ago.  It wasn't productive, that's for sure.  It is all in God's hands and I continue to move forward and have learned to be content with my life the way it is.  When people ask me if I am dating I tell them that I am focusing on raising my kids and that I don't want to complicate their lives.  Not sure if there will be a new excuse when they are out of the house lol.  I definitely still don't feel ready, and may or may not, time will tell.

In the meantime, I have lots to keep me busy.  I just did a genetic health test for my health screening this year and am waiting on the results of that.  D17 and I try and get to the gym a couple times a week in the morning's before school.  Work and jewelry work fill up my days, not to mention the teenage Bible Study on Monday nights and my grown-up Bible Study on Thursday nights.  The rest of my calendar is a nice balance between outings out with family and friends and some rare days when the kids are gone where I say no to everything and see no one and catch up on my Netflix shows.

I went to a jewelry convention in Georgia and flew all by myself without anyone with me for the first time.  I met up with some people I had met briefly through the jewelry and shared a room with my director who I had met but hadn't really gotten to know.  It was a great time.  I hadn't ever been to Georgia either so it was nice to see some new territory.  I wish I could've gotten to Tuscany, but alas, it was not to be this time.

I got an amazing compliment at the airport when I struck up a conversation with a lady and her husband as we were waiting for the ticket windows to open.  When I mentioned that I had 19, 17 and 14 year old kids she just about fell out of her seat.  She said that she thought I was about 25!  I asked her if she couldn't see my crows feet by my eyes and the puffy bags underneath?  She said that I needed to get a new mirror.  Such a sweetheart she was!  Later that weekend someone else guessed my age to be about 32.  I'll take it!

At the convention we got to hear Rachel Hollis speak and she was great, but the speech that impacted me the most was the one where our CEO talked about her daughter and this butterfly dress that she wanted to wear to school.  It was more of a costume than a dress, but she rocked that dress coming down the stairs one morning before school.  She had such pure childlike joy and the who cares attitude when it came to who would be watching.  She reminded us to look for our joy again and to be like that child.  It's hard to explain not being in the moment but I've been definitely trying to find that joyful child within me again.
M-41
H-43
S-19
D-17
S-14
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Has several dating profiles on POF and another but no major signs of anything new.

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

 

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