Author Topic: My Story Learning How to Live Again with Gratitude  (Read 3812 times)

Online KeepItTogether

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My Story Re: Learning How to Live Again with Gratitude
« Reply #140 on: June 10, 2019, 10:59:23 AM »

He seems to forget I am not on #teamhim anymore.  :o

LMAO--I love this.  Seriously, WHAT are you supposed to do? Frankly, it is a good sign that he doesn't like your attorney. Money well spent I'd say.

I am sorry about the job, even though you did know it was coming. A decision made in this instance will take you out of limbo land and better prepared to plan for your future.

Ahhhhh Tuscany. How exciting (although I wish you were going when the rest of are in September). I like what your therapist said. Yes, Tuscany for healing. So really, we MUST go. ;)
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Treasur

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Re: Learning How to Live Again with Gratitude
« Reply #141 on: June 10, 2019, 12:08:20 PM »

He seems to forget I am not on #teamhim anymore.  :o

LMAO--I love this.  Seriously, WHAT are you supposed to do? Frankly, it is a good sign that he doesn't like your attorney. Money well spent I'd say.

There is a rather lovely point as an LBS where we can see the ridiculousness of their behaviour with less angst. As you say #teamme not #teamus. I remember my h complaining how the stress of the divorce (y'know the one he filed for without telling me, the divorce he wanted that was going to make everything feel better) was making his mental health problems worse.....and seemed to expect me to fix that too.  ::) I agree with KIT...your L is obviously doing a good job lol
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Learning How to Live Again with Gratitude
« Reply #142 on: June 10, 2019, 03:20:34 PM »
Your atty is making him unhappy? Hahahahaha! I'd say your atty is doing a great job for you. If you have to go thru mediation, don't agree to anything. The mediator just wants you to settle (and him too) in the shortest amount of time possible. They have no interest in what happens after you D. You are setting yourself up to be as financially solvent as possible.

Make sure you take into account your current and potential living expenses. Once that paper is signed, there is no going back for more.

I am reading A Dog's Purpose, and the dog finds that cats don't seem to have a purpose. LOL You might want to let kitty know he's got a pretty good gig living there and should not bite the hand that feeds him.

I am very excited for you about your trip to Italy. It will take you out of the day to day grind and give you a much needed mental break.

I am glad that you have come to a conclusion about your job. I know it's not what you wanted, but it is a new beginning and that is exciting too.

trying2bok

Offline Nerissa

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Re: Learning How to Live Again with Gratitude
« Reply #143 on: June 10, 2019, 05:18:43 PM »
Mine became very testy upon being asked to supply documentation too.  I can only think they don’t think through the ramifications of divorce.  I also get self pitying please such as: ‘I’m sad too you know’. And ‘I haven’t been happy since leaving’ after insisting that he was doing all this for his happiness, and also telling me how very happy he was with his freedom.

How lovely  that you have family with you for a while.  Enjoy them.





 

Offline megogirl

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Re: Learning How to Live Again with Gratitude
« Reply #144 on: June 10, 2019, 05:48:13 PM »
I can only think they don’t think through the ramifications of divorce.  I also get self pitying please such as: ‘I’m sad too you know’. And ‘I haven’t been happy since leaving’ after insisting that he was doing all this for his happiness, and also telling me how very happy he was with his freedom

Hell no, they don't!!!!

They try to make divorce seem as if it's perfectly NORMAL, and certainly nothing you should *ever* be contesting.  My XH actually said, "I feel like I'm *blindsiding* you!"  Say WHAAA!?!   

Don't listen to word they say.....I certainly don't (any more!)
« Last Edit: June 10, 2019, 06:18:10 PM by megogirl »

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Learning How to Live Again with Gratitude
« Reply #145 on: June 11, 2019, 02:14:09 AM »
Postscript, I spoke too soon.  I was awakened last night by a text to the effect that H "wanted to tell me that 'my atty is making him unhappy.'"
Awwwwww...... One pity party, coming up....


He is upset that she sent a request for documents in response to his proposed asset division.

He's upset that she called his bluff.... and wants him to prove what he says..... As we know, that is an excellent strategy for dealing with a Mid-lifer... "Trust, but verify...."

Me - 54
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

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Offline MaleficentTopic starter

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Re: Learning How to Live Again with Gratitude
« Reply #146 on: June 13, 2019, 01:04:21 PM »
Learning and KIT, and Mego, Nerissa, Treasur, and UM,

Thanks for being there and understanding.  It was infuriating and funny at the same time.  It felt good to have you all there.  I never responded.

Learning, Mediation is not for me.  Thanks for the warning. Even the word is a trigger. I would rather go to court with a lawyer who can protect me from bullying.

UM, thanks for the gifs and Mr. Crabs especially, he always made me laugh. We were a SpongeBob family.

I am having a pajama day.  Emergency root canal this week.  One of my worse fears in life--as a kid I was always terrified of any dental work and I had a pretty good run until I noticed some funny swelling.  I have probably been clenching and grinding. It happened pretty fast, my dentist whom I adore called in the referral himself.  The appointment was on the other side of the city and i had never been there before, got stuck in torrential rain and traffic and had major anxiety. The endodontist gave up her lunch hour to see me. So, I faced one of my major fears in life.  And now I have to go back tomorrow, perhaps for round two, if the swelling is gone and she can finish.  And then there will be a crown...I get to be a queen. I am worried it might jeopardize my trip; it seems i cannot look forward to anything anymore. I am tired of being alone and brave.

So I took a rare day off from work (hey, they already re-orged me) and I am curled up in a blanket.  I ran out to get something soft for lunch at the bakery and parked immediately across the lot from H's car.  The last chance sighting was well over a year ago.  Well, I am either stupid or brave, so I walked up behind the car and waved.  (He did not back up and run me over.) He had some big burley guy in the passenger seat, so no pleasantries or even a hello, but he waved back with his frozen smile.  Then I stepped in a giant puddle and soaked myself. 

And, I was right that something was brewing with his helpful visits.  My future DIL told me that the ow is gone.  I do not know the story (or whether it is just an interlude) , but that explains why he is a nomad and saying he wants to be more present in his son's life and his mother's life.  I could tell my son knew something when he told me that his father didn't know where he would live next (like a Cheshire Cat suppressed grin-turned frown).  I do not know what this means or how and whether I am supposed to pave the way.  But i have been kind and if he wants to talk to me, he knows where I live.

All I know is that he was with me for 34 years and with "not me" for 18 months at best.  I need to remember, I am the queen, and I will soon have a crown. 

Thanks again.  I am going back under the blanket.

BD and moved out 9/2017
M 30 years at BD, together 34

Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Learning How to Live Again with Gratitude
« Reply #147 on: June 13, 2019, 05:03:30 PM »
All hail the Queen! ;D Sorry you get your crown under such circumstances, but hey, now you are royalty.

Your H certainly did have an agenda. Oy! They are all so transparent.

Kudos to you for having the guts to go up to his car and wave. He must have soiled his diaper.
trying2bok

Offline megogirl

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Re: Learning How to Live Again with Gratitude
« Reply #148 on: June 13, 2019, 05:10:29 PM »
I need to remember, I am the queen, and I will soon have a crown. 

Correction: you ARE the queen!  So wear that crown already, because OW can never compare! 
« Last Edit: June 13, 2019, 05:16:22 PM by megogirl »

Offline Rosetintedglasses

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Re: Learning How to Live Again with Gratitude
« Reply #149 on: June 14, 2019, 03:08:37 PM »
Mal

I love how you have turned something yucky - getting a crown on your tooth - to something fabulous - have a crown, get to be a queen! I am on your wavelength!

Also it’s good OW seems to be away - you are right, H knows where you live!

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017 then EA
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

 

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