Author Topic: My Story Almost 5 yrs since BD. My life is very different. H is still runnnnnnnninng..  (Read 2708 times)

Offline Thunder

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Milly, I'm so sorry your H is being so vile.  I hope you realize it is not because of you, he is just one miserable man who is lashing out because his life isn't turning out the way he thought it would.

Your life has been moving forward nicely and he sees that.  You weren't supposed to be happy, he was.
Poor pitiful him.

I hope you fight him back with your evidence.  It doesn't need to be done in an ugly manner, just business like.  If he doesn't like it, oh well.  You didn't ask for any of this.

I also hope you go to your D's graduation.  This is a special day for all of you.  Let him go stand in another room if he is uncomfortable.  He needs to grow up. You're her mother and have every right to be at your daughters graduation.

Hugs
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline MillyTopic starter

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Thank you so much all of you for your very thoughtful advice and support. I appreciate it.

I am going to take your advice to respond to the accusations but in a non emotional way. I like Treausur's bullet point system, that might help me face the task.

You are also right when you say that he's not going to be coming back while he still thinks it's ok to behave like this: selfish, entitled, crazy, malevolent. And thanks for reminding me about Milly's H being completely unreliable as far as S14 goes. And yes, S14 now can choose if he wants to see his dad or not, he can not be forced by law. OF course, he'll never see him with OW around, but she's not here all the time. And I will reiterate the point that OW is suing my D21, and that scares S14.

Today, I will start preparing my defense for my L. As I said on Anon's thread, as she is also having to face the D process right now, I tell myself that I might as well get this D business over and done with, then it will no longer be looming out there. One fear less. As she put it, no more BDs. I guess there's still the possibility that my H could marry his OW. That will hurt for sure, but I would almost feel sorry for him if he does. At least she can't get pregnant because she's almost 52. She's catching up with me!

Thank you again for your great posts.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline MillyTopic starter

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Thunder, thank you so muck for your kind words. They really help, especially the bit where you say that it's not me, he's just a very miserable man. Also thank you for pointing out that my life, from the outside, seems to be moving on nicely. You know, I can't see it from the inside, so I'm glad that it's noticeable. That gives me a boost to keep going on as I have been.

I'm scared to push the going to my oldest D's graduation. H will probably make a stink, his family will be at it and they will probably side with him, there will be little looks between them, and then my D will feel very awkward. I have told my D that I'm really sad that I won't be seeing this moment. She knows.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline UrsaMajor

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It is time to put on the business hat, channel Michael Correleone and remember - It's JUST business.....

H no longer gets a vote.  If he wants to play hardball, he'd best be prepared to have the bat placed where the sun don't shine......

His charges against D21, his moving away form the kids, his affair... ALL things that are simple facts to counter his lies....


AND PLEASE DO NOT REACT/RESPOND to him for any reason... Let your L do the talking... I fully expect that, if H's lawyer has already called him crazy, than the letter was probably dictated by H and sent verbatim with the expectation from H's lawyer that it will be shot down in flaming wreckage.....

Time to haul out the big guns.....

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline MillyTopic starter

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Thanks, UM, that made me laugh.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline Thunder

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Oh Milly, I do understand what you are saying but it just angers me that their intimidation will cause you not to go or cause your D stress.  That's what bullies do, intimidate everyone.

Maybe you could do something with her before her graduation, or after.  Just to celebrate her achievements. 
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline MillyTopic starter

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Thank you, Thunder, that is an idea.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline Puzzled

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Milly, please remember that your H's family (or at least part of it) is very fond of you.  Your SIL came to see you recently, right?  OW (and H) fabricated a lot of nonsense about H's family not liking you but this does not reflect reality.
Me: 47 (43 at BD1)
H: 53 (48 at BD1)
D: 10 (6 at BD1)
Met in 1995, married since 2000
BD 1: August 2014
BD 2: October 2015, moved abroad
August 2018: Received divorce papers in the mail unexpectedly

Offline Acorn

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Oh, dear Milly, what a mess he is.  He gave you a laundry list of what he dreams of having in his life - what you have.  He has messed up big time but you are successfully forging your way through life in a most concrete way and that is totally obvious to him.  He noted your every success in that letter.  What a way to pay a compliment to a woman.  ::)

As many have said, it’s all business now.  Counterargue all his points with solid evidence.  There shouldn’t be any emotions, conjectures, accusations.   Just evidence.  And more evidence.  Emails, receipts, court records, etc.  You put your business hard hat on.  Go forth and conquer. 

Everything Goner said. 



« Last Edit: January 29, 2019, 04:41:17 AM by Acorn »
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline MillyTopic starter

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Thank you very much, Acorn for the compliments, so kind of you. And thank you for the gentle shove to get my counterarguments down with receipts, etc.

Puzzle, it's true that one of my H's sisters came close to me recently and I really appreciated that. I don't she's going to be at the graduation. I probably sound really pathetic, but I can't face them speaking badly about me within range. If my H said to my D that I could go, that would be different. If I insists on going anyway, I feel they'll hold it against me and I will feel like the outsider.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

 

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