Author Topic: My Story when I no longer wish to be heard by you, that might be when you'll listen  (Read 1207 times)

Offline NasTopic starter

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Previous thread:

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10621.new;topicseen#new

Where I left off:
BD March 2015. H was an off-and-on and is mostly a vanisher now since 2017 when I was diagnosed with cancer.
My mother passed away two days ago unexpectedly.

Last comment from my last thread:
Oh, no, want to reply before the new thead looms down!

Nas, I'm so sorry you're so worried about your B. I do believe he will be able to handle this challenge. No one dies from seeing their parent die. I'm sorry that you, too, have this image of your mother in your head. I saw my dad die in horrific pain and still trying to stay alive. It haunted me for a long time, but now it's just a memory.

I'm glad to hear your H is not making boat loads of money and does have debts on his back. This is great news as far as I'm concerned. Sounds exactly like my H. Yes, for some reason they do get away with not having to repay these debts for a very long time, but not for ever. They do find them eventually and the later it is, the worse it is for our Hs.

He will be caught and it's going to feel brutal to him once he has to start repaying his debts. This is one of the main reason's for my H's depression and feeling sorry for himself. Of course, then comes that long time again before they figure out that their debts were not caused by us but by their own choices. I think that's the place I am at.

I also think I would be having a better life if I had not married my H but someone else. Then I wonder if I would have married another person with problems like my H anyway, so nothing would have changed.

I am glad you sent him that message accidentally. Sometimes decisions are made for us. I bet it will wiggle round his brain.

Milly, I don't know that he will get caught eventually for the debt.  I also don't know how much his income will go up in the coming years.  He works for a big city municipality, so probably good benefits but salary might be limited since they have to answer to the taxpayers for how much they pay people, etc.

As for me, my focus is on the multiple tasks at hand.  I have an appointment Tuesday about the new areas of concern and I'm sure I will be referred a few times and have to deal with multiple appointments over the coming two weeks. 
Still have to find a new job and a place to live.  Life goes on...
Married 8 years at BD, together 16.
BD March 2015
H moved out July 2015
I found out about OW March 2016 (She went to high school with H, long distance EA since September 2014, became PA November 2015)
H moved 1100 miles to live with OW June 2016
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer June 2017
H became a vanisher

Offline Thunder

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Welcome to your new thread, Nas.

Attaching... :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline UrsaMajor

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Attaching....

As far as debts go, depending on who is owed what, it may take some time but, for the most part, debtors will usually not "forgive" a debt out of hand, especially if it is a bank or something like that.... They can afford to wait because that debt is racking up interest, sometimes at penalty rates (xW had that happen to her once.... An overdue debt went form 9 to 24% interest because she defaulted over 90 days.... OUCH! Of course that was my fault since I didn't live with her, was paying my child support via automatic withdrawal and had paid all of MY credit card debt off... while she was out smokin' and jokin' )

It's like turning a Battleship at speed.... takes a loooooong time and a lot of space but eventually it does happen and then the guns go off and make one mell of a hess......
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline NasTopic starter

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Well, his last payment on anything was October 2016.  So it's been quite a long time.

The biggest debt is owed to one of those debt management companies.  They negotiated down his credit card balances and then assumed the debt at a lower amount, but it's still almost $30K.  He made his payments to them for 6 months and then stopped the same month I moved to a new state and he stopped paying me and everything else.
Married 8 years at BD, together 16.
BD March 2015
H moved out July 2015
I found out about OW March 2016 (She went to high school with H, long distance EA since September 2014, became PA November 2015)
H moved 1100 miles to live with OW June 2016
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer June 2017
H became a vanisher

Offline One day at a time

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Attaching Nas!

I agree with the others in your previous thread. You don't really know if his life is so wonderful, I'd say he would pretend alright but is it really?? I know that doesn't change your own situation in any way but hopefully it will make you feel a little bit better..

And the debts, he won't get away with them.. Oh he will be caught eventually, no doubt!
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline UrsaMajor

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Well, his last payment on anything was October 2016.  So it's been quite a long time.

The biggest debt is owed to one of those debt management companies.  They negotiated down his credit card balances and then assumed the debt at a lower amount, but it's still almost $30K.  He made his payments to them for 6 months and then stopped the same month I moved to a new state and he stopped paying me and everything else.

Those people don't give up... If they find him, they'll go after him....
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline NasTopic starter

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Well, he works at city hall in a major city.  He has a LinkedIn page.  He's on social media.  He's not that hard to find.
Married 8 years at BD, together 16.
BD March 2015
H moved out July 2015
I found out about OW March 2016 (She went to high school with H, long distance EA since September 2014, became PA November 2015)
H moved 1100 miles to live with OW June 2016
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer June 2017
H became a vanisher

Offline UrsaMajor

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Here's what's coming....

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline NasTopic starter

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Maybe, UM.  Two and a half years seems like a long time so far to dodge it.  I've said before, if it were me, I probably would have been sued by now.
Married 8 years at BD, together 16.
BD March 2015
H moved out July 2015
I found out about OW March 2016 (She went to high school with H, long distance EA since September 2014, became PA November 2015)
H moved 1100 miles to live with OW June 2016
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer June 2017
H became a vanisher

Offline Shelly7435

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Attaching  :)
M 52
H 47
M 12 years; together 17 years
D17, S27
Summer 2014 - H wanted to runaway
9/14 I was diagnosed with Breast cancer
11/14 Surgery for BC..3 day after my father dies
11/14 BD 2 days after surgery. I have no passion for you.
2/15 moved out
Dated each other all year affection back on..
3/16 moved home
7/16 Diagnosed with Breast cancer again
8/16 No affection again. I knew something was wrong.
9/16 Another surgery for Breast Cancer
9/16 BD 11 days after surgery discovered -EA with much younger W from Work. That is over. I think he has meaningless flings. Work is his mistress
10/16 I filed for D (financial reasons)
10/16 I moved out.
10/16 Now off and on vanisher
5/17 Divorce final

 

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