Author Topic: My Story when I no longer wish to be heard by you, that might be when you'll listen  (Read 1206 times)

Offline heroIam

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1853
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: when I no longer wish to be heard by you, that might be when you'll listen
« Reply #10 on: January 31, 2019, 09:16:47 AM »
Following along.....
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline KeepItTogether

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4255
  • Gender: Female
Re: when I no longer wish to be heard by you, that might be when you'll listen
« Reply #11 on: January 31, 2019, 10:56:55 AM »
Not that it makes you feel any better. But, I was with my mom when she died. She was in excruciating pain for a week solid. I did NOT want to be in the room when she went. But God had another plan. When she died, the laborious breathing that was a constant that whole week prior was gone. And she was finally at peace.  And though it was the saddest moment in my life up until that point, I felt I was blessed to have seen this. It was as if God was telling me that He had her now, and that she was no longer in pain.  Just my experience.

As for H....well he can run but he can't hide...ESPECIALLY if he works for any government. They are the easiest entities to levy. My H appears to all on the outside as if he is living it up. I think he even has OW fooled. But, his last correspondence to me was on the suicidal side. And though I know that was only for a pity party, it does show that he is nowhere as "happy" as he wants others to think he is.

Hang in there friend. This is going to be an emotional roller coaster for you. Such an extreme loss stays with you for a while. Be gentle with yourself. No more beating up Nas. 
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Anjae

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 15435
  • Gender: Female
Re: when I no longer wish to be heard by you, that might be when you'll listen
« Reply #12 on: January 31, 2019, 01:19:53 PM »
Welcome to your new thread, Nas.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Online 1trouble

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1912
  • Gender: Female
Re: when I no longer wish to be heard by you, that might be when you'll listen
« Reply #13 on: January 31, 2019, 02:25:21 PM »
Nas

Sorry to hear about your mum xx

As for your latest health problem I hope it proves to be nothing and you can start moving forward xx
"I can't go back to yesterday I was a different person then"..............Alice in Wonderland

you NEVER know how strong you are, until being strong is the ONLY choice you have"

Offline Milly

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1974
  • Gender: Female
Re: when I no longer wish to be heard by you, that might be when you'll listen
« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2019, 04:01:51 PM »
Nas, your H is not going to get away with his debts. Two years is not that long with certain kinds of debts. It takes years to catch them because there are so many people like them for them to go after first, and there are only so many people working in that office. Plus as UM says, they don't need to hurry, interest is just getting better. Often debt management companies are sold on and then it takes time for the new ownership to take control of the situation, causing additional delays. The debtors think they are getting away with it, but it's only getting worse.

I'm glad to hear that your appointment is Tuesday, so I imagine your doctor is back. That's good since you like him and trust him. I'm sorry that it's going to involve several tests and further appointments. You have acted as fast as you could. Everything else is out of your hands.

I realize you are very stressed about finding a place to live and a job to pay for it. But right now you have you mother's funeral. I would say just let yourself worry about this for now. My father used to say not to worry too much about the problems ahead, that things have a way of sorting themselves out. One thing at a time.
Big hugs xxxx

Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline Milly

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1974
  • Gender: Female
Re: when I no longer wish to be heard by you, that might be when you'll listen
« Reply #15 on: February 01, 2019, 03:24:31 PM »
Thinking of you, Nas. Sending you hugs and strength.xxx
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline NasTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1779
  • Gender: Female
Re: when I no longer wish to be heard by you, that might be when you'll listen
« Reply #16 on: February 02, 2019, 01:23:39 PM »
Thank you all for your kindness. Today is that day after someone dies, after all of the initial chaos subsides and all of the logistics are taken care of, where you find yourself simply alone contemplating what has actually happened. To me, that is the worst time. Nothing to busy your mind with, nothing in the immediate future to focus your thoughts on.  Just the lull...

Oh, and the kicker. We found evidence in her bank statements that she has been paying a small some monthly for life insurance. We were all enthused because we thought we could use that to pay for her funeral. It turns out that some swindler had sold her an accidental death and dismemberment policy, which obviously covers basically nothing.  >:(
« Last Edit: February 02, 2019, 01:32:26 PM by Nas »
Married 8 years at BD, together 16.
BD March 2015
H moved out July 2015
I found out about OW March 2016 (She went to high school with H, long distance EA since September 2014, became PA November 2015)
H moved 1100 miles to live with OW June 2016
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer June 2017
H became a vanisher

Offline OffRoad

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3115
  • Gender: Female
Re: when I no longer wish to be heard by you, that might be when you'll listen
« Reply #17 on: February 02, 2019, 01:38:07 PM »
I am very sorry for your loss, NAS. The day after the death of a loved one was always devoid of color for me, literally. I saw everything like a black and white show on tv. And I remember feeling like they never showed this part in a movie. This was what happens after the last scene cut. Now what do I do?

And the truth was there was not much to do, except funeral arrangements or celebration of life or what you choose to do. Sometimes the best choice is to take care of you for a short while.

Hugs
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline Milly

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1974
  • Gender: Female
Re: when I no longer wish to be heard by you, that might be when you'll listen
« Reply #18 on: February 02, 2019, 03:08:18 PM »
Nas, I'm sorry to hear that your poor mother spent money to cover a life insurance she might have been hoping would help her kids after she's gone, only to have been swindled by someone the kind I don't understand how they live with themselves. How sick must someone like this be? I mean it honestly. How rotten must your childhood be for you to grow up and swindle people out of life insurance? I guess there are worse people than MLCers.

I'm sorry that today is the day you are really feeling your mother's loss. I believe it's better to feel it,  than push it down. Feeling is healthy as we're all learning. A big comforting hug to you.
Millyxxx

Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline Loyal

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 403
  • Gender: Female
Re: when I no longer wish to be heard by you, that might be when you'll listen
« Reply #19 on: February 03, 2019, 01:57:02 PM »
Nas, I`m so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum.  Hugs, Loyal xx


Me: 56 (when he left in April 2017)
MLCer: 57 (when he left in April 2017)
Together since: 1986
Married: No
Children:No
Begin of P`s MLC: around Spring 2010 with breaks inbetween when he behaved like his pre MLC self.
OW: YES , he`s living together with an old spinster who just happens to live up the road. They definitely weren`t together when he first left,  he was living in a flat around the corner from her that belongs to a guy he got to know through walking our doggie. She had been chasing after him for years but he hadn`t the slightest interest in her as she is definitely not his pre MLC type  but as with most MLCers. she was the first to cross his path and he took the bait.
Animals: 1 doggie, belongs to both of us but MLCers has abandoned him too.

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk