Goner, you make blunt but good comments and ask delving questions. That’s my Goner!
A two way street is good. Just different volume of traffic each way right now. His words are tumbling out. He gets more lanes. I’m whole, he is trying to be whole. He gets to talk a lot, I get to hear a lot.
I don’t feel in anyway that I’m sacrificing. What’s there to sacrifice??? My H has fully committed himself to me and M, he told me he loves me, he loves to talk with me about his issues and his visions for the future, and respectfully listens to my views. He couldn’t be more courteous and considerate toward me. This is my dream come true! I could not have imagined this scene a couple of years ago. One is deemed to be sacrificing if she loses much in the process. I’m not losing but gaining tremendously.
I deserve to be heard? Sure, everyone deserves to be heard. Only if the listener does not know what you are about to say. He knows how much and deeply I suffered. I don’t need to tell him again for the 10th time! Besides, I do not feel any need to talk about my pain again. I’m healed.
I don’t need to spell out what I have learned. H is not deaf and dumb, nor is he dull. He can see I kept my core, added a few positive attributes and got rid of some I didn’t care to keep. The fact that he continues to talk to me about his innermost thoughts are a proof he KNOWS what I have learned. He knows he has an empathetic listener in me. He knows I have gained some measure of humility (I used have an answer for everything! blush!); I’m no longer judgemental but more understanding; I have become much more patient; I’ve learned to zip judiciously and that I mentor many people in real life. Would he talk to me if I didn’t learn those positive things? I don’t think so...
If I have to talk about my newly learned lessons to make him see them, that’d not much of a lesson in my view. We look for actions, not words from MLCer, I think it is the same for LBS and everyone else.