Author Topic: My Story Reconnecting Reconnecting. How??  (Read 2585 times)

Offline AcornTopic starter

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My Story Reconnecting Re: Reconnecting. How??
« Reply #100 on: February 11, 2019, 01:55:59 PM »
Shoot, it looks like I hijacked my own thread by mentioning ‘story seems too sunny’ etc.  ;D

Anyhow, back to the update and I repeat here.

Quote
. I was just a ‘thing’ to him for a long time.  A chair maybe, or even a mote. 
<snip>
That has all changed now.  I and my welfare seem to have become his priority in every way.  He is acutely aware of my presence in his life and he simply cannot do enough for me.  I’m at the forefront of his thoughts. 

————————

He was missing in action on Saturday and I was triggered.  See, he used to lie (work, exercise, blah, blah) and go meet OW on weekends. 
<snip>
It turns out that he was looking into that said gift in secret to surprise me...

There you go.  The same disappearing act but for a different person and different purpose.   

In the thick fog:  to see OW and all about him
Now: for me and all about me.

I’m wondering if H has read HB’s article regarding the end of MLC journey and how MLCer treats LBS, because he is following her exact descriptions.
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline dogwalker

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Re: Reconnecting. How??
« Reply #101 on: February 11, 2019, 02:13:33 PM »
Hi Accorn
Please continue to post. I have ever posted
On your thread but I follow along and
Learn a lot from you.
With regard to HB article. Could you put
A link to it please as I don’t think I’ve read
It

Take care DW

Offline Milly

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Re: Reconnecting. How??
« Reply #102 on: February 11, 2019, 02:58:40 PM »
Oh, Acorn, we are all dying for reconciliation info!!! Please keep posting! We looooove it so much!! We envision ourselves in you. Just like in a movie, you are the heroine, and while we read your posts, we are you. While we read your posts, we are reconciling with our own Hs. For some of us, that might be all we'll ever get. Please don't feel bad about that!

Goner, please post all your bits. I personally would prefer to hear about the bad stuff intermingled with the positive steps. When the LBS just gives the good stuff, it makes my own situation look so much worse.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline One day at a time

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Re: Reconnecting. How??
« Reply #103 on: February 11, 2019, 03:08:46 PM »
Acorn, I'm with the others.. Please don't stop posting and don't feel embarrassed. It's great for the rest of us to see that some stories actually can have a happy ending.. This would be a depressing place if there was no "sunny stories" to read! If someone doesn't like it, they don't have to read it.  ;)
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline Anjae

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Re: Reconnecting. How??
« Reply #104 on: February 11, 2019, 03:25:43 PM »
Acorn, I hope you keep hitting post. Your story is less dark than many, but it is very important to have all types of stories. Yes, it may be others reconnecting think their stories are too rosy/sunny/light in comparison and don't post. If that is the case, it is a pity.

It is understandable you were triggered by your husband's disappearence.

Amazing how MLCers not only change back to who they were, but become a better version of who they were. Very interesting that your husband swift from "me, me, me, I am all that matters", to see you, be there for you and care for you and your wellbeing.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Online megogirl

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Re: Reconnecting. How??
« Reply #105 on: February 11, 2019, 04:02:43 PM »
Ditto what the others have said!

Acorn, your posts only ENCOURAGE us to stay the course and to continue our Stand.  Of course we all envy you, but it's "envy" in a good/positive way.  Like -- I want what she has, and I'm gonna GET it.

So please - post away!

Online barbiedoll

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Re: Reconnecting. How??
« Reply #106 on: February 11, 2019, 04:28:42 PM »
I also encourage you to absolutely keep sharing and posting as you continue to connect with your husband . Can there really ever be "too much good stuff?". It is essential that we read the good, the bad and the ugly , if we really want to honestly share our experiences. It certainly cannot be all gloom and doom ...nor is it all pixie unicorns and rainbows , it should be a mixture of both as it is a very difficult thing to recover from ( in my experience). Others are far more able to access compassion and acceptance and maybe have a secure attachment style, ability to self soothe and are far less reactive. Different emotional make-ups , history and personalities....so, of course everyone will have a unique story to tell. Keep telling yours !!
Married April 1985
5 children
Bomb Drop April 2013
Thrown out of house August 2013
Affair discovered November 2013 (i guessed who)
Home December 3 2013
The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

Offline AcornTopic starter

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Re: Reconnecting. How??
« Reply #107 on: February 11, 2019, 04:53:10 PM »
With regard to HB article. Could you put
A link to it please as I don’t think I’ve read
It

I’ve been trying to locate one of the numerous articles by HB regarding how the husband that emerges from MLC journey treats his wife.  Alas, I can’t find it!  The gist of it is the healed MLCer treating his wife with the utmost care - she is his priority.  Or, some expression similar to that.

The article will turn up when I’m not looking for it. When I eventually find it, I promise to post it on my thread.   

Hey Goner, do you know which article I’m referring to?  Do you by any chance have it handy to share with us?

In the mean time, here are some links that pertain to the settling down stages after they emerge from the tunnel.  My H fits the descriptions contained in the articles very well.  It’s uncanny...

https://thestagesandlessonsofmidlife.org/the-first-healing-stage-the-settling-down-process/

https://thestagesandlessonsofmidlife.org/the-second-healing-stage-final-inner-healing/
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline AcornTopic starter

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Re: Reconnecting. How??
« Reply #108 on: February 11, 2019, 04:59:37 PM »
Thank you, dear people, for all your comments.  I’d never thought my little afterthought would generate so many comments!  Of course I will try to keep posting, though I’m bound to feel a little uncomfortable each time I post because my story seems to be more positive than that of others...

As many of you might know, my H is a live-in.  That means we didn’t have to deal with drastic physical changes with him moving out of home and then moving in again.  That spared me from having to readjust to drastically altered living arrangements.  Much less upheaval.  I think that might be one of the reasons that I’m able to share my story with you. 
« Last Edit: February 11, 2019, 05:00:47 PM by Acorn »
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline AcornTopic starter

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Re: Reconnecting. How??
« Reply #109 on: February 11, 2019, 05:55:55 PM »
Acorn, your posts only ENCOURAGE us to stay the course and to continue our Stand.  Of course we all envy you, but it's "envy" in a good/positive way.  Like -- I want what she has, and I'm gonna GET it.

Mego, don’t let my story lead you down the garden path..   I would hate to contribute to you having expectations...
It is good to have hope but I don’t think our determination to reconcile really has anything to do with the outcome, though I like your gutsy attitude. 
In my thinking, the only useful and practical determination we should have is regarding ourselves - to learn more about ourselves, grow emotionally and spiritually, and become better human beings.
 
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

 

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