Author Topic: My Story The MLC picture show  (Read 1055 times)

Online sachat3Topic starter

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My Story The MLC picture show
« on: February 03, 2019, 12:38:09 AM »
New thread guys 🙌🏾

Recap
Nov 2017 - BD
Dec 2017 - OW discovered I unfortunately confronted her
Jan 2018 - H and OW officially dating
Feb - March 2018 - Me and H intimate on a few occasions (I know I know!)
March 2018 - I tell OW of infidelity. H and Ow briefly split
August 2018 - H & OW split again (conveniently on D2 bday)
September 2018 - another split on D7 bday

We were intimate a few times towards the end of 2018.
H is a VERY clingy boomerang.

Journalling
D2 is STILL in hospital. It’s coming up to a full week now. It’s all very odd how it’s come about as D2 is very much well in herself. We had an appointment 9am Monday at the eye hospital and it’s very much spiralled from there. On Tuesday we were aloud home and told to come back on Wednesday they said it would be one night stay. This hasn’t been the case. I packed for the one night stay. Now obviously contact with H has increased.

I phoned H on Thursday. Explained what was happening with D2 the next steps etc and I said “we will be needing some things bringing in” H responded “we will sort it”. Friday much or the same but Friday we discovered D2 would need a slight brain op. H definitely changed and became a shell of a human upon hearing this. He was saying words but his tone was gone. He sounded like a man on autopilot. I knew something was wrong.

But I’ve alwaus said D2 was always a huge trigger to his MLC. He’s notorious a bottle upper of feelings and since D2 was 2 months old, she’s been in and out of hospital. On Friday I again said we would need things bringing. Again H said he would sort it. Saturday was the day we were expecting the op. I messaged H in the morning and outright told him to bring me things. It’s been three f*cking says now and he hasn’t once been to the hospital. We had no word from him from 9am-1pm. At 1:30pm they moved D2 onto a different ward.

Now I know I handled it wrong but at the end of the day I’m human. I’ll admit I snapped. So I text H at 1:33 and said “Really nice of you to check on D2. They’ve now moved her wards” he said something like “wow ok don’t start but ok they doing the op today ?” From then I lost it and told him not to bother. 7pm he told me D5 and D7 wanted to speak to me so he would phone. He text saying phone was off as he has tried phoning (fibber fibber phone wasn’t off) and then phoned. H tried usual chat and I just said “I’m not speaking to you put D5 and D7 on” he then called me a rude bastard.

At 8pm there was no more contact from H and no sign of him. So I had to go shop which I REALLY didn’t want to do. I didn’t want to leave my baby on the ward but I had no choice. Just before I left for the shop the surgeon came over and said they would do the op tomorrow. On my way to the shop I phoned H. I told myself I wouldn’t loose it with him.

I was wrong 😂 and I went on a tribals of “I asked you three times to bring ya stuff you didn’t now I’m having to go buy new things from the shop” his whole demeanour was “don’t blame me. It’s not all on me. Not all my fault” I did want to buy D2 maybe a new teddy blanket or some PJs. Just a little something to cheer her up. But the big shops were closed. So I could only get the basics. I bought soap powder so I could atleast hand wash hwe clothwa.

I texted H and simply said “Don’t stress yourself. I’ve been shop got some cleaning stuff can hand wash D2 clothes” he replied almost instantly “Whatwver you told me not to bring kids so I would have done it this evening but sorry for being a waste of space” now I never called him a waste of space. Never even used those words...yes I did say if it was easier he didn’t have to bring D5 and D7 but I never heard anything back. I then snapped again and said “I told you not to bring kids if that made things easier as I have asked three times for things and twice asked you to bring kids. Twice got ignored so I thought I would give you another option but don’t worry D2 is in nappies a size too small because I had to get what the shop had to offer” he replied with “you’ll have your stuff first thing” I replied “I told you don’t bother I’ve sorted it”

Now I know I know I shouldn’t snap. I know I shouldn’t argue but my god I just lost it. I’m only human. Nor only am I cooped up in a hospital with D2. I haven’t seen D5 or D7 since Wednesday. We need clothes and bits as our stay is much much longer than we expected and now D2 needs a brain op.

Anyone who read my last thread will see the stark contrast. Monday he went home to get me some bits and brought absolutely almost everything 4 outfits PJs makeup etc. It was just so frustrating

Previous thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10536.0

« Last Edit: February 03, 2019, 03:36:42 AM by Thunder »
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline in it

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2019, 07:27:31 AM »
It's ok to snap and get angry
(((Hugs)))
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

Online Mitzpah

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2019, 07:37:40 AM »
Sachat,

I am sorry to hear about the new developments with D2. I have had a baby in neo nate (coarctation of the aorta, corrected with surgery) and later this same child in hospital with brain cancer (he had surgery, chemo and radiation). It is stressful and having a husband going through a major crisis at the same time is so what you don't need.

Don't waste energy on him, just state what you need and turn your focus back onto D2. He may not come through but you have shown that you are a resourceful mama!

Praying for a successful op!

(((Hugs))))
M 57
H 57
S 26
S 25
D 24
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Offline OffRoad

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2019, 10:15:15 AM »
My thoughts are with you today and i hope all goes well.

It's ok to be angry. You have every right to be angry! I am going to say that imo, you bit off your nose to spite your face by telling him "Don't bother." That just gives him his own pity party, (which he has zero right to have) I know it's an innate reaction, because he was being useless.

"Where are you?" would be effective, let you be angry, as you have every right to be, and maybe, just maybe, also get you what you need without you having to handwash clothes.

You need what you need. Keep asking for it, even if you DO sort it out yourself. What's the worst that can happen, you get what you asked for and have some emergency extras. You DESERVE to have what you need without doing all the work. Letting him off the hook with "Don't bother." serves no one.

And you need to see your other Ds. Is there anyone else who could bring them to you?

Hugs!



When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Online sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2019, 01:36:40 PM »
It’s stressful. Not only is my baby going through everything. But the hospital is making many serious mistakes. Which makes it a much longer stay.

H turned up today with D5 and D7....I’m pretty sure had they said today the op wasn’t going ahead, and I could go home for a hour or so and needed to phone H I doubt he would have come. He wasn’t busy. He was just watching TV with the girls.  I just wish he would have taken the girls out or something but hey. He brought me the pram and some more clothes but what’s annoying is had he told me he was bringing clothes. I could have told him what to bring because he brought me a pair of jeans that don’t fit. They are a size too small and I’m hoping they will one day fir. Hence me keeping them. But Atleast I have fresh underwear.

I do think your right. I have him a excuse to not show. By saying not to bother

You could have LITERALLY cut the atmosphere with a knife. I didn’t speak to him. I spoke when spoken too. He told me he would return tomorrow. I’m not counting on it.

Whilst I haven’t seen D5 and D7. He hasn’t seen D2. And today when he came, he obviously wanted me to know things but didn’t have the balls to actually say once he realised I was annoyed as D7 had started saying things like “Were going to the toy shop to get D2 a toy” D5 then noticed a new teddy I got D2 this morning from the hospital shop and H started saying “That’s because you have a lovely mummy that treats you” I ignored it as I’m used to how he works and he hopes that then I’ll say something like “and you have a lovely daddy who treats you too” etc etc.

I’m not totally heartless. I do understand this is just as hard for H  because as much as she’s my daughter she’s also his too. And this isn’t her first overnight trip in hospital so it must affect g him too as he’s away from here aswell. And it this is worse case scenario we will be in here for a lot longer and I get he’s having a crisis and this is a massive trigger but STILL he could do more.

On a positive note - I was scrolling Instagram and saw a post my friend did and it had 6 comments but I could only see 5. So I checked my blocked list to see if I could work out who had posted that comment. It was here I noticed H had changed his instas profile pic. Not quite a pic of him and OW but a pic of their shoes. The photo was taken AGES ago as it was posted when me and H still had each other on social media. It’s a odd photo to use...why not one with faces? Or whatever but hey. Now this shows me I’ve stepped forward because or this was a few months ago it would have sent me on a downward spiral. But I am completely fine.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2019, 07:43:17 PM »
Attaching

I'm sorry about D2.  I hope everything turns out ok.   :(
M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Saw his POF the first month back
1.5y later no signs of anyone new - workaholic

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline PJ Ames

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2019, 01:44:12 PM »
Attaching. Sorry about your D. My D spent a lot of time in hospitals as a kid, so I know a little of what you're going through. Take care of yourself.
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Married 1991
S: 24, D: 21 both doing great.

BD #1: June, 2016 - discovered EA with co-worker
BD #2: November 2018 - discovered online relationship with dude she met playing video games; she has never met him in person.
5-day separation (she left), November, 2018
W is trying (a little), but has no remorse. Nowhere near fully-cooked.

Online sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2019, 05:00:24 AM »
Luckily we’ve made it out of hospital 👏🏾 11 long days in there and we’re out. From when we were told D2 would need D Y and Z done H turned into a different person. He was literally a shell of himself. He avoided coming to see us. He was moody on calls. The lot. But I know D2 being poorly is his trigger bug he won’t opwn up and talk about it. At BD H described it as “a switch flicked” which is literally what it was like when we came home. A switch flicked and he was a happy upbeat person again. It was so strange. I called H and said we could come home but as D5 and D7 were in bed and he was cooking. He sent his brother too collect me and D2 from the hospital.

He greeted ya on the drive. He helped bring the bags in the house. He brought D5 and D7 over. He brought food over he had bought for the girls not sure why. Then once the girls were in bed H popped over again with school uniform. He’s washed and dried it 😳 this is a man that the whole time I lived with him (around 7 years) he probably put on 1-2 loads of laundry so I was shocked. And it was only then that he was asking more questions about D2. It’s almost like now he knew she was okay he could brave bearing the answers to questions he so desperately wanted to ask.

We came home on the Thursday and I mentioned I might just keep the kids with me Saturday. He said let him know and I explained if I was keeping them with me. I’d say. If he didn’t hear from me out original  argreement stands. Oddly tho Thursday night he wanted to check it was okay if he went out on Friday. I’m not sure why he felt the need to ask as we have had the agreement for over a year now. That Friday he is child free. Saturday I am.

Friday he did his thing. I did mine. We didn’t hear from him but I didn’t expect to either.

Saturday I decided to take D2 D5 and D7 to the local aquarium and for some lunch. H texted and the text literally ready “hi hope the girls are good and loving having you back and being behaved I’m sure there keeping you busy” now to me that was a pointless text that didn’t require a answer. So I never replied. We enjoyed our day. I planned to go out with my friend in the evening aswell. H finished work and showed up. He worked out I was going out and was annoyed. I explained that I told him the plan remained unless I said different. I didn’t say different so he shouldn’t have made plans. Simple. I’m assuming he made plans and that’s what annoyed him but who knows. He then said “I text you this morning and you never replied” the text had no substance. It didn’t need a reply!
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online One day at a time

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #8 on: February 10, 2019, 02:25:26 PM »
Good to hear your are back home and D2 is OK.. I'm sure it has been exhausting for you to be there so many days!!

Your H is all over the place, I can't understand why he waited until you got home to ask his questions about D2.. I can understand it was an upsetting situation but it was also upsetting for you!!!! argh, in those situations wouldn't you love to give them a good shake?  ::)
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.


"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #9 on: February 11, 2019, 08:17:14 AM »
Glad you are out of the hospital and D2 is on the mend!

As for H, sometimes one just wants to do this:


and other times, this:

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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