Author Topic: My Story The MLC picture show  (Read 1052 times)

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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My Story The MLC picture show
« on: February 03, 2019, 12:38:09 AM »
New thread guys 🙌🏾

Recap
Nov 2017 - BD
Dec 2017 - OW discovered I unfortunately confronted her
Jan 2018 - H and OW officially dating
Feb - March 2018 - Me and H intimate on a few occasions (I know I know!)
March 2018 - I tell OW of infidelity. H and Ow briefly split
August 2018 - H & OW split again (conveniently on D2 bday)
September 2018 - another split on D7 bday

We were intimate a few times towards the end of 2018.
H is a VERY clingy boomerang.

Journalling
D2 is STILL in hospital. It’s coming up to a full week now. It’s all very odd how it’s come about as D2 is very much well in herself. We had an appointment 9am Monday at the eye hospital and it’s very much spiralled from there. On Tuesday we were aloud home and told to come back on Wednesday they said it would be one night stay. This hasn’t been the case. I packed for the one night stay. Now obviously contact with H has increased.

I phoned H on Thursday. Explained what was happening with D2 the next steps etc and I said “we will be needing some things bringing in” H responded “we will sort it”. Friday much or the same but Friday we discovered D2 would need a slight brain op. H definitely changed and became a shell of a human upon hearing this. He was saying words but his tone was gone. He sounded like a man on autopilot. I knew something was wrong.

But I’ve alwaus said D2 was always a huge trigger to his MLC. He’s notorious a bottle upper of feelings and since D2 was 2 months old, she’s been in and out of hospital. On Friday I again said we would need things bringing. Again H said he would sort it. Saturday was the day we were expecting the op. I messaged H in the morning and outright told him to bring me things. It’s been three f*cking says now and he hasn’t once been to the hospital. We had no word from him from 9am-1pm. At 1:30pm they moved D2 onto a different ward.

Now I know I handled it wrong but at the end of the day I’m human. I’ll admit I snapped. So I text H at 1:33 and said “Really nice of you to check on D2. They’ve now moved her wards” he said something like “wow ok don’t start but ok they doing the op today ?” From then I lost it and told him not to bother. 7pm he told me D5 and D7 wanted to speak to me so he would phone. He text saying phone was off as he has tried phoning (fibber fibber phone wasn’t off) and then phoned. H tried usual chat and I just said “I’m not speaking to you put D5 and D7 on” he then called me a rude bastard.

At 8pm there was no more contact from H and no sign of him. So I had to go shop which I REALLY didn’t want to do. I didn’t want to leave my baby on the ward but I had no choice. Just before I left for the shop the surgeon came over and said they would do the op tomorrow. On my way to the shop I phoned H. I told myself I wouldn’t loose it with him.

I was wrong 😂 and I went on a tribals of “I asked you three times to bring ya stuff you didn’t now I’m having to go buy new things from the shop” his whole demeanour was “don’t blame me. It’s not all on me. Not all my fault” I did want to buy D2 maybe a new teddy blanket or some PJs. Just a little something to cheer her up. But the big shops were closed. So I could only get the basics. I bought soap powder so I could atleast hand wash hwe clothwa.

I texted H and simply said “Don’t stress yourself. I’ve been shop got some cleaning stuff can hand wash D2 clothes” he replied almost instantly “Whatwver you told me not to bring kids so I would have done it this evening but sorry for being a waste of space” now I never called him a waste of space. Never even used those words...yes I did say if it was easier he didn’t have to bring D5 and D7 but I never heard anything back. I then snapped again and said “I told you not to bring kids if that made things easier as I have asked three times for things and twice asked you to bring kids. Twice got ignored so I thought I would give you another option but don’t worry D2 is in nappies a size too small because I had to get what the shop had to offer” he replied with “you’ll have your stuff first thing” I replied “I told you don’t bother I’ve sorted it”

Now I know I know I shouldn’t snap. I know I shouldn’t argue but my god I just lost it. I’m only human. Nor only am I cooped up in a hospital with D2. I haven’t seen D5 or D7 since Wednesday. We need clothes and bits as our stay is much much longer than we expected and now D2 needs a brain op.

Anyone who read my last thread will see the stark contrast. Monday he went home to get me some bits and brought absolutely almost everything 4 outfits PJs makeup etc. It was just so frustrating

Previous thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10536.0

« Last Edit: February 03, 2019, 03:36:42 AM by Thunder »
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline in it

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2019, 07:27:31 AM »
It's ok to snap and get angry
(((Hugs)))
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

Online Mitzpah

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2019, 07:37:40 AM »
Sachat,

I am sorry to hear about the new developments with D2. I have had a baby in neo nate (coarctation of the aorta, corrected with surgery) and later this same child in hospital with brain cancer (he had surgery, chemo and radiation). It is stressful and having a husband going through a major crisis at the same time is so what you don't need.

Don't waste energy on him, just state what you need and turn your focus back onto D2. He may not come through but you have shown that you are a resourceful mama!

Praying for a successful op!

(((Hugs))))
M 57
H 57
S 26
S 25
D 24
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Offline OffRoad

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2019, 10:15:15 AM »
My thoughts are with you today and i hope all goes well.

It's ok to be angry. You have every right to be angry! I am going to say that imo, you bit off your nose to spite your face by telling him "Don't bother." That just gives him his own pity party, (which he has zero right to have) I know it's an innate reaction, because he was being useless.

"Where are you?" would be effective, let you be angry, as you have every right to be, and maybe, just maybe, also get you what you need without you having to handwash clothes.

You need what you need. Keep asking for it, even if you DO sort it out yourself. What's the worst that can happen, you get what you asked for and have some emergency extras. You DESERVE to have what you need without doing all the work. Letting him off the hook with "Don't bother." serves no one.

And you need to see your other Ds. Is there anyone else who could bring them to you?

Hugs!



When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2019, 01:36:40 PM »
It’s stressful. Not only is my baby going through everything. But the hospital is making many serious mistakes. Which makes it a much longer stay.

H turned up today with D5 and D7....I’m pretty sure had they said today the op wasn’t going ahead, and I could go home for a hour or so and needed to phone H I doubt he would have come. He wasn’t busy. He was just watching TV with the girls.  I just wish he would have taken the girls out or something but hey. He brought me the pram and some more clothes but what’s annoying is had he told me he was bringing clothes. I could have told him what to bring because he brought me a pair of jeans that don’t fit. They are a size too small and I’m hoping they will one day fir. Hence me keeping them. But Atleast I have fresh underwear.

I do think your right. I have him a excuse to not show. By saying not to bother

You could have LITERALLY cut the atmosphere with a knife. I didn’t speak to him. I spoke when spoken too. He told me he would return tomorrow. I’m not counting on it.

Whilst I haven’t seen D5 and D7. He hasn’t seen D2. And today when he came, he obviously wanted me to know things but didn’t have the balls to actually say once he realised I was annoyed as D7 had started saying things like “Were going to the toy shop to get D2 a toy” D5 then noticed a new teddy I got D2 this morning from the hospital shop and H started saying “That’s because you have a lovely mummy that treats you” I ignored it as I’m used to how he works and he hopes that then I’ll say something like “and you have a lovely daddy who treats you too” etc etc.

I’m not totally heartless. I do understand this is just as hard for H  because as much as she’s my daughter she’s also his too. And this isn’t her first overnight trip in hospital so it must affect g him too as he’s away from here aswell. And it this is worse case scenario we will be in here for a lot longer and I get he’s having a crisis and this is a massive trigger but STILL he could do more.

On a positive note - I was scrolling Instagram and saw a post my friend did and it had 6 comments but I could only see 5. So I checked my blocked list to see if I could work out who had posted that comment. It was here I noticed H had changed his instas profile pic. Not quite a pic of him and OW but a pic of their shoes. The photo was taken AGES ago as it was posted when me and H still had each other on social media. It’s a odd photo to use...why not one with faces? Or whatever but hey. Now this shows me I’ve stepped forward because or this was a few months ago it would have sent me on a downward spiral. But I am completely fine.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2019, 07:43:17 PM »
Attaching

I'm sorry about D2.  I hope everything turns out ok.   :(
M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Saw his POF the first month back
1.5y later no signs of anyone new - workaholic

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline PJ Ames

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2019, 01:44:12 PM »
Attaching. Sorry about your D. My D spent a lot of time in hospitals as a kid, so I know a little of what you're going through. Take care of yourself.
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Married 1991
S: 24, D: 21 both doing great.

BD #1: June, 2016 - discovered EA with co-worker
BD #2: November 2018 - discovered online relationship with dude she met playing video games; she has never met him in person.
5-day separation (she left), November, 2018
W is trying (a little), but has no remorse. Nowhere near fully-cooked.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2019, 05:00:24 AM »
Luckily we’ve made it out of hospital 👏🏾 11 long days in there and we’re out. From when we were told D2 would need D Y and Z done H turned into a different person. He was literally a shell of himself. He avoided coming to see us. He was moody on calls. The lot. But I know D2 being poorly is his trigger bug he won’t opwn up and talk about it. At BD H described it as “a switch flicked” which is literally what it was like when we came home. A switch flicked and he was a happy upbeat person again. It was so strange. I called H and said we could come home but as D5 and D7 were in bed and he was cooking. He sent his brother too collect me and D2 from the hospital.

He greeted ya on the drive. He helped bring the bags in the house. He brought D5 and D7 over. He brought food over he had bought for the girls not sure why. Then once the girls were in bed H popped over again with school uniform. He’s washed and dried it 😳 this is a man that the whole time I lived with him (around 7 years) he probably put on 1-2 loads of laundry so I was shocked. And it was only then that he was asking more questions about D2. It’s almost like now he knew she was okay he could brave bearing the answers to questions he so desperately wanted to ask.

We came home on the Thursday and I mentioned I might just keep the kids with me Saturday. He said let him know and I explained if I was keeping them with me. I’d say. If he didn’t hear from me out original  argreement stands. Oddly tho Thursday night he wanted to check it was okay if he went out on Friday. I’m not sure why he felt the need to ask as we have had the agreement for over a year now. That Friday he is child free. Saturday I am.

Friday he did his thing. I did mine. We didn’t hear from him but I didn’t expect to either.

Saturday I decided to take D2 D5 and D7 to the local aquarium and for some lunch. H texted and the text literally ready “hi hope the girls are good and loving having you back and being behaved I’m sure there keeping you busy” now to me that was a pointless text that didn’t require a answer. So I never replied. We enjoyed our day. I planned to go out with my friend in the evening aswell. H finished work and showed up. He worked out I was going out and was annoyed. I explained that I told him the plan remained unless I said different. I didn’t say different so he shouldn’t have made plans. Simple. I’m assuming he made plans and that’s what annoyed him but who knows. He then said “I text you this morning and you never replied” the text had no substance. It didn’t need a reply!
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online One day at a time

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #8 on: February 10, 2019, 02:25:26 PM »
Good to hear your are back home and D2 is OK.. I'm sure it has been exhausting for you to be there so many days!!

Your H is all over the place, I can't understand why he waited until you got home to ask his questions about D2.. I can understand it was an upsetting situation but it was also upsetting for you!!!! argh, in those situations wouldn't you love to give them a good shake?  ::)
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.


"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #9 on: February 11, 2019, 08:17:14 AM »
Glad you are out of the hospital and D2 is on the mend!

As for H, sometimes one just wants to do this:


and other times, this:

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #10 on: February 17, 2019, 02:16:58 PM »
Yes a good shake would have been nice. Or something a little harder!

H has honestly been so bizarre he’s baffling me. We were talking the other day about trainers as he bought D7 some new ones (didn’t tell me) so I also ordered D7 some new ones and also got D5 a matching pair as they had her size. He told me that with his favourite trainers he’s recently started buying really strange colours like luminous yellow and bright orange. He told me he’s bought two pairs. One for him to wear and one pair that will stay in the box and never be worn. I honestly can’t Phaethon why he would do this but hey!

Valentine’s Day was also a hilarious time. D5 and D7 has a disco at the school. I was in two minds to take them as I was thinking we could have done something just us girls at home. As I assumed H would be with OW. H really pushed for me to take D5 and D7 to the disco so I did. He watched D2. Leading up to the disco and the evening he was also trying to push me to go out and kept saying “go on you go out. I’ll watch the kids” “are you out tonight” when we got back from the disco I popped to collect D2 from him and he was in his trackies. He stared at me and said “oh you look nice. You off out” I must have rolled my eyes or face gave it away because h started with the “I was only asking” routine. He then popped over and asked me did I want anything from the shop. I explained no I didn’t. What’s funny is that evening I was sent one of OW posts as she had uploaded a picture of herself and her nephew on the sofa with a really woe is me “this is my valentines I’m so u lives yadda” caption and it was sent to me with the caption “omg have they split up” I’m sure they haven’t split up but I did find it odd that last year for valentines H was without a car so he took two buses and a train to see her. This year he had a car and I was with the children so he had no excuse not to go out and see her.
A few of my friends have also noticed Ow has taken copying me up a notch too!

It’s currently half term for the children so we have quite a lot of activities planned to keep the children occupied. It’s isually this time you see H gettinf a bit more emotional as he will see me and the children enjoying nice days out together without him. I don’t know if this half term will be any different but I guess we can see.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #11 on: February 18, 2019, 04:28:02 AM »
poor pitiful OW....



Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #12 on: March 02, 2019, 01:33:16 AM »
This whole update is going to be like tasting and smelling green. It’s just a whole load of “WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED” each time I’ve finished a chat with H I feel like I need to sit in a dark room and reassess my life. He’s honestly bat sh*t cray

So one thing I have noticed is in a over compensating state. For example if Oaw wants to do something with him for a few days he will then give me a few days child free. If he spends money on OW he will make sure to spend a higher amount on the children. He did use to spend it on me but I told him it was weird so now he will buy the children more things like clothes even school bags which were not needed. It’s beyond strange. Especially for a man that tells me “I don’t have to do anything for you” no H you don’t but yet here you are. Still doing it. H has also started taking my milk for D2 on a Saturday night when he has the children and bringing back a brand new full milk. I mean it makes no difference to me. I have milk in for her all the time as with her health conditions she still needs it. But it’s almosy like he has to find a way to be like oh hey look at me

And yet more of the over compensating....Hs day offs this week were Thursday Friday Saturday and Sunday. Friday is always his day to do his thing. Saturday is mine. H plans to do something Sunday afternoon with OW so guess what, I got all Thursday child free. I’m not going to complain as I’m out on Saturday (tonight) with my friends so I was going to find a new outfit. So when H said he would have the children I kept it sweet and polite and said “thanks” didn’t tell him my plans or anything. On the Thursday H saw a letter I got from my phone provider saying I was due a early upgrade for a fee. I could either pay £110 and get a new phone now or wait until 20th March and it would be free. My phone was falling apart I won’t lie but I figured I would wait. H asked what my plan was and I said “I’m saving myself the money. I’ll deal with this phone for a few weeks” h then said buy you can’t take photos as I’ve brokwn both cameras. I said no but it’s not the end of the world. He offered to pay it and I said why would you and laughed it off. As I was leaving the house I checked my bank to see how much I had for a new outfit etc. Everything was normal. On the bus I had a generic banking alert text so I checked my bank. Half panicking thinking all my money would be gone and someone had cloned my card etc etc. Nope but H had put in the money for the new phone. So as H had put the money in, I did get a new phone. I’m glad I did Tbf because the old phone was falling apart. However I will make sure H has the money back by the end of the month. He hasn’t asked for it back but he’s having it back as I’m just not giving him full satisfaction.

I never found a outfit I liked so I decided on Friday I would go shops whilst D5 and D7 were in school. H walked in in the morning and asked if I wanted him to take them school. I asked the children. They did so I let him. He then said his goodbyes and came back after dropping them off. He specifically said “I’ll see you Saturday”. Low and behold I come back from the shops. Me and D2 are watching TV waiting to get the children from school. H walks back in and says he will get the children from school. I won’t complain because I know the children will like it but he said he wouldn’t do it and did. Oh well. H then made his usually comments out the outfit I got. Telling me I’ll lpok amazing when my tan and makeup is done etc. I literally didn’t respond to him. H then noticed I bought new underwear. It was practically underwear. Not sexy. He made more comments about that. I acted like I didn’t hear it. Over the year I have yours with responding jokily to him and laughing at his remarks. I’ve toyed with getting angry and telling him it’s inappropriate. But I’ve found it works best when he makes comments about sex or me or whatever to just not respond and act like I didn’t hear them.

Now the most hilarious thing is H lives with his brother in a house the same size as mine so he is struggling to keep the house. When his mum was telling me. Immediately I though oh so H will move I. With Ow. H never said anything until Thursday when we got into the subject of him living a split life. I explained OW is not to be around my children until I get an apology for the horrid things she said about the children. H then got his violin out and mentioned his brother loosing the house and that if he lived in with someone who was sharing rent and bills he couldn’t expect them to not be around the children. I said they ain’t being around her until I get my apology. What you choose to do with your time is up to you. But I find it funny it’s not a case of “we want to go to the next step in our relationship” it’s a case of “I’m not gonna be able to live in that house anymore so we best get our own place” it’s more of convenience. But even funnier that H tells me this then in a few hours is passing remarks about my underwear.

Green elbow anyone.

Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #13 on: March 02, 2019, 01:49:12 AM »
Dya know I nearly made a comment on my last post about how H was due to come at 11 and I could guarantee he would be early. Guess what it’s 9:45am and here he is 🥴

What’s even odder is he comes over for literally 2 minutes then says “right give me 10 minutes to get changed etc” and it’s like why bother coming over in the first place.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #14 on: March 06, 2019, 04:30:29 AM »
So I’m not sure it this is note worthy in La La Land but thought I’d note in anyway.

So last night was pancake day and I was on a down moment. As one of my friends is having a hard time and it made me realise how fragile life is.

H came home from work and me and the children were at his mums (next door) H then walked in. We started talking about the girls outfit for world book day (Thursday) at this point H had gone upstairs to get changed so the chat was between me and his mum. H then comes down dressed in his running gear (a hobby he developed since being with OW) I then said “oh your going out” he said “why?” We had a bit of back and forth and I said “I could do with pooping to the shops got some bits for girls costumes” he then told me to go shops. I went shops and came back around 7:30pm. Past the girls bedtime. The children weren’t at my house so I went to his mums house. He was there with a sulky face texting. I assume Ow and they were arguing. I went to go get the children and settle them for bed etc. H then noticed it was raining and he said “oh I won’t go for a run now it’s raining” (despite him in the past having many convos about you need to go no matter the weather) on leaving the house I noticed a hairbrush from the girls. D5 is very specific and only uses a set hairbrush but we have two. So I figured I’d leave the hairbrush there so he had one and so did I. Around 9:15pm H came over with the hairbrush. Had a brief chit chat.

I then checked the girls school bags and saw a party invite  for D5 not this weekend but next weekend. I was going to text H and see if he was working etc so I could sort childcare for D2 and D7. But H then walked in about 10 minutes later so I asked him then.

This is where it ramps up a notch.

So H came back a third time. I’m not sure if he could see I was in down mood or whatever but he was coming out with many ego boosts for me telling me how gorgeous I was. I was the best he’s had la la la....but then he said something and I said “oh I need work on my body” and he said “one of the biggest ways I’ve failed is by now making you understand just how truly stunning you are”

He then wanted to know if I’ve been to bed with anyone else as he wants to know who the lucky b*stard is. I merely said “What I do with my life is completely irrelevant to you unless it affects the children. The children are not affected. So you don’t need to know. If I have or haven’t”

It also popped up on my time hop thing that this day last year was the day I message OW to tell her about me and H sleeping together etc etc. I feel like now it’s been a year I can literally leave everything behind. There’s nothing really now that can pop up on my time hop or whatever that relates to Ow. So hopefully it can be a case of out of sight out of mind. I doubt it as she enjoys stalking and copying me but I’ll speak it into existence.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #15 on: March 06, 2019, 06:15:42 AM »
Quote from: sachat3
He then wanted to know if I’ve been to bed with anyone else as he wants to know who the lucky b*stard is. I merely said “What I do with my life is completely irrelevant to you unless it affects the children. The children are not affected. So you don’t need to know. If I have or haven’t”

BOOM! LOVE that answer... "You walked out H. It is not any longer your business...."

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline islandgirl68

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #16 on: March 06, 2019, 10:59:29 AM »
I'm sorry my eye got caught at 'Pancake Day'.  ;) What is this? I saw Um mention this as well. Sorry pancakes are my weakness... well any breakfast food.
Me: 34
H: 36
S17; D11; D8; D4
Together 19 years, Married for 2
BD: 4/25/2017 (EA, FA)
BD: 4/10/2018 (EA same OW)
I don't know who this person is. Putting my stand in a box and burying it.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #17 on: March 06, 2019, 01:38:00 PM »
Pancake day is a thing in the UK literally it’s like a big day where you have pancakes. Think it’s partly religious. But it’s nice. The kids love it all
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #18 on: March 07, 2019, 01:49:36 AM »
I'm sorry my eye got caught at 'Pancake Day'.  ;) What is this? I saw Um mention this as well. Sorry pancakes are my weakness... well any breakfast food.

In some religious traditions (and the origins of "Fat Tuesday" I believe) Shrove Tuesday, the day before Ash Wednesday, was traditionally the day when all the leftover lard and fats from the winter was used before the fasting time began. It was the last chance to eat sweets and fatty food so somehow, pancakes got incorporated into that and Shrove Tuesday Pancake Suppers were born....
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #19 on: March 07, 2019, 03:06:59 AM »
Hahaha UM not sure why pancakes but I won’t complain

Back to your original point - I’ve just learnt that kind of response where I refuse to confirm or deny just shuts him up. In the beginning I spent so much time when he would ask proving to him I hadn’t done x y and z. He still pestered as he didn’t believe me. If I denied it. He still pestered again because he did t believe it. So if he won’t believe me either way I just refuse to answer. I either stay silent or tell him it’s none of his business.

I’ve just got back from breakfast with one of my friends who has Ow on her socials. When I brought up the latest antics with H she said “Oh she uploaded two photos of her side by side with a caption about how much a year can change you. She looks completely different. She looks way too skinny, she’s looking like a mini, blonde you with makeup eyelashes etc” OW was notoriously not into makeup not eyelash extensions. But I wear them and now she has. Part of me, actually feels sorry for her. She was already slim so for her to be looking skeleton like is scary. But I just know inside her must be a broken person not happy in her own skin. As much as I feel she’s brought all of this on herself. Human to human I feel sorry for her that someone feels like that. She is copying most aspects of my life and only a broken person would do that.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #20 on: March 07, 2019, 03:24:10 AM »
Hahaha UM not sure why pancakes but I won’t complain

Because IG was talking about pancakes and that I had started talking about pancakes and you made the comment about it being sort of religious somehow and... well... there we are ...

Back to your original point - I’ve just learnt that kind of response where I refuse to confirm or deny just shuts him up. In the beginning I spent so much time when he would ask proving to him I hadn’t done x y and z. He still pestered as he didn’t believe me. If I denied it. He still pestered again because he did t believe it. So if he won’t believe me either way I just refuse to answer. I either stay silent or tell him it’s none of his business.

That is the typical MLC game of trying to get the LBS to prove a negative which is simply not possible because the possibility of doing whatever it is that the Mid-Lifer is accusing us of will remain until we are dead... so proving that something did NOT happen at this moment in time is no guarantee of future performance...

It also has, usually, a great deal to do with projection - they accuse us of what it is that THEY are doing and feel guilty about... and since THEY are doing it, we MST be doing it (whatever it is) as well...


I’ve just got back from breakfast with one of my friends who has Ow on her socials. When I brought up the latest antics with H she said “Oh she uploaded <...snip...>
She is copying most aspects of my life and only a broken person would do that.


'nuf said on THAT point...
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #21 on: March 07, 2019, 03:44:09 AM »
Oh it’s 100% projection as the main thing I get accused of, so to speak, is sleeping with other people. Noooo not me that just jumps into bed with absolutely anybody that shows the slightest bit of interest.

It’s funny because I never thought I would feel empathy for the girl. I always thought I’d enjoy her demise but I’m not evil like that. She has brought all this on herself. She knew H was broken and then chose to make a play for him. She gets what she deserves but I suppose it’s just sad to see anybody feeling that low within themselves. Because she literally is turning into me. She made nasty comments about people wearing makeup eyelash extensions acrylic nails and fake tan. I wear all of these and now she is too. But I just can’t imagine trying to morph into somebody’s ex. It’s weird. But then I know if I ever did this I have really good friends around me who would put a stop to it 🤣
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #22 on: March 07, 2019, 03:55:23 AM »
It’s funny because I never thought I would feel empathy for the girl. I always thought I’d enjoy her demise but I’m not evil like that. She has brought all this on herself. She knew H was broken and then chose to make a play for him. She gets what she deserves but I suppose it’s just sad to see anybody feeling that low within themselves. Because she literally is turning into me. She made nasty comments about people wearing makeup eyelash extensions acrylic nails and fake tan. I wear all of these and now she is too. But I just can’t imagine trying to morph into somebody’s ex. It’s weird. But then I know if I ever did this I have really good friends around me who would put a stop to it

Some food for thought....

Maybe she is trying to morph into you because he keeps hitting her up with "Well, Sach wears this or that and I think it looks good...." so she is trying to pretzel herself into what he says he likes...

I mean, there has to have been some physical attraction there too unless you found all your kids under mushrooms, cabbage leaves or they were dropped down the chimney by a stork....

Your H, BTW, is the same age as my xW1 when she went off on her QLC...
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #23 on: March 07, 2019, 04:44:31 AM »
I’d never really thought of it that way. I just assumed that he wouldn’t mention my name around her but then I’ve no idea what they actually talk about.

Oh yeah I must admit I know atleast the physical attraction is still there. Apart from the fact that my looks have definitely improved since BD. And H has made it clear he likes the improvements. Even though we are no longer physical he is very vocal about things. It was only the other day he said “My biggest failure is the fact I never made you understand how stunning you are” which came on a day I had no makeup on and my big thick fluffy PJs. He’s also told me recently I’m the best looking girl he’s had. So I know atleast the physical side is still intact. But then I don’t think he’s said anything bad about me since BD. It may be different to Ow but to other people etc he’s not said a bad word. Even when I have acted badly especially at the start of the separation.

I think that’s what I always wonder due to his age, I wonder is it a full MLC or QLC. Are they different. How etc? All things like that.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online Treasur

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #24 on: March 07, 2019, 05:08:07 AM »
Funny...I guess NOT having an affair would have been a great way to make you feel that, right? They do say the most ridiculous patently illogical things....
Not all MLCers act like this, but lots do. I wonder though if some of it is a kind of possessiveness, seeing the LBS as an 'object' still rather than y'know a human being and all that. Like a kid with a toy they don't want to play with but throw a tantrum if you suggest giving it to another kid....
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #25 on: March 07, 2019, 05:20:09 AM »



Oddly enough. That’s how it feels. I know I over analyse his actions probably a bit too much but the general vibe i get from him is, part of him is living his life with OW but at the same time he’s trying ever so hard to not hit the point of no return and want to make it clear that when he’s ready he can come back. I notice if I go out and upload pictures with my girlfriends, the next day H is all happy and smiley and doesn’t ask too much. Whereas if we just go for a nice meal and the cinema and say I upload my food. I will receive 21 questions about who I was with, etc. As he hasn’t been able to get that information from snooping.

In quite a lot of his actions, it feels very calculated. Like for example I’m certain that there was no physical affair until he moved out. But I’m not sure I could stand it there was a physical affair before he left. H would have known that. So it’s almost like he did BD before moving to a physical side of the relationship in order for the door (in his eyes to be open). Also tattoos. Both me and H have many tattoos. When H got with his ex before me he got a star tattoo. She had one too. It was their matching tattoo. Then when me and H got together he got “love” tattooed as I have a love heart. So there’s an aspect of matching tattoos. Both of these tattoos were before the 1 year mark in a relationship with me and his ex before me. There is no tattoo for Ow. So his actions are partly calculated in he knows what to do in order for me not to slam the door shut on reconciliation at some point.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #26 on: March 07, 2019, 05:53:40 AM »
Quote from: sachat3
Oddly enough. That’s how it feels. I know I over analyse his actions probably a bit too much but the general vibe i get from him is, part of him is living his life with OW but at the same time he’s trying ever so hard to not hit the point of no return and want to make it clear that when he’s ready he can come back.

Hmmmmmm ... Wonder if he will get it through his thick noggin that YOU might have something to say about that as well...

As far as <x>LC - Q/M/whatever, once they have entered adulthood and are no longer rampaging-hormone-driven Teenagers in puberty, there doesn't seem to be much of a difference that I can see in whether it is a Quarter or Mid-Live Crisis... The symptoms seem the same as do the actions and the course of events, even to the scripts being virtually identical...

I think the Q or M is more of an identifier for us about what "stage"  of life they are in...


Quote from: sachat3
And H has made it clear he likes the improvements. Even though we are no longer physical he is very vocal about things. It was only the other day he said “My biggest failure is the fact I never made you understand how stunning you are” which came on a day I had no makeup on and my big thick fluffy PJs. He’s also told me recently I’m the best looking girl he’s had.

You're the best looking girl he's had? Who in their right mind would say something like that to the person they are supposed to love? Oh! right! A Mid-Lifer! And now OW is trying to pretzel herself into the "new you?"



Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #27 on: March 07, 2019, 06:36:52 AM »
That’s exactly what I thought when he said it. Especially because literally this time last year (exact day yesterday) all the things he said and did I documented, I saved texts snapchats the lot and I sent them to OW. I told her we had slept together. I told her the things he said to me. I told her the things he said about her. I literally sent her everything. It wasn’t one of my finer moments I’ll admit but it was very soon after BD so I wasn’t as clued up as I am now. But that’s what baffles me the most about the things he says because surely to god, his brain should be thinking “oh last time she told Ow so she must be going to do it again” I know I’m 99.99999999% likely to never tell Ow BUT he doesn’t know that. It’s almost like he wants me to tell her because why else say and do the things he’s saying and doing.

Yeah I think to him, it’s a case of he can knock on the door with his little suitcase and declare “hi honey I’m home” and that’s it. There will be a lovely meal on the table and we will all sing and dance and rejoice. Oddly enough I would bet my house on the fact that should I go on a date, meet a man, sleep with him, even start a relationship with him. Sh*t would hit the fan BIG TIME. Because I think in his head he views me as “mine” kind of like I’m a item he’s put in storage. I’m “his” but he has no need for me right now but nobody better come and get me. This might work in la la land but not in the real world.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #28 on: March 07, 2019, 07:11:04 AM »
Yeah I think to him, it’s a case of he can knock on the door with his little suitcase and declare “hi honey I’m home” and that’s it. There will be a lovely meal on the table and we will all sing and dance and rejoice. Oddly enough I would bet my house on the fact that should I go on a date, meet a man, sleep with him, even start a relationship with him. Sh*t would hit the fan BIG TIME. Because I think in his head he views me as “mine” kind of like I’m a item he’s put in storage. I’m “his” but he has no need for me right now but nobody better come and get me. This might work in la la land but not in the real world.

EXACTLY!  The Mid-Lifer expects the LBS to stay in their little stasis box where the Mid-Lifer left them... Sitting on the porch in their rocking chair crocheting lace doilies and pining for the Mid-Lifer's return (if they decide to return someday) in a puddle of tears.....

Meanwhile, back in the REAL world, we do our mirror work, we grow and, at some point in our lives, we decide that we need to move on. Whether that is into a different R (heck I am literally 2x your age so you have the majority of your whole life in front of you) or not is irrelevant. We drop the rope, pick up the anchor and set sail... The Mid-Lifer will have a purple conniption fit wen that happens but, well, actions = consequences and you can't toss aside a decent person like a rotten old fish and expect them to wait patiently for something that may or may not ever happen....


Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #29 on: March 07, 2019, 08:13:47 AM »
Well exactly that.

I mean nothing is ever guaranteed in la la land but I do think there could come a time he will return. It’s just certain things he says that makes me think that. Aside from the fact that if he had his way (he isn’t!) he would still be intimate with me. Although my friend did suggest being intimate and calling him another mans name just to see his face 🤣 and although I say I’m standing it depends on so many factors. When will he wake up? How will things go with Ow. Would he get her pregnant? I doubt he would want kids but I imagine as a 28 year old woman with no kids she will want them at some point. Will he marry OW? Would I meet someone else etc? I’m not actively looking but who knows and these are things that would need to be taken into consideration.

In his head a return is only on HIS side. He seems to have a idea that it’s just him that makes that call. That’s not how it works. Funnily enough. Immediately after BD I would have done just about anything for him to come back. Whereas if he came home from work tonight and told me he had broken up with Ow. Wanted me yadda yadda. I don’t think emotionally I’m ready for that right now.  It’s funny how time changes a person huh.

I have seen a few people say “most don’t return” but then I do wonder how many MLCers WANT to return but sometimes too much damage has been done to LBS and all things like that. Because as much as I say I’m standing I don’t know how long it will be for. I guess we would both have to be on the same page at the same time.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online One day at a time

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #30 on: March 07, 2019, 07:13:32 PM »
I see people saying most don't return, other people say most want to return but LBS is long gone... I do wonder which one is true but like you, right now I'm standing because I need to heal.. I haven't really thought about what are the lines H can't cross.. but I'm sure I will feel a line has been crossed with certain events..

I think divorce is one.. I'm 3 years away from d so I want to think that by then, I'll be done.. if I see H in a viable relationship, probably that would be a line for me.. right now he's sort of living in limbo so it's hard for me not to have hope!
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.


"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

Offline Unraveled

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #31 on: March 07, 2019, 07:52:39 PM »
Every line I've ever drawn in my head concerning him I have broken.  I am done with lines.  I think they just handcuff me and then make me feel bad about myself.  My philosophy is this.  I am living every day to my highest and best purpose, being the best human I can be, and finding joy where it can be found.  I want a friendly/civil relationship with my H either way (but I don't want to be friends or hear about his other life) for the sake of my kids and my own peace of mind, so I am treating him that way.  If he comes knocking on my door some day, I'm going to take a look at the guy in front of me, think about where I am in my life and what he is offering, and make the decision when it is a real one. 

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #32 on: March 08, 2019, 12:28:45 AM »
One day - exactly that. It would be interesting to see percentages or a pie chart of returns. How many wanted to return? What MLC were they? Who didn’t want to return etc etc. I have read that clinging boomerangs especially with young children are more likely to return. Which is me atm but then I guess it it was 100% certain that H was never ever ever coming back I’m not sure I would stand still. So we will see. I think because I have so much contact with H due to children and I have seen things from Ow. I know their relationship isn’t all roses so that makes it easier for me. Oddly enough.

Unravelled- I think the same too. I said if H made a relationship official I would be done. Yet here I am. He is in a year long relationship and I am standing. However I do think a major line would be if he got Ow pregnant. As I think that in itself would be too hard to deal with every day. I don’t really know the ins and outs of their relationship. I see his angry face texting furiously and I assume that’s an argument and I do get sent the odd post of Ow social media. Maybe one every few months. So it’s not that often. But I think if I have to hear the ins and outs I would be a mess or a woman. I focus on me and the children and we live out best life. I do notice if we have a nice day as a family without H. He seems to be very grumpy and down. Almost like he’s missing out. But that’s not my problem that when I have the children I take them out and make memories and he chooses to blow money in the toy shop.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #33 on: March 08, 2019, 09:44:59 AM »
So I’ve just had to have a good chuckle to myself. Today had been rather stressful as it’s been another dress up day with school and my washing machine is flooding. And at that very moment I was sent a post from Ow that just made me chuckle. But first some background.

I’d been under the (clearly wrong) assumption that as I’m not posting anything to wind Ow up or anything. That the stalking would have stopped. I was wrong. Today is international women’s day and as I’m a single mum to three kids I felt I would celebrate it. So I uploaded a quote that read “A woman who knows what she brings to the table, is not afraid to eat alone” which seems quite fitting. It wasn’t b*tc#ing about anyone. It merely was celebrating being alone. And I captioned it “know your worth and don’t settle for less #InternationalWomensDay”

And I’ve just been sent Ow post which was along the lines of “All these girls that slag you off behind your back and shag your fella celebrating international women’s day is laughable” I deleted the screenshot as soon as I was sent it. But I found it funny. As it would probably be aimed at me, maybe it wasn’t but the funny thing is....wasn’t that exactly how you got H? Didn’t that somewhat start behind my back!? Maybe not physically but I’m certain of emotionally. And then almost right away H phoned me to tell me about what the man fixing my washing machine had said.

I just hope the social stalking soon stops. I don’t post anything that would be if interest to her. It’s mainlh business related or photos of my children or selfies ha!
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #34 on: March 09, 2019, 08:07:26 AM »
Argh! I made a huge boo boo!

So a few months back I got a friend request. It was in September to be precise. The kids went back to school in September and it’s my birthday in September and the request came around the time of my birthday. It had only one photo which was a photo of 5 children. I didn’t recognise any of the children and the first name was the same as Ow. So I put it down to a fake account of Ow. I deleted the request and blocked it. Didn’t think anything or it until last night D5 received a party invite. The invite said to contact the same name from the profile I thought was a fake or Ow. The one I blocked. So last night I went to unblock and add that profile. As it’s a mum from school and all that! I was rushing and in bed etc. I only unblocked Ow didn’t I 😩😩😡 and now due to facebooks rules. I can’t block her just yet I have to wait. I am so so so annoyed haha! Bug to be safe I’ve limited all of my past posts and I just hope and pray she doesn’t realise she’s been unblocked.

What I did notice is most of Ow photos are of her wearing clothes I have and have put on Instagram. I have a open Instagram as I promote eyelashes. I have Ow profile blocked and her family but it’s not hard to make a new Instagram. What is funny is since I’ve been promoting eyelashes. OW has started wearing it. I do hope she’s been using my discount code which will give me money and freebies ha!
 
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online One day at a time

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #35 on: March 09, 2019, 03:04:17 PM »
Oh nooo, how long do you have to wait to block her again? I never blocked anyone so I have no idea what it looks like! I'm even wondering if H blocked me or restricted me, I can still see some stuff but very little!

I have to say, the whole social media makes this worse.. having to block people or restrict access sounds so highschool.. it puts me off from using it altogether but as I live abroad, it's a way to stay in contact with friends and family..

I really can't get why she copies what you wear.. how sad! She comes across as a very insecure person.. I guess she's a good match for MLC H!  ::)
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.


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Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #36 on: March 09, 2019, 03:13:48 PM »
This is the thing that’s the most annoying bit is I have to wait a few days to block her again now. But in reality I’ve never really had to block anyone before this. My Facebook is completely private. I only have friends I know and family on there. But my Instagram is open as I promote eyelashes and my children are brand reps for companies but for that reason all I really upload are funny/inspirational memes. Selfies and photos of my children. Nothing worth stalking really. I’m quite clever in, well I say this, but I try not to post things that can be twisted but even on international women’s day I uploaded a quote that said “A woman who knows what she brings to the table is not afraid to eat alone” as a single mum to three that seemed fitting and yet Ow still managed to fire off a retaliatory post.

But surely this sends alarm bells to H? Surely he can see how she is literally morphing into me!? Everybody else can! I have family over in Canada Chile and Spain. Hence me mainly posting photos of the children as there are so many family members who haven’t even met the girls yet and it would be unfair to stop posting for them. Besides, I’m not letting Ow win. I don’t bait her and I’m not changing my life for her! It’s just very very annoying. Hopefully H will see soon enough.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #37 on: March 10, 2019, 08:39:02 AM »
So I’ve been trying desperately to block Ow on Facebook. Mainly because I want to change up my pictures and I don’t want to do that whilst she’s not blocked.

But what’s odd is instinctively whenever I’ve snooped on her. There’s always been something new. Almost like a reason of why I had to snoop. Like something is forcing me to do it so I can see something. Low and behold I had a further stalk. This time I clicked on the “more about me” bit where you get more information.

Ow has yet again changed the date from when her relationship with H started. It was 25th January 2018. Then it went to 16th December 2017. And now it’s at 16th January 2018. From my end ALL of these dates are after BD. So really it changes absolutely nothing. Maybe I would feel different if a date cropped up before BD. I don’t know but all I know is the date change doesn’t bother me. However I do think it’s odd to change so often. I know the date mine and Hs relationship started and I know the date it ended. Even if I counted when we were in the “talking/dating” phase. I’d have a different date but I would still really only have one start date. Yet she now has three? Now it makes anything she would say hard to believe but WHY change the date so often? Is one a date you started talking. The other a date you slept together. The next a date you were boyfriend and girlfriend? I really don’t understand it. I can only understand it her way of attempting (and failing) to bait me. Maybe hoping I’ll see it and kick off. Start an argument. Feed into her drama. I’m not going to do that. Hence why I’m posting in here and not phoning H up haha! I will not bring it up to him at all.

The whole thing is very odd.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online Treasur

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #38 on: March 10, 2019, 08:52:36 AM »
Odd is a polite word lol.
Just a guess but it might be less to do with you and more to do with others she might have been seeing at the same time as your h... ::)...they do like the drama.

Re the kids, can you just insist to your h that he sees the kids only at your house if he moves? At least until/unless something more formal legally happens? Maybe even set up a schedule so you get some free time to go out or pick up a new hobby.....ideally one that needs you looking fabulous as you sashay out of the door  :)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #39 on: March 10, 2019, 09:04:09 AM »
Yeah it could be anything. I honestly do wonder more what goes on in her head more than Hs. Atleast he has midlife crisis in his defence.

Well that’s what I would do because quite frankly I don’t believe OW is a stable person. I don’t care what H says. He has a one sided view. I don’t even know if/when he will move in with her. As it all depends on the house with his brother. I’d much prefer if it H stayed there but I don’t have much say at all.

Funnily enough I’ve gotten the habit even if I’ve spent the day in my scruffy cleaning PJs it I know H is coming over I’ll get changed into something casual but nice and do my hair and makeup. Only the other night he had the children and I went to the supermarket (didn’t tell H where I was going) but I was dressed nice and had my makeup done and H even made a comment about me texting my boyfriend and telling him I’ll be leaving soon. Got to love a bit of projection.

That said I’ve noticed H inching ever so slightly more towards us. Increasing his time with children by a hour or so. Yesterday instead of spending a small fortune on the children on the toy shop he actually took them to a play centre. I can’t remember the last time he die that. And today when he brought the children back, he came with a McDonald’s breakfast! I’m not going to complain because when things are nice like this as much as it’s against the low contact rule. It’s muvh better for the children.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #40 on: March 10, 2019, 03:48:25 PM »
Yaaay!

The Facebook ban is lifted and I was able to block Ow again on Facebook.

I’ve made her snooping much harder. I’m sure she will still try and look but I’m not giving her the satisfaction of making it easy.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #41 on: March 11, 2019, 08:02:24 AM »
So....here’s an interesting one.

I’ve noticed in the past if H spends a lot of time with Ow or he knows he will do. He tries to get me in bed. I used to cave and give in. Not anymore. And if it wasn’t that. It was when I was going out drinking, he would usually try it on Aswell. My friends came up with the conclusion it was to try and stop me from having something with someone else. Kind of like “oh she got it off me she won’t need it off anyone now”.

And low and behold last night H never came home so he spent the night with Ow. And tonight I’m at a concert with a male. I’m pretty sure it’s not a date as I have explained the situation to the other male. Not H. He can think what he likes. But anyway. H came back this morning to take children to school and guess what. He wanted us to be intimate. Ooooh hell no! You’ve literally just spent the night with Ow and you somehow think I’m going to jump into bed with you because you wink at me. Nope not today. When he came over he said and I quote “I’m taking D5 and D7 to school. When I come back. Be ready” and he winked. So I made sure I was ready. When he came back I was fully dressed and had my makeup done. I handed him a bag of stuff for D2 and said “right I’m going out now. I’ll see you either later on tonight or tomorrow. Let me know what your doing with the kids” I don’t know what time I’ll be back from the concert so as of yet we haven’t established where they are sleeping etc etc. And I went to go out the door. H then said “oh your boyfriend won’t like it will he?” Projection anyone? And I just said “Your girlfriend won’t either. But neither do I. I’m nobodies part time piece thank you” he looked shell shocked when I said that but in reality. It’s the truth. I’ve spent so much of last year doing one step forward and two back. I’m no longer doing it. I’m only moving forward. Maybe if Ow wasn’t about it might be different. But the fact is. She is. So it’s a no go area. Not for her like, but for me. I don’t care how she feels. She didn’t care how I felt. So I don’t feel guilty for her. I owe her nothing. I’m just worth more.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #42 on: March 11, 2019, 10:02:24 AM »
So here I am having a little chuckle to myself.

I explained to H this morning that I was pooping to the shop. Coming home. Having a nap and then at 2. I would have a bath and get ready to go out.

When I came home from the shop around 12pm. Hs car was on HIS drive.

Around 2:30 when I was in the bath H popped in as he only had one of D2s shoes. When I got out the bath I opened up the window to clear the steam from the mirror etc. Hs car was on my drive 🤣 nothing like marking your territory hey H.

I do normally ask that someone parks on my drive. Not fussed if it’s H. MIL. BIL. I’m not fussed just someone so it doesn’t look like the house is empty so I don’t get burgled.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #43 on: March 12, 2019, 03:59:09 AM »
Quote from: sachat3
And I just said “Your girlfriend won’t either. But neither do I. I’m nobodies part time piece thank you” he looked shell shocked when I said that but in reality. It’s the truth. I’ve spent so much of last year doing one step forward and two back. I’m no longer doing it. I’m only moving forward. Maybe if Ow wasn’t about it might be different. But the fact is. She is. So it’s a no go area. Not for her like, but for me. I don’t care how she feels. She didn’t care how I felt. So I don’t feel guilty for her. I owe her nothing. I’m just worth more.

<BOOM!>  That was not only a truth dart, that was a truth

(and that's you walking away) of EPIC proportions....

AMAZING answer to his projection BS.....

Once I started saying "No" to STBXW's random tries to get me to take care of my kids (we have a schedule with some flexibility but this was just controlling) she didn't like that a bit.... Too bad, so Sad, the bear has a life and, by her choices, she's not a part of it any longer...
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
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Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #44 on: March 12, 2019, 09:25:28 AM »
Well the thing is and like I said to my friends in RL I understand we need to have a civil and amicable relationship. We’ve got children so we can’t not speak and it is by far better for them that when they see us together they can see “oh Mum and dad aren’t fighting” but that doesn’t mean we need to jump into bed together.

For me, it’s not even about him anymore. I don’t feel used because I do not think he’s after just one thing. At the start I did now I see his actions and it’s not just about sex. Because he is also wanting hugs kisses cuddles and he used to just lie around and chat afterwards. But honestly that changes nothing. I can’t keep taking myself backwards just for a bit or something something. Maybe if one day I decided I wanted it (I very much doubt I would) but then I can do what I’ve got to do. But that would be on my terms and not his. And maybe if Ow was gone. It might be different. It’s all very much circumstantial. I’m not actively looking to date at the moment but what if I met someone “oh btw I enjoy your company but I also enjoy jumping into bed with my ex. So are we having a second date?”

What’s funny is last night I was out with a male friend. We both confirmed it wasn’t s date so I didn’t need to panic ha! But H said as he was working today it would be best to get the children from him and then I could take them home etc. So I arrived home at midnight as that’s when I got home and H said “oh you can leave them here if you want?” No no no! What was the point in me coming over for you to say that? I would have gone straight to bed. I can only assume he summoned me to try and gage who I was with, was it friends, was it a date etc etc. But no you aren’t getting those answers from me!

It’s funny because by rights I should be the one more bothered about H and Ow. What they do? Where they go? Etc and I’m honestly not. They have Friday night date nights and I couldn’t care less if they ate McDonalds or at a 5* restaurant. But yet it’s HIM who is so interested in what I do with my life. Who I’m with. Where I go. What I do.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #45 on: March 13, 2019, 03:51:23 AM »
I’m very much aware this is going to be a long post. Nice little essay for you all. But I’ve been thinking a few things over and well once my brain gets going it’s going ha!

So my BD was November 2017. He moved out that day. I always wonder if H is having a midlife crisis or is this done done. Did he just no longer want to be with me. I think I will always wonder this, but I’m 90% sure he’s midlifing. I mean the whole quack like a duck scenario. Now I know there is nothing anyone can do to stop a midlife crisis but when I look back at the situation now in hindsight, I see things now that could possibly be triggers. Things that I didn’t notice right away. I think the main ones bring D2 being born. H always said he only ever wanted two children. He said that before we were together. He said that when I was pregnant with D7. Once D7 was born he said he only wanted one more. Then I was pregnant with D5. He was happy. D5 was born and he said over and over how he was complete. I always said I wanted three children. Three was the magic number for me and low and behold we had D2. However D2 has been very very poorly. Almost since birth. We didn’t know I was pregnant with D2 until 22 weeks. Which meant we had less time to plan things. Buy things etc and H is notoriously old fashioned, I suppose he gets that from his dad who has passed. He likes to be a mans man. Provide for his family. That kinda thing. And with D2 we couldn’t buy the things we wanted too. Then D2 was born and from 2 months old she’s been in and out or hospital. I noticed from them on he was distant. Doctors would talk to us and he wouldn’t look at them. Despite the tests she’s had done he would always say very script like “she’ll be fine” then they wanted to give her a MRI as they thought she could potentially have a brain tumour. This was June 2017. D2 was 9months old. Hs uncle died of a brain tumour and H has severe headaches and has to have regular MRIs. Then in July 2017 D7s best friends dad had a brain tumour for the second time. It wasn’t looking good for a while as it was stage 3. I helped by fundraising with the school and being there for the family. Again H was distant. I just thought he was rude and didn’t care. Now as I look back I think this could have been a trigger.

Then comes his weight issues. H has always been a small boy. He’s around 5’2 maybe 5’3. I’m not sure on his weight but he was always in a XS men’s or a S men’s. And I remember a few times I would catch him after having a shower, looking in the mirror and pinching his stomach. When I saw him doing this I probably reacted wrong as I laughed. To me I couldn’t see how he was being serious. Of course he didn’t have problems with his weight. He was fine. But to him, he must have had issues and me laughing certainly didn’t help. I didn’t laugh to be mean. It just seemed obscured to me. I think this is a way Ow manages to work her way in as Ow is a avid runner. She runs for a running club and so her fitness is quite high. She spends her weekends running and eating right. I spend mine with a box set Chinese and some wine. But I think H saw her running and was “infatuated”. Before Ow H would join a gym, go once or twice and then never go again. He would run say once a year and it would only be around the block. Yet since being with Ow. H runs with her for miles and miles. I remember Jan 2018 laughing to myself as H and Ow went to London. Me and H have been many times and we would sight see do normal city break things. H and Ow ran over 20 miles in 3 days. It seemed so bizarre and such a contrast. Funnily enough this running ended him up in hospital when he came back. I will always remember this was the day Ow text me to tell me. Her text was completely vile as it ended with “don’t worry he’s still alive” which sounds like the situation was life threatening. I remember going to visit him in the hospital and Ow had to make herself scarce so we could visit which forced her to mark her territory on Facebook and Instagram meaning H then deleted anyone who was linked to me. Family friends etc.

Before H and OW became official H wouldn’t even look at me. Yet the second they became official that’s when he started trying to be intimate with me. I specifically remember thinking in the December 2017, if I could get him in to bed everything would be okay. He would realise he made a mistake and he would come home (silly me!) and I remember H telling me “No I’m not doing that” I was shell shocked. When they didn’t have labels H was loyal to Ow. It’s only the second they became official he tried everything and anything to keep the line there with me. Luckily I now have scissors.

When H lived here we were always planning to get a dog in the new year 2018. He had his idea of breed. I had mine. Now D2 is on the autistic spectrum. We aren’t sure where but we know she is she still needs further tests but I know a few people who have autistic children and dogs and they’ve said it’s helped the child. So I’ve looked into it and it does seem to help. So I asked MIL (FIL is the landlords agent so I need permission) she agreed we could have a dog. We’re only thinking a little thing. Maybe schitzu type dog. Polar opposite to the dogs H wanted. H found out about this and was adamant we weren’t getting “one of those little sh*tty dogs” now he’s always saying things like this. Things that are a BIG commitment H will try and stop me making. I’ve thought and thought about the reasoning but the only thing I can come up with is H knows at some point he will want to come back. And he doesn’t want to come back to something permanent like a dog he doesn’t want.

It’s funny because now as I look back at the person H was before BD it’s clear he wasn’t “right” he had a thing of making false commitments. He got engaged knowing he would never marry that person. Which seems odd to me. But I think he just felt like he had to do it. Like it was the done thing as ay the time lots of people he knew were getting engaged. H has never and I mean never spoken about his feelings. He once told me about his dads death and what it meant to him. When I was 18 and ridiculously drunk. H seems to have the ideology that men are strong. Men don’t show emotion. Men don’t cry. And I think that’s partly the reason he’s ended up here. I remember Christmas 2017. Me and H has a massive argument and I screamed at him “You will regret this for the rest of your life you little f*cker” and he replied as calm as anything and said “your probably right”. I’ve never had the “I love you but I’m not in love with you speech” Infact I’ve never heard H say anything like he doesn’t love me. Not even after BD. It’s just been assumed due to him being with Ow. My BD was over a few days. During this time H kept saying over and over he was sick or is arguing and he wanted to take it day by day but he didn’t want us to split up. I remember we were watching TV on the Friday and H was so cold. He said he wanted to make it work but he wasn’t giving any effort. I had to move his arm and put it around me. It was then I snapped and told him to leave. He did leave but he was crying. I suppose that should have shown he wasn’t fully happy to leave. However, he still did. I remember using the term midlife crisis and I wasn’t even aware of the implications of the word when I said it but now here I am. It’s almost like my brain knew something wasn’t right before hand. I even told H he was having a midlife crisis. And he didn’t believe me. I wonder if he does now. I guess maybe one day we will find out. Maybe.

I refer to him as H but really he isn’t. We were never legally married. H wanted to get married, I just wasn’t sure. I didn’t see what was different. We lived like we were married. We acted like we were married. All that would change was a name. Oddly enough Bd started Wednesday evening after a small insignificant argument but Wednesday morning H was referring to be as “Mrs (his surname)” and telling me we would be married.

At the start H was a fitness fanatic. Always in the gym. Always running. A lot of these gym and running sessions he would go with Ow and they would do the cringey posts. H never uploaded them. Despite the fact it was H taking the photos it was always Ow who would upload and tag him in photos. Never H. Well up until June/July when I blocked H. H then used that as an opportunity to stop his family following him on Instagram (he still follows them he just didn’t want them seeing what he was doing and who with. Wonder why ?!) last time I looked he only had 10 followers. So he could well be posting Ow now but hardly anyone can see. But he stopped running and didn’t go to the gym as often. I figured he was just “bored” of the new hobby. Last week he was going to go for a run but he didn’t because it was wet and rainy. That wouldn’t have stopped him at the start but now it is. He did go out in gym gear last night so I’m assuming he went gym as he was only gone an hour or so. H seems to be making smaller steps towards me and the kids but VERY tiny steps. Like Saturday is “my day” when he has children. If he’s off work I have the full day. If he’s at work I have from when he finished. And he rang me yesterday and asked if I had plans as he’s been asked to work Saturday. I told him it’s totally his call and he doesn’t need to phone me and ask if he can take overtime. He still did. H also used to do the odd job around the house for me without being asked. Just like with the running. He stopped and then last night he was unblocked my drain (without being asked when I popped shops) and cleaned my outside up with bleach. What’s funny is I love using bleach. I use it all over the house. H couldn’t stand bleach but yet he used that to try and get some brownie points. I’m not sure where on his ride he is and I try not to focus on that in all honesty, the stages confuse me because I can never work out where he is. And I try not to stress myself on it. I also feel like H holds back information from me as a way of keeping communication open. For example last night he said he got a text that D2 has a hospital appointment Thursday. He said he would get the info for me. He never did. So I had to phone him to find out what hospital, what time etc as he isn’t coming over today. When I phoned he was very happy and chirpy but he didn’t have the answers I needed so he had to phone me back. It’s almost like he doesn’t want there to not be a reason for us to talk.

It’s funny because I remember being so shocked I was in the midlife club when it happened. And now I look back with fresh eyes and it’s almost like it was inevitable we would end up here. 
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #46 on: March 14, 2019, 06:25:59 AM »
Well mine is in the gym for a few goes club too.

In fact he just got hammered with a £260 bill from cancelling a contract with one...disputed it to get it reduced, still has to pay nearly £200 and what is the first thing he said to me last visit?

He's thinking about joining the gym again!

He is paying a bill for a membership he never used, cancelled and was contractually bound to...can't afford all his bills this month..But he is gonna join again!  :o :o :o :o
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #47 on: March 14, 2019, 07:06:14 AM »
Well mine is in the gym for a few goes club too.

In fact he just got hammered with a £260 bill from cancelling a contract with one...disputed it to get it reduced, still has to pay nearly £200 and what is the first thing he said to me last visit?

He's thinking about joining the gym again!

He is paying a bill for a membership he never used, cancelled and was contractually bound to...can't afford all his bills this month..But he is gonna join again!  :o :o :o :o

The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again while expecting a different result....

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #48 on: March 14, 2019, 09:08:15 AM »
Yep that was H Morte. Gets a gym membership for a few uses before BD. But since BD I think he’s got his use out of it. But I think that’s mainly cos Ow is very much into her gym and running so it is like their thing. If you get what I mean. But from what I saw it stopped. And then started again. Not sure why anyway.

So D2 has a hospital appointment today and these things have become pretty regular for us so we no longer stress about them. However because the hospital is so helpful. We never got the letter. H merely got a text that said she had an appointment. No mention or what hospital (she’s under three) or what for. H found out what hospital.

H is unable to make this appointment which I do suspect is down to Ow. I could be wrong but up until recently he’s been unable to get time off. It could be that the appointments are becoming more frequent but i do suspect ow.

I wasn’t fully sure on the time of the appointment. I knew it was 11 something but could have been any time so as me and D2 are having breakfast at McDonald’s I phone him and ask. Now normally I’m the blunt one and straight to the point but he was also blunt. Normally he’ll be very much “hi you alright?” Today he was simply “hi”. When I phoned him after the app to let him know what was said etc. He seemed more upbeat. I’m not sure if this is because he had argued with Ow and they sorted things. So he was in a better mood or I’d just knowing what’s what with D2 made him calm. I’ll probably never know because even if we reconcile and even if this MLC ends. I’m not sure he will ever fully open up. He’s very closed about his emotions.

What was nice was, my drain has been blocked and H had meant to phone the company to get it sorted. And I came back and H had got FIL to have a look and it was fixed. Yay! Although I’m sure to get a telling off as the drain was blocked with. Toys from D2 flushing them down the loo! Ha!
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #49 on: March 14, 2019, 11:50:41 AM »
I am constantly unblocking my bathroom sink and toilet... Generally it's toilet paper stuck down the sink...''WHY?!'' or loads down the toilet so you gotta plunger it.

So ....freaking....annoying!
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #50 on: March 14, 2019, 03:13:55 PM »
Honestly I say this a lot but D2 is a whole different kinda toddler whirlwind. I think if D2 was my first. She would be my only 🤣

Gosh these clinging boomerangs are so fcking strange man. Honestly. I just. Wow.

So H comes over straight from work. Usual routine. Blah blah blah. I may be getting things in the wrong order but here goes

1. at some point during his visit he went home to get changed. He changed into his city tracksuit and luminous trainers. So that made me assume that H was going to finish off with the children and go see Ow. I mean why else change. As I write this it is 9:39pm and he’s still not gone to see her. So I honestly don’t get it.
2. The concert I went to on Monday was Drake. I personally love Drake. H disliked him but since I’ve been to the concert he “can’t stand him” funny that! H then says “Do you want me to make your life for you?” So I’m like “okay what?” He says “Do you want two VIP tickets to see Drake in Paris?” There was a bit of back and forth and H then says “I won them” so I said “why would you enter a competition to win tickets to someone you can’t stand?” Obviously this was a big huge porky pie coming from H....I just don’t understand why. My friend in RL reckons it’s because he knows I went to see drake with a male, and therefore he’s doing his gorilla beating his chest “you got normal tickets in Manchester but I can get better” scenario. Is this a MLC thing? Or just H being an absolute weirdo.
3. H then asks if I want the children back early Saturday night. I look at him blankly as this is my day and night child free. I said no why would I? He says “oh just sometimes when I’m working the Sunday you want them back early to save you waking up to open the door” I mean I’ve done that once when he started at 3am. Made sense for me to have them and let them wake at a normal time. So I said “No. Saturday is my day. And I’ve got plans” H then said “oh have you?” And made a sexual gesture (implying I’m out with other men doing things) HELLLOOO PROJECTION. I stayed calm and said “I always make plans on Saturday. It’s my time” I mean I have plans but I’m not going out. I’m having a pamper day and then a Netflix night....alone. Mainly because I’ve been out now 7 weekends on the trot and I also was out on Monday. D2 has had hospital trips and I just really need a chilled night in! But I don’t need to tell H that.
4. H then started quizzing if I had evidence. Which for those that don’t know, basically very quickly after BD a few months. Me and H were intimate a few times. I was foolishly under the impression that getting rid of OW meant he would come home. So I took evidence of everything. Recorded our chats. The lot. And one day I sent them all to Ow this was March 2018 I sent everything. Ofcourse Ow forgave him almost instantly. For a while after this we continued being intimate but it’s been months now since we have been but I think H is still thinking I’m going to tell Ow. This also shocks me that H did come back to bed with me and being frank or I wanted him in my bed. I need only click. But this shocks me that H would do it. Knowing what I did last time. Why risk it with Ow? Especially when he needs her so badly? Amy suggestions welcome guys cos this is one of the most confusing things for me.
5. D5 has developed an awful habit of refusing to go to bed in her own bed. When I collected her and carried her over on Monday evening I put her back in her own bed. And ever since she’s atleasy “started the night“ in her bed. She has been creeping into mine during the night but we will work on that once we’ve tackled starting in her bed. However H put them to bed tonight and decided to put D5 into bed with D7. When I realised what he had done. I lashed out by sending him an arsey text which read “Why the f*ck would you put D5 in bed with D7. You absolute b*llend” next thing I know he comes over and grabs me by the throat (in a playful way not violent!) and says “oh no sorry you would enjoy that wouldn’t you” with a smirk and he says “you’ll get that whenever you call me a b*llend” no idea why he couldn’t just ignore it or tech back but hey. Midlife.
6. Tomorrow is D5s reading day so this means that she gets new reading books for the week. She also has some phonics words on a key ring that goes in a plastic wallet. The plastic wallet has her name on. She left it at his house on Monday. So I text him and ask can I have it back. He comes over at first playing dumb about what it is. I said “it’s red and it’s got her name on” to which the penny drops and he fetched it. He then says “oh I thought it was a trap” so I said “trap?” Confused and he makes a sexual gesture. And I said “trap would imply you didn’t want it. If I offered it. You’d jump at the chance. But I’m not offering it. I needed D5s things for school. Nothing more. Nothing less” and he looked at me but I could tell those little cogs were turning in his head. Unsure of what was happening. Gosh it must be hard not knowing what goes on.
7. We got on the subject of social media to which H replied “if I wanted to see what you were posting. It’s easy” I knew what he was getting at. He means D7 has her own Instagram and her own iPad. So all h would have to do is go on and look from her point of view. I know this and I’m aware (and one step ahead) but I don’t actually post anything. I mean this past week I’ve posted the most and that’s only been three posts. 1 was a selfie and the other two were videos from drake. So he wouldn’t be getting any info from my social media. I know ow watches my social media and I know he does. So I’m quite selective in what I post and where. But I also enjoy knowing my private life. Is my private life. The people who know me well know what’s going on and I don’t need or want anybody else knowing things. I’ve always been quite private like that tbh.
8. D2 has been a NIGHTMARE tonight. She’s overtired as she didn’t nap today and I don’t think she’s very well. As I type this she’s only really just settled. Usually when I have a bad night with the kids. I try and deal with it alone. Kinda like right H is gone. I’ve got this but she was particularly bad. so I figured why should I do it alone. I text him to come over and help and he did. We were both on the room with D2. I was in the cot stroking her back when he walked in. So I got up. I mean we were tag teaming. That was the whole point of him coming over so I can have a breather. And he looks me dead in the face. Puta his arm up and says. “Oh you going!” As I walked out the room he said “that was a nice moment?” Nice moment. WHAT?

Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #51 on: March 15, 2019, 03:08:19 AM »
I only have one reaction comment to the shenanigans from H.....

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #52 on: March 15, 2019, 03:20:52 AM »
Jesus it is to early for this but here goes...

1. To look nice for you.

2. Sounds like a guilt tax. He feels guilty about something so he is trying to be a nice guy. Mine does it too.

3. Checking what you are doing since seeing you with a guy.

4. He enjoyed that little game immensely. Two women fighting over him stroked his ego in a way he would like to feel again. He doesn't need her...he needs to feel important.

5. That isn't mid life. That is physical disturbing territorial behaviour you should be worried about. Beast has never even in his wilder moments put his hands on me.

6. This makes me glad I don't have this part muddled up. To me from the outside, it sounds really creepy, particularly when you take into account number 5. Almost like he views you as his both in a marriage way and a sexual way. Sending up danger flags in my head.

7. Well they all social media stalk us so...that's a given.

8. Stop calling him over for everything. All you are doing is stroking his ego making him think you need him.
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #53 on: March 15, 2019, 03:39:07 AM »
UM - honestly that was my reaction. Hence why I might have got the order muddled. To me I spent so long talking to my friend on the phone and all we both kept saying was “What!?” “What the hell” it’s a strange thing. He hasn’t ever really been like this before.

Mortes - Maybe he did want to look nice for me ha but the outfit was honestly so awful. He genuinely looked like a 15 year old boy.  Defo not my thing. He never had the tickets so it seems odd that he would “joke” about it. Beyond strange. The grabbing by the throat is something we both would do to each other when together as we both laughed at a meme that had a woman dragging a boy by his throat and the caption said “when you see your man screaming these hoes ain’t loyal in the club” and a few weeks ago I uploaded the same meme to my Facebook. So I’m assuming he’s reactivated Facebook and saw it. That is the reason I usually deal with the kids alone purely to take that “I need him” mentality away but last night D2 was so particularly bad I was close to LITERALLY pulling my hair out.

Friday is always his “night off” and even when he has the full day off as Ow usually has to work Fridays. He usually does the school run etc when day off. Or atleast he’s around. Today when I woke up at 7:30. He was gone. So I assume Ow has the day off and they have plans today. As well as plans on Monday and Tuesday next week. So I don’t know if that played part in his strange behaviour last night as I have mentioned before H tends to make more of a beeline towards me when he’s about to spend more time with Ow. Or he has spent a lot of time with her. Or maybe it could be the relief that this was one of the first apps D2 has been to hospital for and not had to stay in. Last time she went in for a eye test and we didn’t leave the hospital for almost two weeks!
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online Treasur

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #54 on: March 15, 2019, 03:44:42 AM »
I agree with Morte.
There is a lot of control coming off your h's behaviour. And putting his hands round your throat? No, not acceptable and a big red flag. You are not the only one here to have experienced something similar but it is not right. Worries me a little that you come across as being quite 'meh' about it.

He uses the kids and living next door to control you and keep you off balance imho. Sometimes it sounds as if he thinks of you as a possession and the sexual comments are deeply disrespectful again jmo.  Right now it seems as if he pretty much has what he wants....what about you?
How detached are you currently do you think?
What is your plan from here?
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #55 on: March 15, 2019, 04:09:23 AM »
I can understand how it comes across as controlling but I suppose typing it out it’s hard to see the playfulness that was present there. I think in the past especially when we were together, it was always a joke. Same as when we put each other in a head lock and would mess up each other’s hair. But I do understand it’s hard to convey that online.

No I agree that he makes many many sexual comments. I don’t know if that’s because I’ve stopped jumping into bed with him and he’s no longer getting his fix or if Ow isn’t doing it for him or what. I can’t really answer that. Because on a normal day to day day. He won’t really make too much comments unless he knows he’s going to be seeing or spending a lot of time with Ow. I think the problem also is FIL is also known for making many many crude jokes and comments and so I think that’s rubbing off on H. H has always struggled to find somewhere to fit in. He’s never been one of the lads. In fact when most people meet him they assume he’s gay as he gets on better with women, he used to have a avid skin scare routine and really looked after his appearance. So I do think the sexual comments mainly come from trying to “be the man” type thing.

I would say I’m quite detached. I have thought so long and hard about this. I wouldn’t say I’m 100% detached but I’m close. I don’t see him as H anymore. H isn’t there. The man that stands before me, looks similar but H isn’t inside. So in some ways it’s easier to be detached.

I don’t really have a plan so to speak. I just take each day as it comes I guess. It’s funny because for most of 2018 I didn’t feel anywhere near as good or detached as I do now. I used to worry so much about what they did with their time together. Were they going places we went? Was he saying the same things to her he said to me? And now I can honestly hand on heart say. I genuinely don’t care. I don’t care if they go to the same places or he says the same lines. I class myself right now as standing but I do think there is a time limit on that. I don’t think I could stand for 10 years or more. But then who knows what tomorrow will bring.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #56 on: March 15, 2019, 04:58:59 AM »
I quit asking all those questions when I realised the answer never mattered because it was always the same.

Does it matter what he says to her, if they go the same places as we did, does he hold her hand or kiss her or whatever it doesn't matter because she is not you. He still thinks about you, he still lies through his teeth to her, and he is trying to recreate or replace or ignore his life.

No matter what he is doing, where he is going, who he is with the answer is always ''He is not here with his family'' and that is all that matters.

Until that answer changes, nothing else is relevant.
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #57 on: March 15, 2019, 05:21:04 AM »
That’s the exact reason I stopped thinking about it. Because realistically he’s got to be telling her the same. How can he not? I mean ofcourse he’s got to fill her head with “your the best I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life” Yadda Yadda. What else could he say “oh you’ll do for now I guess babes?” No. I know they go similar places to us as H has a eating disorder, or that’s the right word. He only eats in a nutshell potatoes. No veg no meat. When we were together he would only eat at frankie and bennys and McDonald’s. He can’t eat anywhere else. But I genuinely hand on heart do not care. And I say that with 100% honesty.

I suppose I never felt things change daily but now I look back, especially when Facebook pops up with the memories and I can see just how much I have changed. I used to try and make H think I was dating. Making him jealous. If my friends were busy and h had the children. I would take myself to a hotel or for a meal and post photo with the caption “Date Night” ya make him think I was with someone. I used to try and Make him feel a certain type of way but I honestly do not even care about that. I don’t care about proving to him other men want me. He’s not stupid he knows they will do. I don’t need to prove anything to him. I will go out when I want too. I will spend time with who I want too. If I want to do my makeup and hair. I will do. But I’ll do it for me. NOT him or anybody else.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #58 on: March 17, 2019, 03:30:23 PM »
Saturday

I had no idea what time H would be making his appearance to collect the children but I’ve never raced so quickly to have everything ready so it could just be a case of “Hi here’s the kids. Here’s the bags. Goodbye” but he turned up at 9:15. Luckily the kids were ready I just needed to do D2 hair. I wasn’t ready but it was nice that I could get ready in peace without children coming and annoying me ha! I wasn’t particularly off with him. I just didn’t have much to say. He must have asked me 100 times “you okay!” “What’s wrong?” “What’s up?” “Why you in a mood” I told him I wasn’t in a mood and he never seemed to fully believe what I said. I changed the girls rooms around last night and the girls were really excited to show him. I could see his brain doing the motions because when he was here, I would never do anything like that. I left all the heavy lifting, manual work to him. So I did feel quite proud that was a moment of “Ha! Look at me getting on just fine without you”. I told him earlier in the week that he needed to get the girls some new school shoes cos D7 has a hole in hers. As he was leaving I said “Don’t spend loads on them because they haven’t got long left of this school year and also make sure they are proper shoes”. Off he went. I got ready and went to go get my nails done and meet up with my best friend. When I was in the nail shop it came up he was FaceTimeing me but as I just took my phone out of my pocket. I assumed I’d accidentally pocket dialled him. Then he FaceTimed back right away so I answered and he was in the shoe shop and was showing me the shoes “are these okay!?” The shoes were fine so I just said “yeah they are fine. I’m in the nail shop I’ll call you later” he then asked before I hung up for me to look on Facebook (he doesn’t have Facebook) for a cot for D2 as she doesn’t like the travel cot he has. I said I would. After getting my nails done whilst I was waiting for my friend I went for a coffee alone (honestly as a mum this was HEAVEN!!) and I called him. Told him what cots I’ve found and the prices etc. And I made sure the call was short and sweet.

I have a lovely day with my friend. We shopped. We chatted. We had lunch. It was nice to be out in the day as opposed to out in the evening.

I then come home. Had a bath. Had a bit of a pamper. And set down with Netflix and a bottle of wine. Around 10 minutes after I sit down. D7 comes in really excited to show me her new school shoes. We have a brief chat and off she pops back. 5 minutes later H and D5 come over. She wants to show me her new school shoes. H then asks “you not going out?” And I just looked at him. And he was like “you know what I mean” no H. No I don’t. It’s 5:30. I’m on the sofa in my Pjs. Netflix is paused and I have wine waiting for me. It’s clear I’m not going out. I was watching the disappearance of Madeline McCann. H saw this and decided to give his input of what happened to her. Around 2 hours later H pops in again with some bits of the girls stuff. He then says “Is it some sick joke or is Muggy Mike dead?” For those of you who don’t know, muggy mike is a minor celeb, he was in love island and celebs go dating and I watch both of these shows. H does not. So I said “Yeah he is but it’s annoying people refer to him by that and not his actual name” literally no idea why he would ask me. Like I would have some info that the newspapers don’t. H then tells me he’s seen it all over his social media’s. Now I don’t know if this is a coincidence as it has gone a bit viral but I also tweeted a few tweets about it and I’ve also retweeted news articles too. I know H has twitter but I didn’t think he used it. Almost as soon as he left H is back this time with a crying D5. D5 was upset because D7 has Instagram and was sending me messages but she wasn’t letting D5 send me one. So I gave her a hug and a kiss. And off she goes.

I can’t remember  at what point in the night but it was fairly early on H came over for the keys. It’s much easier him having the keys when he’s working because sometimes the kids are still sleepy and he can put them in bed and instead of waiting at the door for me it’s straight in. Anyway, I was wearing my new BARBIE Nightie i got and my new slippers. H came in and said “WTF are you wearing?” And I just said “A nightie” but I so so badlt wanted to say “Don’t mock it mate, cos as soon as it goes on Instagram Ow will buy it and wear it too!” So brownie points for not saying that!

I won’t lie, I know “Muggy Mike” isn’t a person I know in real life but it’s affected me quite a bit. Maybe I’m extra hormonal or something because I’ve been crying like a baby about it. I guess, it’s the implications of what it actually means. This was a 26 year old man, who was good looking. He was famous. He had women flicking around him and yet here we are him taking his own life. It’s actually really sad. I think H realised I was upset about it because he never pressed on the subject and normally he would be like “Oh get a grip you don’t know him”

Sunday

One of the main rules, boundaries whatever that I have said to H is that if he is coming to see the children HE needs to explain it to them. If he isn’t going to see them HE explains it. Because it wasn’t and isn’t fair that the girls could come back from school with no idea of if H was coming or not and then as I’m putting them to bed them to start with “but we haven’t seen daddy”. I’ve explained I don’t really need him to explain it to me but he has to explain it to the girls.

Today when he dropped the children off I stayed in bed and he stayed downstairs. It was very early. The time he agreed but still early. I heard him say to the children “Right love you I’ve got to go work now but I’ll see you after work”.

My washing machine has been REALLY loud on a spin for a while now, so loud that when I’m watching TV I have to pause it. I’ve worked out why, and so I phoned H and asked does him or FIL or BIL know how to disconnect a washing machine and fit a new one. As if I ordered one in the next 25 minutes I qualified for next day delivery so it would come tomorrow but the company wanted a extra £60 if they needed to fit my new one. So I wanted to check. However, normally I hate phoning H but I’m glad I did this time because H is now convinced the issue with the washing machine is covered under the warranty so he is checking that which saves me a few hundred pound atleast if it is anyway! I kept the chat very much straight to the point. When he answered he was chirpy and very much “Hiya you okay” so I just said “quick one” and explained the situation. I didn’t answer any of his questions I merely said and did what was needed. We were only on the phone 65 seconds ha!

As it happens I’m now glad I phoned H as he’s spoken to the landlord who’s having some houses sold and all the white goods need to go. So I can have that washing machine for free. So I’m quite glad about that!

H came home from work, and he explained (again) that he wasn’t going to be here tomorrow or Tuesday, but he had said he will be around in the morning to rake the children to school and collect and fit the washing machine for me. So I will only be without a washing machine for tomorrow which isn’t too bad. I enjoy the peace when he’s not around as I get to sort my own things in my own time.

H put the kids to bed tonight. Thankfully after my melt down the other day he put all kids to bed in their own bed. I have no doubt in my mind that at some point during the night D5 will be in my bed but atleast H out the kids to bed properly!
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

 

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