Author Topic: My Story The MLC picture show  (Read 1054 times)

Offline UrsaMajor

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My Story Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #20 on: March 07, 2019, 03:24:10 AM »
Hahaha UM not sure why pancakes but I won’t complain

Because IG was talking about pancakes and that I had started talking about pancakes and you made the comment about it being sort of religious somehow and... well... there we are ...

Back to your original point - I’ve just learnt that kind of response where I refuse to confirm or deny just shuts him up. In the beginning I spent so much time when he would ask proving to him I hadn’t done x y and z. He still pestered as he didn’t believe me. If I denied it. He still pestered again because he did t believe it. So if he won’t believe me either way I just refuse to answer. I either stay silent or tell him it’s none of his business.

That is the typical MLC game of trying to get the LBS to prove a negative which is simply not possible because the possibility of doing whatever it is that the Mid-Lifer is accusing us of will remain until we are dead... so proving that something did NOT happen at this moment in time is no guarantee of future performance...

It also has, usually, a great deal to do with projection - they accuse us of what it is that THEY are doing and feel guilty about... and since THEY are doing it, we MST be doing it (whatever it is) as well...


I’ve just got back from breakfast with one of my friends who has Ow on her socials. When I brought up the latest antics with H she said “Oh she uploaded <...snip...>
She is copying most aspects of my life and only a broken person would do that.


'nuf said on THAT point...
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #21 on: March 07, 2019, 03:44:09 AM »
Oh it’s 100% projection as the main thing I get accused of, so to speak, is sleeping with other people. Noooo not me that just jumps into bed with absolutely anybody that shows the slightest bit of interest.

It’s funny because I never thought I would feel empathy for the girl. I always thought I’d enjoy her demise but I’m not evil like that. She has brought all this on herself. She knew H was broken and then chose to make a play for him. She gets what she deserves but I suppose it’s just sad to see anybody feeling that low within themselves. Because she literally is turning into me. She made nasty comments about people wearing makeup eyelash extensions acrylic nails and fake tan. I wear all of these and now she is too. But I just can’t imagine trying to morph into somebody’s ex. It’s weird. But then I know if I ever did this I have really good friends around me who would put a stop to it 🤣
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #22 on: March 07, 2019, 03:55:23 AM »
It’s funny because I never thought I would feel empathy for the girl. I always thought I’d enjoy her demise but I’m not evil like that. She has brought all this on herself. She knew H was broken and then chose to make a play for him. She gets what she deserves but I suppose it’s just sad to see anybody feeling that low within themselves. Because she literally is turning into me. She made nasty comments about people wearing makeup eyelash extensions acrylic nails and fake tan. I wear all of these and now she is too. But I just can’t imagine trying to morph into somebody’s ex. It’s weird. But then I know if I ever did this I have really good friends around me who would put a stop to it

Some food for thought....

Maybe she is trying to morph into you because he keeps hitting her up with "Well, Sach wears this or that and I think it looks good...." so she is trying to pretzel herself into what he says he likes...

I mean, there has to have been some physical attraction there too unless you found all your kids under mushrooms, cabbage leaves or they were dropped down the chimney by a stork....

Your H, BTW, is the same age as my xW1 when she went off on her QLC...
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #23 on: March 07, 2019, 04:44:31 AM »
I’d never really thought of it that way. I just assumed that he wouldn’t mention my name around her but then I’ve no idea what they actually talk about.

Oh yeah I must admit I know atleast the physical attraction is still there. Apart from the fact that my looks have definitely improved since BD. And H has made it clear he likes the improvements. Even though we are no longer physical he is very vocal about things. It was only the other day he said “My biggest failure is the fact I never made you understand how stunning you are” which came on a day I had no makeup on and my big thick fluffy PJs. He’s also told me recently I’m the best looking girl he’s had. So I know atleast the physical side is still intact. But then I don’t think he’s said anything bad about me since BD. It may be different to Ow but to other people etc he’s not said a bad word. Even when I have acted badly especially at the start of the separation.

I think that’s what I always wonder due to his age, I wonder is it a full MLC or QLC. Are they different. How etc? All things like that.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online Treasur

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #24 on: March 07, 2019, 05:08:07 AM »
Funny...I guess NOT having an affair would have been a great way to make you feel that, right? They do say the most ridiculous patently illogical things....
Not all MLCers act like this, but lots do. I wonder though if some of it is a kind of possessiveness, seeing the LBS as an 'object' still rather than y'know a human being and all that. Like a kid with a toy they don't want to play with but throw a tantrum if you suggest giving it to another kid....
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #25 on: March 07, 2019, 05:20:09 AM »



Oddly enough. That’s how it feels. I know I over analyse his actions probably a bit too much but the general vibe i get from him is, part of him is living his life with OW but at the same time he’s trying ever so hard to not hit the point of no return and want to make it clear that when he’s ready he can come back. I notice if I go out and upload pictures with my girlfriends, the next day H is all happy and smiley and doesn’t ask too much. Whereas if we just go for a nice meal and the cinema and say I upload my food. I will receive 21 questions about who I was with, etc. As he hasn’t been able to get that information from snooping.

In quite a lot of his actions, it feels very calculated. Like for example I’m certain that there was no physical affair until he moved out. But I’m not sure I could stand it there was a physical affair before he left. H would have known that. So it’s almost like he did BD before moving to a physical side of the relationship in order for the door (in his eyes to be open). Also tattoos. Both me and H have many tattoos. When H got with his ex before me he got a star tattoo. She had one too. It was their matching tattoo. Then when me and H got together he got “love” tattooed as I have a love heart. So there’s an aspect of matching tattoos. Both of these tattoos were before the 1 year mark in a relationship with me and his ex before me. There is no tattoo for Ow. So his actions are partly calculated in he knows what to do in order for me not to slam the door shut on reconciliation at some point.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #26 on: March 07, 2019, 05:53:40 AM »
Quote from: sachat3
Oddly enough. That’s how it feels. I know I over analyse his actions probably a bit too much but the general vibe i get from him is, part of him is living his life with OW but at the same time he’s trying ever so hard to not hit the point of no return and want to make it clear that when he’s ready he can come back.

Hmmmmmm ... Wonder if he will get it through his thick noggin that YOU might have something to say about that as well...

As far as <x>LC - Q/M/whatever, once they have entered adulthood and are no longer rampaging-hormone-driven Teenagers in puberty, there doesn't seem to be much of a difference that I can see in whether it is a Quarter or Mid-Live Crisis... The symptoms seem the same as do the actions and the course of events, even to the scripts being virtually identical...

I think the Q or M is more of an identifier for us about what "stage"  of life they are in...


Quote from: sachat3
And H has made it clear he likes the improvements. Even though we are no longer physical he is very vocal about things. It was only the other day he said “My biggest failure is the fact I never made you understand how stunning you are” which came on a day I had no makeup on and my big thick fluffy PJs. He’s also told me recently I’m the best looking girl he’s had.

You're the best looking girl he's had? Who in their right mind would say something like that to the person they are supposed to love? Oh! right! A Mid-Lifer! And now OW is trying to pretzel herself into the "new you?"



Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #27 on: March 07, 2019, 06:36:52 AM »
That’s exactly what I thought when he said it. Especially because literally this time last year (exact day yesterday) all the things he said and did I documented, I saved texts snapchats the lot and I sent them to OW. I told her we had slept together. I told her the things he said to me. I told her the things he said about her. I literally sent her everything. It wasn’t one of my finer moments I’ll admit but it was very soon after BD so I wasn’t as clued up as I am now. But that’s what baffles me the most about the things he says because surely to god, his brain should be thinking “oh last time she told Ow so she must be going to do it again” I know I’m 99.99999999% likely to never tell Ow BUT he doesn’t know that. It’s almost like he wants me to tell her because why else say and do the things he’s saying and doing.

Yeah I think to him, it’s a case of he can knock on the door with his little suitcase and declare “hi honey I’m home” and that’s it. There will be a lovely meal on the table and we will all sing and dance and rejoice. Oddly enough I would bet my house on the fact that should I go on a date, meet a man, sleep with him, even start a relationship with him. Sh*t would hit the fan BIG TIME. Because I think in his head he views me as “mine” kind of like I’m a item he’s put in storage. I’m “his” but he has no need for me right now but nobody better come and get me. This might work in la la land but not in the real world.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #28 on: March 07, 2019, 07:11:04 AM »
Yeah I think to him, it’s a case of he can knock on the door with his little suitcase and declare “hi honey I’m home” and that’s it. There will be a lovely meal on the table and we will all sing and dance and rejoice. Oddly enough I would bet my house on the fact that should I go on a date, meet a man, sleep with him, even start a relationship with him. Sh*t would hit the fan BIG TIME. Because I think in his head he views me as “mine” kind of like I’m a item he’s put in storage. I’m “his” but he has no need for me right now but nobody better come and get me. This might work in la la land but not in the real world.

EXACTLY!  The Mid-Lifer expects the LBS to stay in their little stasis box where the Mid-Lifer left them... Sitting on the porch in their rocking chair crocheting lace doilies and pining for the Mid-Lifer's return (if they decide to return someday) in a puddle of tears.....

Meanwhile, back in the REAL world, we do our mirror work, we grow and, at some point in our lives, we decide that we need to move on. Whether that is into a different R (heck I am literally 2x your age so you have the majority of your whole life in front of you) or not is irrelevant. We drop the rope, pick up the anchor and set sail... The Mid-Lifer will have a purple conniption fit wen that happens but, well, actions = consequences and you can't toss aside a decent person like a rotten old fish and expect them to wait patiently for something that may or may not ever happen....


Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online sachat3Topic starter

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Re: The MLC picture show
« Reply #29 on: March 07, 2019, 08:13:47 AM »
Well exactly that.

I mean nothing is ever guaranteed in la la land but I do think there could come a time he will return. It’s just certain things he says that makes me think that. Aside from the fact that if he had his way (he isn’t!) he would still be intimate with me. Although my friend did suggest being intimate and calling him another mans name just to see his face 🤣 and although I say I’m standing it depends on so many factors. When will he wake up? How will things go with Ow. Would he get her pregnant? I doubt he would want kids but I imagine as a 28 year old woman with no kids she will want them at some point. Will he marry OW? Would I meet someone else etc? I’m not actively looking but who knows and these are things that would need to be taken into consideration.

In his head a return is only on HIS side. He seems to have a idea that it’s just him that makes that call. That’s not how it works. Funnily enough. Immediately after BD I would have done just about anything for him to come back. Whereas if he came home from work tonight and told me he had broken up with Ow. Wanted me yadda yadda. I don’t think emotionally I’m ready for that right now.  It’s funny how time changes a person huh.

I have seen a few people say “most don’t return” but then I do wonder how many MLCers WANT to return but sometimes too much damage has been done to LBS and all things like that. Because as much as I say I’m standing I don’t know how long it will be for. I guess we would both have to be on the same page at the same time.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

 

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