Author Topic: My Story Helping Me in this MLC 6  (Read 469 times)

Offline Helpingme!Topic starter

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My Story Helping Me in this MLC 6
« on: February 04, 2019, 06:14:30 AM »
New thread time.
Little Fruit Bat is still good. It's been a little over a month. Nothing really spectacular this week. Just easing along.
She's still doing alot if little things for me. Asking me if I need anything daily. Sweet little text every morning.
I'm still staying as I am. Staying busy as I can. The mire I stay busy with me, the more she's coming toward me.
Hoping she keeps climbing out of the hole.

Have a goid week my friends.

Previous thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10540.0
« Last Edit: February 04, 2019, 06:49:13 AM by Thunder »

Offline Acorn

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2019, 06:40:47 AM »
It sounds good, Helping!  You let her be and heal at her own rate and I’m sure that is one of the reasons she keeps extending goodwill toward you.

It must feel so nice to receive those ‘sweet texts’.  I’d imagine it wouldn’t do any harm to return the favour now and then.  You know,  show your appreciation.  MLCer or not, people like to be acknowledged.  I guess you are doing that already. 
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline Thunder

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2019, 07:49:00 AM »
Following along, Helping!   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline One day at a time

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2019, 08:30:24 AM »
Following along Helping!! Great to hear FB is still doing well.. A bit jealous about the sweet texts I must admit!!  :D  You deserve them my friend!
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline 9393roo

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #4 on: February 04, 2019, 08:32:38 AM »
Following Helping.  You keep being you.  That is awesome news!
Husband 53
Me 53
Kids 3 sons 27,25.22 1 daughter 18
BD #1 Spring 2016
BD #2 Winter 2017
married 30 years.  Together 32
H never moved out except 3 weeks after BD #1
OW 30 year single mom employee-He says EA only I don’t believe him.
He is working on things and far from being cooked.

Online Rosetintedglasses

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #5 on: February 04, 2019, 12:16:54 PM »
Gosh new thread time!

Hoping you have a peaceful one, with a bit of happiness and fun too!

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Sept 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017
EA with same MOW Jan 2017 until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents

Offline Helpingme!Topic starter

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #6 on: February 05, 2019, 06:23:54 AM »
Thank You Ladies. 
I am responding in the same way I receive a text. Some days I will send a text first.  If she's sweet and mooshy, well I go with the flow.  Most every morning her text are like that. During the day it's more just normal chat.
I'm always gone when she wakes up. She has about an hour every morning to herself.  I'm sure her mind is running in circles then.
She text this morning and said , We make a good team don't we??
It has been busy. Ball, taxes, work. She has always done out taxes and the church. That is a huge thing.  But she sent the text thanking me for helping out with things  and the team text followed. 
Those little things make my day start out good.
Have a good one friends.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #7 on: February 05, 2019, 06:33:24 AM »
Attaching

« Last Edit: February 05, 2019, 07:27:27 AM by UrsaMajor »
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #8 on: February 05, 2019, 07:37:30 AM »
Aw so cute, UM!!!   ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #9 on: February 05, 2019, 07:46:39 AM »
Aw so cute, UM!!!   ;D

Not much is cuter than a fruit bat wrapped up in a blanky eating watermelon....  ;D
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline PJ Ames

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #10 on: February 05, 2019, 07:56:19 AM »
Following along. Sounds like you're doing great. Keep doing your thing!
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Married 1991
S: 24, D: 21 both doing great.

BD #1: June, 2016 - discovered EA with co-worker
BD #2: November 2018 - discovered online relationship with dude she met playing video games; she has never met him in person.
5-day separation (she left), November, 2018
W is trying (a little), but has no remorse. Nowhere near fully-cooked.

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #11 on: February 05, 2019, 10:52:45 AM »
Sounding great Helping. I know there is really nothing we LBS can do to "help" the MLCer thorough his or her journey. But, staying out of the way and letting them proceed on their own is necessary. And I read somewhere once that doing nothing is the hardest thing to "do." And I believe it.
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Helpingme!Topic starter

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #12 on: February 05, 2019, 12:05:31 PM »
UM
Thanks for the laugh my friend. I'm just glad it's her eating watermelon . She fed me crumbs out of her hand for too long. Boy am I glad I got past that.
Thanks for following along PJ and Kit.
Kit your so right doing nothing is hard. I still fight the urge to try and help. I don't think it will ever go away.
I also have the feeling of THIS IS TOO GOOD TOO BE TRUE!!!!
Everyday!!! Just ANOTHER hurdle to get over in MLC mind games.


Offline Silver

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #13 on: February 08, 2019, 12:07:03 AM »
OMG is that a fruit bat UM?!
So cute! I want one for myself  ;D

Attaching Helping, you're a good man and deserve the situation getting better, believe it will continue but remember to protect yourself.
Your wife is a lucky woman.
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline Helpingme!Topic starter

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #14 on: February 11, 2019, 05:04:55 AM »
Thanks for the kind words Silver. Yes UM is one of a kind. I have the most respect for ones that are here day in and day giving support .  Something I struggle with , not being able to be supportive lately.

One more week down. My Little FB is still good. Last week she was the most supportive to me since this $h!tstorm began.
My world was turned upside down last week. Tuesday S17 was kicked off of the baseball team. The next day I was ask to step down as a coach. S17 was only senior and the 2 juniors , 2 sophomores and one freshman walked off in support of S17. I still don't know whole story.  I'm inn the dark really. I'm sick to my stomach over all of it.
The support from parents and the kids is all good. Still trying to hold the team together from the outside, but it's out of my hands now. I figure by this week there will not be a baseball team. The whole deal is just sickening.  Small town drama crap. 
My main SUPPORT has come from my W. I fell off the map a few days. I figured this would push her back too, but it didn't. 
For the first time she dropped all of her selfish actions and cane to me.  She has talked alot thus last week. Nothing just outright MLC. But one thing stood out. She said you don't deserve this Helping. You have had to deal with enough lately, you definetly don't deserve this!!!
I did fall into the victim mode.  I never used to be like that. But I'm moving on . Nothing I can do.
The FB also said we have more time as a family now.  Maybe this is a good thing. S17 is ok too. He handled it better than I thought he would. Between S17 and W being there for me, I'm good as well.
Just checking in. Things are still good.
Have a good week my friends.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #15 on: February 11, 2019, 06:15:48 AM »
Helping,

I'm not happy about what happened to you and your son, but it was so nice to hear your wife supported you like she did.

That's some real good movement on her part.  I hope it continues to get better and better.   :)

Big Hug!
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #16 on: February 11, 2019, 06:46:47 AM »
Man, Helping, that is just Male Bovine Excrement....

Well, whoever decided to stir the turd will get it all back since half the team walked off....

Who asked you to step down? What reasons did they give for their request?

Small town drama is right....
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online Rosetintedglasses

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #17 on: February 11, 2019, 07:21:58 AM »
Oh no Help

This is your last year too isn’t it. S17 too? Assume it’s not to do with OM or his W?

Glad W was supporting you. She’s right you don’t deserve this. Actually that’s an understatement. That’s good you are coping ok. It’s still all wrong though

Sending you a hug 🤗
Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Sept 2016
BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017
EA with same MOW Jan 2017 until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents

Offline Acorn

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #18 on: February 11, 2019, 07:47:00 AM »
As your FB said, there is a beautiful silver lining in your new situation, Helping. 
These things happen for a reason even if you can’t see it right now.  The only thing we can do is to make a good use of it.  Arrange some family activities, take in a movie or two together, etc.

FB is cooking very nicely!  You are not opening the oven door to poke and check.  Good for you!
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline One day at a time

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #19 on: February 11, 2019, 08:29:59 AM »
Sorry to hear about what happened to you and your son.. The support you got from the other members of the team clearly shows who's at fault here, right? But at least is good to see that FB is supporting you!! That's really nice to hear, she's making progress, I'm so happy for you!
H - 41 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.

Trying very hard to let go...

Offline PJ Ames

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #20 on: February 11, 2019, 09:01:48 AM »
Sorry about the baseball drama. That really sucks.

Glad your FB is being supportive. If this would have happened in the past, she probably would have responded differently. So your work and patience has paid off.

Sorry you're having to deal with this on top of everything else. But you've survived worse and I'm sure you'll survive this and come out OK.

Take care, Buddy.
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Married 1991
S: 24, D: 21 both doing great.

BD #1: June, 2016 - discovered EA with co-worker
BD #2: November 2018 - discovered online relationship with dude she met playing video games; she has never met him in person.
5-day separation (she left), November, 2018
W is trying (a little), but has no remorse. Nowhere near fully-cooked.

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #21 on: February 11, 2019, 10:55:41 AM »
Well that is just crappy! It kinda seems personal.

Wow--way to go FB stepping it up! Great silver lining.

Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Helpingme!Topic starter

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #22 on: February 12, 2019, 04:43:05 AM »
Thanks my friends.
UM
Head Coach ask me to step down. As for explanation?? I wasn't given one besides, He thought it was best.
Rose it is S17 Senior year. He is finished now. Just waiting on graduation. He was only taking classes to play ball.
Nothing to do with OM. More with small town politics.
Thunder, OneDay, Acorn , PJ, and Kit
I agree baseball issue is a minor thing compared to MLC. Most important thing was my W being there for me. I hope she continues.
As for the team , 5 more kids walked off yesterday.  3 of boys came to my house last night. They are clueless and so am I.
The truth will all come out in time.

As for the Fruit Bat she is still doing Good. My mind still thinks too good , but I'm trying to get past that.
She told me last night, this weekend was kickoff tournament weekend. We have to find US something to do now!
Thanks for all the support my friends.
Have a good one.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #23 on: February 12, 2019, 05:13:46 AM »
I guess that, if you look to see who he replaces you with, you'll find where the real problem is/was.... I despise politics like that with a passion...

Guess that tournament probably won't go so well if 1/4 of the team is missing, will it?

The support you got form within your house though was amazing, incl FB..... I'd say that is real progress.... Enjoy what it is and how it is... That is all you can do, right? It is rather the opposite of dealing with the BD but in some ways similar - one day at a time but in a positive direction....
« Last Edit: February 12, 2019, 05:16:41 AM by UrsaMajor »
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Helpingme!Topic starter

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #24 on: February 12, 2019, 07:07:10 AM »
You are right UM.  It's a sad deal. The games have been forfeited.  Not enough kids to play. As said. Not my circus.
Acorn said it. Everything happens for a reason.
My concern is on my family.
I feel as if progress from my W is real. It feels real. I kniw some have shown real movement and run again. 
I've been at this long enough and read enough to know it's a long way from over.
Just trying to stay as I am and ease along.  I am enjoying the peace.

Offline Acorn

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #25 on: February 12, 2019, 09:48:51 AM »
Yep, easing along and letting FB cook away at her own speed are the only way. 
When was the last time anyone could hurry a teenager to grow up?  Never. 
Life happens (we can do nothing to manufacture that) and they are sometimes forced to grow up quicker than others.  Mostly though, we let them grow up at their own pace with firm boundaries in place.  MLCers are no different, I found out! 

You are doing fabulously, Helping!  Your temperament is such an asset for a LBS.  It does not mean that you are a pushover.  It means you are patient and gracious enough to allow her to use TIME to grow and heal. 
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline 9393roo

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #26 on: February 13, 2019, 04:05:23 PM »
Helping.  Sorry about all the turbulence outside your home.  Great news on the calmness that has lasted inside your home!  I hope it continues for you.  I have hit a calm streak and I am basking in it!  I'm always on edge for when it may end though.  Hope FB can continue to heal and you can too.  I never realized how much what I thought may have been boring times before BD are the times that I actually crave now.  Hope things on the baseball end straighten themselves out. 
Husband 53
Me 53
Kids 3 sons 27,25.22 1 daughter 18
BD #1 Spring 2016
BD #2 Winter 2017
married 30 years.  Together 32
H never moved out except 3 weeks after BD #1
OW 30 year single mom employee-He says EA only I don’t believe him.
He is working on things and far from being cooked.

Offline Whyus

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #27 on: February 14, 2019, 12:36:26 AM »
So sorry about the Baseball bull$h!te helping. That sucks for sure and that others are dropping out tells you everything about the bad discision making which has gone on.
Maybe, this is a Little Blessing in disguise for you and your W (I intentionally wrote W instead of FB). As she said, you get  to spend more time together which may not be heaven atm but her saying it alone is huge.

All the best mate, your doing great.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is trying to get People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 20
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

 

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