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Author Topic: My Story Helping Me in this MLC 6  (Read 1579 times)

Online PJ Ames

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My Story Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #10 on: February 05, 2019, 07:56:19 AM »
Following along. Sounds like you're doing great. Keep doing your thing!
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Married 1991
S: 24, D: 21 both doing great.

BD #1: June, 2016 - discovered EA with co-worker
BD #2: November 2018 - discovered online relationship with dude she met playing video games; she has never met him in person.
5-day separation (she left), November, 2018
W is trying (a little), but has no remorse. Nowhere near fully-cooked.

Online KeepItTogether

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #11 on: February 05, 2019, 10:52:45 AM »
Sounding great Helping. I know there is really nothing we LBS can do to "help" the MLCer thorough his or her journey. But, staying out of the way and letting them proceed on their own is necessary. And I read somewhere once that doing nothing is the hardest thing to "do." And I believe it.
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Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Helpingme!Topic starter

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #12 on: February 05, 2019, 12:05:31 PM »
UM
Thanks for the laugh my friend. I'm just glad it's her eating watermelon . She fed me crumbs out of her hand for too long. Boy am I glad I got past that.
Thanks for following along PJ and Kit.
Kit your so right doing nothing is hard. I still fight the urge to try and help. I don't think it will ever go away.
I also have the feeling of THIS IS TOO GOOD TOO BE TRUE!!!!
Everyday!!! Just ANOTHER hurdle to get over in MLC mind games.

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Offline Silver

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #13 on: February 08, 2019, 12:07:03 AM »
OMG is that a fruit bat UM?!
So cute! I want one for myself  ;D

Attaching Helping, you're a good man and deserve the situation getting better, believe it will continue but remember to protect yourself.
Your wife is a lucky woman.
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"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline Helpingme!Topic starter

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #14 on: February 11, 2019, 05:04:55 AM »
Thanks for the kind words Silver. Yes UM is one of a kind. I have the most respect for ones that are here day in and day giving support .  Something I struggle with , not being able to be supportive lately.

One more week down. My Little FB is still good. Last week she was the most supportive to me since this $h!tstorm began.
My world was turned upside down last week. Tuesday S17 was kicked off of the baseball team. The next day I was ask to step down as a coach. S17 was only senior and the 2 juniors , 2 sophomores and one freshman walked off in support of S17. I still don't know whole story.  I'm inn the dark really. I'm sick to my stomach over all of it.
The support from parents and the kids is all good. Still trying to hold the team together from the outside, but it's out of my hands now. I figure by this week there will not be a baseball team. The whole deal is just sickening.  Small town drama crap. 
My main SUPPORT has come from my W. I fell off the map a few days. I figured this would push her back too, but it didn't. 
For the first time she dropped all of her selfish actions and cane to me.  She has talked alot thus last week. Nothing just outright MLC. But one thing stood out. She said you don't deserve this Helping. You have had to deal with enough lately, you definetly don't deserve this!!!
I did fall into the victim mode.  I never used to be like that. But I'm moving on . Nothing I can do.
The FB also said we have more time as a family now.  Maybe this is a good thing. S17 is ok too. He handled it better than I thought he would. Between S17 and W being there for me, I'm good as well.
Just checking in. Things are still good.
Have a good week my friends.
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Offline Thunder

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #15 on: February 11, 2019, 06:15:48 AM »
Helping,

I'm not happy about what happened to you and your son, but it was so nice to hear your wife supported you like she did.

That's some real good movement on her part.  I hope it continues to get better and better.   :)

Big Hug!
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #16 on: February 11, 2019, 06:46:47 AM »
Man, Helping, that is just Male Bovine Excrement....

Well, whoever decided to stir the turd will get it all back since half the team walked off....

Who asked you to step down? What reasons did they give for their request?

Small town drama is right....
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Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 19 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D
Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Rosetintedglasses

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #17 on: February 11, 2019, 07:21:58 AM »
Oh no Help

This is your last year too isn’t it. S17 too? Assume it’s not to do with OM or his W?

Glad W was supporting you. She’s right you don’t deserve this. Actually that’s an understatement. That’s good you are coping ok. It’s still all wrong though

Sending you a hug 🤗
Rose 🌹
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Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Sept 2016 and BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017 then EA until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Offline Acorn

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #18 on: February 11, 2019, 07:47:00 AM »
As your FB said, there is a beautiful silver lining in your new situation, Helping. 
These things happen for a reason even if you can’t see it right now.  The only thing we can do is to make a good use of it.  Arrange some family activities, take in a movie or two together, etc.

FB is cooking very nicely!  You are not opening the oven door to poke and check.  Good for you!
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Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Online One day at a time

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Re: Helping Me in this MLC 6
« Reply #19 on: February 11, 2019, 08:29:59 AM »
Sorry to hear about what happened to you and your son.. The support you got from the other members of the team clearly shows who's at fault here, right? But at least is good to see that FB is supporting you!! That's really nice to hear, she's making progress, I'm so happy for you!
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H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.


"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"
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