Author Topic: My Story Fancy New Slippers  (Read 782 times)

Offline KeepItTogetherTopic starter

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My Story Fancy New Slippers
« on: February 07, 2019, 12:26:08 PM »
Fancy New Slippers. LOL. Kind of a strange title. I mentioned in a prior post that my SIL (H's sister) bought me these really cool (and expensive!) slippers for Christmas. They are wine-colored (how appropriate) velvet loafers. So cute you can even wear them out. And I am NOT a flat shoe gal! Anyway, they remind me that these people are H's blood. And yet they are spoiling me on Christmas. We were not always so close. Both them and me were to blame for that. But, we've all softened a bit since BD. And now we are amazingly close. I spend holidays and vacations with them....without H! Who would have ever thought???

 I guess mostly these wine-colored slippers remind me that there is always a positive side to things, even though we cannot necessarily see it at first. And that we are surrounded by blessings that we forget about. This journey has not been easy, and I've fought tooth and nail against the "process." But still I can see so many blessings have been bestowed upon me. I have a beautiful S12, wonderful family, the most amazing friends, a lovely home, a fantastic career, my health is back to normal....I could go on. And hey writing all this brought a huge smile to my face.   

I do have a few funny updates about H. But I wanted to start this off on a most positive note. Because, I fully intend on taking the bull by the horns and retaking control of my life. Mostly though, I want to just be present and fully appreciate all of the blessings that surround me.  Thanks everyone for joining me once again. I must have said this a million times but, I honestly do not know what I would do without you all!!

Prior Thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10530.0;all
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Music45

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2019, 12:48:02 PM »
Joining your new thread KiT

Enjoy your [ruby] slippers!! They sound amazing!

Go you.
« Last Edit: February 07, 2019, 12:49:06 PM by Music45 »
Me: 50
H: 51
S:26 D:19 [both his but live with us - though D at Uni]
BD: April 2016
Many false returns.
Effectively moved out Nov 2017 [works away from home. Home occasional weekends]
Moved out full time: July 2018 after he renewed contact with OW.
OW: old school friend lives 200+ miles away. No idea of current status of this relationship.

Offline Philadelphiagirl

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2019, 01:05:47 PM »
Following along KIT - love the sound of the slippers! PG x

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2019, 01:14:49 PM »
I am here for you as always KIT. Thank you for always reminding me to be grateful and kind. 
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2019, 01:44:55 PM »
Another class of 2016 buddy here continuing on with you, KIT. 

You are rockin' it, girl!   :)
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline PJ Ames

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2019, 02:16:47 PM »
Following along KIT. You're doing great!
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Married 1991
S: 24, D: 21 both doing great.

BD #1: June, 2016 - discovered EA with co-worker
BD #2: November 2018 - discovered online relationship with dude she met playing video games; she has never met him in person.
5-day separation (she left), November, 2018
W is trying (a little), but has no remorse. Nowhere near fully-cooked.

Offline Milly

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #6 on: February 07, 2019, 02:20:55 PM »
Here with you, Kit, and rejoicing in all the great stuff that you have going on, S12, your health, lovely house, wonderful career, in laws loving you, and wine slippers! I will have the Prosecco all chilled and ready for your arrival in Tuscany!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline heroIam

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2019, 03:18:31 PM »
Still here with you KIT!
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Online Rising Phoenix

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #8 on: February 07, 2019, 03:41:09 PM »
Coming along with you kit xx
Me 50
H51
Married 20yrs
Together 29yr
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang fir 3 yrs now Vanisher other twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

Offline handpuppets

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #9 on: February 07, 2019, 04:09:59 PM »
Attaching, KIT.

Love the idea of what the fancy new slippers represent. Keep looking for the small (and big) blessings.
“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.” -Anne Lamott

Offline 9393roo

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2019, 04:17:02 PM »
Following along!
Husband 53
Me 53
Kids 3 sons 27,25.22 1 daughter 18
BD #1 Spring 2016
BD #2 Winter 2017
married 30 years.  Together 32
H never moved out except 3 weeks after BD #1
OW 30 year single mom employee-He says EA only I don’t believe him.
He is working on things and far from being cooked.

Offline Shelly7435

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #11 on: February 07, 2019, 04:29:41 PM »
Love new slippers! Joining the party
M 52
H 47
M 12 years; together 17 years
D17, S27
Summer 2014 - H wanted to runaway
9/14 I was diagnosed with Breast cancer
11/14 Surgery for BC..3 day after my father dies
11/14 BD 2 days after surgery. I have no passion for you.
2/15 moved out
Dated each other all year affection back on..
3/16 moved home
7/16 Diagnosed with Breast cancer again
8/16 No affection again. I knew something was wrong.
9/16 Another surgery for Breast Cancer
9/16 BD 11 days after surgery discovered -EA with much younger W from Work. That is over. I think he has meaningless flings. Work is his mistress
10/16 I filed for D (financial reasons)
10/16 I moved out.
10/16 Now off and on vanisher
5/17 Divorce final

Offline strawberry

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #12 on: February 07, 2019, 05:02:22 PM »
That is a fantastic opening post.
H: 43
M: 44

M: 15 years, T: 17 years, Friends: 22 years
No kids
2 dogs, 2 cats

Offline Silver

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #13 on: February 07, 2019, 11:22:22 PM »
Following along KIT, love the title  ;D

I guess mostly these wine-colored slippers remind me that there is always a positive side to things, even though we cannot necessarily see it at first. And that we are surrounded by blessings that we forget about. This journey has not been easy, and I've fought tooth and nail against the "process." But still I can see so many blessings have been bestowed upon me. I have a beautiful S12, wonderful family, the most amazing friends, a lovely home, a fantastic career, my health is back to normal....I could go on. And hey writing all this brought a huge smile to my face.   

Very wise words and so important reminder. Being happy, LBS or not, this is what we need actively see in our lives, not only look but see too, what we have been given regardless of what we lost in MLC.
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #14 on: February 08, 2019, 04:09:51 AM »


Click those heels!
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline KeepItTogetherTopic starter

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #15 on: February 09, 2019, 11:59:50 AM »
LOL UM--I love it!  Thank you all for following along.

I have a few trips planned this year for just me. So I decided I needed to do one for S12. So I just booked a Disneyland trip for next weekend with just S12 and me. I have a wonderful friend who lives near there too (who happens to be a fellow LBS) with a D so we will get to spend time with them too. So excited! More blessings!


Quick story of MLCer. I happened to see some pics from a Superbowl party H was at. Mutual friend was tagged. I was surprised to see H frankly. It was a "political" gathering hosted by a group that supports many local politicians. Not a group H would ever hang with otherwise. He looked like his usual self. Vacant eyes, distant smile. Not happy go lucky. But....well....I also saw a few of OW. None were of them together. Which at this point I am not sure it would phase me. But, and this is going to sound super shallow, OW is HUGE. Huge. Like even bigger than before. She's about 5'2" and probably about a size 16? And not attractive at all. And an insane amount of makeup. This is gonna sound even worse, but basically in the looks department, there is just no comparison. I'm literally  less than half her size and much taller. I know it has nothing to do with appearance, but since I was BD'd at a time when I was bald, scarred and no eyelashes or brows to speak of, my self-esteem took a major hit. And I know it wouldn't matter if I too were a size 16l. Guess it just gave me a little comic relief. This is exactly the type of woman H would have scoffed at not too long ago. And of course, I know she isn't exactly rocking any "inner beauty" either. Just broken-ness.


And the Monday after SuperBowl Sunday, when H came to get S, he commented on how much he liked my dress and how good I looked in it. Like about 3 different times. I mean, it was just  a red Diane von Furstenburg and black stilettos. What's the big deal?  ::) So my superficial self esteem is doing much better. LOL. Not that I need that kind of validation per se. But it's nice to hear.


As for me, I've been leaving H alone. Not responding when he does something bad--like short me AGAIN on the check. I resolved that the next am by sweetly asking if he was still short cash. He said he still needed his reimbursement and would get it asap. I know he didn't have it at the time, so why get angry? I don't care if he spent it all on OW. I can afford S12 on my own. H's contribution helps in the college savings aspect. But I realized my anger over him not giving me the correct amount in the past was more to do with me assuming it was because of some extravagant gift or trip with OW.  Anyway, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. And getting angry did not serve me in any way.
Trying to grow. Yep.....slow learner!


Thanks all.
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Milly

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #16 on: February 09, 2019, 02:08:25 PM »
Kit, enjoyed your post all around! Firstly, I totally get that you would feel some satisfaction at seeing that OW is not a bombshell, actually quite the opposite! It helps me, too, so thanks for sharing!

We all lost our self esteem when we were cheated on. That's what infidelity does, and that's one of the reasons it's so unacceptable. Being dumped would be horrific enough, being dumped for someone else, is really hard to ever get over. It destroys our chance of ever feeling good enough to be wanted by anyone. They might as well have murdered us.

Anyway, I'm glad you got a little bit of pleasure. Your Von Furstenberg dress sounds gorgeous! Your trip to Disneyland with S12 sounds so cozy and such fun. I've been there a couple of times and I remember it feeling like such a treat. How did your S react when you told him? Hope you're staying in a princess hotel!

It's wonderful that your career is good enough that you can support yourself and S. This way you really don't need to make a big deal about the small stuff. I agree that honey is so much better than vinegar, although the two together make a great pork roast!

You have the added bonus that your H does tell you sweet things now and again. I do believe that helps although I imagine it's very frustrating, especially when he can't just get rid of that fat bailiff.

Anyway, you are gorgeous, smart, funny, and I'm so glad to know you!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline Maleficent

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #17 on: February 09, 2019, 03:25:27 PM »
Kit,
Following your story.  Love the wine colored slippers and the look of the red DVF with black stilettos. And the fact that your inlaws care, appreciate and support you.   Enjoy Disney.  Maleficent. 

Offline strawberry

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #18 on: February 09, 2019, 03:37:31 PM »
It’s hard to be sad at Disney.  I’ve tried it a few times 😊. My family is all from Anaheim so Disney has always been a big part of my life. I leave for WDW in a week and a half for my next half marathon.  I’ve lost my excitement already because I know the running is going to be miserable given how little training I’ve been doing because of life and weather.  But I know when I get there, it will be awesome, even if I’m spending the whole week by myself.  There is just something wonderful about Disney Magic.
H: 43
M: 44

M: 15 years, T: 17 years, Friends: 22 years
No kids
2 dogs, 2 cats

Online Sam I Am

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #19 on: February 09, 2019, 08:03:16 PM »
attaching
2019 - 365 New Opportunities  Bring It On!

I choose to feel blessed - I choose to feel grateful
I choose to be excited - I choose to be thankful
I CHOOSE to be HAPPY

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out to OW/A began in  7.17
3/5/18 OW moved/H moved in with F
3/19/18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW in another State
9.4.18  Moved back...Living with Parents OW Out of State 
11.1.18  Moved in with sister  Part of H's belonging are boxed on parents side porch
Dec 18 - OW may be living locally but H not fully living with her
Jan 2019 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings

Started Dating - Spring 1983
Married - August 1985
D29 - 2 children living locally
D -29 Married with 2 children
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School
3 Dogs

Online Onward

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #20 on: February 09, 2019, 08:32:42 PM »
Following along, KIT. You're sounding well. Keep going  :)
"and though she be but little, she is fierce" - Shakespeare

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #21 on: February 09, 2019, 08:59:35 PM »
Disney is one of my favorite places. I hope you have a magical time with S12.
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #22 on: February 10, 2019, 02:14:27 PM »
Jumping on board KIT.  Have a great time with S at Disney!
M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Saw his POF the first month back
1.5y later no signs of anyone new - workaholic

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Online Treasur

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #23 on: February 10, 2019, 11:34:53 PM »
Have a lovely time with your son  :)

Yup, all of us - even with extraordinary emotional self-discipline - have those moments of feeling replaced and as if ow/om has 'won' and must be so special to be worth throwing their old lives and families away for. And of course, that is the story that ow tell and that some folks in RL believe too. But it rarely seems to turn out to be the case. More often, even if ow/om looks 'better' in some way, as time goes by the simple truth that they affair down and that ow/om is an object in their MLC magic drama becomes clearer to see. And that ow/om have not 'won' anything worth having in the MLC version of our spouse usually; they just have lower standards and are as f'ed up as our spouses now are. I am sure my xh's owife thinks she has married a prize - factually she has married a medicated, depressed thief, liar and cheat with huge debts and the life coping skills of a teenager who already ignored one set of wedding vows. And he has married much the same. That wasn't how it was for me or for him when we got married...small comfort when it hurts, but still factually Real if not such a pretty story. And their odds of a good marriage in those circumstances are of course pretty poor...but not my circus thankfully. I would have had to have been drugged unconscious  or insane to marry someone like that  :)

Still, the odd little ego gift is just fine to accept graciously, I think, lol. At first, when we are on our knees, we are so vulnerable and so much less of our glorious selves that it is easy to feel undesirable and less somehow. As we get up on our feet again, with the extra gift of the LBS diet usually, most of us can see that our spouses have chosen very poorly indeed  :)
« Last Edit: February 10, 2019, 11:45:15 PM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #24 on: February 11, 2019, 04:05:11 AM »
Yup, all of us - even with extraordinary emotional self-discipline - have those moments of feeling replaced and as if ow/om has 'won' and must be so special to be worth throwing their old lives and families away for.

I apologize in advance for the Hijack KiT but ....

Treasur, in reading your reply, it suddenly occurred to me (yeah, I know you wondered where the smell of smoke was coming from <snort>) ..... I wonder what it is like for the Mid-Lifer when the LBS finds another partner & moves on? Do they feel replaced, despite the fact that they jumped overboard first?

Hmmmmmm .....
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline heroIam

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #25 on: February 11, 2019, 07:01:21 AM »
I also am hijacking KIT, so sorry!

Treasur, I do wonder and have curiosity around this whole idea that OW/OM are affair downs.  Yes, I agree they are such because they hooked up  with a married person.  However, the fact that years and years and years can go by and our spouses are still with this person makes me think well, it must be pretty OK over there.  Otherwise, why would they stay? Then are they still considered affair downs?  Or is it just a very simple matter of a marriage that didn't work out and found someone else and they just didn't handle it well.

None of us are perfect.  Including OW/OM, our spouses and us.  I do believe there is MLC for some, and for others not so much.  I think for me, anyway, the thought of my H having MLC somehow keeps me stuck in hope.  Idk.  Just thoughts.
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline Acorn

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #26 on: February 11, 2019, 07:59:15 AM »
I knew it.  The slippers are red!  (Well, deep red)

DVF (a wrap dress?) and black stiletto are classic and as elegant as they come.  Why am I not surprised that he noticed?

You are right, of course, the fact that the OW is as wide as she is tall is nothing compared to her lack of inner beauty.

Enjoy all the magic with your S, KIT!

Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline gman242

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #27 on: February 11, 2019, 08:04:09 AM »
Yup, all of us - even with extraordinary emotional self-discipline - have those moments of feeling replaced and as if ow/om has 'won' and must be so special to be worth throwing their old lives and families away for.

I apologize in advance for the Hijack KiT but ....

Treasur, in reading your reply, it suddenly occurred to me (yeah, I know you wondered where the smell of smoke was coming from <snort>) ..... I wonder what it is like for the Mid-Lifer when the LBS finds another partner & moves on? Do they feel replaced, despite the fact that they jumped overboard first?

Hmmmmmm .....

absolutely. They'll never admit it of course, but I think by us not moving on or at least showing progress, they can keep justifying that they were right and we were no good to begin with, even though that was never the case.

Treasur, I love reading your thoughts!

KIT, reading along with you too :)

Offline KeepItTogetherTopic starter

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #28 on: February 11, 2019, 10:24:30 AM »
Thanks all--I definitely enjoy the hijack.  Superficiality aside, I do believe ALL affairs are affairs down, regardless of looks. They can be super model status, have high achieving careers, seem to have it all together on the outside, and still be AD. Not only because they chose to become involved with a married person, as well as participate in the destruction of a family, but because they are WITH an MLCer, who is broken after all. Someone asked me just yesterday if I would take H back in his current state. I said I would "take" him back b/c that is where I am currently, but I wouldn't necessarily "want" him b/c of his brokenness.  Just like what you said Treasur, the OW/M has won no prize at all!

I had brunch with some friends yesterday. One of them has a friend that knows OW. This friend works in the same department. Apparently, OW has the reputation of being  a bit of a wh*re. That she is known to be a cheater (cheated on both her 1st and 2nd H's) and has slept with married men before. And that basically, she is always looking for the "upgrade."  Not that I am surprised, but there it is. A true AD.

Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #29 on: February 11, 2019, 07:56:21 PM »
Your OW is a class act AD KIT. Using her kid to do her dirty work, serial cheater, obviously not into exercise and healthy eating, and a reputation that smells like a dirty diaper. What does your H see in this foul human being??
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Online Treasur

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #30 on: February 12, 2019, 01:02:42 AM »
UM...I suspect they don't care much, other than maybe a bit like a kid who gets bored with a toy, puts it down and then wants it back when another kid picks it up. As Acorn says, they think of us as an object like a chair until or unless they don't.

Hero...idk, lots of reasons but I guess the truth is it works well enough if they keep doing it. Justifies their actions, probably makes sense to stick with it rather than having two messes maybe. In a funny way, perhaps the ow/om IS a better match for who they are now. But sometimes the universe does open a small window and when it does, it rarely seems to show what we LBS would consider a healthy joyful relationship. I still remember listening quietly with a sense of shock as I heard my then h call ow a 'f'ing c**t' when he realised she had stolen from him and lied for months about it...and then he married her a few months later. Is that what a good happy relationship feels like to them? Presumably yes as that is what their actions suggest. Was it like the h I married or our relationship? No. Would I be happy to marry someone who called me that or who stole from me and lied? No, not at all. But it isn't my relationship is it? I do think broken and dysfunctional tends to flock together in life, and that the 'affair down' principle is often about that. But maybe that is who they are now, what they want and they are happy with it until or unless something changes. But still not my circus etc...
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline KeepItTogetherTopic starter

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #31 on: February 12, 2019, 10:14:56 AM »
What does your H see in this foul human being??

Well since he has repeatedly told me his life is ruined, I cannot imagine he sees much. Remember, they are not looking for someone better than us. They want, and right now NEED, someone worse than themselves. And by George, I do believe he has found it!
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline heroIam

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #32 on: February 13, 2019, 07:31:32 AM »
KIT.
I shake my head.
It's all I can do.   ::)
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline KeepItTogetherTopic starter

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #33 on: February 13, 2019, 10:14:54 AM »
Little MLCer funny this am.

H came by to get S12 for school, bragging about how he cleared the driveway fro me of a tree branch that had fallen. Yes, H, I do that all the time now.....by myself. Well I did thank him though rolling my eyes internally the whole time.

So he walks past where we keep our house keys and somehow notices there is a new set there. One that looks unfamiliar. He immediately stops and asks, "Whose are these?" Now, it could have just been a new key chain of mine. Could have been for a new lock on a gate, or door. Anything really. And frankly, that he even noticed it was amazing b/c it didn't really stand out much. Just different than my usual. I really did want to say, "Oh that belongs to a friend." And leave it there. But S12 trotted by at that time and told him it was "Mrs. F's" who left her keys here over the weekend. Rats! Foiled again. Oh well. Nothing to be gained by lying I suppose. But really..... ::)

He's cycling toward me lately. I am back to getting the am hug and cheek kiss. He would probably try a lip kiss but I turn my head.  And give him the old MLC pat-pat-hug back. Still no extra communication. None really other than when I see him in the am. I like it better this way. Easier for me to detach.  No expectation that he will ever contact me. He seems perfectly content in his current miserable existence.

I am looking forward to my little getaway with my favorite Valentine, S12.  He and I put together treat bags for his class party last night. When we bought the supplies, he acted like he was horrified that I would buy such things. But last night, we had a great system of putting them together and he was excited that he has these to give to his classmates.  A sweet, tender moment between the 2 of us shared after a hectic day of work, hour long commute, eating a quick meal, checking over homework, filling out permission slips, cleaning litter boxes, feeding kitties, washing/putting dishes away, reading over mail, paying bills, taking out trash and doing a load of laundry. Yeah, I got all of the responsibility. But I really wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't trade those hugs I get for no other reason than I just happened to be standing there for anything!
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Online Treasur

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #34 on: February 13, 2019, 10:18:26 AM »
What does your H see in this foul human being??

Well since he has repeatedly told me his life is ruined, I cannot imagine he sees much. Remember, they are not looking for someone better than us. They want, and right now NEED, someone worse than themselves. And by George, I do believe he has found it!

You made me chuckle there, KIT  ;D...indeed he has...
Meanwhile on the non miserable existence side of the street, you get to hang with your lovely boy. Winner  ;D
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #35 on: February 13, 2019, 10:42:24 AM »
I dare say he has found himself a winner AD. I still don't get it.... but not my circus and absolutely not my monkeys.

Your S is letting you send in Valentines stuff?? My S has gone off the I am too cool for a Mom deep end these days. I am happy if I get the occasional head nod.  Enjoy it... 13 is rough!!   
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #36 on: February 13, 2019, 12:07:19 PM »
Following along Kit
Have fun with your S on yalls trip.  Keep giving him the Old Lady at Church hug. (One where lean way out and lean over where boobs don't touch and one arm pat on the shoulder) . He doesnt deserve any more atm.
Keep on being the great momma that you are and let him be miserable. It's obvious he is.
Hang in there Kit.

Offline bluerose

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #37 on: February 13, 2019, 04:35:09 PM »
      Kit,
          Your a better person than i am. I couldnt allow him in the house or the hugs knowing he has an ow. I did allow it a couple of times 2.5 years ago when he pulled the i want to work on our marriage thing. Im pretty sure that he was just cake eating.

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #38 on: February 14, 2019, 03:29:11 AM »
Pity about those keys KIT, he sounded a bit jealous.

Why not get some flowers and a card and leave the card face down on the table next time he comes around.  Your son need not know where they came from - just a 'friend'  ;D  Could be fun.....
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #39 on: February 14, 2019, 03:36:21 AM »
Pity about those keys KIT, he sounded a bit jealous.

Why not get some flowers and a card and leave the card face down on the table next time he comes around.  Your son need not know where they came from - just a 'friend'  ;D  Could be fun.....

I remember a nosy colleague of xW's that would pick up invitations and stuff on people's desks and look at them.... I made one that looked like a very nice invitation (on the outside) that said "You are cordially invited...."

And on the inside, it had and the words "to mind your own business."

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MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #40 on: February 14, 2019, 09:37:35 AM »
UM that is brilliant.

I am going to pick up some flowers for myself on the way home tonight. Although LB isn't allowed in my house and I doubt he would care.   
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

 

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