Author Topic: My Story Fancy New Slippers  (Read 780 times)

Offline Onward

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My Story Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #20 on: February 09, 2019, 08:32:42 PM »
Following along, KIT. You're sounding well. Keep going  :)
"and though she be but little, she is fierce" - Shakespeare

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #21 on: February 09, 2019, 08:59:35 PM »
Disney is one of my favorite places. I hope you have a magical time with S12.
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #22 on: February 10, 2019, 02:14:27 PM »
Jumping on board KIT.  Have a great time with S at Disney!
M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Saw his POF the first month back
1.5y later no signs of anyone new - workaholic

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Online Treasur

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #23 on: February 10, 2019, 11:34:53 PM »
Have a lovely time with your son  :)

Yup, all of us - even with extraordinary emotional self-discipline - have those moments of feeling replaced and as if ow/om has 'won' and must be so special to be worth throwing their old lives and families away for. And of course, that is the story that ow tell and that some folks in RL believe too. But it rarely seems to turn out to be the case. More often, even if ow/om looks 'better' in some way, as time goes by the simple truth that they affair down and that ow/om is an object in their MLC magic drama becomes clearer to see. And that ow/om have not 'won' anything worth having in the MLC version of our spouse usually; they just have lower standards and are as f'ed up as our spouses now are. I am sure my xh's owife thinks she has married a prize - factually she has married a medicated, depressed thief, liar and cheat with huge debts and the life coping skills of a teenager who already ignored one set of wedding vows. And he has married much the same. That wasn't how it was for me or for him when we got married...small comfort when it hurts, but still factually Real if not such a pretty story. And their odds of a good marriage in those circumstances are of course pretty poor...but not my circus thankfully. I would have had to have been drugged unconscious  or insane to marry someone like that  :)

Still, the odd little ego gift is just fine to accept graciously, I think, lol. At first, when we are on our knees, we are so vulnerable and so much less of our glorious selves that it is easy to feel undesirable and less somehow. As we get up on our feet again, with the extra gift of the LBS diet usually, most of us can see that our spouses have chosen very poorly indeed  :)
« Last Edit: February 10, 2019, 11:45:15 PM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #24 on: February 11, 2019, 04:05:11 AM »
Yup, all of us - even with extraordinary emotional self-discipline - have those moments of feeling replaced and as if ow/om has 'won' and must be so special to be worth throwing their old lives and families away for.

I apologize in advance for the Hijack KiT but ....

Treasur, in reading your reply, it suddenly occurred to me (yeah, I know you wondered where the smell of smoke was coming from <snort>) ..... I wonder what it is like for the Mid-Lifer when the LBS finds another partner & moves on? Do they feel replaced, despite the fact that they jumped overboard first?

Hmmmmmm .....
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline heroIam

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #25 on: February 11, 2019, 07:01:21 AM »
I also am hijacking KIT, so sorry!

Treasur, I do wonder and have curiosity around this whole idea that OW/OM are affair downs.  Yes, I agree they are such because they hooked up  with a married person.  However, the fact that years and years and years can go by and our spouses are still with this person makes me think well, it must be pretty OK over there.  Otherwise, why would they stay? Then are they still considered affair downs?  Or is it just a very simple matter of a marriage that didn't work out and found someone else and they just didn't handle it well.

None of us are perfect.  Including OW/OM, our spouses and us.  I do believe there is MLC for some, and for others not so much.  I think for me, anyway, the thought of my H having MLC somehow keeps me stuck in hope.  Idk.  Just thoughts.
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline Acorn

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #26 on: February 11, 2019, 07:59:15 AM »
I knew it.  The slippers are red!  (Well, deep red)

DVF (a wrap dress?) and black stiletto are classic and as elegant as they come.  Why am I not surprised that he noticed?

You are right, of course, the fact that the OW is as wide as she is tall is nothing compared to her lack of inner beauty.

Enjoy all the magic with your S, KIT!

Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline gman242

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #27 on: February 11, 2019, 08:04:09 AM »
Yup, all of us - even with extraordinary emotional self-discipline - have those moments of feeling replaced and as if ow/om has 'won' and must be so special to be worth throwing their old lives and families away for.

I apologize in advance for the Hijack KiT but ....

Treasur, in reading your reply, it suddenly occurred to me (yeah, I know you wondered where the smell of smoke was coming from <snort>) ..... I wonder what it is like for the Mid-Lifer when the LBS finds another partner & moves on? Do they feel replaced, despite the fact that they jumped overboard first?

Hmmmmmm .....

absolutely. They'll never admit it of course, but I think by us not moving on or at least showing progress, they can keep justifying that they were right and we were no good to begin with, even though that was never the case.

Treasur, I love reading your thoughts!

KIT, reading along with you too :)

Offline KeepItTogetherTopic starter

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #28 on: February 11, 2019, 10:24:30 AM »
Thanks all--I definitely enjoy the hijack.  Superficiality aside, I do believe ALL affairs are affairs down, regardless of looks. They can be super model status, have high achieving careers, seem to have it all together on the outside, and still be AD. Not only because they chose to become involved with a married person, as well as participate in the destruction of a family, but because they are WITH an MLCer, who is broken after all. Someone asked me just yesterday if I would take H back in his current state. I said I would "take" him back b/c that is where I am currently, but I wouldn't necessarily "want" him b/c of his brokenness.  Just like what you said Treasur, the OW/M has won no prize at all!

I had brunch with some friends yesterday. One of them has a friend that knows OW. This friend works in the same department. Apparently, OW has the reputation of being  a bit of a wh*re. That she is known to be a cheater (cheated on both her 1st and 2nd H's) and has slept with married men before. And that basically, she is always looking for the "upgrade."  Not that I am surprised, but there it is. A true AD.

Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: Fancy New Slippers
« Reply #29 on: February 11, 2019, 07:56:21 PM »
Your OW is a class act AD KIT. Using her kid to do her dirty work, serial cheater, obviously not into exercise and healthy eating, and a reputation that smells like a dirty diaper. What does your H see in this foul human being??
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

 

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