Author Topic: My Story A pink fridge moment.  (Read 2872 times)

Offline KeepItTogether

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My Story Re: A pink fridge moment.
« Reply #130 on: March 15, 2019, 03:49:18 AM »
I had the same thought as Treasur on the snooping Milly. Looks like instead of appreciating how well you’ve done for yourself in his absense, he is resenting it and wants a piece. I agree it is likely OWs influence but since he’s under her control now, he will do what it takes to keep her appeased.  But as we all know, these mlcers can absolutely turn on a dime and change their minds immediately. His current bully personality probability thinks Milly will just cave and give him the money. Boy is he in for a rude awakening!

I’m glad your L was able to explain everything. Always better when we have the facts and not just go on our own speculations, which are always D-Day, worst case scenario. Also happy you are protecting yourself accordingly. Honestly I’m not too convinced H will follow thru on the actual lawsuit. This smacks of OWs greed, not just for money and materialistic things, but for whatever Milly has. OWs mask is cracking big time. Atomic NC yes! Your strength is showing like a beacon. I am in awe.
« Last Edit: March 15, 2019, 03:50:51 AM by KeepItTogether »
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Online Treasur

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Re: A pink fridge moment.
« Reply #131 on: March 15, 2019, 04:10:19 AM »
I suspect the two things are related, but don't think it is driven by ow other than your h's wish to pony up cash to meet her expectations. I wonder if more likely he did a deal with her...drop the old case so I can have a better chance with the new one and get some cash.....

And of course bc walls work both ways, your h still thinks of you as the old Milly not the LBS-toughened one, so he probably expects you to react like you used to.
« Last Edit: March 15, 2019, 04:11:50 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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Online MillyTopic starter

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Re: A pink fridge moment.
« Reply #132 on: March 16, 2019, 02:36:25 AM »
Major long Milly post. Feel free to skip parts!

Treasur, you make a good point when you say that everything my L said to me about what to expect from this case, H's L will have said to him, too. You put it perfectly when you call him a train wreck looking for someone to rescue him. I completely sense that he is searching for someone to rescue him. I do believe this is a core problem for him, this needing rescuing. He really needs to resolve this (finances/life style) himself. I believe if he does, he will feel so good about himself, maybe like never before.

It seems like a major coincidence that the day I signed off on his and OW's case against D21 and me, he opens a new case against me. I have wondered if it was a deal with OW. I can't imagine he'd be wanting to pay L fees for ever, but he is a desperate man so might be under the illusion that he could win and get all that money.

Anjae, certainly for someone who hates me, H can't seem to get rid of me. His perpetual suing is keeping me connected in that negative way the MLCers thrive on, the drama. Unfortunately, I have to defend myself and am forced to be dragged into the court cases by him. I have thought that if I were a millionaire, I could just say here's the money, sign off on asking me for any ever again, and that would be that. But as the case against D and I showed, he's going to come after me for anything he can, at least as long as he's with this OW. What I fear, for want of a better word, is that all the suing OW forced H to do (case against D21 was certainly OW's doing), is only making H feel worse about what he's done to us all and keeping him in Replay so he avoids facing it.

UM, I have wondered some of the things you're saying, too. It really could be OW pushing, since she's the one who pushes for the suing stuff, and possibly she's funding it. I hadn't thought about that. Certainly it seems very odd behaviour to sue someone and then want to look inside their home and their bedroom?

Kit, your opinion means a lot to me. I suspect when H looks in my home it will be a mixture of 'how lovely' and resentment. I'm going to take the view that this is part of the journey he goes through in his crisis, that is if he doesn't become stuck. They have to see their losses. The first losses are material ones. He might think I'm in the money but what I have is so much less than what I had before. The house I'm in is rented as you all know, and he does, too. The furniture is our old furniture with a couple of new rugs and a pink fridge. As you and Treasur say, he could very well be snooping to use against me. I'm not frightened. Kit and Treasur know Milly, she's not going to hand it all over to him like she woulda before!

Seeing my L and my IC has grounded me. I'm in a better place this weekend. I'm more the 'bring it on, H!' train of thought at the minute. And I'm more resolved than ever to keep atomic NC.

H's is in the area. Yesterday, S14 asked H to drive him to his training as school was closed and I had a tasting. S said maybe they could have lunch together first and then go to practice. H first said he had a lot of work to do and would see, what time was S's training. That was the night before. By morning, H's tone had turned cold. He said, tell your mother to take you and in the future you need to give advance notice before asking me to take you. He then said, I will see you next Tuesday when you don't have tennis.

I was at my IC on the other side of Florence and needed to go straight to my tasting from there. S sent me a message that his dad had said no. I said call him and tell him it's an important training because you have two tournaments this weekend. S tried phoning H over and over. H never picked up but sent a message saying, I can't.

So, I got on the freeway and drove like a maniac to pick up S, took him to his tennis, and drove like Cruella Devil over the hills of Chianti to get to my tasting. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

Anyway, I shouldn't have hoped H would help us out. That was my mistake. I guess I should have cancelled my IC or shortened my time there and had less hassle to deal with. Lesson finally learned here, I hope.

My general sense about my H is that he is in a very bad place financially and this is causing him to act like a trapped rat. H still believes all his problems, which he believes to be just financial, are caused by me. His financials are worse than they've ever been, so either he will be forced to change his life style, or OW is going to maintain them. I don't see other options.

This is how my H became the last few years at home once his crisis started. As our financial situation worsened, he let me feel solely responsible for bringing in all the money. I know what it feels like to be around H when money is short. He's a monster.

A couple of you suggested me not letting H into my home. I understand where you're coming from but for now, I'm not going to block him. The reason being that when I've cut him off, blocked him, told him he could no longer come into the house while he was with OW, he vanished.

I don't even know that there is anything for me to keep standing for at this point. My H seems completely gone. However, I know that my H is very sensitive to rejection. I believe all of my acts of rejection have turned against me. Protecting my financials was a necessity with my particular MLCer, but rejecting him was like shooing the squirrel.

He clearly is able to compartmentalize the legal aspects. I will do like him, go after him legally with everything I have, I told my L that. She told me that in the past I had said no to her using stuff against H. I said now it's different. I'm ready to use it all. However, personally, I am not ready to push him away. I think he felt pushed away by his father when he was young. His dad shouted his head off at him even when he was a little kid, insulted him, told him he was lazy and useless and that's clearly how he thinks of himself and what he thinks the people who love him think of him.

My IC said something very eye opening to me yesterday. She was talking about me and my continuing co-dependency of H, she said 'Your mother was not capable of giving affection and you were a little girl who didn't love herself this is why you can't accept that someone could love you.' You see, I think H was this little boy, too, and couldn't believe that I would love him with those very defects his father accused him of, so he pushed away.

Anyway, I don't want to push him personally away. He can come into my world, even with the wrong intention, and see that it's one big couch and cushion, as it always was. 

So, I will remain atomic NC, I will legally counter attack him, I will carry on with my projects for this year: get my little flat up and renting, book a little beach holiday for me, D21 and S14. Make as much money from my work and tastings, get my little garden full of flowers.

Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Online Treasur

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Re: A pink fridge moment.
« Reply #133 on: March 16, 2019, 03:05:04 AM »
My word, Milly, you have come a long way even in just the last few months actually. Just wanted to say I see it bc when we spend so much time slogging through that cold dark limbo time, it is easy maybe to miss the scale and speed of the shift out of it. I suspect people in RL are probably seeing and feeling a big difference in you too  :)...and you have worked so hard for so long to get to this Pink Fridge time, you deserve every flower, every patch of sunshine, every drop of cash and pleasure. I am running behind you but I hope to get to where you are soon (only without the legal stuff lol)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Yo

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Re: A pink fridge moment.
« Reply #134 on: March 16, 2019, 09:19:57 AM »
Milly your plans sound great! You are a strong lady with a clear mind and big heart!


I don't even know that there is anything for me to keep standing for at this point.


As long as you think you want to keep standing you don't need an excuse to do it, MLC is not reasonable, so you don't need a "reason", just work in detatchment and with no expectations and you can keep standing the time that you want.


Anyway, I don't want to push him personally away. He can come into my world, even with the wrong intention, and see that it's one big couch and cushion, as it always was


My mistake, not a big heart as I said, a HUGE heart! ❤


Yo ☺

Offline Thunder

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Re: A pink fridge moment.
« Reply #135 on: March 16, 2019, 10:05:47 AM »
Milly, sounds like your L is ready to fight, if need be.

Finances were the only thing I would have fought my H over, fortunately he didn't fight over it.

It's a long story and I won't get into all of it but I didn't really want my X in my apartment at first, it was my haven.  But I bought some bar stools and he said he would bring them in for me. 
It ended up a good thing.  He walked all around the place and really liked it.  Said I really had a nice place and I fixed it up really nice.

I offered him a cup of coffee and as he was sitting on the sofa he looked around with a sort of sad of wistful look and said..I see so many of our things here I'd forgotten about.
I quickly just said..well yes some but most of the stuff I bought new.

Anyway I think it was good he saw my lovely place.  It was not a mistake as far as I'm concerned.

You never know him looking around and in your bedroom might have been him checking to see if there was any "new man" evidence laying around.  Just sayin'... ;)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online MillyTopic starter

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Re: A pink fridge moment.
« Reply #136 on: March 16, 2019, 12:06:03 PM »
Thunder, that had me laughing my head off! I guess you could also be right, though! Lovely image of your home and your H looking around it.

Treasur and Yo, thanks for the encouragement and lovely words about my progress. I guess we can't see it when it's our own so thanks for telling me.

I spent the afternoon with S14 at a tennis tournament. Very hot and lovely here today.  I decided last minute to go out to dinner with my girlfriend. She's on constant man search and really wants me to, but you know how I feel about it. She could only get a 10pm reservation. I like to be curled up on the couch by then but I forced myself to accept. She tells me I'm never going to find a man if I'm sitting on the couch at night. I think she's probably right, but I want a man who's going to sit on the couch with me.  I had to sit down 20 minutes before facing the getting dressed up part, so here I am!

H has been in contact with S14. Actually, he wrote a message to him last night apologizing for not having taken him to his training. He said he had had two deadlines that day. Then he wrote and asked if Mummy managed to take him. S said yes. H wrote, good. This morning H wrote  and apologized again. He asked what time Mummy's tasting had been and did S get there late. S said no, Mummy rushed. H said, good. I don't know if this was guilt or concern or both, but I guess it's something.

The young worker from my old winery came here today and put up a fence along the little hedge in my patio so that my doggie can't escape. He also brought my flower pots that a friend had been storing for me last year. So progressing on my planned route.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline Mitzpah

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Re: A pink fridge moment.
« Reply #137 on: March 16, 2019, 12:11:12 PM »
Very hot and lovely here today.  I decided last minute to go out to dinner with my girlfriend. She's on constant man search and really wants me to, but you know how I feel about it. She could only get a 10pm reservation. I like to be curled up on the couch by then but I forced myself to accept. She tells me I'm never going to find a man if I'm sitting on the couch at night. I think she's probably right, but I want a man who's going to sit on the couch with me.  I had to sit down 20 minutes before facing the getting dressed up part, so here I am!

<snip>

The young worker from my old winery came here today and put up a fence along the little hedge in my patio so that my doggie can't escape. He also brought my flower pots that a friend had been storing for me last year. So progressing on my planned route.

I so get you Milly, I sometimes get invited out and I generally refuse, unless it is with a mixed group. Even then... it takes me ages to decide to go... ::)

I hope you have a lovely time!

Love, love what you are doing with the help of the young worker :)

Drinking wine here and thinking of you dear friend!
M 57
H 57
S 26
S 25
D 24
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Offline serenity

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Re: A pink fridge moment.
« Reply #138 on: March 16, 2019, 02:40:31 PM »
I hate turning out at night - id much rather curl up on my sofa with my doggie!

Glad you’re getting some help with your garden

X

Offline Anjae

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Re: A pink fridge moment.
« Reply #139 on: March 16, 2019, 03:30:43 PM »
Your plans sound great, Milly.

If we were a millionaire our MLCers would come after the money. Whatever amount we would give them would not be enough. Nothing is ever enough for a MLCer.

Milly, after BD I was out and about at times seven days a week. I never found a man. I did had a boyfriend at a point, but didn't found him when I was always out.

Finding a man and finding love and companioship aren't the same thing. I could have had tons of men, but what was the value of such thing? None.


Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

 

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