Author Topic: Discussion What is Detachment for you? How did you do it?  (Read 1806 times)

Offline Anjae

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Discussion Re: What is Detachment for you? How did you do it?
« Reply #50 on: February 24, 2019, 02:02:43 PM »
Seems to me that often it is our exhaustion with the relentless drama that pushes us into really detaching.

I think so. Or a combination of things that may be different for each LBS.

A clinger is exhausting. I deal with clinger Mr J for a long time, including when I was already back home. It was hell. Yes, I could see bits of the real him, but I also had to deal with tons of drama. It wasn't doing me any good.

On the other hand, a MLCer may not go anywhere and the core person is gone during deep crisis. When my wallower cousin had his MLC we had no idea who that person was. Where was the real him? No idea. We only knew he was angry and depressed, then totally depressed and weird. He never went anywhere, but he was unrecognizable.

Even after he hit rock bottom we did not knew if the real him was ever going to show again. My friend who is a psychiatrist was my cousin's doctor after he crashed. My friend didn't knew if my counsin's depression was going to go away and if he was going to come back to normal. He told us we needed to wait two years. That if, after two years (of what we call rock bottom) he would not be back to normal, he never would.

My cousin come back to normal and, indeed, we was only back to normal, two years after rock bottom. Was my friend right that if my cousin was not back to normal in two years he would never be? I don't know.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline AcornTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: What is Detachment for you? How did you do it?
« Reply #51 on: February 25, 2019, 11:34:10 AM »
Thank you everyone, for sharing your thoughts on Detachment.

Acorn, I love the definition you use, what is your source/where did you find it? It feels like mine, but seems easier to understand.[/size][/color]
Emotional detachment is a decision to avoid engaging emotional connections, rather than an inability or difficulty in doing so.  In this sense it can allow people to maintain boundaries, psychic integrity and avoid undesired impact by or upon others, related to emotional demands.  As such, it is a deliberate mental attitude which avoids engaging the emotions of others.

This detachment does not necessarily mean avoiding empathy; rather it allows the person space needed to rationally choose whether or not to be overwhelmed or manipulated by such feelings.

I googled the entire quote and it was from ....................Wikipedia!  ;D
Live-in MLCer
Feb 2015: BD.  H has a Nuclear meltdown. 
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY.
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline AcornTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: What is Detachment for you? How did you do it?
« Reply #52 on: April 22, 2019, 05:31:46 AM »
I would like to bump up this thread. 

The further I get from ABD, the more conscious I am of the huge role Detachment played in my journey.  That was a single most important ingredient in eventually being able to live my life joyfully despite my H’s MLC-related craziness.  I highly recommend Detachment!

So, please feel free to share your answers to the following questions:

1. What does Detachment mean for you personally?  (In your own words or a quote that best describes your thoughts)

2. What did you do to gain a measure of it?

3. What positives did Detachment bring you?
Live-in MLCer
Feb 2015: BD.  H has a Nuclear meltdown. 
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY.
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

 

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