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Author Topic: My Story I'm tired; My next thread will have a clever title

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My Story Re: I'm tired; My next thread will have a clever title
#10: February 28, 2019, 11:02:18 AM
Following along
 

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Re: I'm tired; My next thread will have a clever title
#11: February 28, 2019, 03:13:50 PM
Hi Nas....just sending a hello your way and wanted to share what a big deal this is that your parents have died and your uncle.....I had a therapy session today, a rather intense and painful one and all of a sudden my thoughts switched from "him" to my mom and dad and how much I miss them...My dad died in 1999 and my mom in 2009 so I was a bit surprised by that. But is tells me that my thoughts and memories, although buried and although I may think are "resolved" are still there.

I am exhausted after this session today and will give myself a time to rest...everything you are going through is such a huge stress!

Re his messages to you...just adds to the "confusion" and fills your head with more "what should I do, what shouldn't I do?". You will decide and whatever you choose to do is the right thing..it truly is.

Take care.
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Nas

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I think that it’s the Messenger app makes it easier to just let it sit unopened because for all he knows, I don’t check that app all the time. After all, the people close to me have my email and phone number and I have theirs. It’s not my fault he couldn’t send me a text that I would get immediately. It’s his fault. He chose to not give me his new phone number.

Xyzcf, I used to find that the therapy sessions where I came away the most exhausted were the ones that ended up being the most beneficial for me. I hope it’s that way for you as well. I’m sorry to hear about your parents and I know that you miss them just as much today as in 1999 and 2009.

I was messaging a bit last night with MLC cousin. Apparently after I left my uncle’s wake, her exH showed up with the one daughter who speaks to her, and also with her youngest daughter who doesn’t speak to her.

She said it was hard. She hugged her youngest daughter and tried to talk to her and said it was very stilted conversation and then another cousin came and interrupted and after that her daughter pretty much stayed away from her.

Her exH didn’t recognize her! He was standing right next to her and turned to her mother and asked where she was. She said that was crazy. She does look so much different because she’s SO thin, but they were together for 21 years and he didn’t realize he was standing right next to her. Crazy!

I talked some about H. I told her about how he told me he hadn’t contacted me for a year because his phone went through the washing machine. She immediately responded “It sounds like he lost his emotional awareness.” She can see it clearly in H, more than she can see it in herself even. She said when he “gets it back” it will be powerfully overwhelming. That was her experience.
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I think I forgot to share also that when MIL texted me the other night, she for some reason at the end of her message added “You look great, by the way. 💕”
Lol. Thanks MIL, make sure you keep telling your son that!!
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Nas,

I can tell you that, when I went back to the US for D29's High School Graduation, I hadn't seen xW1 for 15 years.... She walked up to me and said Hello and I didn't recognise her at all..... She went the OTHER direction from your cousin... So it is quite possible... and strange...
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Nas, my lovely girl, you are quite right to not bother with his message right now. At the moment you just have too much to process so I formally give you HS permission to do anything that makes it 1% less hard or 1% better!

Objectively the fact that he sent a message is a tiny glimmer of normal human. Makes f all difference to you right now much like your mils inane efforts to communicate. But it is a small act of normal. Perhaps that will turn out to be useful down the line. who knows?
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
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Thanks, UM and Treasur.
And you’re right. It was HIS choices that have left only one open avenue of communication and if I choose not to travel that particular avenue anymore and he really wanted to get his message of condolence to me, he would find another way. People who have known each other intimately for 20 years don’t communicate solely over Facebook Messenger. Strangers do.
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Hello,

I am so sorry for your loss. It seems so that so much that happens to us and every year it seems to pile on more. Our energy level each year is like frosting a cake. Every year they give us a bigger cake to frost but no more extra frost. We find our energy spread thinner and thinner.

As the others have stated, your h chooses his method of communication. It is simple, he doesn't have to give you anything, and he knows if you read the message. I agree not to rush to read the message. It sends a strong message of detachment and moving on.

I also agree that you need to do something small to bring a little joy in your life. Something that will spark a little comfort to your hurting heart. Please take care of yourself and you are in my prayers.

((((Hugs))) and more ((((Hugs)))

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Thanks, Ready.

I just realized this ignoring of his message comes on the heals of my accidentally sending him a message saying "thinking about every choice I've ever made" and then telling him that message was meant for someone else and him replying "Easy to do."

Well, I have lately been thinking about every choice I've ever made.  And every choice that's been made without my knowledge that has affected my life.  So no surprise thinking about those choices has led to me not wanting to read his message atm.

I messaged him when my mother died - a kneejerk reaction to the shock.  But he's not my go to person anymore when times are bad.  So messaging him about my mother was a mistake. 

Maybe I will eventually read his message and say a simple thank you.  Maybe I won't.  But if I do, it won't be until all of the chaos of my father's death, dealing with my father's things and my current cancer/diagnostic issues are all handled.

I am moving in with my other brother and his family within the next week.  Very stressful as I am so broken and exhausted and really don't have the energy to pack and move again, but it is what it is.  They don't have room for me and it's going to be difficult, but I'm grateful they'll be taking me in and I hope I can find a decent full time job (with good health insurance and with an understanding company that will allow me time off for treatment....is that even feasible?? does a job like that exist????) soon and live on my own again.
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Really glad Nas that you are moving in with a bit of your family that if I remember right love and appreciate you. Xxx
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

 

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