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Author Topic: My Story I'm tired; My next thread will have a clever title

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Glad that your brother is taking you in. Hope the move goes smoothly

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Nas, don't you worry about a thing.  Your brother is taking you in out of love, not convenience.
It will work itself out...but some evil part of me hopes your other brother has to carry guilt for what he has done.

I would take in a family member whether I had room or not, as I'm sure you would.
It's what family does.

Hope the move is smooth and you settle in pretty quickly.
Are you still close to your doctors?
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Nas

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Thanks, guys.  To clarify, the brother I'm moving in with has NO room for me.  I'll literally be living in a tiny, tiny room in their basement.  (The brother I've been living with lives alone in a 4 bedroom colonial.) So this move, while I'm grateful to not be out on the street, is going to be very difficult. 

Speaking of the brother I've been living with,  I don't think he feels guilty.  And I've heard from no less than 7 people who attended my mom's services who have all commented that his girlfriend (the 29-year-old) was "not very friendly," "seemed like a b!tc#," "doesn't seem to like anybody" and on and on.  She didn't make a very good impression. 
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I suspect the other brother is either a narcisstic jerk or an MLCer and feels no guilt at all. No empathy = no guilt. Also = pi$$ poor quality human but hey ho.

A tiny room in a basement in a house where you are loved and respected beats the pants off where you were, Nas. I'm sure you will find a way to make the space feel good and to contribute to your brother's family in other ways. And tbh, it might just be a lovely thing for you to feel less alone and have a bit of normal life going on around you. And a little patch of predictability. Not to be sneezed at imho. Xxxx
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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Do MLCer's ever pick the cream of the crop?  Of course the family sees right though her.   ::)

Nas, I'm not saying your brother will feel any guilt right now, how can he when he is kicking you out while you struggle with cancer, but if he is truly in a crisis, he will someday.
And that guilt will be huge.
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Glad to know you're moving in with your other brother and his family.
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Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

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Nas, I'm so glad to hear you're moving in with your other brother even if it is a tiny room in the basement. I'm sure if he had a better room, he would have given you that, too. At least this relieves you of having to make the money immediately for rent.

I agree with the others that a tiny room in a place where you are wanted is better than where you are right now. It gives you a break in the stress of having to find somewhere. You can make it your own. Little things can do that, a pillow case, a candle, a picture on the wall. This can be a sanctuary for now.

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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

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A tiny room in a basement in a house where you are loved and respected beats the pants off where you were, Nas. I'm sure you will find a way to make the space feel good and to contribute to your brother's family in other ways.

Nas, I would take in my sister and her entire family if they needed it and she would do that same for me. And I am sure you would as well. Heck, you would probably take in your brother who is booting you out now. More a reflection of him. But I hate that it causes you stress. I am hopeful that this new situation with your older brother, while not ideally comfortable, brings you peace and happiness.

The comments about your other brother's girlfriend remind me of the movie Shallow Hal. How he saw everyone's "inner beauty."  And b/c of that that he saw his bff's girlfriend as truly unattractive, when in reality, she was a super model. Inner beauty, or lack thereof, ALWAYS shines through.

Nice of MIL to text that. Whatever her motivation, always ice to receive a compliment.

You are amazing Nas!
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Me 49
H 47
S13
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

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Nas

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Thanks everyone  :) ❤️

 In regards to something Ready said earlier about my not responding being seen as detachment by H, I tend to wonder if detachment is even noticed buy them at this far in. I’m just about four years in. So I don’t think at this point they see anything we do or don’t do as detachment or pursued anymore. I mean, at a certain point even they are crazy brains must realize that it has been so long.

Not sure if I’m making sense.
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They do still see it as persue many years down the road. However, one day that may see it as persue and go monster, the next think nothing of it and be nice.

Not certain they notice detachement. The impression I have since I cut contact more and more with Mr J is that he notices contact, but does not seem to realize how much time goes between contact.

He may know it has been X years, but does not tend to understand what it X years really mean. Their sense of time is warped.

During my MLC I don't recall noticing if anyone detached. I knew X years had passed, but had no notion of what exactly it mean. As you know my crisis was short and mild. Would say in the longer, deeper crisis sense of time is much more off.

Also, there are good parts of the crisis when one is only wrapped on one self/MLC things. Nothing else matters. Tunnel vision, remember? Tunnel vision inside a dark tunnel filled with fog.
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Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

 

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