Author Topic: My Story BURNING MAN 4  (Read 2109 times)

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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My Story BURNING MAN 4
« on: March 01, 2019, 05:31:17 AM »
March is here. Luckily it wasn't a leap year. So what's it going to be. In like a lion out like a lamb. In like a lamb out like a lion. Sort of like this thread. Will Watcher go full blown MLC or will he return to his respectable LBS status. (Cue Michael Buffer) "Let's Get Ready to Rumble" !!!  Start of month #45.

I did not get the marathon invite however my co worker did. I was very happy for her and it's nice to see that the lottery system does work since she got in. So I still have 1 more opportunity through work but I have to wait until July to go that route. If not, it's no big deal. I only have 1 marathon in me and as of today I'm still not ready. She, however, is in a panic now. I'm not looking for just any marathon.

So I spent yesterday researching half marathons. I'm trying to combine history and nature in my runs. So I signed up for Crazy Horse, South Dakota in October. It is a stunning course. I'm a little concerned about brown bears. I hope they keep them clear of the course. It's run right on the Black Hills which is just beautiful. Mt Rushmore is there, Custer's poor decision making stand, and the race finishes at the Crazy Horse Memorial.

In New Jersey we only have black bears but they just attack garbage cans. We trained them well.

I'm looking at Jackson Hole, Wyoming because I want to push my luck with the bears. Another breathtaking location. I looked on a lot of lists and Missoula, Montana is on the top ten of every list. I've never been to that area of the country so I'm kind of fixated. Fargo, North Dakota is also a bucket list race. Who knew ?

I can't get to it yet but Big Sur near Monterey, CA is going to happen at some point. That is just beautiful. Gorgeous California  ;D. Apparently anything in Utah is a must. Yellowstone has a race but it's every 2 years and 2019 is an off year. Grand Canyon is another race destination but I can't do it this year. My favorite Long Beach, CA pops up a lot.

IDK how I'm going to do with altitude running but I will find out.

So I just turned 47 on Tuesday and I'm going a bit slow. I'm trying to feel things out and adjust. It's a big adjustment from 46 so I don't want to push myself into crisis by taking this new age too fast. Baby steps into 47. I don't want to put too much pressure on myself. Tick, tick, tick.... LOL....

OK, so I will conclude by sharing with the group. So if you recall W doesn't talk to me but she started talking to me in "FB talk" last December. Basically quoting my text messages back to me with a FB liked. So there is a Bday message for me FB style.

They are not necessarily her words but she is telling me the type of man I am based on the day I was born using the computer to talk for her.

So this is Watcher.
-he is a loyal friend.
-he is very compassionate.
-he is a fighter.
-he doesn't give up without a fight.
-he does not like fake people.
Ok, with the added red heart emoji.

I have no comment. I'm just journaling that one.

So I'm going to continue my journey and hopefully the forum can help me stave off my pending mid life crisis. IDK. I didn't get any sleep last night, I had 2 sluggish gym sessions, I haven't done any mirror work. OMG it already has started. Hahahaha. I need some Lee Brice "Rumor" in my life.  ;D

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."  ;)

Previous thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10643.0







« Last Edit: March 07, 2019, 08:18:53 AM by Thunder »

Online Treasur

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2019, 05:39:21 AM »
Bonkers by your wife of course, but to be fair, does sound a bit like you lol.
What are your (sane) plans for your birthday?
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online Whyus

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2019, 05:39:38 AM »
Welcome to your new Thread watcher  :)

So this is Watcher.
-he is a loyal friend.
-he is very compassionate.
-he is a fighter.
-he doesn't give up without a fight.
-he does not like fake people.
Ok, with the added red heart emoji.

I have no comment. I'm just journaling that one.
Oh my firetrucking god, shes coming for you again and wants to go another round, I guess nobody saw that coming. A Little sooner than expected maybe though ;D

Watcher, you HAVE to check These guys out, they are coming to a venue near you. Awesome band and great live "Too Rock for Country and too Country for Rock".

https://www.blackberrysmoke.com/news/https-www-blackberrysmoke-com-tour


Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is trying to get People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 20
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #3 on: March 01, 2019, 06:01:14 AM »
Hello,

Decided to respond before I hit the gym. The other day I was rambling so much on my thread that by the time I noticed, you were taking some severe hits on your thread. Then it was locked LOL.

Quote
My favorite Long Beach, CA pops up a lot.

Nice race. I live in Anaheim. You should come out to Cali.

Quote
Will Watcher go full blown MLC or will he return to his respectable LBS status?

No, I don't think you will do either. I am going to try and bridge the gap. First of all, MLCer don't have plans. They don't think about bills and debt. They just do. Crap just happens. I didn't mean to fall in love with Om, it just happened.

Your actions and decisions have been deliberate and intentional. Big difference.

I understand the uproar when you wrote that you don't care in regards to your sons. However, I took it to mean, I don't care about a situation of which I have no control.
You could go easily back today. Put everything back in place and by next month be handcuffed and spending the night in either jail or the hospital. In your current role, you are the enabler. It's your job to fix everything around you and be a good Watcher.

Not anymore, and I commend you for that. You need to focus on rebuilding yourself from the ground up and following the plan that you outlined for yourself.

The only mental battle you are contemplating is if you want to move ahead as a married man, or do you want to end the marriage. That is your choice and I will offer no advice or opinion.

It took me a while,but I stopped being the doormat-for everyone. There is a big change when you start to live fear free. I mean truly fear free.

After the situation with your sons hits bottom, and they are ready for change-not to be saved, but change, you will be in the right mindset to positively influence them. Not fix them or bail them out. That is how you will flip the switch and see the outcomes that you seek.

Keep working on you and enjoy seeing that your work is paying off.

Fist bump and Happy Birthday-

Ready

 

"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2019, 06:03:44 AM »
Happy Birthday, Watcher!   ;D

Sounds like you have some awesome races coming up.  A lot of beautiful trails to run. I always thought Colorado would be a great place to camp and hike.  They may have races there too.

You are right this winter came I like a lamb but sure is going out like a lion.  My goodness, the snow just doesn't want to give up.  Another inch or 2 today, which is sure getting old.
Good thing is the temps are getting warmer.

Have a good day, Watcher.  :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2019, 07:59:01 AM »
Hi Treasur, Whyus, Ready, Thunder.

The Dierks Bentley concert next week is my bday gift Treasur. Oh my goodness I've been studying Long Beach on Google maps reliving my time there in 2015. Oh my goodness the California pull is very strong. LOL.... I don't think I can resist it. The force is strong with California.

I walked that course and walked that beach everyday 5 months post BD just a mess of a man lost in life. I am soooooo going to have this hammered out by the end of the weekend. That course and area is just beautiful. That's where Dexter was filmed.  ::)

I already found a half marathon. Apparently they run half marathons like every week in Long Beach. So I have to figure it out. So many venues. OMG it's California versus Wyoming. What will I do ? Hahahaha. Maybe I should just move to Long Beach to make life easier.  ::)

Enjoy your day everyone
Thank you


Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #6 on: March 01, 2019, 08:23:07 AM »
There ya go!   ;D

Move to some beautiful place.  You have nothing stopping you, Watcher.  You can do what every you want with your life.  Live where ever you want.  For all intensive purposes, you're a young, single man.
Even though legally married, the marriage is dead in the water, so why let that stop you?   :)

I'm about ready myself.  ha ha
I have family in AZ.  No snow there, no cold there.
Only thing that is stopping me are my grand kids.  Drat!

CA sounds lovely but I hear it's pretty expensive to live there.  Florida has way too much humidity for me, plus big bugs.

Not sure where I'd go for sure if I had a choice.  There are a lot of beautiful, warm states along the ocean.
The world is your oyster, Watcher!   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Anjae

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #7 on: March 01, 2019, 09:25:14 AM »
Happy birthday, Watcher.

You may be a young, single man, but you have an underaged son, Watcher. Don't think someone with an underaged child can do as they please.

I know the boys don't live with you, but I also see several MLC behaviours in your behaviour. If you are having a MLC or a bumpy midlife transition, I don't know.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #8 on: March 01, 2019, 09:52:53 AM »
I respectfully disagree, Anjae.

I see no indication that Watcher is going through a MLC or a MLT. 
He is trying to GAL for himself.  When you have been abused for years, it's important he is finally breaking free of that abuse and doing what he can to survive.  He has to save himself first or he is in no position to save anyone else.  The whole "oxygen mask" thing.

Because of that abuse, and his job warning him, he can not go to that house, or contact his son.
Those two women will do anything to destroy him, even lie get him fired.

His sons both have his number if they need him and were told that by Watcher.  He can't force them to call, or contact him.  Not even the youngest, who btw is not on any danger.  They may be controlling but they do not abuse the boys.  Watcher has said he is not worried about them at this point.
Kids that age are pretty savvy.  They could call him and very easily cover it up.  They choose not to.

It could very well be those boys know more than we know.  Those two women tear their father apart all the time and maybe even have a plot against him, waiting for Watcher to make one wrong move.
It's possible the boys hear this and don't want to get their father arrested.

Sorry Watcher, I don't mean to talk like you are not here, I just think this is so much more complicated then people understand.  It's not like you can just contact the boys, like in a normal situation.  This is very far from a normal situation.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Anjae

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #9 on: March 01, 2019, 10:19:15 AM »
Thunder, I have a MLCer who tried to kill me. I also had a MLC. Abuse does not exclude having a MLC.

Everyone has a midlife transition. Some have it bumpier, others easier.

Sure, the boys have the phone number, but if Watcher moves to CA, that is quite far away, isn't it? Same if he moves  to another state or far away in the state.

The boys may know more than we do, but if you were one of them, or both, how would you feel if your dad gave up on you and moved to the other side of the country?

I am sorry, but a person with underage childen is not a single, free, do as you please person, regardless of situation. There cannot be a measure for MLCers and another for LBSs.

I understand things are complicated. It does not change the fact one of the boys is underaged. It also does not change the fact many of Watcher's behaviour are similar to a MLCer's one. The crazy gym and races, the not caring about the boys, too much relevance on physical appearance, his or women, etc. If a MLCer was doing it, we would say it was normal MLC stuff.

Is Watcher the only LBS who is free to have a MLC? I don't think so.

This is part of Ursa's signature: "A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice. " I agree with it. That is, if I see tons of red flags, I say so. I and do see too many on Watcher's situation.
« Last Edit: March 01, 2019, 10:22:14 AM by Anjae »
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #10 on: March 01, 2019, 10:46:32 AM »
Oh Anjae, Watcher isn't moving anywhere.

A lot of what Watcher says, is said tongue in cheek.  I highly doubt he stares at himself in the mirror all day long.

I happen to think his activities are healthy.  He burned off his anxieties in a constructive way, which is healthy.

No matter what Watcher does will not change the fact that his son is underage, you're right, but it also doesn't change the fact that he can not contact him either.

I hope you are not implying I am not being a friend to Watcher, or not being honest with him.  He can assure you that is not the case.  We have conversations no one sees, or knows about, where we discuss many things other than his races, but they are private and it's up to him if he wants to talk about them.
Sorry I don't mean to sound like I'm being smug, you and I have had many private conversation we don't bring to the board.

I only talk about public things on his thread.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #11 on: March 01, 2019, 10:52:48 AM »
Hi Anjae, Thunder.

I talk to someone offline about mlc. I don't like talking about it here too much anymore because my opinion really doesn't matter nor does the forum's opinion on W. It's her life that she needs to figure out for herself.

I'm trying just to focus on my life because that's what matters. So I know someone else, not Thunder, who knows everything about me and I ask her all the time. What does this forum not understand about my situation ? I think I've been pretty clear.

I also talk to Thunder about other things offline that are not discussed here. There's a lot here that can't be discussed unfortunately.

I'm going to tell you some things but I don't want a debate about my W. Here we go. She is dabbling in EMDR Therapy for childhood trauma regarding her caregiver. She is also doing something with PTSD.

She is also doing something with emotional abuse recovery and narc recovery. She has been doing this since we parted ways. She was doing this all last Fall before she came for me in Nov.

Nov needed to happen for the both of us. In all that craziness she delivered what she needed to say to me.

Now. What is more important here ? What is the greater good ? I understand clearly as an educated person what she is doing. MIL doesn't understand.

So if I go to the house there will be conflict thus disturbing my W. Do you see that ? I'm thinking big picture. It's my sacrifice that I'm making for my family. I want my boys to have a mother again. They already have a father.

I disturbed her/ we disturbed each other in November and I will not allow it again. She has work to do and still has a lot of anger towards me. IDK what's in her head.

Maybe, just maybe, she finds her sons again in my complete absence.  ;D I'm going to let her do her thing.

Meanwhile I have to live my life as best as I can because it's not easy making the decision that I have made. I want the boys to have a mom again. That's what I want for them.

So I will leave my family alone. Again it's only been 3 months. Let the woman figure herself out. I'm not going to discuss anymore what she is doing to help herself.

I have to focus on myself and maybe she will update me again at some point.

Thanks




Offline terrified_in_TN

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #12 on: March 01, 2019, 11:03:58 AM »
I probably should not stick my nose in here, but I can't help it...

Anjae, what would you suggest Watcher do?

This is one of the things that has really driven me nuts about this place (HS), is the contradictions that I never saw before that are now plain as day:

If someone takes up an old hobby that they haven't done in years, oh...they must be in replay having a MLC.
If someone takes up a hobby that they have never done before, oh...they must be having a MLC.

How can you armchair diagnose someone across the internet with something that isn't even diagnosable in the first place???

I used to post in Watcher's thread quite often.  Probably because I could relate to his story better than most.  I recognized his W's behavior in my own Ex's.  But I dare say in his case, his W is MUCH more dangerous than mine EVER was.

She clearly has no reservations about calling the cops on him for petty reasons.  She has no reservations of getting him fired.  She has no reservations about anything when it pertains to him, even if its to her own or her children's detriment.  I've see this behavior many times before (although not as extreme).  Its the "I have to WIN at ANY cost, no matter who gets in the way" type mentality.

I think some posters really do not understand the gravity of his situation.  He CANNOT go back to his house.  Doing so puts his freedom (jail), and income (job) at risk.  He has no real recourse here, except LEGAL.  And even then, its pretty much too late as I see it.  Even if he takes the legal route, his children are old enough to decide for themselves who they want to live with/spend time with etc.  And I FIRMLY believe his W is absolutely guilty of parental alienation.  Even if she doesn't do it consciously, I believe her to do it at an unconscious level.  IE:  I am mad at watcher, therefore the children should be too.  It takes an aweful lot to undo that type of brainwashing.  So even if he went the legal route, I'm sure the kids would follow their mother's lead.  Not that it matters anymore (sorry Watcher), but I am a firm believer that he should have got a D a long time ago.  But it wouldn't make a scrap of difference with the children now.

So what is he supposed to do in the meantime?  Stay put?  Sit by the phone and wait for them to one day realize he isn't the monster their mom probably makes him out to be?

I believe he has done what he needs to do.  Let the kids know he is there if they need him.  At this point, that is all he can do.  In the mean time, he should not put his life on hold just because he has one "child" that is slightly under "legal" age.  He needs to live his life.

Back on what I said originally-Ive seen it a few times now.....There seems to be a very fine line between GALing and having a MLC.  Sometimes I think that line gets blurred.  As long as he isn't taking up a girlfriend while he is still married, and is not self-medicating, I don't see the problem.  Do I think his gym sessions are a bit excessive?  Sure.  But if he enjoys it, why not.  At least its healthy.  I have gym membership too, but I rarely go.  I HATE it.  I do it because I feel i NEED to at my age and with my poor health choices (I smoke).  If I ENJOYED IT, hell I'd probably be there all the time too.

FWIW, I bought a Harley last year.  Only rode a motorcycle ONCE in my entire life prior.  So I must be going through a second MLC...

Off my soapbox.

-T

PS  If I come across as passionate in my reply, its because I am.  I am in a similar situation with my kids.  Pretty much estranged from all of them except the little one.  I could have gone broke in court fighting a losing battle.  I chose to live to fight another day.  In the mean time, I am getting on with my life, and I would hope Watcher does the same.

EDIT:  I apologize Watcher if I have offended you or your W's honor in any way.  It is not my intention to bad-mouth you or your spouse.  I am just calling things as *I* see it, based upon information that you have chosen to share over the course of your stay at HS.
« Last Edit: March 01, 2019, 11:15:50 AM by terrified_in_TN »

Online BrenM

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #13 on: March 01, 2019, 11:28:14 AM »
Watcher that is fantastic news that W is seeking professional help for her PTSD and emotional abuse.  I sincerely hope that she fights her way through this....the boys need her and you!   She certainly sounds as though she is doing her mirror work which is a great achievement and positive step.

Out of curiosity are you seeking professional help for your abuse issues? Emotional and physical abuse trauma doesn’t go away by itself and needs to be addressed professionally!
« Last Edit: March 01, 2019, 12:08:54 PM by BrenM »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Offline Anjae

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #14 on: March 01, 2019, 12:06:16 PM »
I don't suggest Watcher to do anything, other than not give up on his boys.

HS is a forum. No voice tone, no expression, if someone writes they are giving up on their kids and move to CA without some emojis that allow for better compreension - or say, just jocking,, all that is "I'm giving up on the boys and moving to CA".

Still, none of that changes the obvious MLC signs. Unless the gym, races, the big importance on physical appearance, etc. are also tongue in cheek. 

Sometimes the lines do blur and sometimes GALing is in fact a midlife crisis or a life crisis. If GALing is excessive, it tends to be a sign of crisis/doing it to run from something.

I was always going out and about during my crisis. And I mean, always, like seven days a week. If that was not a crisis, I don't know what it was. I am sure the other people who were doing the same found it normal, but there was nothing normal about it.

Glad to know your wife is seeking help for her PTSD and emotional abuse, watcher.

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #15 on: March 01, 2019, 12:30:35 PM »
I didn't want to reveal anything because that starts the  expectations and I don't have any. I dont want to even think about it. It's her business. I will just say my W has her own life and I have my own life and we will both find our sons.

I had to come out and say something because people think I'm going off the cliff, lol. Look Thunder is a personal friend. A friend that I have made for life. Until she gets rid of me. ::)

Thunder really means the world to me. She has been the most influential part of my recovery from day one. Thunder also knows way too much about me.  ;D

Thunder will never allow me to get out of control and she would tell me if I said or did anything wrong. I have a great deal of respect for her. She has spent a lot of time helping me through the years and offering wonderful advice.

Believe me I will hear it from her.  ::) I have no secrets from her. She's sees my world and she will know if I get out of line.

I briefly saw Harley Davidson and I have questions so I will be back later.  ;D

Thanks


Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #16 on: March 01, 2019, 02:19:41 PM »
Happy BDay Watcher!

Seriously though, why must you always stir sh!te up? Kidding of course.  Look, I think LBS have crises too. It is like we are getting new legs and need to figure out how to use them.  What fits in this new life? What doesn't? And in your case, "How do I stay out of jail?" Too soon?

Anyway, FWIW, I think you are doing the best with the hand you have. And I am the quintessential Mama-Lion. I've even gotten on my soap box with you about your boys. I quickly apologized when I saw my own projection/arrogance/judgment/etc...

Finally, you can't be seriously considering Long Beach over Big Sur/Monterey half?  Hands down, MONTEREY! And I'm not just saying that b/c I'm a Nor-Cal gal.  And this is huge considering my MLCH did that half in the very beginning of his replay with OW. (It is how I realized that you can run a lot and still be fat--sorry I'm in a petty bi!chy mood today)

Anyway, stay strong friend.
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Online BrenM

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #17 on: March 01, 2019, 03:28:01 PM »

Anyway, FWIW, I think you are doing the best with the hand you have. And I am the quintessential Mama-Lion. I've even gotten on my soap box with you about your boys. I quickly apologized when I saw my own projection/arrogance/judgment/etc...

 

Kit I love your terminology of being the quintessential Mama-Lion.  This term refers to me also.  It is for this reason that I “can’t” apologise to Watcher for any of my posts about his boys.  I am definitely not judging Watcher or being arrogant with my comments.  I write out of pure concern for Watchers 2 boys.  I am extremely passionate about this issue.  I know how abandonment - temporary or permanent affects the child/adult.  The effects are permanent and the scars run deep.

I have been appalled by some posters comments to Watcher regarding his boys.  To these posters I urge you to do some research - the Internet will provide you with the relevant information. Better still talk to people who have experienced parental abandonment!

I have much experience in watching the emotional trauma that children (who grow into adults) suffer as a result of abandonment.  It is very real and it will not go away...not ever.  It is totally irrelevant as the reasoning behind why a parent abandons their children. The fact is that they have!  Abandonment can be actual physical abandonment or emotional abandonment. The effects are the same to the child.   

I will never be able to understand how or justify any parent can abandon their own child under any circumstances.  Yes they may provide justification why they “had” to do it...but that justification takes in no responsibility or accountability to what THEY are doing to an innocent child/teenager/adult child. 

The consequences of a child's abandonment are huge and unimaginable. In society there are many emotionally starved children, who are confused and unstable, and will suffer lasting psychological effects.  Child neglect or abandonment is a crisis in our society. 

Parents don’t get to decide when they don’t want to parent anymore...being a parent is a lifelong contract...a very rewarding one when you parent well!



« Last Edit: March 07, 2019, 08:37:05 AM by UrsaMajor »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #18 on: March 01, 2019, 04:00:36 PM »

Parents don’t get to decide when they don’t want to parent anymore...being a parent is a lifelong contract...a very rewarding one when you parent well!

I agree. Most rewarding!! And please know that I was referring to my OWN arrogance/projection/judgment, and would never call out any other poster. I am no one to judge anyone. 
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #19 on: March 01, 2019, 04:08:00 PM »
LOL KIT,

My thread has a life of it's own and stirs it's own sh!te.  ::) You are absolutely correct. Big Sur/Monterey is listed as a bucket list race and its downright beautiful so that is my choice. I will be there in November.

Traditionally that's a mania month anyway so it will work out for me.  ;D My co worker turned me onto Big Sur.

Thanks KIT


Online BrenM

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #20 on: March 01, 2019, 04:24:38 PM »

Parents don’t get to decide when they don’t want to parent anymore...being a parent is a lifelong contract...a very rewarding one when you parent well!

I agree. Most rewarding!! And please know that I was referring to my OWN arrogance/projection/judgment, and would never call out any other poster. I am no one to judge anyone. 

Absolutely no offense taken at all KIT and I know that you weren’t directing that comment towards me or anyone else  However I did take time to reflect and ponder upon my own comments that I have made as a result of your comment...I hope that makes sense? A thinking moment for me lol.  I just felt the need to clarify where my comments and perspectives are instigated from...purely from the perspective of the child (and yes I do consider S18 as a child even though he is legally classed as an adult).
« Last Edit: March 01, 2019, 04:33:22 PM by BrenM »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Offline Anjae

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #21 on: March 01, 2019, 04:27:04 PM »
Parents don’t get to decide when they don’t want to parent anymore...being a parent is a lifelong contract...

Agree.

The boys issue is something I don't understand in the sense of how could someone think it is a good idea to give up on them because they don't live with you and there is a very complicated situation.

Bren and I disagree on lots of things, but not on this one.

I don't have children of my own, but I have nephews, a niece and second cousins. There is no way I would give up on them and they aren't even mine.

I am afraid nor Thunder nor anyone would be able to prevent you from going out of control if you happen to be in a crisis. Just like none of us was able to prevent our spouses going out of control.

There is no shame in being in a crisis. It happens to many LBS. Like LBS who have a crisis, or a rough period, while on HS, you have the advantage of having tons of support and people to hang to.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline karmirtsaghik

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #22 on: March 01, 2019, 06:24:46 PM »
I am with BrenM considering the issue of children and abandonment.  My MLCH is a poster child for that. I understand that house is no-go zone for Watcher. But he can go and see his kids in school. What his W. is going to do call school security and ask to remove him form school premises. I would have gone to school during the recesses as often as I could to see my kids. And maybe that would have been the best environment for visitation as wife and MIL would not have been around. Watcher also can call one of the parents if his kids friends, explain the situation and see them on neutral territory when the kids are visiting their friends.

If someone (be it my spouse, relative, family member) anybody would have told me that I told to the abusive person you want my kids you got them, that someone would have been very sorry. Thunder suggested that Watcher's kids are not abused. But we know that at least MIL is abusing his 15 year old (calling him fat, prohibiting him from playing in school sports, and denying access to school bus).  We also know that MIL is calling their mother a wh*r^ and there is a lot of yelling and physical fights going on in that house. Isn't that an abuse? We also know that all their communications with Watcher are under strict scrutiny to the point when his wife is posting for his son 15. So no even if they want to, they cannot freely talk to Watcher.  And this is what we know based on what Watcher shared with us publicly.

I presume that we do not know enough, but what we know again does depict a picture of these kids being in healthy abuse-free environment. Yes they are almost grown and therefore legally it would be difficult to enforce visitations, but seeing them at school at least once a week is not a big problem.

From what I can tell of Watcher's writings both him and his wife cannot wait for these kids to grow up so that they can start living their lives for themselves, either together or apart. There is nothing wrong is wanting to live a life. Believe me, I also want to live my life on my terms, but my kids always come first and foremost. They will always do.

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #23 on: March 01, 2019, 06:43:15 PM »
Anjae, I just have one question.  What would you have Watcher do?
No one answers that question.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline TryinSoul

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #24 on: March 01, 2019, 06:49:05 PM »
Watcher

I have lived in Wyoming for 30 years and still haven’t seen a bear.  I think it’s luck, good or bad, I am not sure.  I live at 5500’ and when I go to sea level, I feel like Superman.  It will likely feel like someone is vacuuming the air from your lungs.  You will live and the views will be worth it. 

Tryin
All that counts, is what comes next.

Online BrenM

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #25 on: March 01, 2019, 07:03:21 PM »
 karmirtsaghik totally agree with your contact suggestions for initial reconnection!  Watcher has caught up with his Sons while they were out walking the dog previously...it would appear that this no longer occurs or maybe it is just that Watcher doesn’t journal about this?   Where there is a will, there is always a way!  I know no-one or nothing would keep me from having contact with my kids - irrespective of the circumstances.  Of course the house is out of bounds - everyone gets that! Once he establishes contact again, I am sure the 3 of them will be able to concoct ways without W and MIL interfering or being able read any correspondence - Snapchat chat is a classic example....though I am pretty sure the boys will have more ideas.  Teenagers are experts at hiding things from their parents and teachers as we all know!
« Last Edit: March 01, 2019, 07:04:45 PM by BrenM »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #26 on: March 01, 2019, 07:18:10 PM »
Hi TryinSoul,

LOL I was just throwing that bear thing out there as I just assumed they would live in Wyoming. This run is in June. It starts at Teton Village and finishes in Jackson. It starts at 6300 and declines to 6000 before slowly working it's way back up to 6300. The pictures that I have seen of the mountain range, I believe Teton are just stunning. Maybe I have to worry about wolves then, lol.

Everything should be in full bloom in June so it should be just stunning. Well their catchy slogan is if the altitude doesn't get you the views will.  :) I love nature. I've never been to Wyoming. Crazy Horse, South Dakota is October and Monterey, California is November so I can pull it off.

I plan on going slow and enjoying the scenery and taking it all in. Jackson Hole looks like a A+. All 3 venues are in the top 50 for half marathons. Missoula, Montana can wait til next year.

Thanks

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #27 on: March 01, 2019, 07:32:30 PM »
You'll LOVE South Dakota!

I've been there twice and want to go back.  The Black Hills are awesome.

You have some great trips planned, Watcher.   :)  Bring your camera.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #28 on: March 01, 2019, 08:15:16 PM »
LOL Terrified,

You brought up Harley at the wrong time. I've never ridden a motorcycle myself. I like Harleys and Indian. I know nothing about bikes but I like those 2 brands obviously for their history.

Is it easy to learn how to ride a bike. It's not on my immediate to do list but they do look really cool. Definitely an interest for me down the road. They really are like art pieces. At least those 2 brands.

Thunder,

That one is just as awesome. I'm looking forward to that one. That is total downhill. It starts at roughly 5900 and finishes at 4900 elevation. I'm a sucker for mountains and open country I guess.

Of course I'm bringing my camera. All 3 venues that I picked are just breathtaking.

Thanks

Offline Anjae

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #29 on: March 02, 2019, 12:32:50 AM »
I have answered that question, not to give up on the boys. Be there for them even if, right now, things are the way they are.

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline terrified_in_TN

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #30 on: March 02, 2019, 03:43:50 AM »
LOL Terrified,

You brought up Harley at the wrong time....


  When I was growing up, my parents told me two things they would never let me own:  A gun and a motorcycle.  Lucky enough, my nerdy little self had no interest in either one what-so-ever.

  Back in my military days, a shipmate of mine taught me to ride, and when he went on deployment he asked me to ride his bike every once in a while, as he didn't want it just sitting up.  I did.  But after he got back I never got on a bike again.  Still had no real desire.

  Fast forward 20 some years.  My post BD best friend told me he used to ride everywhere in his youth but gave it up.  He said he was going to get back into it, and bought a bike.  I thought to myself 'that looks like it might be fun', and 2 days later I impulse bought one as well LOL.

Some advice:

1)  When your ready, take the MSF course at a local community college (or the Harley dealership offers them as well).  WELL WORTH IT.  Its a 3 day course, and only costs about a hundred bucks or so.  Do this first if you have never been on a bike.  (I did it right after my impulse buy).

2)  Start smallish.  They say ideally you should start with something under 500cc and work your way up.  While I can see some merit to that, I do think its wasteful in the pocketbook.  If you start with say a honda rebel, one month later you will be ready for something bigger, I guarantee it.  I started with a mid-sized bike.  The bike I impulse bought 2 days after my buddy was a 2007 Honda Shadow Aero 750.  I did it for 2 reasons.  First, it wasn't too big (still kinda big for a 'starter' bike, but not totally out of the realm of possibility), and Second, it was cheap.  I didn't want to spend a whole lot of money in case I didn't enjoy riding the motorcycle.  I figured I would *try* it (that GAL thing), and if I didn't like it, I'd turn around and sell it.

Turns out I really enjoy it a lot.  So I rode it for a few months.  Of course I always liked Harley (even though I never had any interest), so I went to the local Harley dealership and sat on a few.  I already had in mind what bike I wanted.  Unfortunately, I am inseam challenged.  The bike I really wanted sat too high for me to feel confident.  Actually, MOST of the bikes sat too high for me.  Except one.  Again, unfortunately the one that felt right to me was $20K+.  Bummer.

Searching high and low I found a gently used model with 600 miles on it in Alabama.  Rented a motorcycle trailer from U-haul and drove down and bought it the same day.  It was at a Honda dealership of all places.  But got it for $13K.  NICE.  Anyway, wasn't the bike I originally wanted, but was the one that fit me best.  So you could say the bike chose me-I didn't chose the bike.  Its a vivid black (gloss) 2015 Fatboy Lo.

So thats my motorcycle riding story.

I am not ambitious at all.  But there is just one more thing I want to do.  I posted in my thread about it a year or two back, but still haven't done it yet.  Life has just got in the way.  My daughter broke her arm last year (long story), and that is still being sorted out.  As of this moment 7 months later, all out-of-pocket expenses have been incurred by me, and not one dime from the ex even though our decree says we split 50/50.  The kids have to come first of course.  But once I am back on track financially, I want to obtain my private pilot's license.

Sorry for the hijack and sidetrack.

-T

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #31 on: March 02, 2019, 10:28:38 AM »
Quote
Sorry for the hijack and sidetrack.

I don't mind the hijack. Really interesting post to read. You may be Terrified in TN, but I am both terrified and fascinated by motorcycles. My daughter's boyfriend has a love for Triumph bikes.

I guess you are right, the bike chooses you.

It is all about getting a life and living again.

I am about to go to Restaurant Depot to look at food to go trays and other items for our business. Sexy huh!. Then off to Costco and a few other errands. My wife has made us chicken Pho for dinner. It is a Vietnamese staple and is delicious.

Then I am going to go to bed early and get up early to ride a stationary bike for 100 miles. I'm calling it the Ready or Not Century Race. It is going to take me 6 hours to complete. I am taking two outfits to 24 hour fitness and at the 60 mile mark I will shower and change into the dry outfit to finish the course.

After I finish, I am taking the wife for Din Sum in Monterrey Park. Mama Lu's and it is 4 stars and 2400 reviews on Yelp!

On the upside, if I finish, I will be in first place. On the downside, I will also be last. Gosh, I hate perspectives at times.

Of course, this all got started by Watcher and his talk of half-marathons and different parts of the country. Got me all hot and lathered.

See, the forum can get us to do the craziest things!

Watcher- Stick to your plan, be intentional and deliberate.


Fist Bump-

Ready
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline GonerinGhana

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #32 on: March 02, 2019, 11:28:40 AM »
Yum yum, dim sum in Monterey Park. Takes me back 25 years to a time I did that. My poor friend that I went with, the waitresses all spoke to her in Chinese and she was Japanese! Enjoy.

Offline OffRoad

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #33 on: March 02, 2019, 05:30:09 PM »
Hi TryinSoul,

LOL I was just throwing that bear thing out there as I just assumed they would live in Wyoming. This run is in June. It starts at Teton Village and finishes in Jackson. It starts at 6300 and declines to 6000 before slowly working it's way back up to 6300. The pictures that I have seen of the mountain range, I believe Teton are just stunning. Maybe I have to worry about wolves then, lol.

Everything should be in full bloom in June so it should be just stunning. Well their catchy slogan is if the altitude doesn't get you the views will.  :) I love nature. I've never been to Wyoming. Crazy Horse, South Dakota is October and Monterey, California is November so I can pull it off.

I plan on going slow and enjoying the scenery and taking it all in. Jackson Hole looks like a A+. All 3 venues are in the top 50 for half marathons. Missoula, Montana can wait til next year.

Thanks
Do you plan on other things besides running? Jackson Hole has great white water rafting, the Grand Tetons is an incredible park, and Jellystone (Yellowstone for those who are not Yogi Bear or Boo-Boo) is only about an hour (and three days minimum visiting time ) away.  Badlands are fascinating in South Dakota. And Monterey is my old stomping grounds. Otters,  the wharf, the beaches,  the trees, the cemeteries (ok, I'm odd),  tidepools, the Aquarium, Cannery Row (not as good as it used to be), highway 1. Good times.

And you may already be familiar with this, but going out a few days before to get acclimated to the altitude will serve you well.  I had my best luck hiking wise, when I could go to a lesser altitude for a day, then move up to my final hiking altitude. Although Haleakala still took me out. (9000 feet, I was fine. 10,200 feet, I had to go back down, NOW)

I bet you will really enjoy it.
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #34 on: March 02, 2019, 05:53:03 PM »
Quote
Yum yum, dim sum in Monterey Park.

Yep, dim sum is the best.

Quote
Jackson Hole has great white water rafting, the Grand Tetons is an incredible park, and Jellystone (Yellowstone for those who are not Yogi Bear or Boo-Boo) is only about an hour (and three days minimum visiting time ) away.  Badlands are fascinating in South Dakota. And Monterey is my old stomping grounds. Otters,  the wharf, the beaches,  the trees, the cemeteries (ok, I'm odd),  tidepools, the Aquarium, Cannery Row (not as good as it used to be), highway 1. Good times.

I am sitting here and its raining. Your post really made me want to hit the road. Everything you posted is so true.

Pay attention Watcher, you've got a great life ahead of you.

Ready
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #35 on: March 02, 2019, 06:07:14 PM »
LOL OffRoad, Hi Ready

I picked 3 really good spots. I plan on arriving 4 or 5 days prior to the half marathon in Jackson Hole.  I have to recover from the run so I need to get my adventure in prior to the race.

I was looking at the white water rafting today, Grand Tetons Park, and Yellowstone today. I plan on doing all 3 activities. Again I've never been there so I want to take advantage of it. They have a wildlife safari type of thing. I want to see Buffalo or whatever animals are native to the area.  ;D Moose, Elk. LOL. I'm a city kid.  ;D hahahaha.

The accommodations in Jackson Hole are incredible. Its easiest for me to fly into their airport. For a minute I thought of flying into Idaho Falls but price wise there is not much of a difference and it saves me the hassle of then driving in unfamiliar territory.

I don't mind driving but it will be nice on race day to walk out of my hotel and just be there in Teton Village where it starts. Everything has to go right on race mornings.  ::)

Now Yellowstone has it's own half marathon next year so I may wait to visit. I don't want to rush Yellowstone so it maybe best to make that it's own destination point next year. I will wait and see. That's in June so that is the one I've been researching.

South Dakota is in October and Monterey is in November so I have time to plan. I just ensured that I signed up for the half marathons in advance to secure my spot.

I plan on handling them in the same manner by getting out there in advance of my running to acclimate myself.

I was at the office the other day and I found Crazy Horse first and fell in love with it. My newish co worker, maybe 1 year in, was a runner. His ex was classic MLC. Found her soulmate and he became a runner. Isn't it a small world.

So he turned me onto Big Sur and then I stumbled onto Jackson Hole which I just fell in love with. My co worker is dating and his LBS running days are behind him and he is content.

"Watcher I get you, no one will ever understand the trauma you have been through"  ;D It is a trauma many of us share and he is an inspiration that there will be life after my LBS days.

Yes I'm very excited and I know I'm going to love it.

Thank you

« Last Edit: March 02, 2019, 06:17:44 PM by Watcher »

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #36 on: March 02, 2019, 06:24:02 PM »
I think you will too, Watcher!

Life has many exciting adventures out there for you.
Embrace them all.
 :)
« Last Edit: March 02, 2019, 08:21:33 PM by Thunder »
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #37 on: March 02, 2019, 06:28:57 PM »
Thank you Thunder  ;D

Offline OffRoad

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #38 on: March 02, 2019, 06:46:42 PM »
Yellowstone is sooooo much bigger and has so much to see than a lot of National parks I had been to before.  Definitely need at LEAST 3 days to even get a portion of it.

You want to see wildlife, just drive through the Grand Tetons  (or Yellowstone). At the Grand Tetons, barely outside of Jackson, we found moose just sitting in a tiny tiny lake (what I would call a watering hole, actually), chewing away. At Rockefeller park, we, literally, walked by a bear and her cubs (we didn't bother them, they didn't bother us). We hiked some of the most beautiful country. And ended up at a lake. (Gawd, I miss those days....). Elk, deer, wolves, bison, bears, marmots, eagles, everywhere. At the beginning of the trip it was "Look! Elk!" By the end of the trip it was "Look, another elk."

You have to be careful of some hikes, though. I ran into this in Yellowstone and Joshua Tree. It looks like a short hike to get somewhere, but you go down 20 feet and up 20 feet in a 15 foot span. Over and over. So what looks like a five mile hike is about triple that. That was fun up a hill in bear country where the sign said "You can be eaten, Don't feed the bears." (Not specifically, but that was the meaning) They didn't want people throwing their backpack containing food to distract the bears! Uh, yeah, I'm throwing that backpack far, far away from me. ;D Might have been better to say "Don't carry a backpack that has or ever had food in it."  But I digress....

Hardly sounds like the miserable life my ex described..... ::)
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Online Treasur

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #39 on: March 02, 2019, 07:30:02 PM »
Do NOT get eaten by a bear, Watcher.
Even a nice rocket scientist looking one...
I have heard that bears are surprisingly speedy over short distances.
« Last Edit: March 02, 2019, 07:31:23 PM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online Whyus

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #40 on: March 03, 2019, 03:53:39 AM »
Do NOT get eaten by a bear, Watcher.
Even a nice rocket scientist looking one...
I have heard that bears are surprisingly speedy over short distances.

Watcher, just Invite Somebody along who is slower than you are and YOU will not be bearbrunch  ;)
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is trying to get People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 20
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Online Mitzpah

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #41 on: March 03, 2019, 04:26:29 AM »
Do NOT get eaten by a bear, Watcher.
Even a nice rocket scientist looking one...
I have heard that bears are surprisingly speedy over short distances.

Watcher, just Invite Somebody along who is slower than you are and YOU will not be bearbrunch  ;)


 ;D ;D ;D ;D Super idea Whyus!
M 57
H 57
S 26
S 25
D 24
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Online Treasur

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #42 on: March 03, 2019, 04:37:53 AM »
Maybe on your list for a new woman when/if you are ready...likes running but always a bit slower than me lol.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #43 on: March 03, 2019, 06:50:26 PM »
Just journaling

I stayed home all weekend. No work and no gym. I'm resting a sore oblique.  I did shovel some snow yesterday. Looks like more shoveling tomorrow.

I did goto my brothers 50th birthday party today. Meanwhile newly minted S16 also celebrated his birthday. She rubs my face in it online.

I had a good time but I'm tired of being around my family. I don't necessarily miss my other family. There's no point in missing an abusive relationship and situation. So I don't know what I want or where I fit in anymore.

Where do I fit in ? Whom do I belong to ? Where do I belong ? This whole being "married" thing. What is it ? I read KIT today and I agree with Tyks comment. Divorce doesn't necessarily answer my questions. Where do I find those answers ?

Am I on some quest just to find myself.  Why isn't it so much easier ? I was dismissed from marriage. Why am I still here ? What am I holding onto ? Hope ? Faith ?

I ask myself why am I holding onto this dead "marriage". Why can't I find my answer ? That's what I need to do. I need to find my answer. Am I a fool for standing.

Why am I putting myself through this situation ? It seems like things will never change. Ok that's enough thinking.

Double espresso and sambuca is the way to go. It's an incredible mixture of a cocktail. I had 2. The sambuca had the coffee bean in it and it was soooooo good.

When I was in Virginia Beach the sambuca was served on fire. Soooooo cool. They didn't do that in this restaurant.

I have a void in my life. I thought it was her and it's not her. It's not the kids either. Limbo needs to be addressed. I need to get myself out of Limbo which I am doing.

IDK this period of NC seems very different from the others. So I am off to bed.

Have a good night everyone
Thanks
 


Online BrenM

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #44 on: March 03, 2019, 08:53:11 PM »
Watcher you are asking yourself the same questions that so many LBS constantly ask ourselves.  We are damaged...firetrucking damaged...it will take time for us to heal.  There is no timeframe for our healing process, everyone is unique.

My only advise is to do nothing but heal...when the time is right you will automatically know what you want to do. Don’t be in any hurry to heal or to get into another relationship just because we seek the urge to belong and no longer be in Limbo! Just like a MLCer needs to go through the various stages of MLC , I believe LBS too go through a similiar process.  Sadly you can’t fast forward the process.

I understand that families can be annoying sometimes/most times...but they have your back Watcher and will always be there for you.  Appreciate them...they are the only family (apart from
Yours) that you will have!

Happy Birthday to S16...I hope you reached out just to acknowledge “his” day.  Please ignore any Facebook posts...everyone knows how things can be staged for viewers. 

Take care and understand what you are experiencing is identical to most LBS’s on this thread. MLC definitely sucks!
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Online Treasur

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #45 on: March 03, 2019, 09:06:24 PM »
As Bren says.
I have none of the answers (quite yet) but if it helps I think they are the right questions.
They are the kind of questions that come up as you recover from trauma and start to build a post-trauma you. Events took a lot off your table, so you are looking at it and feeling out what you want to put back on your own table now. Uncomfortable as you say but tbh, the questions are a huge sign of progress. My gut is that November was a really big shifting point for you and I can see that you have sped up a lot on some stuff since then, Watcher.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #46 on: March 04, 2019, 01:33:02 AM »
Just Journaling

This particular brother and his wife were legally separated for 3 or 4 years. In NJ one can do that if they have no children. It was done specifically for the house. I've mentioned this before that he had the characteristics of mlc. He had a OW and eventually moved in with her and that was a disaster thus landing him at my mom's where he probably was a high energy replayer IMO.

Meanwhile they have reconciled and are back together, I guess, 4 or 5 years. Figure they were both 42 when crisis hit and they are now turning 50. So the 8 years overlap somehow. SIL just started coming around again in 2015 as I was entering my mess.

Anyway I've been around those 2 enough now. They still cut each other with their words. It's very subtle but I must be crazy sensitive because I pick up on it very easily to the point where it bothers me. Their words remind me of my situation and it hurts like it's cutting me.

Maybe she doesn't take his sh!te anymore and subtlety calls him on it. I don't necessarily see what he says to her but she always calls him out on it. Sitting at a dinner table it's right there. Again it's nothing that noticeable but it's there and she is definitely picking up on it.

So I left thinking why did they get back together. By now one would think they would have a greater respect for each other but, then again, maybe it takes more time. IDK. I've talked to my mom in the past and, of course, she sides with her son. That drives me nuts because we are the opposites. He was the eff'n MLCER.

I tell her all the time those 2 are in trouble again. She pushed him to reconcile and I think she is in Limbo with me at the moment. Well, since court, she says your never getting back with that woman Watcher which I find funny. I don't like being told. It works counter productive with me. I dig in ,eventhough, I don't believe I'm digging in at the moment because I really don't know what I want.

I think I'm past the honeymoon phase of standing and The Hero Spouse. I don't mean that as a negative. THS was a lifeline for me and I will always be eternally grateful. I think I'm out of my own fantasy and I'm a bit more realistic. I look at my situation now and say Holy Sh!!te !  WTF has happened here. This is some quagmire Watcher. What the eff are you going to do ?

Sometimes it's just easier ignoring my internal self. I don't want to deal with that guy at times.

I might be entering the disillusionment phase of standing. It's like WTF am I standing for. Why am I still married ? I'm tied to a woman who continues to throw her life away and destroy herself. She still gambles, doesn't pay the bills etc.... Still madly in love chasing an idea or a concept that, in reality, doesn't exist. A downright nasty vindictive human being that I'm still anchored to.  :o

So I sat there last night thinking where are you going to be at 50 Watcher. The clock is ticking. 3 more years. There has to be more to life than MLC, a dead marriage, and eveything else this crisis entails. The engine ran out of gas for my family. I have no clue how or where to find gas at the moment. I'm sort of dead in the water. Drifting. Hmm, I think I'm drifting through this life.

Ok that's way too much thinking. I will be obnoxious again soon.  ;D Hopefully
« Last Edit: March 04, 2019, 02:00:21 AM by Watcher »

Online Treasur

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #47 on: March 04, 2019, 02:47:43 AM »
Watcher, in the strangest way - although our circumstances are very different, maybe our timescales are similar as LBS idk -  I could have written EXACTLY that sense of 'WTF happened...and how do I get out of this quagmire that seems to be my current reality?' And what do I even want now?'

It's a kind of waking up oh s$it moment isn't it?

tbh I think exactly the same questions come into play with those who stand, or reconnect, or reconcile even. Perhaps they are also spinning round in the heads of your brother and his wife too.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2019, 02:49:23 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #48 on: March 04, 2019, 05:47:40 AM »
Quote
I ask myself why am I holding onto this dead "marriage".

At least you ask yourself why? Many people just do without ever reflecting.

Quote
I'm tied to a woman who continues to throw her life away and destroy herself. She still gambles, doesn't pay the bills etc.... Still madly in love chasing an idea or a concept that, in reality, doesn't exist. A downright nasty vindictive human being that I'm still anchored to.  :o

It has been almost nine years since BD for me. My ex may actually be coming out of the clouds. Even if I wasn't remarried (Boy, I am in a much better place now!) and she came back, I'm not sure if I would take her back.

Trust is a vital element and it is the blood that circulates throughout the body of the relationship. Without it, everything else dies. After all that she did to me, and mine pales in comparison to you, could I ever let my guard down to trust her again. Would I leave my home without thinking, "What is she doing now?"

"Is she on the computer finding a new person?" "Did she just come back because I was option B?" I decided to end my stand and it was my choice. Just like it is your choice.

Quote
Hmm, I think I'm drifting through this life.

I don't think you are drifting. You are making plans and moving forward. You are examining your current state-honestly. Where am I, where am I going. After you take stock and accurately determine your current state. Define your desired state. What would that look like? After you decide where you would like to go, what principles will guide you. These are your own personal boundaries, guardrails to the journey.

The next step is to contemplate the barriers to your goals. What must I get past to get to my desired state. Some barriers can be tackled, others negotiated, while others are kept at bay for the moment.

Now you can research and select the best course of action. Then implement and after time, modify as necessary to reach your desired state.

Often most people and organizations see a problem, react, problem, react....now that's drifting.

Quote
So I sat there last night thinking where are you going to be at 50 Watcher. The clock is ticking. 3 more years.

Hey, I'm 53 and will be 54 next year. I used to be caught up in the numbers game. Don't rush into something out of fear. Fear and despair drives the MLCer-not you.

Be intentional and deliberate and stick to your plan,

Fist bump

((((Ready))))
 
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #49 on: March 04, 2019, 06:10:38 AM »
Hi Watcher,

Everything Ready just said makes perfect sense to me.

Your questions a valid and important.  Questioning yourself is a good thing.
I have no doubt, in time, those answers will come to you.

I personally think my way of thinking changed when I finally realized my marriage was dead.  It no longer existed.  I felt my H was no longer my H.  He had died also.  Never to be that same person, but then neither was I.  In a sense the old me died too.

So that was when I decided if we were ever going to have a chance I/we had to start from scratch.
Leaving everything that was, in the past. 

This isn't always possible for everyone to do because sometimes the MLC will not allow the past to be over.  They continue living in it and they don't change. 
So you have to live for yourself and the new you, which I think you are starting to do.  But the new you hasn't quite figured himself out yet.   :)

I believe that is why this NC is feeling different to you.  Because YOU are different.  You are growing where your W is staying stagnant, living in the past.  It is no longer making sense and that may be the reason for all your questions.

Have a good day, Watcher.  You'll figure this out.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #50 on: March 04, 2019, 08:09:14 AM »
That's how I was initially thinking Ready. I woke up this morning and was like hey let's see what you can accomplish in the next 3 years.

Treasure and Thunder, I think your right about our contact in November. It pushed me forward and she went back to her crisis. I listened to her and accepted her new life philosophy. However, at the end of the day she was still a mess and I broke it off. Again I just beat her to the punch.

It's the anger, vindictiveness, and spitefullness that have worn me down. Blame me for not coming home and not wanting to be abused. She may just stay stuck in that cycle of destruction and dysfunction with her mom.

We had snow this morning so gym was canceled and it gives me another day to rest my oblique. Its definitely from kickboxing. I've had it before. So there really is no point in me going to the gym until I come back from Minnesota.

OMG I don't know how I will survive. I am so not prepared and I have to go buy some items for the trip before work today. Thursday and Friday look good but Saturday and Sunday no longer look good, lol. At the moment.

IDK if they run in snow in Minnesota. I guess I will find out.  ::) I'm looking forward to getting away.

I made a lot of logistical mistakes with this trip so I'm learning from it. The next one will go smoother.

Enjoy your day
Thanks

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #51 on: March 04, 2019, 08:21:51 AM »
Do they run on snow in Minnesota?  Bwahaha...of course they don't let a little thing like snow stop them.   ;D  Actually they are sometimes the most beautiful runs, especially if the sun is out.

Some runners wear Yaktrax to get a good grip on slippery area's but you'll be just fine.

It's good you're healing those muscles for awhile.  No need to irritate them anymore.

Happy shopping!   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #52 on: March 04, 2019, 09:46:49 AM »
LOL Thunder.

Yes I want to run in the snow. I've run enough times in the rain.  ::) Minnesota will be my 4th state that I'm running in. NJ, NY, PA. The concert is really my main focus.

I might just buy yaktrax just to say I ran in them. They are both easy runs. A 45 minute 8K and a 25 minute 5K. I don't know the courses so I will be surprised.

Yea it's my lower and side back right below the rib cage. It's getting better as I have taken off 3 days now. I figured I better get in shape for the trip and give the gym a break.

Contrary to popular belief I do listen to the forum at times. I just like to play hard to get ::) I'm stubborn Thunder, it takes awhile for things to register.

I'm not to keen on physical abuse. So that's a real roadblock here. When you are in an abusive situation sometimes you just need to talk to the forum and let it out. You don't necessarily need an opinion right away.

The further one removes themselves from the situation things become clearer. So physical abuse is a huge problem along with so many other issues. That's probably #1 I would say.

It's an area that I'm exploring now. It just takes me awhile.

Obviously I'm really sensitive with that subject. No one likes to be hit.

I picked out obnoxious aqua blue luggage because I want it to pop coming off the conveyor belt. I usually have black luggage and so does everyone else. I want to know it's my luggage immediately.  ;D

Thanks Thunder
« Last Edit: March 04, 2019, 09:51:16 AM by Watcher »

Offline OffRoad

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #53 on: March 04, 2019, 09:30:18 PM »
Great way to differentiate your luggage.  I always bought cheap which means Costco and black, but then tied a thick bright red ribbon to the handles so I could always spot mine. A few years later, it seemed like EVERYONE was tying bright red ribbons to their luggage, so I had to switch to Hot Pink or Lime  Green. How is it someone figures "Red ribbon what a great idea, I'll do that!" But doesn't think if everyone does it, how does it help? ??? Goofy....

Be careful in the snow/ice, Watcher. Come home safely.
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #54 on: March 05, 2019, 05:31:58 AM »
Hi OffRoad,

I'm living dangerously. Before I confront the bears of Wyoming I must tackle the snow and ice of Minnesota. I usually went with lime green duct tape on the handle of my luggage.

The salesman from yesterday just came back from a cruise. I told him I'm going to the snows of Minnesota.  ::) I've been doing my research and getting my nerd on. I have Enger Tower as a destination in Duluth.

These Duluthians made a big deal about this Aerial Lift Bridge but then I came across these night photos and it looks so cool lit up. They light up Enger Tower and it looks just as cool but that's in a different section and I will be there during the day.

Of course they have lighthouses and Fountain of the Wind. So I will get my explore on before the concert. The Irish Pub may curtail my exploring. Friday is all Duluth.

Meanwhile Minneapolis is home of the Jucy Lucy. I work history and brick work into my food. It doesn't mean the food is good but if it says historical landmark then that's all that matters to me along with the brickwork.  ::) So that would be Matt's pub. It says 1954 landmark and it has brickwork.  ::) That's in Minneapolis.

There is a pub theme here. Hmm, both of my runs are sponsored by pubs. In St Paul I'm going to Minnehana Falls for the photo op. St Paul's Cathedral at night, lit up, looks incredible. It looks incredible during the day. St Paul is also home of the white squirrel. I need a photo.

So, yea, I'm still doing research, trying to cram more in. I hope it's not cold in Minnesota... LOL....

Thanks

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #55 on: March 05, 2019, 06:11:31 AM »
Watcher, we do have a warm up coming this week-end.   8)

Sounds like you're doing good research  You should get a lot of nice photo's on your trip.
Are you coming into Duluth's big airport?  I guess they have 3.  Who knew?   ::)

I've driven up there many times for vacations but never had to fly, or go in the winter.  I love driving along the North Shore.  It's very scenic and so much to see.

So are your muscles doing better?
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #56 on: March 05, 2019, 06:44:48 AM »
Hi Thunder,

I have to write this down so I remember. Minneapolis Stone Arch Bridge, Grain Belt Beer sign. Looks good lit up. Looks good during the day too. Snow in the backdrop.  ::)

I didn't take any photos when I was there in March 2015.  :-\ I only took a picture of the elusive white squirrel and deleted it. Thunder that's a big deal you know. I only have gray squirrels. I was shocked when I saw that white squirrel, lol. I have seen black squirrels in upstate NY.

I love downtown Minneapolis along the Mississippi River. I walked all over that are when I was there but it was in the 60's for 16 days which was incredible for March.

I like the Nicollet Mall area and Brit's Pub would get me there but IDK if I will venture there. I did that whole downtown scene the last time which is a great spot.

I am flying into Minneapolis and staying put. All the flights into Duluth connected at Minneapolis. I couldn't find anything direct. I'm staying in Eagan. I'm a bit all over the place with events in St Paul and Maple Grove.

The runs are quick morning hits.

I'm not concerned driving to Duluth on Friday morning because I am making a day of it. I am concerned leaving after the concert because of the predicted snow. IDK when it starts on Saturday in Minneapolis.

 If the conditions are bad then I will find a hotel for that night in Duluth. It's only a 2 hour commute up and down 35 and my hotel is also on 35. Its a straight drive.

I do see that the warmup is on it's way, lol. I know it's cold in NYC being on the water so Duluth should be the same wise.

That's another reason why I don't mind the drive up. I will stop for anything that catches my attention. The concert is not until 7pm so I have a lot of time to play with on Friday.

The great thing about traveling alone is you get to be a kid.  ;D I will be up 5am Friday morning raring to go. I am coming in on Thursday early in the afternoon. Its only a 3hr flight and I get to steal an hour with the time change.  ;D

Yes I'm still staying out of the gym  :-\. I did have to fight the urge today. It's getting better and so I will let it settle down.  :-\ I should be all well for the gym next week.

Thanks

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #57 on: March 05, 2019, 07:19:51 AM »
Well as long as you have a GPS you should be fine.

Maybe you'll get a chance to see The Mall of America while you're here.  Did you go there when you were here the last time?

I never saw a white squirrel, ours are gray too, but I did see black squirrels in VanCouver.  I thought they looked darn scary  LOL!

They have a few big races every year by the Old Stone Bridge.  My X does a half Marathon there every summer.  There are also some other races down by the Mississippi each year.
It's a beautiful area.  I would bet with the snow it will look really nice for picture taking.

Were you laughing at our warm up?   :o  Hey 25 degrees sounds like a warm up to me.  ha ha
I just hope the snow stays at bay for you.  The scary thing is March is our snowiest month usually.
I don't even know where they would put anymore snow.  :)

Well have a good flight and I hope you run like the wind on your races.  Oh and enjoy the Irish dishes the pubs will have.
 :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online Treasur

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #58 on: March 05, 2019, 07:34:36 AM »
I didn't even know white squirrels existed...gosh, you learn some things on HS don't you?  :)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #59 on: March 05, 2019, 08:28:09 AM »
Hi Thunder, Treasur.

Yes I know it's going to be 25 degrees. That is a huge warmup.  ::) I cannot believe you have never seen a white squirrel. They are in St Paul.

I was working sitting in a car in some neighborhood for hours in St Paul one day bored out of my mind. The white squirrel just appeared and so I googled it after I took photographic evidence and they are indicative to that area. I hope I'm not going to have a hard time finding this squirrel now.  ::) I'm under the illusion that they were in abundance, lol.

I'm sorry I thought I was the only one with boring gray squirrels. No I did not visit the Mall of America the last time. I stayed in downtown Minneapolis the last time so everything was in walking distance. I like to walk.

When you sit in a car at work, driving is the last thing one wants to do after a shift. So a lot of walking afterwards. I crossed that Minneapolis stone bridge everyday.

I like that section because it's a bit quieter compared to the Nicollet Mall. When your out with a group Nicollet Mall is great with all the bars and restaurants.

The Juicy Lucy is a famous hamburger. So we went to a 5-8 pub or tavern which is locally known. We went to this landmark polish restaurant that has since closed.

So I try to do something that is locally popular with the food. That Matt's Pub is another one but I learned that afterwards from other people who visited.

Men don't need a GPS Thunder. We simply will not acknowledge that we are lost. Hahahaha. I'm a LBS but I'm still your typical man, lol.

Anyway this trip also came out of November. We went to 8 hotels together in November. She taught me how to use my credit card. I'm being serious with that one.

I went on so many runs where I commuted 2 hours each way. W comes along and she was like, hey let's spend the night and I thought that was such a novel concept.

I planned this in November. We talked about going to Miami and Puerto Rico for the weekend together. Plans cannot be made with her for obvious reasons.

I told her I was thinking about Hawaii at the time and she said, wait for me because I want to go with you. I told her, what am I waiting another 5 years for you to be ready. Im climbing that volcano without her.  ;D

She tried talking me out of Dierks Bentley and at the time it was only an idea. We were brainstorming. She pissed me off because she always has attempted to control me and my money.

Here we are separated and she still is trying to control how I spend my money. That's a marriage issue. My check is for business and her is for entertainment. That's how she sees it. Even during the crisis.

So I went to work pissed that morning and made the concert arrangements. I have insurance on everything and I have actually thought of backing out twice.

I absolutely have to go to this concert for so many reasons. I have to break this sh!te because she is still controlling me and we don't even have contact. So that is why I am so adamant that I have to break it for me.

I just have to get out from this pattern that she had me under for so many years. So back to November after all our fun together, I thought to myself, why do I need her to have fun. The answer is I don't need her to have fun nor travel.

I am thankful that she taught me how to use my credit cards.  ;D
 

Online Mitzpah

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #60 on: March 05, 2019, 10:08:36 AM »


Men don't need a GPS Thunder. We simply will not acknowledge that we are lost. Hahahaha. I'm a LBS but I'm still your typical man, lol.



So....... true!!
M 57
H 57
S 26
S 25
D 24
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #61 on: March 05, 2019, 10:11:14 AM »

I absolutely have to go to this concert for so many reasons. I have to break this sh!te because she is still controlling me and we don't even have contact. So that is why I am so adamant that I have to break it for me.


Watcher--this is really telling. I too am "controlled" by my H even though I am fairly certain he has no idea. Many of my decisions are made with him in mind.  And I need to stop that too. For example, I thought about not going to Tuscany this year b/c it will be the first time for me and I always thought it would be with H. Stupid. Anyway, thanks for the reminder.

I always like to eat the local cuisine when I travel too. And...ahem....drink the wine.  It sounds like it is going to be a great trip and I am so happy you are doing it!

Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #62 on: March 05, 2019, 11:22:00 AM »
Hi Mitzpah, KIT.

45 months into this ordeal and I feel just as controlled as day one. She is in my head that I have to be a responsible family man. Nothing more.

Really I'm doing it to myself because I'm allowing it and she has no idea. I absolutely do the same thing by thinking of her with some of my decisions. It's the way I've been conditioned. Going into survival mode for my family during the crisis probably added to it.

The LBS is in such a disadvantage. We act soooooo married and that's our problem.  ::)  Its hard putting that marriage thinking on the shelf. I think we still base a lot of our decisions on being a couple. That's where I get stuck.

It's so difficult to break that mold but it has to be broken. So I'm hoping to get over that obstacle with Minnesota and it opens the floodgates for travel.

I was so into Tuscany myself for that specific reason. Just to break out of limbo in some manner. Just for myself. It really is a small victory.

I didn't get excited until I picked out my luggage yesterday and now it feels like I'm going away. Yea so I picked the frozen tundra  :-\ but what are you going to do.

I'm still doing it BTW because I have been back and forth so much on Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I decided to wait until I get back next week to make those plans for June.

Monterey is a no brainer. I have no guilt at all about that one. All we are looking to do is live now. I'm not looking to do anything nefarious. I just feel like I have to live now and enjoy my life. This crisis is not going anywhere. I'm sure it will be here when I get back.

It should be a great trip. Thunder made me all nervous now with her GPS comment. OMG a man traveling alone with no GPS and we don't ask for directions either ::) We choose to remain lost.  ::)

No worries Thunder I have it on my phone.  ;)

Thanks





« Last Edit: March 05, 2019, 11:29:19 AM by Watcher »

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #63 on: March 05, 2019, 01:18:52 PM »
But just think Watcher, if you start your journey to "breaking free" of the shackles in a frozen tundra, it's can only be up hill from there.   ;D ;D  (can't believe I just said that)  lol

Maybe this control thing needs to be put to rest.  We have minds of our own, right?  Let's exercise that!!  Let them all twist in the wind and try to control that.  lol
Kit you go to Tuscany!  I would if I could afford it.

Ok, I'm secretly glad you have GPS on your phone though.  Shhh.   :)

I just wanted to say St. Paul is like a foreign country to me, being born and raised it Minneapolis.
I get really confused over there.  Like their street signs go by presidents.   Who does that?
Ours go alphabetically.
Maybe the white squirrels get too confused too so they stay in their own hood.   ::)

I just hope you have a great time and hope the concert is a lot of fun.
Does he have an opening band?
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #64 on: March 05, 2019, 02:31:13 PM »
It can only go up after the frozen tundra Thunder. You are correct.  ;D

My 2019 journey begins in the frozen tundra. That's a good way to look at it. The opposite end of the spectrum is Monterey, CA. Hmm, I'm sure they have normal looking ordinary seals. If I find an albino seal than I will get a picture.

Yes the journey has to start somewhere. I'd say KIT was a little smarter with her choice, lol.

I'm going to get to the bottom of this white squirrel controversy. That's a good point. One would think they would have migrated from St Paul at some point. Hmm, now I so have to get a photo of one as I hear you doubting my discovery ::)

I know Dierks Bentley is playing. LOL, that's a tough question. He has Jon Pardi who I have heard. IDK who is Tenille Townes. I will be surprised. I'm not a big country aficionado.

I listen to all genres of music but I can't match songs and artists. I either like a song or I don't.

Yes I knew you would worry so that's why I informed you about my GPS.  ;)

My next objective is to find out if they have different colored animals in Wyoming while I am there. TryinSoul is our Wyoming correspondent.

Someone sent me a message about red squirrels. So now I have to Google and find out where they reside. Hmm, the Rocky Mountains apparently and most of Canada.

Thanks  ;D
« Last Edit: March 05, 2019, 02:41:57 PM by Watcher »

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #65 on: March 05, 2019, 02:52:16 PM »
Oh lord, now we have red ones too.   ::)  Ha ha

Watcher, in a way I envy you.  You are going on all these adventures I wish I could go on.
Just to see different states and all they have to offer.  Like Maine, I would love to see Maine in the Fall.

My am going to AZ next year with my family for a reunion, but Washington DC would be my next dream place.  Just to see all the museums, the Monument, maybe the cherry blossoms in bloom and eventually the White House (after the current resident is gone) would make my day.

Your adventures are just starting for you, Watcher.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #66 on: March 06, 2019, 05:19:38 AM »
LOL Thunder,

Yes they have red ones apparently in the Rocky Mountains. That has to be it. There can't possibly be any other color for squirrels.  ::)

This is adventure time so we will see how it goes. Yes I'm sticking to my 4 trips. I have a quiet July, Aug, Sept. I'm just going to stay local. May is my work travel month. I've never been to Maine myself Thunder. The Fall sounds lovely. We should definitely go.   ::)

Washington DC is nice. The museums are worth the trip. Definitely need a few days. A lot of walking involved. I've never been to Arizona. I know Sedona is their big race. I would like to goto the Grand Canyon next year for their half marathon. That's June 2020.

My last vacation was at the beach in Aug 2017. Prior to that it was the work/vaca in Virginia Beach in April 2017. So it's been awhile.

No gym again today as I'm really getting lazy now. That's 5 days off people. 5 DAYS !  My muscle is still healing. So I can wait til next week. I think I'm down to 5 abs now  :-\ lol.

Enjoy your day Thunder

« Last Edit: March 06, 2019, 05:22:13 AM by Watcher »

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #67 on: March 06, 2019, 06:57:30 AM »
Thanks Watcher, you too.

How many days are you on vacation?
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #68 on: March 06, 2019, 08:11:37 AM »
Hi Thunder,

This one is for 5 days. I knew in November that I wanted to goto this concert. Originally I had planned it for Sioux Falls, SD in February as that was closer to my birthday but school commitments and the half marathon were issues.

I knew I also was going by myself. This concert was never planned with her in mind. In fact our last contact day was Nov 30th, when I broke it off, and that is also the day I scheduled this concert. I have to plan long term because it forces me to get things done. It gives me a schedule.

She changed her mind about Miami and Puerto Rico like 30 different times. I would have went with her but then she exhausted me. I don't understand that indecisiveness and I have no time for it. So I will travel without her for good.  ;D

Now I didn't think about it until the last few days so now I see all the things that I can do and wish a few more days were added on. This trip is a learning experience. The August 2017 was the vacation were W backed out last minute and I went solo, however my sister was down there with her family, so I really wasn't alone.

This one I will be alone for the first time. No family nor coworkers. So we will see if I planned things well or not. Weather cannot be controlled and I've learned just to role with it. I'm packed and ready to go.  ;D  I'm used to doing things by myself. Eating out, going out exploring, u name it. I've been doing it for almost 4 years.

You never know, I may find my soulmate at some point during my travels, lol.  ::) I love Carly Pearce but can a guy go to her concert. Sounds like such a chic concert. Hmm.

One last day of work.    ;D

« Last Edit: March 06, 2019, 08:12:55 AM by Watcher »

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #69 on: March 07, 2019, 05:13:15 AM »
Oh my goodness it is freezing cold in New Jersey this morning. 19 degrees. LOL...

Split Rock Lighthouse looks so cool Thunder. It's an hour north of Duluth. There are plenty of lighthouses on canal park in Duluth but that one is really amazing.

It all depends on the angle from which I can get my photos. Hmm, that maybe worth the added trip tomorrow. I'm going to a speakeasy tonight. I'm so excited. It's actually called a speakeasy. LOL...

Also, my research found that Minehanna Falls actually freezes.  I hope its frozen while I'm there for the photos.

IDK if you heard Thunder but we are getting some snow this weekend. Saturday's run should be fine. IDK about Sunday, lol. The forecasters are all over the place I've seen 2-4 inches and up to a foot. It all depends on the rain line.


Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #70 on: March 07, 2019, 05:33:06 AM »
Hi Watcher,

I didn't want to scare you, about the possible snow, but you never know how much will really happen.   :)

The temps do sound decent, though.  22 degrees today then warmer the next few days.
Just bring your boots.  ha ha

Yes the Falls frozen is beautiful.  I'm sure you will find a lot of great places for pictures.  I've been taking quite a few myself lately.

I have a ton of pictures over the years of Duluth.  Like I said I've never been there in the winter, but I'm sure you'll find a lot of great places for picture taking.

So when do you come into Mpls today?   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #71 on: March 07, 2019, 08:15:24 AM »
Hello,

SoCal boy calling both of you out. It's 54 degrees here and I am wearing a coat. I grew up in Colorado and would have taken 22 degrees back then, but not now.

As far as squirrels go, who cares what color they are? They are just angry right now.

Based upon your itinerary  and your desire to seek the ice cold regions of the world, I am changing my diagnosis of you Watcher. You are completely unhinged and have lost any connection with reality. What next? take a cold plunge in the Arctic circle.  Because , I just can't get cold enough? Crazy tunes.

Quote
The temps do sound decent, though.  22 degrees today then warmer the next few days.

Thunder, your encouragement of Watcher's demise to either bears or the cold is very disappointing.

Should I suffice to surmise, Thunder, you are an enabler.

Now both of you need to go drink something hot, dress warm, and stay that way until both your minds thaw!

((((Ready)))))
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #72 on: March 07, 2019, 08:30:33 AM »
Hi Thunder,

I should be there by 3pm ish. I took 2 trains to the airport. I'm through security already. TSA felt up my chest. I am soooooo glad I work out.  ::)  I was more than willing to cooperate with TSA but that's all I got.  :-\ LOL ...

OMG what a small world. I ran into the lady who ran my divorce support group (Oct 2015-Aug2016). What are the odds ? I haven't seen her since the group folded in Aug 2016.

It's like a trip down memory lane. It's like from another time and that was another guy stuck in a horrible situation.

NJ is a big state and that divorce group was nowhere near my house because I was embarrassed back then. What are the odds we are traveling on the same day and she is also going to Minnesota. Mind blowing.

We parted ways and I went to Starbucks. Just wow. It's like a Puxatawney Phil moment. What does seeing her mean ? I saw my shadow.  ;) uh-oh.

Sorry but that was just too freaky.

So no one knows that I am traveling other than the forum. I keep things close to the vest unless its here. Right now my RL is sort of like the Irish Exit. It encompasses all facets.

I had a dream about my mom. OMG. She simply said 1 more year and I immediately woke up. I know what she means. That's school. No way.

I saw her twice this week with her , "what's new" comment. I told her she needs to toughen up thats what's new.  :o I get to talk to my mom in a certain way that my other siblings can't.

They will learn via FB that I am away. Look she can go be grandma if she wants. Just leave me out of it. Anyway she is bogged down by her sister and she has no time at all to be grandma. That's a 24/7 operation going on 14 months now.

Anyway I should be on my way soon.

Thanks Thunder  ;D

Offline Disillusioned

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #73 on: March 07, 2019, 08:34:50 AM »
TSA felt up my chest. I am soooooo glad I work out.  ::)  I was more than willing to cooperate with TSA but that's all I got.  :-\ LOL ...

Well, I LOL'd here at work at this one!   ;D
M=50
W=47
D=8
BD Feb 17 Thinking of divorce
Atomic BD June 17 Spying revealed OM at work
Still home.  Threatened to leave several times and has asked me to leave about a dozen. 
Says divorce proceedings will start Jan 18.
She has scheduled mediation Feb 7,  2018
I moved out March 16, 2018
Several mediations, mostly instigated by me.  Foot dragging by STBXW.  Nothing filed. Yet.

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #74 on: March 07, 2019, 08:36:39 AM »
 ;D

Yes I'm afraid I am an enabler.  But Watcher's tough, he can handle a little cold.  ;D

No bears will get him though.  He'd have to travel pretty far up north where the black bear live, and at least their not meat eaters.  ha ha

Or maybe my brain is frozen.   :o ;D

btw Ready, CO is beautiful country.  My oldest brother lives in Denver.  Their weather is quite odd.  They can get 1 foot of snow and the next day it will be 60 degrees and it all melts.
Wish that would happen here.   ::)

30's by this week-end, Watcher.

Just read your post, we were writing at the same time.
How weird is that to run into that woman traveling to MN too.  What are the odds?   :)

Ok, have a good flight!
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #75 on: March 07, 2019, 08:37:28 AM »
LOL Ready, Disillusioned.

Yes I made a typical MLC er decision here. So the evidence is mounting against me. No one in their right mind finds a colder place to attend during the winter. I just learned Dierks Bentley is in NJ in July. LMAO....

I am certifiable at this point. Thunder is going to have to pay closer attention. Maybe I am slipping.  ::) Its going to be 50 this weekend in NJ. LOL.....

My next destination will be warm, hopefully, but the Arctic does seem appealing.  :)

Don't tell me Monterey is cold in November. I hope not.  ::)

Thanks

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #76 on: March 07, 2019, 08:45:31 AM »
Gone for a 4 day weekend and your thread is half-way full again...

Watcher, just make sure if you get a bike that it is sized right for your weight... You and I are not exactly small - I was on a BMW F700 for my driving practice / practical test and, although it was a nice bike, it was barely big enough physically for me... Center of Gravity is nice though, under the seat where they put the gas tank...

Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #77 on: March 08, 2019, 04:05:22 AM »
Hi UrsaMajor.

I had forgotten the enormity of Minneapolis/St Paul Airport. The walk to baggage is easily 30-45 minutes. I didn't even have to look at the signs on the carousel as I spotted my aqua blue luggage from a mile away.  ;)

I was pleasantly surprised as the plane was packed. Other people come to Minnesota in the Winter apparently.

It was 19 degrees when I landed. Yes there are walls of solid snow everywhere. Minnesota oatmeal stout was last night's recommendation.

I went down to the Mississippi River late at night and it was like 15 degrees but I got the photo I wanted. Thankfully I've been here before and remember my way around.

I have a long day today with a lot of driving to do. I will be up in Duluth. I didn't get to see a lot of Minneapolis yesterday. Today has to be the day because the weekend is up in the air with the weather.

They are still saying 12 inches of heavy wet snow. Saturday morning run is still ago but I received an email that parking is an issue do to the existing snow so I will have to get there early.

The Sunday race maybe canceled as I received an email. So we shall see.

Split Rock Lighthouse is calling me so I have to get moving and I also need coffee.

Today we are celebrating International Women's Day.

Enjoy your day ladies.  :)

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #78 on: March 08, 2019, 05:05:28 AM »
I was pleasantly surprised as the plane was packed. Other people come to Minnesota in the Winter apparently.

Did they look like this? (Sorry Thunder)




or
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #79 on: March 08, 2019, 05:18:46 AM »
LOL!!!

Yeah we do look like that sometimes.   ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #80 on: March 08, 2019, 08:25:50 AM »
Hello,

Quote
Don't tell me Monterrey is cold in November. I hope not.

No, the average temperature is the mid sixties. Which will seem like a hundred and twenty degrees to you. You will no doubtly will be running around in a thong complaining how hot it is.

Quote
I was pleasantly surprised as the plane was packed. Other people come to Minnesota in the Winter apparently.

Not really, the others were sentenced to Minnesota. You were the only willing participant on the plan.

UrsaMajor- Great photos, but be know those were taken in the warm parts of Minnesota. There are no known pictures from the cold parts. No one comes back alive.

Nice knowing you Watcher-

Ready

"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #81 on: March 08, 2019, 08:51:04 AM »
Thanks Ready, I was wondering what happened to some of my relatives.   ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #82 on: March 08, 2019, 09:33:08 PM »
The concert just finished and it was incredible. I have to wait for traffic to move. I didn't know a single Tenille Townes song but she plays the guitar incredibly. I think she is new.

I knew 4 John Pardi songs. He was good. Dierks opened with Burning Man. I probably knew 80 percent of his songs. He played Black which is the song that first interested me in him back in 2017.

He had a couple of old songs and I had no clue but everyone else did. I know "What was I Thinking" and the crowd sang along. "Drunk on a Plane" was everyone's favorite as they sang along.

"Somewhere on a Beach" was very popular. Thats a kiss off to your ex song. The women seemed to like that song. He sang a duet with Tenille Townes. "Its Harder for Girls". Its a break up song and she did a great job with it.

So I am soooooo hooked on concerts now. This was my 1st one. How did all my 1sts come at this "old" age. LOL....

No drinking for me because I have a long commute. It definitely was worth the trip to Duluth.

I started my day by driving 3 hours to see a lighthouse. LOL... I walked on Lake Superior as its frozen solid. People were walking their dogs out there. People were ice fishing. OMG. It wasn't bad today. Maybe 30.

Everything is pretty much frozen solid. I have to get moving.

Have a good night.  ;D

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #83 on: March 09, 2019, 05:11:23 AM »
Sounds like you will be a regular concert goer now.  They can be really fun.
One of my favorites was Purple Rain with Prince years ago.  He put on an awesome show.

No snow here yet Watcher, and it's 35 degrees this morning.  Snow later though, so your 1st race should be ok.

 8)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online Treasur

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #84 on: March 09, 2019, 05:53:46 AM »
Omg Thunder.....for real!!!! You have just become even more cool than I thought you were before!

Watcher - hope your run goes well, concert sounds cool, don't forget to dig out any lost rellies of Thunder's if you find them in a snowdrift  :)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #85 on: March 09, 2019, 06:15:56 AM »
Hi Thunder, Treasur

I'm on 4 hours sleep. I'm already in St Paul for package pickup and parking. They have strict parking because of the old snow so I made sure I got to the one designated parking lots.

As soon as I turned into the parking lot I see a black squirrel. LOL... So I remembered my real purpose for today.  ::)

Its 30ish and the cold will help wake me up this morning. I see the predictions are down to 4-7 now. It all depends on the rain factor. The longer the temps stay high throughout the day the better.

I was the only person at Split Rock Lighthouse. It is so scenic up there. It pretty much was a sheet of ice for walking purposes as it was cold on the water. During the summer it must look incredible.

I have a lot of nice pictures from Duluth. So I tried to blend in and walk on Lake Superior with the locales. I felt I was standing out by walking on land after all. I was probably a half mile from shore.

So I was slipping and sliding at Split Rock and thought don't fall and get hurt dummy. While I was on the lake I was like, hmm, maybe you should go back to land. Both times I thought of you. I was like, at least, Thunder knows where I am. She can launch the search party if I fail to return.  ::)

Split Rock had this bizarre barb wire along the hand rail/guard rail facing the water side. So I'm slipping and sliding and obviously ones first instinct is to grab the hand rail with the barb wire right next to it.  :o

It's not like it can prevent jumpers so IDK why it's been poorly placed near the railings. I guess its not really a hand railing. So, yea, I almost had so much disaster yesterday, lol.

The ice was really thick. They have this thing called "The Cribbs" which is stuck in the ice. I did see a surface fissure at the location so that was it for me. Yea I did go out there twice because I had to see "The Cribbs".

Honestly IDK why they just don't take that thing out of the water. They claim it's a landmark. It looks cool stuck in ice. Probably doesn't look so cool when things thaw.

Dierks has this stupid opening act. I've read about it. It's actually him and the band. It's a really stupid comedy act. He needs to drop it. They call it Country Nights. It's really stupid.

The next 2 acts were good. Meanwhile there is a DJ playing during breaks and the DJ becomes an act itself just prior to the main concert.

I'm at a country concert and the DJ is playing hip hop and club music, lol. The people seemed to love it. I saw so many people wearing flannel. I thought to myself  what is going on here. That's a Luke Bryan thing. Apparently Dierks wears red flannel. That's a big thing when he puts his red flannel shirt on, lol.

Maybe I'm not hardcore country.  ::) Yes I will be looking for my next concert. I am looking at Luke Bryan because I listen to all his music. These people do come to NJ. I just don't want to be in NJ.  ::)

At some point I will goto Nashville for a concert to really solidly my country authenticity. I will have to look and see which will be next. Maybe The Killers. That would be cool.

So this morning is just an 8K. A walk in the park.  ;D

Enjoy your day ladies

Thanks

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #86 on: March 09, 2019, 06:41:30 AM »
Unbelievable!  You're there..what a couple of hours and already saw a black squirrel.   :o ;D

I tell ya, they don't come across some secret boarder to Mpls..   Maybe the grays and blacks don't get along.  ha ha

I know people walk and drive on frozen lakes here all the time, but I'm kind of a chicken.   It would be my luck to find the ONE spot that's not froze over.   ???  Although ice fishing is fun when you're in a nice warm ice house.

Yes it is important I know where you are because if anything happens to you Ready would never forgive me.  "You lost him???!!!  See what happens when you enable a Jersey boy."
I'd never live it down. 

Why thank you Treasur, did the Prince concert give it away?   :)
That was one crazy night.  I remember using the men's bathroom because the women's line was too long..and the guys thought nothing of it.   :o

Well good luck with your race, Watcher.  Let us know how you do.   :)
They did downgrade the wet snow to 6 to 10 inches but tomorrow morning.  Just make sure you have windshield washer fluid in the tank. 
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #87 on: March 09, 2019, 07:12:39 AM »
Hello,

Watcher,

Glad you enjoyed the concert. I remember after the divorce a friend of mine invited me to a Clippers game in LA. Never been so I took advantage of the offer. I even rode the train. Never been on it. Had a blast the whole evening.

It was doing things that I had never done before and it was the process of getting a life. What you are doing is the same. To start living and controlling your life rather than wallowing and waiting for life to happen.

Thunder, Prince and the revolution! I never saw him in concert, but many a party where we all rocked like it was 1999! And yes, if Watcher fails to return. I would hold you completely responsible.

Have a great run,enjoy your visit, and most of all enjoy your life,

Fist bump (No hugs, because you are cold as hell)

Ready

"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #88 on: March 09, 2019, 11:04:05 AM »
Hi Thunder, Ready.

Thunder dear, that particular black squirrel lives in a tree on North Fry Street near Dayton Avenue. Hahaha. I soooooo was going to get a photo but it's cold and I'm tired and it went quickly into its nest.

I could stake out the tree until it shows itself.

There has to be a barrier. Hmm, you are a nature person and you don't come across these oddities. Well maybe they love St Paul and have no desire to leave. Alas, I'm done searching. I need a hot shower and then I'm going out to eat before the snow starts.

I ran 48:28 at 9:45 pace. It was a little slow but I'm usually 9 minutes at 8K. My numbers are consistent. 8 min at 5K. 9 min at 10K and 11min at Half.

It was cold with no precipitation. The Cathedral of St Paul is stunning. I'm having a problem posting my photos. I cannot group them anymore because they come out blurry when I do so.

For example I took 8 photos at Split Rock. I usually posted the 8 photos as 1 group. Meaning everyone gets 1 post from me. No more, lol.

Now I have to post each individual photo and its embarrassing because people are going to get inundated by me so I have to release them piecemeal. Or else I can just post 40 individual photos I guess and not care, lol.

Oh the perplexities of being me. So this city boy will be safe today staying close to city. No wilderness adventures.  ;)

Thanks


Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #89 on: March 10, 2019, 04:23:35 AM »
The snow started at 6pm and it was also a mixture of ice so I went back to the hotel where I went straight to bed. I did run for 20 hours on Friday so the snow slowed me down to rest.

4 hours of sleep then ran 12 more hours before needing serious sleep. I love Caribou coffee. I forgot it was out here.

I slept 11 hours, lost an hour due to daylight savings, and woke at 6am. I looked out the window and still see my car and it looks like it stopped so I don't believe it's that bad.

I will check outside later. They gave me a Ford Edge and it's really a huge SUV. I'm really surprised by it. Very comfortable and spacious inside and has the bonus feature of driving over mounds of ice and snow.

We had a couple of Ford Edge at work but I remember them being a bit smaller. The new models are impressive. Eagan, MN is a very nice place to stay for hotels and restaurants and it's really situated well for your travels.

OMG. I discovered the mirror this morning. I need to take it home. I haven't worked out in a week and my lines are just incredible.  ;D IDK if it's the mirror or the lighting. So I had fun in the mirror this morning. Even my back. LOL... OK I won't start.  ;D Again I could be totally delusional. IDK but that mirror was talking to me, lol.  ::)

I know I need to start the day with Caribou coffee. The 5K was re scheduled for 2 weeks. So I have to see how bad the roads are outside and then find some adventure for the day.

Maybe Fort Snelling. There is a mural downtown by Eduardo Kobra. I have a photo of one from NY so that maybe one to grab.

Obviously I have thought a lot while I was out in the wilderness and frozen tundra alone but I will save what's in my head for next week under "just journaling".

So the day is calling. I have to check out the mirror, of course, before I get ready.  ::)

Enjoy your day

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #90 on: March 10, 2019, 06:07:10 AM »
Glad to hear you got a good nights sleep, Watcher.    Also that they gave you an SUV to drive.   ;)
It looks like a winter wonderland outside this morning.  The trees look beautiful with all the snow on the branches.

I hope you find some fun adventures today.  I may have to get out to take some pictures myself.

Enjoy your day!   ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #91 on: March 10, 2019, 11:32:45 AM »
I was out early Thunder. It was all ice this morning and now we are on a meltdown and the sun is booming. I'm a kid all over the place. I have to stop for lunch.

I was in Minnehana Falls, Fort Snelling, Stone Arch Bridge where I almost killed myself. The stairs were closed but I needed that photo so I went down or slid down the stairs but I got my photo.

 I got the Bob Dylan mural which is incredible. There was no parking so I took the best photo available. I'm in the way of all the snow plow guys wherever I roam.

I had to google because how could there be nothing for Prince and I found an incredible mural. Just beautiful. So now I have to eat.

Yes the SUV is working wonders. I'm just driving over everything.

I hope you enjoy your day also dear.  ;D

Thank you

Online Treasur

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #92 on: March 10, 2019, 11:39:39 AM »
Sounds like you are having a fab time....but where is my white squirrel?
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #93 on: March 10, 2019, 01:23:04 PM »
OMG I'm gonna start calling you "The travelin' man"   :)  Even if you did put your life in jeopardy to get a good shot.   :(
You covered a lot of ground today.

I hope you got some awesome photo's.  I can't wait to see them.   :)
I'm embarrassed to say , I have not seen the Prince mural yet.   :-[

OH... and..plus I looked up some of Dierk's songs and I actually did like them.  Especially "Drunk on the Plane."   ;D
This just can't be!  Garth almost got me a few years ago, but I resisted.  I am not country!
Give me back my rock!  You are not being a good influence on me, Watcher.

Hope you find a nice place for dinner.   :)
Do you leave tomorrow?
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #94 on: March 11, 2019, 09:24:27 AM »
Hi Treasur, Thunder.

Thunder you have to be careful with that country music. They got me in 2017 and now they have me traveling to other states for concerts. Just sayin.

With "Drunk on a Plane" you have to lift your red solo cup in the air while you bounce around. That's what I observed.  ::)

So my 2nd trip to Minnesota concludes. I love the state. I accomplished more in 4 days than I did in 16 days back in 2015.

I forgot to tell you that about an hour south of Duluth is Sasquatch country. They have cutouts of bigfoot all over RT 35. Be careful up there.

So Luke Bryan is my next target. That's what happens Thunder. I listen to Billy Squier, Def Leppard, REO Speedwagon and others at least once a day to combat the country affliction, lol... It seems to help.

So I definitely wouldn't do an 8K after a concert again. I need a day off after the concert next time. That really was the Minnesota State Championships btw. I came in last for my age group.

Men my age finished between 28-32 minutes. That's some serious running. Even at my best 42 minutes is probably my best time for 5 miles.

I enjoyed being solo and I have no problem being alone nor finding ways to entertain myself. I'm one of 6 siblings and I think you learn early on to find ways to entertain yourself. Even my job is a solo project.

That being said I would much prefer to have a partner at some point. My family annoys me. The texts started Thursday. Oh why is your car here ? Where are you ?

Then yesterday when are you coming home texts. So they annoy me. I don't have to answer or check in with anyone. OK maybe Thunder  ::) but that's where I draw the line.  ;D I only check in with Thunder.   ;D

I'm 47 years old and I have no wife to answer to, so basically, I'm a free man to do as I please. So my family really needs to back off. Mainly my mom who likes that Catholic guilt which I'm done with for life. No more guilt trip for me.

I'm just done being uber responsible. I have a right to enjoy my life now. I didn't leave my W. She left me. Today marks 1 year of being out of the marital home.

Anyway why rush home. I live by myself in an empty house. She has control issues herself.

So I'm definitely looking for Luke Bryan. I'm going through my FB feed and everything keeps popping up Glacier National Park and Grand Canyon but I cannot do their half marathons yet.

This morning everything is popping up Jackson Hole and they keep using that term, bucket list. OMG its calling me. I am trying to ignore Jackson Hole because it's a bit pricey but she won't leave me alone.

I was thinking Jackson Hole doesn't have a lighthouse so why bother ? Then this morning it snared me. The ride from the airport is 30 minutes and you have to stop your car for Moose. They soooooooo have me hooked now. I want my car to be stopped by a Moose. Apparently that is their version of the lighthouse.  ::) They got me. LOL.....

Apparently it doesn't take much to get me hooked. So the flight home is 1hour 55 min with the benefit of the jetstream.

I thoroughly enjoyed myself but I have to come back when its warmer, unless Luke Bryan is playing there in a few weeks.  ::)

I have runs through Mothers Day. May is my work travel month so I haven't scheduled much yet. Jackson Hole will just not leave me alone for June.

So now I have to go back to my hum drum life in NJ.  :-\ I guess I will find ways to entertain myself.

Enjoy your day everyone
Thanks




 
« Last Edit: March 11, 2019, 09:29:19 AM by Watcher »

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #95 on: March 11, 2019, 09:30:58 AM »
Watcher your trip sound amazing. I am so happy you are able to do this.  You are really embracing life and that makes me happy. Good for you.

Respond to your Mom though. Some of us really worry about our kids when they are out.....even when they are grown. Just sayin. LOL  ;D
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #96 on: March 11, 2019, 10:05:28 AM »
Watcher, or should I say Traveling Man, that was too funny.  Not telling anyone where you were going.  ha ha ha..
Your poor mom must have thought you got kidnapped when she saw your car and no you. 

I'm just glad you had fun.  You'll have to come back when it's warmer out.  Still lots more to see.   8)

You didn't get me yet with country music, BUT getting stropped by a moose!  Now I'm in!  They are one of my favorite animals.  I have a moose theme going on in my apartment.  A few prints, a rug and a few other things.

Hope you have a nice flight back, Watcher.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #97 on: March 11, 2019, 05:57:53 PM »
Hi KIT, Thunder.

I made it home and went to Kickboxing as I've had 9 days off. That oblique issue is still there a bit.  :-\  Next time I will give advance notice when I'm leaving. Meanwhile no one called me today. Big rush to get me home, lol. Yes she worries about me.

The moose is a beautiful animal. I would love to see one up close. The nature trails in the Teton Mountains and white water rafting on the Snake River are selling points. The accommodations are just really incredible and they have good deals on expedia. I keep using expedia and I haven't been disappointed. They do all the work and package it. No complaints yet.

I am wrestling with this one. I'm fighting responsible family man. I have to put that guy away for a bit and just treat it as business. I'm fighting years of conditioning. She would love to travel and always had ideas however she constantly retreated. My paycheck is for bills. She will not deviate from that mentality. It's probably because she needs me to be the responsible one as it allows her to be financially foolish. That's a marriage issue and not a BD issue.

I will totally regret it if I don't go and the only opportunity is this June as it coincides with the half marathon. This would be immediately after graduation and, I'm like, this is a gift to myself for putting S18 through 4 years of high school on my own.

I have to stick to my plan of the 4 main trips in 2019. South Dakota is very affordable in October and I have time with Monterey in November. I have Gettysburg in April for the half marathon but that's just a weekend car ride. I'm looking at Luke Bryan for July in Canandaiga,  NY and that's a car ride with a few days visit.

It's nothing over the top. Meanwhile I have various runs planned throughout NY and NJ. Part of me feels like I better get this done before something hits the fan.

She will not remain quiet forever and IDK if we will stay in Limbo for eternity. She does have her own voice in this matter.

I'm at a point where I don't want to have any regrets when I look back whether she comes out of this or not. At some point I will figure out the 2 boy's but not yet. S16 is doing pretty well in school so it's better I stay away. S18 has a lot of incompletes due to missed time so his grades are not up to date. He ran off 2 weeks in a row of good/full attendance and missed today.

Dierks Bentley was the selling point to get me to Minnesota. Meanwhile, I did so much more while I was there and I would have regretted it. Again I almost backed out twice because of my conditioned indecision. The doom and gloom snow reports didn't bother me. I knew there was no snow for the concert and was satisfied if I only got that one in.

I arrived Thursday and I see where I have to make adjustments with my planning. The big deal for me was getting my trains organized in NJ. So I have a good system now in place. That was Minnesota oatmeal stout night. That was the best. It was a speakeasy and I forget the name at the moment. Then I went immediately to claim my Grain Belt Beer Sign photo over the Mississippi River. It was soooooo cold that night.

Friday I was out by 6am and it was a very good day in Duluth and Split Rock. It was cloudy but I survived the 30 degrees. I had Vietnamese food prior to the concert. The servings were incredible. I walked all over that town for 7 hours prior to the concert and enjoyed the scenery. I went to Gradma's Saloon and, of course, Caribou coffee. The concert was soooooo worth the trip.

Saturday was miserable in St Paul. It was cold and windy. I ran the 8K and that was it. The 4 hours of sleep didnt help matters and the last 45 minutes driving to the hotel were enough from the concert. It was a long dark commute after the concert. I went to the Cathedral which is artwork itself. I took a nap, went out for dinner at Jakes Grille and then it snowed.  The waitress hit me with a ubetcha and an ay. I loved her accent. Again Caribou coffee then I went back to sleep and I was out  cold.

Sunday I woke up full of energy and was out by 6am. Cleaned off the car and found a bagel shop with my coffee. As the day proceeded it cleared up and it was, overall, the best day. So I had to stomp in knee high snow at Fort Snelling. It took me awhile to figure out Minnehaha Falls but it was worth seeing it frozen.

The Stone Arch Bridge was worth it and I found my murals. That turned out to be a warm day(36 degrees in the sun 😎) and I finished it at the Red Cow which was packed. It's all a learning experience. There's always room for improvement.

I can't speak enough about Minnesota. I'm glad I didn't talk myself out of it and I'm glad I didn't worry over the dreaded forecast. We learn to improvise I guess.

Have a good night ladies
Thank you





« Last Edit: March 11, 2019, 06:22:03 PM by Watcher »

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #98 on: March 13, 2019, 05:26:09 AM »
I must have listened to "Drunk on a Plane" like a million times yesterday.  ;D That's the song. I contrasted it with "Oceans' by Hillsong United. I've been stuck with that one for about a year now. That's my overall favorite song and I run with that one on during my races. I know I'm a bit all over the place.  ::) I'm not rushing out to a Hillsong United concert. I don't believe they meet the red solo cup requirement.  :)

I've been to Kickboxing twice now. I had 9 days off so it's going to take me a few days to get my energy up. My oblique is still a little sore but I don't feel any pulling of it or deep pain as I had last week. I will get the weights gym started on Friday.

I went to a funeral at work yesterday for a co workers parent. It's nice to sit in Church and just reflect. I like doing that. My coworkers find it strange that I sat by myself but I'm in Church. It's not a work function. People don't understand that I'm constantly going through something. You know it never ends. So I need those moments for myself. Anyway I had to be thankful for my wonderful and safe adventures.

This male co worker is the one who has been by my side since BD. His dad was in poor health for years. It's not easy losing a parent.

My sister did some food shopping for me while I was away. They are so obsessed with the lack of food in my house. So that guilted me into doing more food shopping yesterday. I saw her briefly. So she asked if work fixed my credit card issue, believing work sent me to Minnesota. So I went with it, lol. I will just keep saying work sends me away. Meanwhile my mother hasn't called me at all. LOL....However, she most definitely dispatched my sister, hahahaha.

Sunday I have a 8K for St Patricks Day. I should do better with this one as I should be well rested. It will be sunny and 46 degrees. I have to go back to October when I last ran in decent weather. Other than that all is quiet.

Enjoy your day everyone


Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #99 on: March 13, 2019, 06:39:35 AM »
Oh your mom is a sneaky one, Watcher.  Have someone else doing her dirty work.  ha ha
Gotta love her!

I kind of laughed when you said it will be 46 degrees for your run.
Guess what the temp was yesterday?  42 degrees.   8)

Well rest up and run like the wind on Sunday.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #100 on: March 13, 2019, 07:05:37 AM »
Hi Thunder,

My mom caught me this morning as I'm running late for work because I failed to roll out of bed. She works in the town where she lives so she comes to her house. Anyway she caught me because I was running late.

She was very excited to see me and we discussed last night's Bachelor episode.  LOL...

I'm not even her favorite Thunder. IDK why she worries about me. We all know my 36 yr old brother is the baby of the family and he is her favorite, lol. I'm far down the list. 50yr old brother is #2.

My 2 sisters probably are 3&4. Man I'm at the bottom with my 55yr old brother. He is her 1st child so I'm definitely last that means without a doubt. Yep I'm her least favorite child. See how quickly I deduced that one. Hahahaha.

As she tells me. I am the one who needs her the most at the moment.  ::) LOL...

Anyway I think she just fears I'm going to be running around with women. Hahahaha.... Like that's a bad thing.  ;) I get the whole what will your sons think of you speech all the time. LOL....

Hello I'm not going to tell them, just sayin.  ::)

So we did a quick Bachelor recap and I escaped to work. Like I said I'm running late and sitting in wonderful traffic to get my day going. I pulled over to take a break as I hate traffic and I really have a job where I don't have to worry about my comings and goings.

Work is good like that. OK, so I'm at Dunkin Donuts for my coffee. I couldn't find a single one in Minnesota however I sorely miss my Caribou coffee.  :-\

My sister did  have a vanilla creme donut and breakfast  waiting for me yesterday. Yes they do take care of me.

So I will get my coffee and brave the traffic.

Enjoy your day Thunder.
Thank You  ;D

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #101 on: March 13, 2019, 10:18:49 AM »
Quote
Anyway I think she just fears I'm going to be running around with women.

Well, you were at a race in Minnesota-so technically, you are running around with women and men. So you can tell her you exploring all your options!

Quote
Yep I'm her least favorite child.

For my mom, she has no favorite, after 50 plus years, I and my two brothers took turns driving her crazy. She hates all of us.....not really. My dad is a player...his favorite son is the one he's with. Hahahaha

I am at a conference for the past two days. Rode stationary bike for 30 minutes and then did Shaun T Max 30 in my hotel room. He is really amazing. My true man crush.

Enjoy your coffee and your day- Fist bump,

Ready
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #102 on: March 13, 2019, 06:49:02 PM »
Hi Ready,

Yes I am technically running around with women, lol. ::)

I've had a nice few quiet days back in NJ. There is nothing going on and I like it. The cold weather will be leaving soon and things should continue to proceed nicely until mania erupts again at some point.

This is my 3rd night back in Kickboxing. My oblique is still sore. My arms are sore tonight, especially the biceps. We have been throwing a lot of punches so they are tired. 9 days off from the gym is an eternity and I'm feeling it as I work my way back into the routine.

Knuckles, knees and elbows always get scraped up.

I have the St Patricks 8K on Sunday and the NJ half marathon on the 31st. Those are my 2 runs for March. I have 2 scheduled for April and they are both half marathons so I will probably not schedule anything else.

I found 2 small concert venues near me for Billy Currington and Kip Moore. They have particular songs that I like. "It Don't Hurt Like It Used To" and "Last Shot". They are very small venues so IDK if they are full concerts. Kip Moore is actually an acoustic tour and is advertised as very small. They are both in early May. The Currington concert is cheap and I'm waiting on the Kip Moore details.

The concerts are battling my running for attention, however kickboxing is my true love and will always win in the end.  8) The running is all about freedom. You have to focus on your body and pay attention to detail. Its a great escape. It's all about strategy and presereverence. You have to be both mentally and physically capable.

I loved standing on the frozen Lake Superior. Not many people around. The skies were gray and the ground was white. That was the perfect moment for reflection in the tundra.

So right now I'm just rolling with each day. I continue to make plans for my life. That's all I can do at the moment is just live.

Tomorrow I'm in the lovely office. I have to fill out more paperwork for the shutdown lawsuit and make an appointment for my fit for duty physical. I get to show off my mirror work. I'm so excited, lol.  ;D

Have a good night
Thanks
« Last Edit: March 13, 2019, 06:51:07 PM by Watcher »

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #103 on: March 14, 2019, 05:11:36 PM »
"It's Mardi Gras up in the clouds,  I'm up so high,  I may never come down"  😎

That is soooooo my MLC anthem.  ;D "Drunk on a Plane"  hahahaha.

I had office duty today and we just discussed country music and venues. Apparently Kenny Chesney is a must go but he is not playing this year. I'm told summer concerts are phenomenal for many different reasons. ;) Something about boots and shorts. IDK where that conversation was going.  ::)

A pretty uneventful day. It's my job to make my co worker laugh since he just buried his dad and I did my job.

I went to kickboxing as usual. The oblique is still sore and may take 9 months to heal according to my friend so I will have to fight through it because I'm not giving up the gym for 9 months.  :o

Other than that I'm just livin' the mlc dream.

So I will return to Dierks.

"Stewardess is somethin' sexy, Leanin' pourin' Coke and Whiskey, Told her about my condition, Got a little mile-high flight attention".

Those are just like life altering lyrics, hahahaha. I am definitely going to his concert again at some point, somewhere. Ok I will be more serious tomorrow.  ;D

Have a good night.

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #104 on: March 14, 2019, 05:18:14 PM »
Hello,

Two half marathons in a month is pretty intense.

Quote
Yes I am technically running around with women, lol. ::)

Yes, and I have found that if can find a cute girl to chase, just get behind her and run. Make sure she is a little faster than you. It will really improve your time. Once, I found a girl that ran my exact time and we just ran the race together and each finished with personal bests. That was a Relay race. It was fun.

Quote
I found 2 small concert venues near me for Billy Currington and Kip Moore.

Me and the little lady like shows. We have seen Shen Yun, Fiddler on the Roof, and Wicked. We are going to see Anastasia in New York  this summer. One of my favorite shows was Burn'n Love an Elvis impersonation show in Maui. I was planning our trip and wanted to go to something special. I paid extra and got us front row seats! On the night of the show, there were only a small group of us attending maybe a hundred to hundred and fifty people. I could have saved money by moving six feet back. I was 51 at the time and my wife was 43 and we were the youngest people in the audience.

Fortunately, the show was good and we had a blast. So when it comes to concerts, I am useless.

Quote
My arms are sore tonight, especially the biceps.

Throwing punches just kill the arms.

I am about to work my abs. Shuan T style.

Continue to make those plans and move forward. You are doing great. 

Fist bump-

Ready
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #105 on: March 14, 2019, 06:10:56 PM »
"And when we land I'll call her up and tell her 'Kiss my ass'
Cause hey, I'm drunk on a plane."

Oh no, now you have me singing it...but I do love that song.   ;D 

For me, Brad Paisley could sing the phone book and I'd go see him.  Yum!

I just ordered Sully Erna's (from Godsmack) CD...Hometown Life.  Awesome songs.
Different Kind of Tears is my Fav.  He has the best voice ever!

Ready, I'm glad you and your little lady enjoy shows.  I'm kind of a music lover myself, but shows are fun too.  Or any headliners in Vegas.

Ok we can get serious tomorrow.

Have a good night, Watcher.   ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #106 on: March 15, 2019, 12:21:11 AM »
Just catching up but had to Quote this, sorry for the Hijack mate.

OH... and..plus I looked up some of Dierk's songs and I actually did like them.  Especially "Drunk on the Plane."   ;D

That was one of our favourite Top down cruisin Songs when we were in the Satates along with "Drink along song" from Montgomery Gentry (although he can be a Little too patriotic for my liking, If he was German with such lyrics he would probably get slayed and called a Nazi) ;D
@ Thunder, Watcher, check out "Black Stone Cherry", "The Cadillac Three", "Blackberry Smoke", "Monster truck" and "Quaker City Noght hawks" all great Country/Rock bands, I love them all. "Too Country for rock and too rock for Country". Perfect  8)
Im getting to see Godsmack twice in june at rock am ring (Germany) and Graspop (Belgium) Festivals. Ive never listened to them, maybe I should  ;)

Watcher, those concerts are addictive and the perfect time out for a LBS, Ive been to lots since BD (and lots before of Course)...

« Last Edit: March 15, 2019, 01:19:43 AM by Whyus »
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is trying to get People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 20
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #107 on: March 15, 2019, 05:05:41 AM »
Hi Ready, Thunder, Whyus.

"And when we land I'll call her up and tell her kiss my ass" 😎 is the best line Thunder. That song is so addictive, lol. I had that backwards. That song really is the LBS anthem. 😂 I'm just pretending to have a MLC.   ;D Hahahaha

Yea Whyus I think I'm going to enjoy concerts. I'm hooked. I think I get hooked easily. We discussed a lot of different venues yesterday both small and large. I'm looking at 2 small venues at the moment with one being a small acoustic concert with Kip Moore. Ready I have 3 halfs lined up in 6 weeks so we will see how it goes. There are 2 week breaks in between.  May is pretty quiet for the moment. I only have a 10K planned.

I'm off from work today so I have a morning and evening kickboxing sessions. I haven't started the weight training again yet. That will be Monday. Tomorrow I have work so my body will rest. I have to isolate the exercises that are causing the oblique to flare up. It's definitely kicking with my left leg so I will stop doing that. It also maybe the crunches 😭 and I will have to put that one on pause.

It's 10 weeks to Memorial Day. Starts Monday. That's all they keep pushing at the gym, lol. Have to get ready for the beach. I may just have to crunch it out and take the pain.😈

So, you know, today will be kickboxing, laundry, because I always do laundry, and 'Drunk on a Plane' at least 10,000 times. 😜

Enjoy your day everyone
Thank you

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #108 on: March 15, 2019, 09:49:42 AM »
So I went to the gym for the morning session and now I will be icing my oblique for 2 days in prep for the 8K. Maybe it was the half marathon that brought this about. I've had it before. It needs ice and rest. It's right in my rib cage. So running could also be a problem. It's really inflamed at the moment.

So I had to console myself before I fall into a deep lack of gym depression. 😢  I am vunerable afterall.  ::) So I soothed my sadness by scoring concert #2. Jason Aldean: Ride All Night Tour 2019 with Kane Brown and Carly Pearce 😍. LOL... So that's in May and I cannot wait for concert #2.

All I can do today is laundry, ice my oblique and search for more concerts. 😎 IDK... I'm starting to like this whole crisis thing. I even have a concert account now. I'm still waiting for those Kip Moore tickets to open. Dierks will be here in NJ during July.  ;D

Stupid oblique fouling me up. If I can't exercise I'm in a lot of trouble and so is my wallet  :-\. Hahahaha

Nothing more dangerous than an awakened LBS with a credit card. 😎 I will be getting you up to speed on "Hide the Wine", "Every Little Thing" Thunder. That's the next project. For now we are still stuck on "Drunk on a Plane" ☺


Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #109 on: March 15, 2019, 10:06:34 AM »
The only one I know is Jason Aldean, Watcher.  He had a few songs I liked awhile back.
Don't know the rest.

I just wanted to suggest ice, rest and ibuprofen.  It works great on inflammation. 

Well sure hope you're feeling better by Sunday.  It was probably from dancing around at the concert with your red Solo cup.   ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #110 on: March 15, 2019, 12:02:52 PM »
Hi Thunder,

I went with the ibuprofen so I will see how it goes. Its 75 degrees today.  :o I have to stay indoors to rest up. Thunder everything has been falling apart as soon as I turned 47 on Feb 26. I'm breaking down.  ::)

It probably was dancing with that red solo cup.  ;D Hopefully the inflammation will go down and I guess I will take another extended break from the gym.

Thanks


Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #111 on: March 15, 2019, 03:44:44 PM »
So far "Me and Mary Jane got a thing goin' on, goin' on, Creepin' up slow, hangin' round my back door, back door. " Black Stone Cherry, Whyus. I'm still exploring.  :) I like that one.

I'm getting up to speed on Jason Aldean while resting my ailing oblique.  :-\ I had a bad cough in Feb and I think that was the initial culprit with some bad post nasal drip, thus devastating my poor oblique.  :-\ Hahahaha. Thankfully I know many of these Jason Aldean songs.

I'm not good matching song to artist. I was surprised when I knew 4 Jon Pardi songs. "My Kinda Party" maybe the red solo cup sleeper here. I'm still searching Aldean for raising the red solo cup possibilities. It's not going to be "Girl Like You", " You Make It Easy", "This Ol' Barstool", "Drowns the Whiskey" "Dirt Road". All good songs.

I guess I will be surprised. I never would have guessed "Drunk on a Plane" would be the concert winner.






Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #112 on: March 15, 2019, 05:15:03 PM »
75!?  OMG!  I thought we were blessed with sunshine and 46 degrees!   8)

Oh you will be fine Watcher.  You just pulled something good.
Just keep taking the Ibuprofen, they will work a lot after a few days.  You can take up to 800 mil's ever 4 hours, that is a prescription dosage.

You can even rotate between ice and heat.

Nah you're not falling apart, just over did something and it needs to mend.
See how you feel by Sunday.

My X has pulled many muscles and it just takes time for them to heal up.  Don't be too anxious to work them yet.

Sorry hon, I know it's a drag.

Btw Whyus, I like Black Stone Cherry's "Like I Roll."   :)
"I gotta an open road and a restless soul."   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #113 on: March 16, 2019, 05:23:15 AM »
Hi Thunder,

Thankfully I have you to tell me the proper dosage. That's why I can't remain single too long because men are just lost in the world without a woman.  :)

I never would have brought Ibuprofen and I was taking only 400.

The inflammation has gone down but my ribs are still sore when easily touched. I may skip the run tomorrow and forgo the gym for a week to get this to heal. Today is the 16th and I have missed 10 gym days this month so it's not like I'm overdoing it.

I guess I will get myself ready for the half marathon on the 31st and let it heal.  :-\ I have a conflict with work tomorrow anyway so IDK if I can get out of work. So the signs are pointing to rest.

State of the Disunion :

I still have to file my taxes. I may owe 2000 in the end which is doable. I'm not asking her again and TBH filing together would be enabling.

She has the new car and added car ins now. So the home gas bill just reached 1000 in arrears. I have no access to electric but I can imagine. She will be hit with the water and separate sewer bill April 1st.

So a lot of bills coming her way. The both of us are firetrucked on the taxes. Whatever the IRS doles out as a punishment I will deal with. She has to itemize just like me. Will she even file ? LOL....

She was paying the utilities piecemeal as of Jan but then she brought the car in Feb and stopped paying. S18 graduates on June 1st and that school will not get a final payment from me until May 31st, just in case.

MIL plea bargained one charge thus far and was hit with a 439 fine. She has 1 court date left and will probably get a similar result.

She is still madly in love and we are now 3.5 months NC and I really don't see an end to this nonsense. I may hear from her at tax time or when something gets shut off. I may hear something about school for next year.

She only contacts me when her world hits the fan. I can't wait until I'm free of these school contracts. I have no clue about college nor do I care and same goes for S16 and school next year. They live with their mom and grandmother so they can make those decisions for the boys and finance it.

I paid the mortgage yesterday so I'm a little bitter.  ::) I was pondering at the gym the other day why on earth am I still married.

JUST JOURNALING

I think standing is only preventing me from entering a new relationship and moving on with my life. It's like I'm punishing myself for her leaving the marriage and pursuing another man. The fact is she is pursuing another man. The fact is she has engaged many men both in RL and online.

 Anyway that was a "just journaling" comment right there. That means no one can comment on a "just journaling" moment from my head. That's my rule.  ::) OK, maybe just Thunder is permitted to comment on "just journaling". No one else.

So I'm at work. 6am -2pm. Ugh.... I'm in NYC so hopefully I will not have much traffic. We have the St Pat's parade and the NYC half marathon which means traffic.

Enjoy your day

Thanks



« Last Edit: March 16, 2019, 05:34:36 AM by Watcher »

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #114 on: March 16, 2019, 06:17:35 AM »
Watcher, I only knew that because when I pulled my Trapezia (sp) muscle that what my doctor recommended, and it sure did help.  He said he could either give me a prescription for it or double up on Advil. 

It is good to rest it but use it a little, you do need to move some, which you probably do during the day.

Watcher, I do think it helps to journal thoughts because..where else are you going to get those thoughts out?  If you journal I just read and  :-X.  See being a LBS you learn that zipping is important.  ha ha  Even a good "sorry you feel that way" works sometimes too.   ;D

The rest?  Well I imagine you will be hearing something once all those bills come due in April.
Here the weather rule goes until April 15th then they come after you for payment.
I just don't understand why they can't pay them.  It's not like she doesn't have a good job.  It makes no sense to me.

As far as MIL..who cares!  I'm glad she is finally getting hit for her nonsense.  They just keep digging their hole deeper and deeper.
Not your circus, not your monkeys.   ::)

Hurt muscles can take awhile to heal.  Hope you feel better today.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online Whyus

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #115 on: March 16, 2019, 06:22:34 AM »
So far "Me and Mary Jane got a thing goin' on, goin' on, Creepin' up slow, hangin' round my back door, back door. " Black Stone Cherry, Whyus. I'm still exploring.  :) I like that one
Great Band Watcher, you know who/what Mary Jane is though?  :o. I Think Ive seen them 5 times   ::)
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is trying to get People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 20
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #116 on: March 16, 2019, 06:59:52 AM »
Hi Whyus, Thunder.

My favorite 21 yr old female instructor is the culprit. I have to take a break from her class. I took her on Wed and Thurs this week. She stands on top of me and I like the attention however she killed me this week. She forgets that I'm not 21. When I'm healthy I love taking her class as much as possible.

My co worker just reminded me not to run with the kids at the gym.  ::) I'm not big on hit your chest to the floor burpees and we did 5 sets of 17 on Wed night for St Patricks Day. I think we also did the same the following night. I hate burpees and she knows it, thus I get her as a proctor. I try to hide.  ::) She also kills the abs.

I will take it day to day. Mary Jane better be what I think it is Whyus.  ::)

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #117 on: March 17, 2019, 06:30:36 AM »
It's cold in NJ this morning checking in at 30 degrees. I didn't go to work as they had enough people. The swelling has reduced but I still have soreness. Its definitely my oblique. I can actually feel the muscle right below the rib cage where it is tender.

Obviously I'm going to run this 8K.  ::) I'm using this Kinesiology tape on the impacted area. My research found that running is fine. Sitting in a car is no good as is any heavy lifting or body twisting. Hmm, lol. That means no kickboxing.

I think the cold is numbing the oblique anyway. I don't participate in any other activities where the body would twist so I should be good. This oblique takes a long time to heal apparently.

I did this last year and I forget how long it took to heal. Ibuprofen, heat and ice. Hopefully not too much today. So we will see what happens. So hopefully my oblique will stay intact.

I spent a good amount of time feeling up my oblique and it felt solid. Its a really nice muscle and hopefully it won't tear. Apparently I do too many crunches. That's the usual suspect.

Oh my poor mom is my emergency contact, lol.

Happy St. Patrick's Day  ;D

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #118 on: March 17, 2019, 06:46:53 AM »
I never thought about that tape.  Good thinking.

We are supposed to be in the 40's all week and maybe low 50's by the week-end.
I THINK maybe winter is over.  Fingers crossed.   :)

I guess just baby those muscles until they get better.  Is it both sides or just one?
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #119 on: March 17, 2019, 08:43:57 AM »
Hey,

Just checking in before I go to the gym. I am just riding the bike for an hour today. Nice thing is that it will be in the 80's today. I actually will wear shorts again for the second day in a row!

Of course, it all ends on Wednesday with more rain and cooler temps. Just like an MLCer, you get a couple days of great followed by two weeks of terrible.

I know you are treating your oblique. It takes a lot of time to heal. I strained a muscle near the sternum. Couldn't even do one pushup without pain. Just let it heal.

I don't know if you do this either, but you may need either a full body massage from time to time or even physical therapy. I completed physical therapy on both pf my knees. It helped but I still have issues (I am really falling apart, youngster at 47, wait till you are 53 and about to turn 54!)

The massage really helps from time to time to just make everything feel great.

Just Journaling piece- No comment

Enjoy your run and have a great day. I am off to the gym.

Fist bump,

Ready
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #120 on: March 17, 2019, 11:09:22 AM »
Hi Thunder, Ready.

It's only my left side Thunder and the tape worked great. I told my oblique to suck it up.  :D  LOL... I didn't get the results yet but it's probably 45 min range. With 200 yards left I always go into a full sprint and it freaks people out. They break into a sprint themselves, lol. There's nothing to win, lol. No one likes being passed I guess.

A mixture of flat terrain with slight hills course. That is my 3rd 8K and maybe my best one. The oblique was no issue and it actually feels even better now. Maybe it will be sore later.

Yes Ready I should get a therapeutic massage especially since I'm so active and pushing myself. That would help. MLCer and I had a Korean full body scrub in Nov and that was quite the experience.  :o That was just wow. Everyone should try it once.  ;D. There's nothing like a man with his hands, elbows, and forearms all over your nude body. It was rather enjoyable, hahahaha. The buckets of hot water being dumped on you was great. I can you stories about that forearm. OMG.... ::)

I'm sure the massage will be more discreet. This Spa is pretty nice where I go but I haven't tried a massage yet.

Thanks

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #121 on: March 17, 2019, 02:21:29 PM »
So my mom is visiting and spending the night in her house. My brother is here with his wife and they are doing her taxes plus she brought food. My mom is asking questions about W. Has she called you ?  :o This is her new topic with me.

So we talked a little but I think my mom prefers Limbo IMO. Her DIL is not waking up by next week and I keep sensing either desperation or hope from her. Maybe she is concerned because I really seem detached. IDK....

I listen to these Narc courses online. We cannot reminence about the past spouse nor should we dream about a future. The spouse has to be judged by the current situation. She is a Narc and I must avoid her in order to protect myself.

In hindsight W projected onto her mother and made her the villain and used me as the flying monkey during November. She got me to do her dirty work and put her mom back in place.

Now, they were legitimately fighting for months and my MIL is legitimate gutter trash but it doesn't change the fact that the real manipulator is W. She is pulling the strings. To be clear again, MIL is trash and I don't feel sorry for her at all. That abuser, original gansta, is getting her just desserts.  ;D

Currently I am the Narc/Sociopath. W is a lifetime victim of domestic violence and is an emotional abuse survivor. So once again she is projecting  but now I am her target and I'm sure MIL is the flying monkey.

Meanwhile I'm pretty sure both women are continuing their dysfunctional mother/ daughter relationship and nothing has changed.

So she continues to play the role of victim but the added element is MIL, who has that same Narc behavior, and just confuses the overall situation. Mother/daughter Narcs battling each other for supremacy.

So these touch and goes have been triggered by both women playing off of each other IMO as I am the ultimate Narc supply of each.  I don't believe it's always been this way, however this just didn't start at BD either.

So IDK where my mom is going with her questions about W. I have no answers, other than, continue to stay away and see when the next bout of mania comes for me.

She added that maybe musical houses will be in store come the summer. She is exhausted driving to my Aunt's everyday and it maybe time to bring her sister to my mom's home. I would then move to my Aunt's house again, which I don't mind, as long as I'm alone.

Now how much longer can I play this game IDK. I've gotten this far. I am fixated on time lost. Not as an individual but more so on my lost family. OK I received an answer from someone that I'm chewing on.

It doesn't hurt today because I'm living in it. I fear it will hurt me years from now if she comes out of this crisis. How could we look at each other after this plight ? I think too much down the road and that's always been my problem here. Lost time is a hole for me. IDK why.

It's definitely a sad moment in one's life. Yes I get to grow as an individual. I do appreciate everyday but I do miss parts of my life. I miss my son's immensely and I still don't know how to turn that back on yet.

Online Treasur

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #122 on: March 17, 2019, 02:41:51 PM »
I think how you describe your 'role' in the triangle makes a lot of sense, Watcher, based on what you have posted in the past. Big step for you to be detached enough to see it so clearly imho. Still sucks though but must feel good to be out of a 'game' like that too even if it has other consequences.

Time is a funny thing for an LBS isn't it? Time lost. How slow or quick it goes. How we chart things that happen or measure our progress or set deadlines or see repeating patterns. How we feel about time or indeed age in relation to time. No answers but I know I am conscious of time in a way that I never was before this experience. No idea if that is a good, bad or neutral thing.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #123 on: March 17, 2019, 06:27:34 PM »
Hi Treasur.

I was thinking how I'm coming up on 4 years in June. I always feel like the crisis is at the halfway point and the needle never moves forward. So now I look at an 8 years crisis.

If I'm here at 5 years the crisis will still be at the halfway point. It always the same nonsense. Yes I know I'm moving in a postive direction.

The totality of the crisis always amazes me. Yes we are not guaranteed tomorrow. I'm cognizant of my time and I take advantage of each day.

I'm bouncing back and forth from house to house and its working for the foreseeable future. At least I live alone in my own space and I guess I am helping my mom and aunt in some manner.

I struggle with the term married. IDK why it bothers me. I do want a resolution at some point. I'm in my head a bit. Can I stay married like this for years. IDK. Should I stay married like this for years ? IDK.

Am I achieving anything by remaining married ? We are divorced already in every sense. We live completely separate lives.

It started at 42, I'm now 47, and maybe it ends at 52. Maybe not. I try to be very realistic. So we throw around the word journey. I'm on mine and she is on hers and we may or may not ever get back together. Meanwhile we are still married but complete strangers at the same time.

Again I'm not guaranteed tomorrow. I get that. I look down the road too much. If I wanted to date I would just do it. I dont think I'm interested in dating because it would have happened already. It's not a priority for me no matter how much I love women.

Its.just not a need for me. IDK if she is a need for me any longer herself. I'm just comfortable doing my own thing right now but I have way to many questions in my head.

IDK why my mom asked me about her. It's no longer about her grandkids. She specifically asks about W now like some miracle is going to happen. I don't see any miracle.

How many more years of cycles ? Make no mistake as every contact has been a cycle. Yes we have had small moments where I know its her.

Then we have the 2 boys. In order to resume a relationship at some point I have to wade in the sh!te again. I already know what to expect from both women.

 In the meantime I will enjoy my day off tomorrow.

Have a good night
Thanks

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #124 on: March 18, 2019, 05:57:00 AM »
No one knows the answers, Watcher.  We all just do the best we can.

I guess my best advice I give is live "as if" they are not coming back.  What ever that means to each of us.  Does that mean standing but not still, or divorce, or separation, or dating?  It's a very individual thing.

To me it is sound advice because if a person just decided to wait it out, with the hope it will be a positive ending, that person could be wasting precious years of their life.  So many of them don't return.

If you're living your life, as you are, to the fullest, then you're are not wasting the life you have been given.  It's not perfect, or the way you want it, but you are enjoying your life.  Good for you!   :)
We should all do that.  Life is short.

Now your mom.   :)  God love her, she only wants you happy, but she sometimes doesn't understand what will or won't make you happy.   Only you can know this.  Only you can make choices for you.
Mom's sometimes need to be a little white noise in the background.   ;D

Well Watcher, I hope your ribs are feeling somewhat better.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #125 on: March 18, 2019, 06:50:33 AM »
Hi Thunder,

I'm off today and the sun is out so it's going to be a long walk day. No driving. It's a bit cold out but it will be good for the ribs/ oblique. I will be lost in my music and thoughts today.

My time yesterday was 45:16 with a 9:03 pace for my 36th overall run since April 2018. That was gun time with maybe a 30 second delay for me to reach the start line. Overall 3.5 minutes faster than my St Paul 8K. I declined the celebratory Coors Light.  :-\ I mean really ? Once you have oatmeal stout you can't go back. It really should have been Guinness, just sayin.

It's definitely run season as I have another 8K next Sunday. This is a trail one in the mountains. I like to punish myself in the mountains.  ::) Early weather shows sun and 61 degrees.  :)

There are just so many options and offers to run at the moment. No gym today as I am still sore and will be for sometime. I may make a limited gym attempt at some point. Maybe just punching the bag and foregoing all the crunch and squat work.

I've been getting up to speed on Jason Aldean and surprisingly know about 10 of his songs. I scored concert #3 that being Luke Bryan, Cole Swindell, Jon Langston.

Yes I have soooooo many questions and I cannot find an answer.  :-\ LOL.... I don't like having soooooo many questions. I don't like the unknown nor the uncertainty however the sun is out so I better get to walking and listening to my music and finding some inspiration.  :)

Enjoy you day

Thank you


Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #126 on: March 18, 2019, 11:30:52 AM »
Just Journaling

I had a nice walk and then I checked my email when I got home. I have an email from school about wonderful S18. He is failing Financial Literacy which is just shocking because that is his mom's strong point.  :o I am just baffled why he is failing Financial Literacy. He lives with his mom AND she is soooooo financially responsible herself. I don't get it.

Ok at one point can I just get rid of this kid. He has not handed in work in 2 months and the teacher will give him partial credit if he gets it in by Wednesday . I have no way of contacting him. I really think I have to let him fail. WTF with him already.

I get the firetrucking email of course. I'm just going to forward it to her with much agape. No commentary from me. Just the teachers email. I cannot do anything for that boy. OMG this school year will not end.

« Last Edit: March 18, 2019, 11:47:12 AM by Watcher »

Offline Wonder no more

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #127 on: March 18, 2019, 11:47:53 AM »
 Watcher,  Best thing you could do is just forward it to your wife.  He is old enough to decide whether he wants to fail it or not.  No one can force him to do the work.  Not sure you can forward it to his counselor as he is 18 yrs old. If he fails his senior year , he can always get his GED or go repeat the year in public school.  Somethings....many things through this crisis are out of our hands.  Control what you can...your actions.  If you can reach out to him by phone, text, email.  Can you go to his school without your wife knowing?  So sorry that the MLC hits keep coming. 

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #128 on: March 18, 2019, 12:01:02 PM »
Hello,

Just journaling: No comment

Congratulations on your run. I guess I have been out of the circuit for a while. When did 8ks become a thing. I like that better than a 5k because you run and are done so quick. 10k are fine for a good run but 5 miles seems just about right. Just my opinion.

Quote
No one knows the answers, Watcher.  We all just do the best we can.

Those are wise words. And she lives in Minnesota or should I say, she survives in Minnesota! Extreme cold and angry squirrels!

Quote
If you're living your life, as you are, to the fullest, then you're are not wasting the life you have been given.  It's not perfect, or the way you want it, but you are enjoying your life.  Good for you!   :)We should all do that.  Life is short.

Thanks again Thunder you are really saving me a lot of writing today. Standing is about learning to enjoy who you are and to work on yourself  as a man. Your exercise routine inspires me. Really. Makes the hard work I do each morning worth it.

 
Quote
Well Watcher, I hope your ribs are feeling somewhat better.   :)

Well, I am looking to buy a Camp Chef Woodwind pellet grill with a Sear Box. If your ribs don't get better, I can smoke them.

Hahahaha, fist bump

Readt


"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #129 on: March 18, 2019, 12:31:27 PM »
Very funny Ready.   :)  We don't have angry squirrels, just ones smart enough to stay away from the scary black squirrels.

Watcher, I am so sorry.  You did the only thing you can do, forward it to his wardens.
Wonder is right he's too old to force him to do the work.  That's on him. 

What is there left?  A little more than 2 months?  I hope he does what he's supposed to but just wait it out.  It won't be that much longer.   ::)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 4
« Reply #130 on: March 18, 2019, 01:47:35 PM »
Hi WNM, Ready, Thunder.

At the Dierks Bentley concert I laughed because I saw so many red flannel shirts. OM wears red flannel and W tried to buy those shirts for me. She wants me to weigh 300 lbs like him. I run because of him,  and I like country music because of him,  etc, etc, etc. Buy a Harley like OM, so I would have to go with Indian, and a pickup, lol....

She wants our son's in the U.S Army because of OM. IMO she is sabotaging S18 on purpose. She doesn't want the boys to grow up. So another year in high school keeps her young. S18 would never get into the Army anyway for his issues.

Talk about the things that trigger me.   ::) LOL, these things don't trigger me anymore. However she almost ruined Dierks Bentley for me because their is a perverted imposter on Instagram that pursues her, lol. She told me a lot in November but the perverted Dierks incident really angered me, hahaha.

S18 doesn't listen to me at all. He yes' me. His mother has been his life long fixer and he knows it. He takes advantage of it. So she can fix this mess. Both of my sons have to learn that their mother is really harming them and I really have their best interests at heart.

Yea, so it doesn't look good for S18 at the moment. He has a 25 in Financial Literacy and a 60 in Calculus. In the Fall, if you recall, the teacher wanted S18 to drop the course and take an easier class. Well MLCer through a fit. How dare that teacher ? So now he will fail that one also. It probably didn't help that she kept him out of school basically throughout February.

I don't know how to reply to the teacher and she wants the work by 8am Wednesday morning. He doesn't have much time.

Come June 1st I am done with private school irregardless of the outcome. She is keeping me in place with this private schooling. I have no choice but to end it and break free of her control. She doesn't have much left over me. We are down to the mortgage.

Ready IDK. I usually ran 5k and then jumped to 10k. This Sunday will be my 4th 8k and they seem to be popular. I like 5k because I'm off to the races running for glory, lol.   ;D The 8k is a good race. The 10k is easy but that's the 1st level where strategy needs to come into play. This next one is a trail run in the mountains and they are usually rough terrain so it will be strategic.

Thanks

BTW I've only been into country for less than 2 years. This maybe just a LBS experience of mine. ::) However, Chris Stapleton, "Tennessee Whiskey" is the song. That's a slow dance with someone in one arm and a slow drink in the other hand. Thats a very dangerous song.  ;D

OK S18 mom was notified.
« Last Edit: March 18, 2019, 02:54:17 PM by Watcher »

 

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