Author Topic: My Story And the drama carries on....  (Read 3298 times)

Offline GonerinGhana

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My Story Re: And the drama carries on....
« Reply #20 on: March 02, 2019, 11:22:04 AM »
I am going to repeat my question since people seem to have failed to understand it:

Quote
What makes you think your H is having an MLC? Until now, you have not posted anything that points toward that. Yes, he had an affair. But beyond that you have described absolutely nothing that would make me think he is specifically having an MLC and not an exit affair.


I am simply struck by the fact that until now Mego's description of her H's MLC itself has been rather thin on the ground. She keeps throwing out comments about how he is EXACTLY like what RCR or Stayed's H describes but doesn't explain that at all. I'm looking for more detail that is all. Thunder seems to have picked up on what I meant right away.

For those who say it doesn't matter if it is MLC or not, well ok, then maybe I should start a thread on best places to vacation in the South of France or how to make Korean tacos since you think this forum isn't about MLC.  ;D Hahaha. Life is too short not to have a sense of humor.
« Last Edit: March 02, 2019, 11:23:54 AM by GonerinGhana »

Offline Nas

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Re: And the drama carries on....
« Reply #21 on: March 02, 2019, 11:26:55 AM »
 You are welcome to do whatever you want, Goner.  Just be sure to use the off-topic label for your thread and you’ll be all set.
Ha.
Married 8 years at BD, together 16.
BD March 2015
H moved out July 2015
I found out about OW March 2016 (She went to high school with H, long distance EA since September 2014, became PA November 2015)
H moved 1100 miles to live with OW June 2016
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer June 2017
H became a vanisher

Online Treasur

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Re: And the drama carries on....
« Reply #22 on: March 02, 2019, 11:27:51 AM »
Mego-I have a question. What makes you think your H is having an MLC?


Goner....by asking the question, I presume you had a purpose. I'm going to presume you intended it to be a useful one to mego. What was it?


Because you could have just asked the question like this without all the judgment and rather harsh implied criticism. And that possibly prevented mego from 'hearing' whatever it was you were trying to communicate.

Your  follow on post infers quite clearly that A) HS is only for those with MLC spouses and b) that you feel in a position to judge that and c) that you have the right to ask mego to defend her assessment to YOU simply bc you are demanding that she should. Really, Goner? Really was that your intention? Is that what you believe truly...if so, you and RCR need to come up with a pre-approval test before people can join HS or that can kick some of us off....

There is so much wrong with this that I simply can't see how it serves you or anyone else. What prevents you from using your words and intelligence more responsibly? Bc regardless of your usual defense of I can say what I want/others are responsible for their feelings, this is happening too often. Please stop. And I would humbly invite you to do your own mirror work about why you do it bc it is becoming a bit of a habit and I think you are worth more and would be able to support others better without it.

I have challenged mego here on her anger and her refusal to accept all of the realities in RCRs writings, that she is still trying to control and prod what she can't control, that there are things she has yet to accept. And to be fair, mego has pretty steadfastly ignored everything I have said lol. Which is occasionally a bit frustrating but it is entirely her right to do so. She owes me nothing but civility here.

But my God, I understand the rage and frustration of being ignored and silenced and divorced against your will. This is not your reality as far as I know given that you do not have your own thread. She has a serious health condition and a teenage son which is not my experience either. I may challenge mega on her actions bc I honestly think her current course is not serving her well based on what she says she wants, but I completely accept how she feels and her right to make sense of what has blown her family up and caused her such pain.

None of us as far as I know have a magic MLC virtual test and therefore none of us are in a position to cast ourselves as the pass/fail arbiter of another person's spouses MLC. That would be both foolish and arrogant...I was married to my xh and sometimes I am not always sure, but I'm pretty clear that my guess is better than yours bc I have 20 years more data  ::)

Mego
Take the gift of your h recognising that you are a good mum with talents you have fostered in your son. Don't let your anger distract you from that...but also don't read more into it. The evening went better than you thought it would it seems which is a tiny win. And important for your boy.
How are you after your fall?
« Last Edit: March 02, 2019, 11:44:15 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline xyzcf

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Re: And the drama carries on....
« Reply #23 on: March 02, 2019, 11:29:55 AM »
Goner, if you go back and read mego's first thread I think she has described several "MLC" behaviours.

You may not see what you said as being harsh but some of us feel it was.

Why did you ask mego this particular question? What was your purpose?

As many of us have said, MLC or not, we are still devastated by the destruction of our families.

Mego clearly believes her husband is having a crisis, therefore, she has found the right place to help her understand what happened in her life and how to cope with it.

Goner, this woman received divorce papers in the mail less than 2 weeks ago....suggesting that her husband just left her for an affair when she clearly thinks otherwise is mean.

You wrote:
Quote
Hahaha. Life is too short not to have a sense of humor.

I repeat, this women received divorce papers less than 2 weeks ago in the mail. There is absolutely nothing funny about that, the destruction of her family, her health issues or the many other thoughts going through her mind at this time...nothing funny at all!
« Last Edit: March 02, 2019, 11:33:21 AM by xyzcf »
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

Offline GonerinGhana

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Re: And the drama carries on....
« Reply #24 on: March 02, 2019, 11:45:11 AM »
You know, everyone in this forum goes on about how we are supposed to GAL. But really it seems to just be a place to compete on who has it worse than the other. And I refuse to play that game. It just will keep me miserable. My father died last July and I didn't even mention it in the forum except in passing a few weeks later. I have been through so much other hell I have not even talked about, but everyone keeps throwing others' suffering in my face as if I haven't had any of my own. I have had suffering, tons and tons of it and things that you probably can't even begin to fathom or imagine, but I don't want to solicit pity because I don't have any desire to use misery to seek attention and get stuck in my misery like a bottomless pit.

Seriously, get a life means just that. Now I'm going to the kitchen to bake some sweet potato fries because that will make me happy. Anyone want to join me? Go to your kitchen, whip up something nice, go out and buy your favorite food, do something people. Get a life. Get a life.


Offline Nas

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Re: And the drama carries on....
« Reply #25 on: March 02, 2019, 11:49:30 AM »
 Whether or not you choose to share your past suffering is your prerogative. But just the fact that you have suffered as much as you say makes it even harder to understand why you don’t seem to have any empathy for people. You say things that hurt people and then when you are told that you hurt someone, you will defend yourself to the death rather than just simply say “I’m sorry, I was not intending to be hurtful and I’m sorry that it did hurt you.“

 Perhaps a discussion thread on the way that we have been interacting on the forum is due so that we can discuss these matters without continuing to hijack peoples story threads. ( which I admit I have been part of in the past.) Mego, Apologies, I have no intention, and I’m sure no one else does either, of having this thread become a hijacked back-and-forth of bickering. I hope that you will post again soon about your own situation since this is your thread.

Married 8 years at BD, together 16.
BD March 2015
H moved out July 2015
I found out about OW March 2016 (She went to high school with H, long distance EA since September 2014, became PA November 2015)
H moved 1100 miles to live with OW June 2016
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer June 2017
H became a vanisher

Offline xyzcf

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Re: And the drama carries on....
« Reply #26 on: March 02, 2019, 11:54:26 AM »
I am sorry Goner, and yes, all of us have been through experiences that we would not wish on anyone.

Get a life....indeed , that is what we encourage all LBSers to do.

When you are in an intense state of "fight/flight" which can ultimately lead to "freeze" may mean, that for a period of time, getting a "life" is not possible..just getting through the day is the best that one can do.

I don't see anyone on HS asking for pity by sharing their experiences and their suffering..and I have been on HS a long long time.

Your "flippant" response of "getting a life" and just go bake something is an indication to me, that like treasur has stated, perhaps you need to look at yourself, the "life" you have "settled" for and think about why on this thread and several others, you feel inclined to stir the pot and create discord....think about what I am saying Goner..what makes you do that over and over again on so many people's threads?
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

Offline xyzcf

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Re: And the drama carries on....
« Reply #27 on: March 02, 2019, 11:56:30 AM »
As a moderator, I ask that Goner start her own thread and we can continue this discussion there. This seems to happen way too many times and since these comments do not directly relate to mego's situation, Goner please start a discussion thread with however you wish to title it..

Thanks Nas for starting a discussion thread called Interaction with one another on the forum.

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10688.0#new
« Last Edit: March 02, 2019, 11:59:44 AM by xyzcf »
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

Online Treasur

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Re: And the drama carries on....
« Reply #28 on: March 02, 2019, 12:06:46 PM »
As a moderator, I ask that Goner start her own thread and we can continue this discussion there. This seems to happen way too many times and since these comments do not directly relate to mego's situation, Goner please start a discussion thread with however you wish to title it..

Thanks Nas for starting a discussion thread called Interaction with one another on the forum.

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10688.0#new

Sounds like a very sensible suggestion. My apologies too, mego...as you might say, OMG it's like a bad movie  :D
« Last Edit: March 02, 2019, 12:32:25 PM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline OffRoad

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Re: And the drama carries on....
« Reply #29 on: March 02, 2019, 12:56:16 PM »
....Because I was not going to let her bad behavior define mine.

....
This. If anyone is only able to take away anything from this site besides "Take care of yourself" and "This was not about you.", it's this.
« Last Edit: March 02, 2019, 12:57:28 PM by OffRoad »
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

 

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