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Author Topic: My Story Slow journey of healing

M
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My Story Slow journey of healing
OP: March 11, 2019, 03:15:29 PM
Starting thread Pt4. Thanks to all who have contributed.

BD 2yrs ago. Separated 6 months ago. Trying to reach place of acceptance for this life I never asked for.

Clear signs of a lack of coping strategy of life events. Feel compassionate and supportive than angry and hateful.

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This thought just leaped into my mind....do you have any pets McKnight? We had 2 dogs in our married life, I didn't have a dog for quite some time but I rescued a 2 year old (didn't want to deal with a puppy) 8 years ago and she has helped a great deal with the loneliness.

No - I'm not really a pet person although I love animals.

I would rather sit in a hotel lobby to read a book than to sit in my room alone. I would rather go for a drink in a pub alone and read the newspaper or mess about on an iPad, than sit on my own at home. Of course, there are times I still like to just sit in front of the TV and watch a good film.

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Your growth in understanding your wife's crisis is very apparent. Your willingness to look at your own life and I sense there is the desire for something "good" is also in your writing....small steps McKnight and there will be setbacks, but the momentum is moving forward.

Thanks, Your kind words are appreciated; baby steps forward. Its is very clear to me she is stuck in a fog.....a haze, a cloud of grief, that is affecting her relationship, her state of mind and her perception of reality.

Stepping out of her way and letting her work through it.....whilst trying to accept I can't fix it.

Previous thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10450.0
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« Last Edit: March 12, 2019, 01:25:09 AM by Silver »

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#1: March 12, 2019, 01:46:27 AM
Attaching MK.

Acceptance after just 6 months separation is probably hard to reach. I love the discussion about acceptance at the end of your previous thread, like see it as a journey not a goal. Never really thought about it that way but that's how it is mate. Comes trough cycling, accepting our emotions, not trying to force anything or deny anything, and trough seeing that there just is nothing we can do about it. This happened, to you and to me, to all of us, can't go back in time and even we could, probably wouldn't change the result. I see you are at that path, making that journey already.  How long will it take, no one knows. That's why we have to live on anyway, standing or not.

To me noticing that my focus has turned more into myself than into her has been important note. You will catch it too mate. I am done yet not healed, it takes time and more time. You can't be healed either in such a short time, but you are doing things that keep you on the track. Keep doing all that, healing will follow.
 
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"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#2: March 12, 2019, 08:36:14 AM
Attaching....
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Me - 56, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

M
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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#3: March 17, 2019, 09:18:10 PM
Back to waking at 4am....things on my mind.....does the pain, the anguish, the grief, feelings of self blame ever end?

Is there a point reached where you can navigate through a day without experiencing constant feelings of sadness and loss?
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« Last Edit: March 17, 2019, 09:20:03 PM by MKnight10 »

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#4: March 17, 2019, 09:45:53 PM
Attaching, MKnight.

Sorry you're going through this.
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2: 2018 - FA
W moved out - June 2019
OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019
Divorce final - September 2019
Card-carrying member of the Iffer Party

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11093.0;topicseen

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#5: March 18, 2019, 12:58:43 AM
Back to waking at 4am....things on my mind.....does the pain, the anguish, the grief, feelings of self blame ever end?

Is there a point reached where you can navigate through a day without experiencing constant feelings of sadness and loss?

Absolutely yes for both questions. Not fast but will happen - this is from twice divorced guy who didn't want either of them to happen.
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"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#6: March 18, 2019, 01:40:50 AM
Agian, as Silver said. Absolutely yes!
You will get through this hard time, it DOES get better/earier.
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Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. Is tolerated by LaFamiglia
2 Sons - 20 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#7: March 18, 2019, 01:45:40 AM
Back to waking at 4am....things on my mind.....does the pain, the anguish, the grief, feelings of self blame ever end?

Is there a point reached where you can navigate through a day without experiencing constant feelings of sadness and loss?
Absolutely yes for both questions. Not fast but will happen - this is from twice divorced guy who didn't want either of them to happen.
Agian, as Silver said. Absolutely yes!
You will get through this hard time, it DOES get better/earier.

Yes it does and yes you will... There WILL be days and sometimes more than one where you will have a down cycle but they will start to get fewer and farther between and they won't be SO down as they used to be...

But, it does take time.

As far as not sleeping, I recommend Tryptophan which is an Amino Acid, Magnesium, and, if you can tolerate it, Melatonin... I have to be a bit careful with the last one because it can give me odd dreams...
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Me - 56, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

M
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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#8: March 18, 2019, 04:59:45 AM
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Absolutely yes for both questions. Not fast but will happen

I do hope so.....I want to get off the rollercoaster. Every time I start to feel better I get another hit that takes me back to where I started.

I cant do sleeping aids due to drug testing at work.
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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#9: March 18, 2019, 05:06:20 AM
Quote
Absolutely yes for both questions. Not fast but will happen

I do hope so.....I want to get off the rollercoaster. Every time I start to feel better I get another hit that takes me back to where I started.

I cant do sleeping aids due to drug testing at work.

Everything I have suggested is a normal hormone, an essential mineral, or a naturally-occurring essential Amino Acid.... I don't tolerate sleeping aids either so I had to find ways to help my own body do it's thing....
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Me - 56, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

 

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