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Author Topic: My Story Slow journey of healing

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My Story Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#10: March 18, 2019, 05:19:34 AM
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Absolutely yes for both questions. Not fast but will happen

I do hope so.....I want to get off the rollercoaster. Every time I start to feel better I get another hit that takes me back to where I started.

I cant do sleeping aids due to drug testing at work.

Being in rollercoaster is part of your healing. Can't get off of it too soon but you will get off.

There are other options than benzodiazepines or that related, like mirtazapine wich works very well for many and for very small dose as well. Ask from your doctor about them. UM's suggestions being natural option are even better though if they work. Then again melatonin got from pill is synthetic too...
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"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#11: March 18, 2019, 06:42:28 AM
Good morning McKnight. You have been on my mind since I read your post from yesterday. I often found weekends to be harder than week days. As well, if you are not getting enough sleep, that makes this a lot more difficult. I think most of us suffered from waking up and not getting a good night's sleep and once that disappeared, I felt a great deal better.

I used Benadryl 50 mg every night...that's an antihistamine so should be ok with drug testing...just don't buy the non-drowsy formula. I also found this natural spray by Bach flower remedy called "Rescue Sleep" which I could spray under my tongue when I woke and that put me back to sleep.

Try the other things people have suggested as well until you find one that work. Heck, they say that warm milk helps.

Yoga nidra, you can buy CD's is something you just listen to.....they say that 20 minutes of yoga nidra is equivalent to 7 hours of REM sleep.

I remember so very well thinking, is this nightmare ever going to end? After BD, although I was in shock and terribly upset, I thought that I could handle this, that I was a strong and independent woman, so what, my husband left me, many have had a spouse left me and they "seemed" to be ok..I figured a year would bring me through this ( of course I also believed he would come running back with his tail between his legs and all would be well).

You will start to feel better. It will come gradually and you may not notice  it at first and there will be triggers that will cause you to crash again.

Talking to others who have been through this helps.

You will feel better. Not the way you used to feel.....but not this amount of pain either.

I cannot remember if you are seeing a therapist. I see a therapist who recognizes that I am suffering from PTSD and she has a concrete style of therapy that deals with how my body and mind are dealing with this, and techniques to use to change it..it has been very, very helpful.

I never imagined that such pain could exist. Due to my husband's medical conditions and life style choices, I "worried" that he might die, but as sad as that would have been, this is much, much worse....betrayal, rejection, abandonment without any warning.

Have patience, continue to reach out here and if possible to a friend who will understand and support you through this.

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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#12: April 03, 2019, 12:44:20 AM
MK are you ok mate?
Long time no see, hopefully that means things are going peaceful?
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"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#13: April 03, 2019, 03:48:42 PM
Hi Silver....thanks for asking.

The pain and hurt doesn't go away....its always present and sometimes is all consuming.

I thought staying away from the forum for a while would help, but it hasn't.

I'm keeping engaged with life, work. hobbies, interests, friends, family and the kids.

Wife has vanished.
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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#14: April 03, 2019, 06:12:26 PM
MKnight

I just uncovered XH's FB account (using my fake account) after several months, and saw 3 different pix of him & OW.  The good thing is that it made everything REAL....and (total) detachment that much easier.

I did notice that in every pic he still had the same huge, black-eyes.....which reminded me of just how powerful MLC is.
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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#15: April 05, 2019, 12:45:54 AM
MK, good to hear from you.

IMHO it is the most important thing to do, not staying still even you feel that bad.
That is what you CAN do, to take care of yourself and stay busy enough. The pain will change it's form with time, doesn't end but will become easier to cope with.
Was difficult to me to accept that my family wasn't anymore '4 of us' but 3 of us. It is not nearly that difficult now, after an year has passed.
It's about adapting to 'new normal' and it will happen, you have lots of strengths obviously which will help that to happen. Time.
Believe in yourself mate, in spite of all the pain.

mego I had a need to do that, but the best decision I probably made last year was I totally stopped looking her FB and obviously unfriended her too.
She got really mad at me to do that  :o
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« Last Edit: April 05, 2019, 12:49:37 AM by Silver »
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#16: April 14, 2019, 03:11:37 PM
I found out today, my estranged wife is in a relationship with her affair partner from 2yrs ago and have seen evidence its been going on for some time.

Its clear the relationship wasn't over when she said it was and once moved out of the family home she was free to carry on.

I have no interest being an option, I have no interest in standing.

I don't want a relationship with her, now or ever.  For me, a line has been crossed.

She is no longer wife material.

Very sad; she will learn she is using external solutions for internal problems; the hard way.

Breaking up a family, lying and cheating is no basis to build a relationship. I hope they will be very happy together.

I'm done.
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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#17: April 14, 2019, 04:06:30 PM
WOW, McKnight.....

Because, SO AM I!!  2.5 years later, I have had enough of his games, his drama, and his MLC. 

There is only so long that one can push until the relationship irretrievably breaks, and there's just no return from the abyss.

It's just weird to take something so great and smash it to bits.

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« Last Edit: April 14, 2019, 04:12:18 PM by megogirl »

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#18: April 15, 2019, 01:08:55 AM
So sorry to hear this MK.  It's the most difficult thing to do, to let go, but it is what you have to do now. Nothing you can do about it.
I did the same decision, not agreed being the plan B and told it to her very clear. Still you have to remember that this is MLC, the end for it comes when you decide it to come. It is your choice, she has made her's for now. Whatever you decide, the most important thing now is you. What can you do for yourself to help yourself survive and get back living again.

This is not the end of your life, far from that mate, your life is not dependent on her, never.



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"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#19: April 15, 2019, 01:39:54 AM
Im sorry mate but its often something like this with helps us see the BS for what it is and finally be "done".
This is not the end, its the beginning of a new chapter. The sooner you accept this the sooner you will feel whole again. Start living, it may Sound a Little MLCish but its all about you know.
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Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. Is tolerated by LaFamiglia
2 Sons - 20 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

 

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