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Author Topic: My Story Slow journey of healing

s
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My Story Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#20: April 15, 2019, 06:01:06 AM
Attaching

I’m sorry to read that you saw evidence of the relationship. It’s always hard when that happens but that said, I do believe we need to see these things in order to move to the next step.
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

M
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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#21: May 03, 2019, 04:00:53 PM
Quote from a lawyer........

"I don't know you, but in 15yrs of practising family law, I see this all the time. The recent death of a parent becomes the catalyst for a divorce, that blindsides the unsuspecting spouse that their wife/husband wants out and then goes on to set up with someone else."

It was never about me; I was never going to be able to fix it. There was nothing wrong with my marriage. There is nothing wrong with me.

I haven't felt this good and positive about life for a long time.

Live like she is not coming back.......and I'm actually starting to enjoy it.
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  • MLCer Type: Low-Energy
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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#22: May 03, 2019, 04:49:52 PM
You sound better Knight.

Here's to Life!
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2: 2018 - FA
W moved out - June 2019
OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019
Divorce final - September 2019
Card-carrying member of the Iffer Party

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11093.0;topicseen

s
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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#23: May 04, 2019, 01:41:06 AM
Your so right. It’s not about you. It’s funny because for a while you read it on here people tell you I. rL but it’s almost like they just say it. But one day it clicks and it’s so so true!
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

M
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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#24: July 13, 2019, 03:46:03 PM
My wife asked for help lifting some heavy items. I was asked if I would stay for coffee.

She appeared genuinely interested in what I've been doing for the last year.

For 2.5yrs I've seen hostile, aggressive and irritable. For over an hour I saw my kind, caring wife.

She apologised for a few things as well.

27 months after BD, a year after moving out, she showed interest. Just a glimmer.

Zero expectations.

Touch & Go? Anchor Check? Fallen out with OM? Reality biting?
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m
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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#25: July 13, 2019, 03:57:49 PM
Yay, McKnight!

Doubt that it was an anchor check, because it sounds like the encounter lasted longer and was more than a simple ac.  She showed genuine interest in your well-being for the first time in over two years!

There is something about returns (or attempts to) at the "3 years"-ish mark.  It seems to be a running theme.  (RCR's H took 3.5, while ShockSis' took 4.)

Whatever.....que sera, sera.  You are clearly still on her mind, anyway.
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« Last Edit: July 13, 2019, 04:22:44 PM by megogirl »

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#26: July 13, 2019, 04:20:18 PM
MK, glad that you said zero expectations.. I would just put this interaction in the "interesting" bucket and back to living life..

Touch & Go? Anchor Check? Fallen out with OM? Reality biting?
Or any combination of those... or maybe nothing. As usual, time will tell!
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H - 43 (40 @BD1)
M - 43 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.
Confirmation H and OW are together, presume PA  - 3rd June 2019
H gets engaged with OW (we are not divorced) - Oct 2019

"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

M
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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#27: July 14, 2019, 04:24:31 AM
I'll file it away in the positive interaction folder and look forward to the next one, whenever that may or may not be.

Zero expectations.

MK
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D
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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#28: July 14, 2019, 07:53:42 AM
Quote from a lawyer........

"I don't know you, but in 15yrs of practising family law, I see this all the time. The recent death of a parent becomes the catalyst for a divorce, that blindsides the unsuspecting spouse that their wife/husband wants out and then goes on to set up with someone else."

It was never about me; I was never going to be able to fix it. There was nothing wrong with my marriage. There is nothing wrong with me.

I haven't felt this good and positive about life for a long time.

Live like she is not coming back.......and I'm actually starting to enjoy it.

My lawyer said nearly the same thing, verbatim.  She totally believes in MLC, and kept talking about hormones as well as crises.  She also said "You cant do anything to control her or stop her.  You need to let her go and let her figure it out for herself."  Where have we heard that before?   ;)

Additionally,  she understands MLC and accepts it far more than my IC. 

It's not about us.
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« Last Edit: July 14, 2019, 08:50:24 AM by Disillusioned »
M=51
W=47
D=8
BD Feb 17 Thinking of divorce
Atomic BD June 17 Spying revealed OM at work
Still home.  Threatened to leave several times and has asked me to leave about a dozen. 
Says divorce proceedings will start Jan 18.
She has scheduled mediation Feb 7,  2018
I moved out March 16, 2018
Several mediations, mostly instigated by me.  Foot dragging by STBXW.  Nothing filed. Yet.
5/2019 STBXW filed D behind my back despite signed agreement to mediate.
I retain attorney.
STBXW still hasn't told me and no further action.
Elephant in the room has been addressed.  No further action atm.  Weighing my options.
!2/16/19  She files financial paperwork.  Divorce proceeding.

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Re: Depression & MLC Pt4
#29: August 09, 2019, 04:58:08 PM
There are days it feels like my heart and soul have been ripped out and stamped upon; there are other days I feel just ok.

How long does it take to feel more than ok...
Read this link. The time to recovery will differ, but this may help you understand what is going on physiologically and can give you some feedback as to whether you could be stuck or not.
The Immediate and Prolonged Physiological Responses to Bomb Drop
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